Month: March 2010

health, insomnia, sleep

Step 82: Sweet Sleep

Christa Avampato

On my subway ride home from work I was considering this year of extraordinary living that I’m working on. Now over 80 days in, I’m thinking about what’s working, what’s not, and where I’d like to experiment. I considered some main topics of my life where I focus my energy. Health is a big one, particularly as I go through my yoga teacher training. With my new job, I’m stumbling across a variety of cool products and services every day that I’d like to share here. Books that inspire me, new music, companies who are getting it right in this economy, causes I care about are other areas. I’d like to take more time on this blog to explore these topics of interest as examples of what I find extraordinary.

Up today: sleep, one of my favorite topics. I’ve had insomnia off and on for most of my life. My mom has it, too. A few weeks ago I read an article in the New York Times about insomnia and some of its facts are startling:
1.) Over the course of a year 30%-40% of U.S. adults experience insomnia over the course of a year
2.) 10%-15% of people have chronic insomnia (like mine and my mom’s)
3.) Americans spend $24B a year (yep, billions) on sleep-related goods and services
4.) For the nearly $4B we spend per year on sleep-inducing drugs, these drugs provide only an average of 11.4 additional minutes of sleep

So what do we do to get some more shut-eye? I can’t say I’ve claimed victory over insomnia just yet, though here are some additional things I’m trying that are helping me tremendously. I share them here in the hopes that they can help you, too:

1.) I only sleep on my right side or my back. The left side of our bodies is the lunar side so leaving it open to the sky while sleeping on the solar side, the right side, is said to induce sleep. You can chalk that up to “too-groovy” science if you’d like; I did, too, until I tried it. It’s working.

2.) I try to spend 5 minutes before I go to sleep seated in a comfortable, cross-legged position on my bed, eyes closed, just breathing deeply. I thank the Divine for another day, I remember the best thing and the least best thing that happened to me that day, and I take a few moments to consider what I learned in the course of my daily activities. Some might call this prayer, others may call it simple reflection. I find it helps me let go of the day’s stresses and quiets my mind.

3.) I try to eat as soon as I get home from work, ~6:30pm, giving my body some time to digest before I toddle off to bed. Earlier this year, a friend of mine gave me the idea to eat breakfast like a queen, lunch like a princess, and dinner like a pauper. When I stick to that idea, I find it helps my sleep.

4.) I’m lucky that I live in a very sunny apartment on the top floor of my building. I have filmy curtains up over my windows to let the light in. I never bought blinds. I find being able to wake up with the natural light in my apartment is helping my sleep patterns.

5.) I’m a recovering multi-tasker. I used to take pride in being able to do many things at once, until I realized I wasn’t enjoying any of these things to the fullest. Now in my waking life I’m trying to be present wherever I am. When I’m at work, I’m at work, working. When I’m home, I’m home, working on my own independent projects. When I’m out with friends or on the phone with family or long-distance friends, I don’t multi-task or think about what I’m doing next. The people I spend my time with are my sole focus when I’m with them. This being present translates to improved sleep – when I’m in my bed, I’m only focused on how grateful I am for a place to rest and relax.

If you’re dealing with insomnia, I hope these ideas are helpful. And if you have other remedies that have helped you, I’d love to hear them! Happy sleep to all and to all a good night…

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

dreams, meditation, yoga

Step 81: The Hand You’re Dealt

Christa Avampato

“I never worry about the hand I’ve got because I know how lucky I am to have been dealt into the game at all.” ~ ME

Meditation is a fascinating thing. I’ve been trying to do a few minutes everyday, either right when I wake up or just before I go to bed. There are a few remarkable things that have been happening since I started this practice. I’m not sure that the correlation is 100%, but I have to think that the extra yoga and meditation has something to do with it.

First of all, I’m sleeping much better, perhaps better than I ever have. For a long time I’ve struggled with insomnia, and though it hasn’t effected my productivity or health, I have worried that it’s taking a toll on me without my knowing it. The fact that I can now sleep 7 hours at a clip is a miraculous thing.

