Month: May 2010

writer, writing

Step 141: Reasons for Writing

Christa Avampato

“You must trust and believe in people, or life becomes impossible.” ~ Anton Chekhov

I recently landed a freelance writing gig that caused my mind to reel in a very different direction. I will tell you the groovy circumstances of how it happened when the post goes live next week. For now, I’ll share how the conversation I had with the company’s founder started to change my outlook on my writing.

I spend a good deal of time writing about creativity, hope, and personal growth. Sometimes I struggle to sum it all up. I write about my life in New York, ‘Christa in New York’. When I put that down in writing, it sounds awkward to me. Too cliché, too flat.

The company founder I spoke to helped me articulate my writing purpose when he asked me to write about how to stay positive in a big company job with big company challenges. While the post focuses on career, the ideas it explains have broader applications within our lives. This blog really focuses on positive thinking – how to find it, get it, and keep it. Sure, I get discouraged from time to time. In some posts, you will see glimpses of that. Mostly, I write to celebrate and commemorate moments – this act makes the bad times bearable and the good times even more joyful.

Negativity exists in a lot of places, on a lot of faces, and within a lot blogs. Those blogs have their place and their followings, just not here on this site. I believe in full expression and experience, and I also believe that hard times, shortcomings, and failures offer us valuable opportunities to stop, listen, look, and examine our lives. They give us the gifts of faith, trust, and belief that together we can make everything better. I write to connect with people who hold this idea in their hearts and then take it out into the world, bravely and boldly.

books, love

Step 140: Meet Tre Miller-Rodriguez

Christa Avampato

I met Tre Miller-Rodriguez about a year ago as a result of my Examiner.com column. At the time Tre worked as a Senior Account Manager for Harrison & Shriftman. She set me up with several start-ups to feature in my column about entrepreneurship. Once Tre left Harrison & Shriftman we stayed in touch and then I discovered her inspiring lifestory outside of her career.

A little over a year ago, Tre, 34 years old, lost her husband, Alberto, to a sudden heart attack. I have trouble getting over a break-up with a boyfriend. I can’t imagine how I would get through losing the love of my life at such a young age. Tre’s strength bowls me over. She left Harrison & Shriftman to travel to Cuba, Alberto’s family home, and finish her book, The White Elephant in the Room: Diary of a 30-Something Widow. She recently launched her blog, of the same title as her book.

Her writing packs a punch, and her heroic journey reveals just how much might this woman has in her heart. Her first page of the book put a knife in my heart. She placed me right into the center of the situation with Alberto, and my mind raced with questions. I found myself saying out loud “no, no, no! This can’t happen!” I wanted to stop, rewind, get Alberto to a medical center, and save him. Tre recounts her loss with awe-inspiring grace and dignity. Your jaw will drop, as mine did, before you turn to page two.

Want to know how to rise above tragedy and live an extraordinary life? Get to know Tre.

The photo above depicts Tre and Alberto on their fairytale wedding day. Tre’s blog can be found at: http://whiteelephantintheroom.tumblr.com/

books, community, neighbors

Step 139: Good Neighbors

Christa Avampato

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.” ~ Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

I feel sick watching the news about the unending oil spill in the Gulf. As someone who has worried about our water supply since age 5, this story breaks my heart. Bill Maher got it right when we so poetically stated, “Every a**hole who ever chanted ‘drill baby drill’ should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.” I agree.

Whenever these sad moments hit me, I go to my book shelf and pull from a small collection of books that I refer to again and again for inspiration. The World According to Mister Rogers is one of those books. For Christmas in 2003, my mom bought me this book about Mister Rogers. The inscription on the inside of the book reads, “This book is dedicated, in Fred Roger’s memory, to anyone who has loved you into being.” My mom added, “and continues to love you every day for everything you do, for caring so much about all of us. I feel so lucky to have you as my daughter.” Moms always have a way of making us feel better, no matter how bleak the world may seem.

