“New seed is faithful. It roots deepest in the places that are most empty…And so it came to be that over time this field, opened by burning – this field, fallow and waiting – drew just the right strangers, just the right seeds to itself. What is this faithful process of spirit & seed that touches empty ground and makes it rich again? Whatever we set our days to might be the least of what we do, if we do not understand that something is waiting for us to make ground for it, something that lingers near us, something that loves, something that waits for the right ground to be made so it can make its full presence known.” ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
I read Dr. Estes book Women Who Run with the Wolves many years ago. It remains a faithful guide all of these years later. Its pages are well-worn and yellowed. I regularly read its opening passage, particularly when I’m afraid and lonely. It’s stories quite literally began to shape the person I am today. They empowered me to realize that I can carve my own road toward a future of my design.
So it was with great excitement that I discovered that Dr. Estes had written another book, this one a novela entitled The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die. I read it in one sitting. Dr. Estes tells the tale of her Uncle who got to the end of his rope and wanted to take his power back. He set a field aflame as an invitation for new life to seed there.
In our lives, we collect clutter. Relationships that no longer serve. A job that no longer interests us. Commitments that no longer provide fulfillment. Slowly, drop by drop, our lives sometimes become something we never wanted them to be. This can leave us feeling paralyzed, regretful, and embarrassed.
This is exactly the myth that Dr. Estes dispels by sharing her Uncle’s story with us in The Faithful Gardner. One day last week, I arrived at a meditation class feeling powerless and through the meditation realized that the only one taking away my power was me. Dr. Estes explains this same principle in her book – we are all more powerful than we give ourselves credit for being.
This same idea reared its head over the weekend as I watched the documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer. In several scientific studies, it has been found that if you perceive yourself at the bottom of the pecking order in life then your health and longevity are severely compromised. If you want to live a happy, healthier, longer life, it is critical that you find an outlet that allows you to feel in control of your own destiny. And that outlet doesn’t have to be your career or household. You could be the captain of your softball team, the leader of a charitable project, or a responsible dog owner. Somewhere in your life you need to have the opportunity to take the reigns, and if that’s not happening naturally in your life by some wonderful twist of fate, then you need to make it happen for yourself.
There’s no reason to play the victim. We all have the ability to build better lives, for ourselves and for those around us. You don’t need more schooling or experience or permission. It is yours for the taking. The only question is courage and confidence. Can you stand up and be counted? Will you make your voice heard? Can you release everything in your life that doesn’t benefit you for the sake of making room for something that truly matters? Your life literally depends on it.
Christa Avampato 
As always Christa, fabulous insights! And funny because earlier this week an acquaintance was complaining that one of his friends responded to his rant on Facebook that “Happiness is a Choice” – this infuriated him because he said it wasn’t – and I said, well, it might not seem that simple but YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU REALIZE and YOU DO HAVE THE POWER TO TAKE WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU and turn it into happiness/ something positive. That made him feel a bit better 🙂 Like your post will make people feel better (and also inspire them to pick up a few good books, as I am doing virtually right now).
XOXO
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Pam,
I love your response to your friend! It was exactly what he needed to hear at exactly the time he needed to hear it. Sometimes it can be so tough to be that person who sees a friend in need, knows what to give, and provides it to him even when you know it may not be what he wants to hear. Your friend is a lucky person to have you in his life, as are all of us who know you! Tell me what books you’re picking up! I just finished Mutant Message from Down Under — writing a post on it and plan to thank you multiple times for sharing such an amazing story with me.
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Christa,
One of the reasons I make it a point to read your articles is because your blog posts speak to me. This one resonated with me. It really did. Let me explain, briefly.
I used to be a wild kid, popular, and quite sociable. I was surrounded by friends and family: I was never short of people in my life. I tended to hang out a lot, outside of my home.
The problem?
I found it very challenging to enjoy my own company. I could not sit still and just enjoy being with myself. I was always searching outside of myself for solutions to life’s challenges.
However, the daily practice of meditation has helped me to overcome that sense of alienation from my own self. Now, I find that I am more comfortable in my own skin.
It is easier for me now to just sit still and observe my own breathing and enjoy my own company. Being has replaced becoming, for the most part, and I feel a sense of bliss. I don’t need other people to validate my existence.
That has been a great learning experience, to be sure. Truly, we don’t seem to give ourselves enough credit for who we are. We don’t tap into the fine, inner resources that are always available to us and at our beck and call, so thank you for this reminder. Your ideas are like a blessing. Cheers.
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Archan,
Your stories of your own transformation are so interesting! When did you realize that you wanted to feel more comfortable being alone? I feel like so many people when surrounded by lots of others never stop to even consider if they like their own company.
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Christa:
Thanks for asking. It seems that my journey has piqued your curiosity. I am happy to share my experience with you.
A person can celebrate his/her existential aloneness without feeling lonely.
This dawned on me, suddenly, in a moment of insight. It was during my daily session of meditation–several years ago.
So far, this has been one of my greatest learning experiences.
Yes, I used to be surrounded by a lot of significant people in my life, but there was always this void I could not explain.
I knew there was something missing from my relationships with others. Something was not quite right, not fulfilling.
Searching within, however, I discovered bliss. That bliss is a feeling. Bliss never leaves you if you are open to it. Bliss has a mysterious way of working. Bliss follows a different schedule and cannot be commanded to appear like an army brat.
Meditation taught me to stop depending on anything or anybody outside of myself. In the end, what I was searching for was not happiness. Rather, I was searching for bliss.
Anytime you feel lonely or you feel a sense of alienation from your external environment, re-create the forgotten magic of your inner environment.
Through meditation–by taking that inner journey–you will find bliss, after all. You will be able to enjoy your existential solitude and absolute silence without feeling lonely.
Instead of going to a bar to hang out with your girlfriends–or hitting on that cute guy–you will discover that your own company will be enough for you. So, enjoy the pleasure of your own company. That’s my parting shot. Cheers to your life.
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