My dreams are also unfolding in an interesting way – it’s as if I am being read a story in each one. These little pearls of wisdom like the one above are spoken to me in such a dramatic way that I remember them when I wake up. They are often embedded inside dreams where I am doing something that I think should scare me, but doesn’t. For example, last night I dreamed that I was back in my old apartment building where the fire happened. I ran into my old landlord who told me that there were some items in my old apartment that I should go get. So I walked up the stairs and found items for my altar – statues of Vishnu (the preserver), Ganesha (the remover of obstacles), and Shiva (the destroyer). Jewels, gold, and silver filled my old apartment. I collected them all, my arms overflowing, and walked out of the building into the sunlight.

It’s now been over 6 months since my fire, and I can’t help thinking that it was the very best and very worst thing that ever happened to me. To lose almost everything in one breath and to gain such an appreciation and gratitude for life in the next is a tough thing to reconcile in my conscious mind. In my subconscious, in the place of dreams, I clearly understand all of the gifts that the fire gave me. It was a bad hand to be dealt, but with a lot of help I made the most of it. In the end, I am really glad that I still get to be a part of the game.

The image above depicts Shiva, the Destroyer, dancing in a ring of fire, clearing away from our lives what does not serve.

music, yoga

Step 80: Kirtan

Christa Avampato

As part of my yoga teacher training, we attend Kirtans, a lovely, free-form mash-up of music, call and response, and chanting. There is an aspect of spirituality to a Kirtan, though the beauty of the spirituality is that it can be entwined with any other religious beliefs (or non-religious beliefs as the case may be.) Our voices and the music blended together, often in rounds, to the point that I could no longer distinguish my own voice from the collective. By the end of the two hours we were all in sync.

As I glanced around the room during the different chants, I could see people in many different emotional states. Some were swaying with their palms open to the sky, completely in the flow of the rhythm. Others were teary-eyed. And still others were just trying to keep up with the sanskrit. I was struck by all of the emotion in those chants, and I was amazed with how we could all come together with such spontaneity and make something so beautiful right there on the spot.

I left the Kirtan humming, thinking of the lessons of Hanuman and Shiva and Ganesha. Thinking about the unifying power of music. Most of all, I felt grateful, so so grateful, to receive and provide joy in equal amounts.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

nature, weather, yoga

Step 79: Dancing with Joy

Christa Avampato

To get my Spring started off right on its first day, I went to a Prana yoga class at Sonic with Jeffrey, one of my favorite yoga teachers. Just being in the presence of his free spirit makes me smile. He is unabashedly his wild and wonderful self, and he encourages his students to bring that same sense of freedom into our own lives, in our own way.

At the start of the class we moved through a vinyasa (flow of poses) that I had never tried before, poses I wouldn’t have thought to piece together. It was a glorious mash-up of strength and endurance and grace. And then, we danced. To welcome spring, we danced around the studio arms flailing, laughing, shouting, literally jumping for joy. No rules or guidelines. Just dance. We felt the tingle of life.

As I walked home, I reminded myself how important it is to let go, and to help others let go. I thought about the power of celebration and change and community. I smiled wide, turned my face to the sun that provided us with a 74 degree day in New York City, and whispered, “welcome.” A time of new beginnings has begun.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, learning, nature

Step 78: Lessons from Winter

Christa Avampato

I’m ready to say good-bye to Winter. I’m not someone who dreads the cold – I actually enjoy it. I like sweaters and boots and jeans. I like the snow and the look of the Winter sky. I like cocooning. Johanna, one of yoga teachers, was quick to remind us that without Winter, there can be no spring; without death there is no rebirth.

So while it was my first inclination to kick Winter to the curb, I realized that wasn’t a good idea. Winter deserves a proper good-bye. Maybe even a thanks. I learned a lot this winter. Tough lessons, yes, but ones that were so necessary. Lessons that I would live a lesser life without.

Lessons from Winter:
1.) We all have limits. Acknowledging them gives us the opportunity to challenge ourselves and improve our decision-making, thereby increasing our levels of happiness in the long-run.
2.) There’s no glory in having every minute of free time packed to the gills; spontaneity brings great joy.
3.) It’s okay to sit with loss; it’s okay to feel a little empty; it’s okay to have room in our lives because room offers the chance for new beginnings.
4.) “I don’t know” is not a declaration of weakness; it’s the very beginning of something that will come to be.