Last week, my yoga teacher Stacey read us the quote at the top of this post. I had forgotten it and when I went searching through the book tonight, I found it on p. 187. It made me feel better about the Gulf. And about Haiti and Afghanistan and the South Bronx. Blight and tragedy play out all over the globe every day, making it too easy to get lost in the sadness. Look for the helpers – they dwell in every neighborhood, sometimes acting behind the scenes and sometimes taking their rightful place at center stage. Find them, wherever they live, and celebrate them.

Mister Rogers taught me about community and the priceless value of a helpful neighbor. I grew up in a tiny, rural town on an apple orchard. We struggled financially; a lot of people in my town did. But we had really kind, generous neighbors, and we tried to return the favor every day. We tried to take care of each other as best we could. In my cushy Manhattan apartment tonight, I may have left behind the circumstances of my childhood, but I never lost the lessons of good neighbors.

P.S. – Trish Scott, a very talented writer, animal behavior expert, and extremely loyal reader of my blog wrote a post several years ago about how Mister Rogers raised $20M in 6 minutes. She put this link into the comments section but it’s so powerful, I had to include it on the main page of this post. Happy reading!

community, society

Step 138: Invest in Others

Christa Avampato

“We are each other’s harvest; we are each other’s business; we are each other’s magnitude and bond.” ~ Gwendolyn Brooks

As the weather gets milder, I’m spending more time on my terrace. I stare up at all of those stars, and they remind me that the world has a lot of room for glowing. I really hate that term “top performers”, the idea that the world takes shape on a bell curve with us as nothing more than points on that path, grouped in standard deviations from the mediocre mean. Ridiculous. If the universe in its infinite wisdom thought that way about the galaxy, I would spend my nights gazing into a black, empty sky, with hardly any light.

Everyone has within them the opportunity to display extraordinary abilities. Our only real work consists of bringing out that glimmer in ourselves, and in those around us. We owe it equally to ourselves, to those with us now, to those who came before us, and those who will follow. I for one would rather leave a legacy of light than a legacy inscribed with the idea of “I did what was rational, safe, and standard.” I would rather believe that by changing expectations, I can change performance. I would rather spend my days chasing down my own unlikely dream than abiding by someone else’s rules and standards.

I invest in people before I invest in the stock market. When push comes to shove, I double down on my own efforts and I don’t bank on a better opportunity to magically appear. I have to build the better opportunity, for myself and for others as my responsibility, my privilege. After all, without one another, we don’t have much at all.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

faith, music, yoga

Step 137: The Sound of Faith

Christa Avampato

“All major religions carry basically the same message. That is love, compassion, and forgiveness. The important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.” ~ Dalai Lama

Last night I hopped over to Sonic Yoga’s kirtan to make up a few teacher training hours that I’m going to miss on Saturday. I attended the first kirtan in March and was excited to see how the event was evolving. Most of the people there were involved with the teacher training currently or were alumni of previous trainings. Sonic has done an incredible job of keeping its teachers in touch and bridging the divide between classes. My friend, Courtney, leaned over to me at one point and said, “I’d really like to just roll out my mat and sleep here because it feels so good to be in this.” I felt the same way.

Though Sanskrit is a foreign language to me, I feel like I’ve spoken it before. The words have so much power and vibration in them, sometimes subtle and sometimes so strong that I think my heart might leap out of my chest. I’ve heard some people express the same feeling about their religious faith or going to their church. For me, yoga is my church, and kirtan is the soundtrack to my experience on the mat.

Last night as I walked to the subway with two other friends from my teacher training class, we talked about how alive we felt after the kirtan, about how it swept away our tired, worn-out feelings. Somehow that song that is almost entirely improvised breathes life into us in a way that food and water and even relationships cannot. It’s the sound that awakens something in us that is very tangible but somehow still too elusive to put a name on. It is a feeling we can take out into the world and infuse into everything we do.