So long winter, and thank you for teaching me in spite of the difficulty of the task. Because of you, my Spring and Summer is now set to be far happier than they would have been without you. I’ll see you in December, when I’m sure you’ll arrive with even more lessons that I will undoubtedly need. Next time, I’ll be a more willing student.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

personality

Step 77: The Process of Personality

Christa Avampato

I’m a little off today. Maybe it’s because I’m 34 now. Maybe it’s all of the awakening that’s happening in my yoga practice that’s making me a little loopy. Could be day light savings time is causing me some adjustments. Or the new job. Or the fact that I have a really bad sore throat for no reason at all because the rest of me feels just fine. Despite the day off yesterday, I’m exhausted today. Exhausted as in I’m finishing this post and falling into my bed, literally.

I’ve also been having this weird little sense of wanting to curl up and cocoon, which is completely out of sync with what’s happening in the rest of the world. Spring is springing, and I feel like I should be springing, except for this tiny little fact that I’m craving the sensation of being low, near to the Earth, and grounded. How is it that yesterday I felt so in tune with the world and today I don’t feel in tune with anyone or anything? What’s going on?

On the subway this morning, I began reading the Bhagavad Gita, a sacred Hindu scripture that nearly all yogis refer to in their practice in some way. In the introduction, the translator wrote the line “personality is a process.” He goes on to talk about conflicting emotions and the general conundrums of living an existence on this Earth, even though we are heavenly beings. He talks about the push-pull of living, and it appears, at least at the beginning of this reading, that the only way around this is through. We must persevere.

So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just keep going, even though I’m confused and unsure. Many times I think that perseverance may be the one thing I know how to do well. If I trust the process, then I trust that the answers will come.

experience, happiness

Step 76: Other Ways of Watching

Christa Avampato

“The eyes are no good for watching. They stray too much.” ~ Madame Armfeldt in A Little Night Music as played by Angela Lansbury

During A Little Night Music, Madame Armfeldt is talking to her granddaughter, Fredricka, who is trying to see the night smiling at her. Madame Armfeldt explains the failings of the eyes to actually watch because they get too distracted. The world is full of things that are bright and shiny that take our attention elsewhere. If we want to see, really see, things of true value we must go beyond their appearance to get at their essence. What raises our long-term happiness level, and the happiness level of those around us? Those are the things of true value.

My yoga teacher, Johanna, has been trying to get us to see that nothing we are looking for is outside. It’s all “in here”. The way is in the heart and the soul. Think what you want about this groovy sentiment, I’m beginning to believe that Jo is on to something. As I strolled through the park today on my birthday morning walk, I focused on how the things I was seeing and hearing and experiencing were in communion with my internal feelings of well-being and happiness. I ceased to see myself as separate from my surroundings, and saw myself as just a component of them. In this new state, I could see, not with my eyes but with my heart, that the world is always smiling at me.

So on the occasion of my 34th birthday, I do have a wish to make as I blow out the candles on my delicious cupcake (after all, what’s a birthday without cupcakes?) – I wish to begin seeing, watching, in new ways. I want to learn how to be in the world with consciousness in a way that does not weigh me down, but rather in a way that makes me lighter. I wish for a continued growth of gratitude and gladness, and the opportunity to bring that sense of gladness to others. I wish to be present in every moment, watching and communicating with the heart.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

art, theatre

Step 75: Laughing into the Future

Christa Avampato

“I frequently laugh while contemplating my future.” ~ A Little Night Music

My friend, Rob, took me to see A Little Night Music to get my birthday kicked off in style. We couldn’t pass up the chance to see Angela Lansbury, who is stunning in the role. Rob knows the show well, but I’d never seen it before even though I know a good deal of the music. Send in the Clowns, one of the most prominent musical numbers, is among my favorites.

One of the things I loved most about the show was its poignant one-liners, sentiments that pop off the stage without being too sappy or preachy. Like the one quoted above, they are simple expressions of the human condition. My sister, Weez, will tell you that I am laughing all the time, even in my sleep. My niece, Lorelei, laughs in her sleep, too. We think our future, heck our past and present too, is funny.

I go about making my plans, and then wake up every morning wondering what happened. How did I get HERE? I’m equally amazed by the challenges I’ve been dealt, and the many good fortunes, too. I work hard, though I never really planned much of this life o’ mine. And ever year when my birthday comes around, I’m surprised at where I’ve landed because I never saw any of it coming my way. There’s no need to push, pull, tug, or hurry along life – it really happens on its own.

So on the eve of my 34th birthday, I’m smiling, laughing even, because I just don’t know where my future is headed and for the first time in my life I feel okay about it. It’s okay to be empty. It’s okay to have someone ask me, “so what’s next” and to hear myself respond, “I don’t know.”

My friend, Trevin, called me today to wish me a happy birthday in advance. I actually got a little choked up while listening to his voice mail. “You’re do amazing things with your life just by being you, Christa,” he said. That made me laugh out loud, too. In a way he was telling me to just relax, enjoy my life, and sure, laugh into the future. After all, what’s the alternative?

adventure, discovery, dreams

Step 74: Canyons Opening

Christa Avampato

Since hearing about Columbia last week, I have been getting so many supportive emails, phones calls, texts, and comments. They mean the world to me and reaffirm my initial feeling that my path lay in another direction. My friend, Blair, wrote me a particularly beautiful note that I am going to take out every time I feel sad. Her message was, “I hope this clears out the year for you and opens gates and canyons, mountains and oceans to explore as you enter a new year.” My friend, Laura, sent me a similar message about 30 seconds after my blog post went up. My mom and sister followed quickly thereafter. Several people posted incredible comments to this blog that made me smile wide. You see why I adore them?

I can already tell that the canyons are opening, that the path is clearing. I felt it all weekend in yoga training. I’m even experiencing it as I’m sleeping. It’s as if I was released to dream a little differently, more freely, than I was dreaming before. It was like breaking through a cloud cover to find that sunnier skies laid in wait for me to arrive. My friend, Lon, didn’t offer me any advice or guidance. He just said “I can’t wait to hear what’s next.” That one simple statement made my answer, “I don’t know”, a reason to rejoice, rather than a reason to be afraid or sad or disappointed. He isn’t trying to tell me what I should do next; he’s just saying that no matter what’s next, his support will be there. And now you see why I adore him, too.

The thought that keeps crossing my mind is that the canyons are always open, the gates of the life we imagine are always swinging wide, welcoming us in. What makes the difference is whether or not we choose to see them, whether or not we have the courage to walk through. Life doesn’t go according to plan most of the time; sometimes the life we get is very different from the one we bargained for. And we have to remain flexible and open to possibilities, even if those possibilities were things we never imagined would happen.

When I got home last night, I read my horoscope from my local paper, and it seems that even the stars are echoing the exact words of encouragement that I’m getting from my beautiful friends, family, and blogging pals. “Trust that you feel a certain energetic relief, relaxation, and the growing sense not that you have enough, but that you are enough…it is fair to say that everything is about to change – in ways you would have wished for, if you could have ever predicted what was possible.” Now that’s a reason to jump out of bed in the morning. Open canyons, here I come! 1, 2, 3, leap!

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

fiction, story

Step 73: Our Own Fictions

Christa Avampato

“There are no fictions more fascinating than the ones we tell ourselves to get from day-to-day.” ~ Me

These are some of my fictions that were shattered this weekend during yoga teacher training:
I’ve never had a pranayama (yogic breathing) practice. I learned the anatomy of it; I read about the power of it in countless yoga journal articles; I even tried pranayama once and told myself it felt like nothing so I didn’t try it again. “Who needs to practice breathing?” I laughed to myself. And then today I experienced my nervous system shifting because my breath shifted.

I have weak arms and have told myself for years that I will never be able to practice arm balance poses or hand stands. And then today, I flew into handstand, assisted, but flying none the less.

I’ve never had a meditation practice. I’ve tried meditation a few times in my life and it’s never really worked for me. I just couldn’t get my mind to settle and to compensate for that failure, I told myself meditation was overrated. And then the quote above, and many more like it, have started to appear in my dreams now that I have to develop a meditation practice as part of my yoga teacher training.

It is incredible what stories we will tell ourselves to compensate for our own difficulties, stories that make it possible for us to avoid truth for a long time, sometimes for a lifetime. So next time I hear myself telling tales about my abilities, or rather my inadequacies, I am going to question them. Why is it that I can’t sit still? Why is it that practicing breathing sounds silly? Why do I think I have weak arms? All these fictions were in my mind, they were a matter of perspective that I created and then manifested in the world.

Sad, right? Not at all. The brilliant thing about fictions we tell ourselves is that we can change them, and change them quickly. We can make new ones, ones of strength and abundance and grace. We are enough, just as we are, in every way. We are all that is and all that is is us. And that’s no fiction at all – it’s just a simple, powerful truth.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.