We walked out into the night wanting very much to bring the peace and confidence and creativity we found at the kirtan out into the world. Even this morning I am still humming the melodies, sometimes purposefully and other times subconsciously. Sound and song have been a part of so many revolutions throughout time. I wonder if our little kirtans at Sonic, in some small way, are helping to shift the world’s energy in a way that we so desperately need it to shift.

books, commitment, yoga

Step 136: A Dedicated Life

Christa Avampato

“Learn to lead a dedicated life…the dedicated ever enjoy peace…the entire life is an open book, a scripture. Read it. Learn while digging a pit or chopping some wood or cooking some food…OM Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi. OM Tat Sat. (OM peace, peace, peace. OM unlimited truth.” ~ Sri Swami Satchidananda

In one week, I will complete my 200 hour yoga teacher training. I’ve been trying to take my yoga practice out into the world. I practice my balance on the subway as it roars down the express track. I find it while cooking my meals. I use it when I encounter someone who is having a tough day and showing it. In the mornings, I try to be mindful of my commute, visualizing my day and what I will be able to accomplishment. I am trying to show up and be present at every moment. I look at service as yoga, too, even though my mat may be no where in sight.

Sri Swami Satchidananda wrote the translation of the Yoga Sutras that we read for the yoga teacher training. While I didn’t agree with all of his notes, the quote above that he used to close out the book has really stuck with me throughout this training. It’s great to be able to start to do arm balances or be on the verge of doing headstead in the middle of a room without a wall. My physical yoga practice has grown by leaps and bounds – for the first time I actually understand how my body is pieced together and why it works the way it does. I began a daily meditation practice with this course, a practice that will always be with me, even when my body stops working so well. I grew to look forward to change, and accept that all of this is temporary. But the real achievement for me is that I am conscious every day of living my yoga, on and off the mat. Yoga gave me a way to grow my dedication to my own happiness.

The most beautiful piece of yoga is that there is no end to the learning. In all the years I’ve been going to class and even with this wonderful training at Sonic, I haven’t even scratched the surface. Yoga has been around for ~6,000 years. Its applications in the world, in our lives, and in the physical practice have no end so long as we are dedicated to their study and to our own personal exploration. Tat Sat, indeed.

The image above depicts Sri Swami Satchidananda at his Yogaville Ashram in Buckingham, VA. Ironically, his ashram is only 40 minutes from where I went to business school; I never knew it existed until my training at Sonic.

change, humor

Step 135: Laughter Makes a Difference

Christa Avampato

“If you laugh – you change; and when you change – the world changes.” ~ Shilpa Shah

I don’t care what people say about TV – I love it. When I was feeling badly about my job, I watched The Office as often as possible. Even re-runs. My boss at the time reminded me of Michael Scott. The Office made it easier for me to go to work in the morning while I found another job. Laughing changed my perspective.

I’ve experienced this same phenomenon when a friend cheers me up after a tough day or when someone emails me a joke or a funny story right when I need it. Yoga puts a smile on my face after I get through a rigorous class. My niece does something hilarious like see the space shuttle take off and say, “Look, Mommy. Fireworks.” If we look closely, there is no end to the hilarity of life.

Laughter changes the lens through which we see the world. And once we can see the world differently, we can see our role in the world differently. And once we see our role differently, we find a way to make a difference.

The image above was found here.

career, change, choices, faith

Step 134: The Life Waiting For Us

Christa Avampato

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell

I walked to the subway last night with a friend of mine from yoga class. She asked me how I got so interested in so many things, which lead to us talking about the idea of life paths. I went to school with a lot of people who were on a straight and narrow road. It must be nice to have that consistency. Surprise is the constant in my life.

When I started college, I was going to be a civil engineer. And then I became a history / economics majors. After a brief stint on Capitol Hill as a legislative aide, I made a career in Broadway theatre, which eventually took me into fundraising, followed by business school. From business school, I started working in the innovation field at a toy company and now I’m a product developer in financial services, on the verge of starting my own social enterprise around my impending yoga teacher certification. I’ve moved to a new home almost once a year since I was 18 – which was a long time ago. Such a linear path, right?!

At a job interview, a VP once looked at my resume and said, “Wow. sounds like you’ve done a lot of exploring.” He didn’t mean this as a compliment. Smiling, I replied, “Yes. Yes, I have.” I did get the job, despite his disapproval of my life path. He was also a very unhappy, lazy man who was let go shortly after he interviewed me. I guess being an explorer pays off in the long-run.

Truth be told, I was always out there in the world looking for opportunity and very often I found it. While some people worry about taking too many turns, I hang on and enjoy the ride. I’ve met so many fascinating people, traveled, and done everything I always wanted to do. It is a charmed life, but one I did not plan. I was just always prepared to be lucky and happy.

Sometimes I had to let go of the life I had for the promise of adventure. I had to trust that the opportunities before me were meant for me, that my life was out of my hands to a certain degree. And while it sounds scary to say that, it doesn’t feel at all scary to live it. Control is an illusion.

Whenever I was ready to leap, somehow I grew wings. Whenever I was ready to climb, there was some gentle hand that helped me rise. The life I was meant for was always waiting for me to just show up and be there and live it. So that’s what I do: I just show up, try to be present, and smile, and laugh, and learn, and trust that where I am at every moment is where I am supposed to be.

adventure, courage, yoga

Step 133: Souls Like Kites

Christa Avampato

“A certain amount of opposition is a great help to a man. Kites rise against, not with, the wind.” ~ John Neal, American author and critic

I thought about this quote on my yoga mat today as I kept practicing my arm balances. I’m not good at this group of postures – the entire weight of the body is balanced on the hands in different positions. It requires a lot of core strength and coordination – two things that I don’t quite have in abundance. So I keep practicing. Doing the prep postures, trying them on my back, giving it a go, falling over. Actually, today in handstand I did a forward roll, exactly what I was afraid of doing. And you know what? I was fine.

Arm balances are for me what wind is to a kite. They are a good challenge for me, especially as I work on building more courage and confidence. I try to get my very soul up against them and rise. Most of the time I lose, but I keep at. Everyday I get a few moments of that floating, fluttering feeling that arm balances provide. I feel the full strength of my upper body. Eventually my body will figure it out. Eventually it will learn how to fly. It’s what we were made to do.

The photo above was taken by David Martinez for Yoga Journal.

care, growth, nature

Step 132: Ditch What’s Dead

Christa Avampato

Plants left in my care meet a premature end. I sing to them, water them, give them plenty of light and love, and they never stick around for very long. My mother has the greenest thumb on the planet. She sticks a dead twig in the ground and the Garden of Eden emerges overnight. I didn’t get that gene.

But I love plants, and so I keep trying. I took myself over to the Plant Shed last weekend and picked up a few Impatiens. I came home tonight and found one of them limp and wilted. I just watered it yesterday! How could this be? I filled her up with water and pruned away the dead leaves in despair. And then something amazing happened. Within an hour, the plant perked right back up. The limp leaves suddenly found their life again. Maybe I’m not a bad gardener, just a bad pruner. Maybe I let the dead leaves stick around for too long, dragging the rest of the plant down with it.

I think this may be true in life, too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve let dead-end everything hang around my door. Brian and I have been working on clearing it all out. My yoga teacher, Johanna, talks about this act as “letting go of what doesn’t serve.” Intellectually this makes sense. It takes times and guts to put into practice. It wasn’t until I saw this wilted little plant, flopped over like Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree, that I finally understood this idea in my heart.

If we let the dead leaves hang on, they will suck the life out of the rest of the plant. When we prune away the dead leaves, the plant’s going to look a little odd, a little lopsided. But in time, it’s going to come around again, with a little water and sunshine and room to breathe. If you’ve found this to be true in your life, or your garden, I’d love to hear how it worked for you.