Month: March 2010

feelings, happiness, Marcus Buckingham

Step 90: Contemplating Happiness

Christa Avampato

I’m working on a project that involves researching the female consumer’s changing behaviors during this latest economic downturn. As part of that research, I went back to Marcus Buckingham’s columns for the Huffington Post about the state of women’s happiness. In reading through the articles again, I found myself thinking about the 5 questions Buckingham considers when evaluating happiness:

1.) How often do you get to do things you really like to do?

2.) How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?

3.) How often do you get so involved in what you’re doing that you lose track of time?

4.) How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?

5.) How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?

I really wanted to answer ‘always’. I actually felt guilty about even contemplating any answer other than ‘always’. So how could I really evaluate my happiness? How could I ever make sure that I was being honest, and not answering the way I’m “supposed to”, so that I could really look at the areas of my life that need some extra work? “Don’t write it down,” I thought. “Just answer (silently) and observe.” And I did.

The answers to these questions are powerful cues if we give ourselves the permission and the space within our own hearts to be really, really honest with ourselves. Forget about the expectation of happiness that everyone else has. We have the power to transform our lives, to change and grow and become more aware. We can’t do that if we can’t ever let go of others’ expectations. Before we can improve our lot in life, we need to allow ourselves to just be however we are, wherever we are, and see what bubbles up.

design, Examiner, innovation, product development

Interview with Ben Kaufman, Founder of quirky

Christa Avampato

Another great innovation interview over on Examiner. I had the extreme pleasure to connect with Ben Kaufman, Founder of quirky. quirky is for every person who has an idea for a product or service (and don’t we all?!) and isn’t quite sure how to start bringing it to life. Check out the interview here.

books, creativity, design, hope

Step 89: Glimmer Moments

Christa Avampato

On Bruce Nussbaum‘s recommendation, I just started reading Glimmer: How Design Can Change Your Life and Maybe Even the World by Warren Berger. I’m only a few pages into the introduction and already my mind is reeling with ideas and inspiration. Thinking and learning about design gives me more energy than a gallon of coffee.

In the introduction, Berger defines ‘glimmer moments’ – the point when a life-changing idea crystallizes in the mind. I’ve been having a number of glimmer moments at work, in yoga teacher training, and in my sessions with Brian. Call it destiny, synergy, coincidence, Kismet, serendipity. Or prana. Or dharma. Glimmer moments are aha’s. Times in our lives when everything just falls perfectly in to place. So perfectly that we wonder why we didn’t see all along what now seems so obvious.

We talk a lot about timing in terms of relationships or jobs. In actuality it’s all in the timing, everything, every aspect of our lives. The stars align exactly when they are supposed to align, not when we want them to, not when we think that they should. Sometimes I imagine that up there somewhere there’s a great puppet master who’s arranging and re-arranging circumstances based upon the choices that human hands make in their attempt to control human destiny.

So let go. Do what gives you energy, what makes you whole and happy. Make a plan or a rule, but be prepared to do an about-face at any moment because you have new information today that you didn’t have yesterday. Life is like that – we change, the world changes, and we all have to keep plodding forward, doing the very best we can with what we’ve got. Recognize that the glimmer is always there; our only job is make sure we take the time to stop, look up, and recognize it.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

entrepreneurship, Examiner

Examiner interview: Laura Sandall, President of Gold Marketing Group

Christa Avampato

Exciting stuff on Examiner.com today – my interview with Laura Sandall, President of Gold Marketing Group. After 20 years at Target, inventing the modern-day concept of a pop-up store, she struck out on her own. Her story is full of courage and wise advice on going your own way. Check it out – click here for the full story.

business, social media, yoga

Step 88: Let the Prana Flow

Christa Avampato

On Friday I was talking to Brian about what type of company I wanted to build with my yoga certification. I was trying to deduce from my other interests and goals how my yoga certification fit in to the master plan called my life. First I was going to complete my certification in May, take the summer off, explore a few ideas that had been kicking around in my head during the fall as I drafted up several different business plans and evaluated their financials, and on and on it went. Brian listened patiently, as usual, and that slight smile behind his eyes let me know that he was about to suggest something I already knew but hadn’t yet recognized. “You don’t need to work so hard, Christa,” he said. “Why don’t you just let the prana (the higher intelligence) guide how it wants you to use the yoga training?”

“Okay,” I said with a sigh, and got up to leave.

“Oh, and Christa,” Brian said. “You’ll be glad you took the summer off because come the fall you’re going to be very busy.” On top of his many other gifts, Brian has very keen intuition.

I thought about Brian’s comment all weekend. I like to feel that I’m actively crafting my future, that my efforts are what’s opening up doors for me. When I think back on my life, on the times when my life really took a decisive direction, I couldn’t have predicted the cause of that change. I met someone randomly. I mentioned off-hand about an interest I was pursuing that caused someone to connect me to someone who could help. I was just in the right place at the right time. What helped me was that I was always prepared to be lucky; in other words, prana took the reigns.

For many months now I’ve been thinking about how to gel my interest in yoga, product development, social media, writing, and education. Today an email arrived in my in-box that brought all of these things together for me and I have a meeting set for next Tuesday to explore the opportunity. I had reached out to someone on the recommendation of a good friend back in January. He was very kind and said he’d pass along my interest in the event that an opportunity arises down the line. I chalked it up to good experience and that old idea of “well if it’s meant to be…”

And prana, with a little room, surfaced today with a possible opportunity that would meld all of my interests in a better way than I ever imagined. All thanks to my friend who recommended me to a friend who recommended me to a friend months ago. No surprise, it would keep me very busy this fall. It remains to be seen if the opportunity with come to fruition. For now, I’m just going to let prana do what it does best – flow.

work, yoga

Step 87: Effort and Ease

Christa Avampato

“Yoga is a balance of effort and ease. ” ~ Stacey Sperling, my yoga teacher

“It takes 7 years to get to enlightenment. 9 if you really try.” ~ Will Duprey, my yoga teacher

3 weekends of yoga teacher training down, 4 to go. We’re now 1/3 of the way through the course. I can feel the change in my body and in my mind. I’m finding ease in my effort, and it seems that the more effort I place into my practice, the more ease I feel. On the mat and off the mat.

Yoga in the west is about asanas, poses. In the west, we are always running, striving, reaching. We are afraid of never having enough, of losing what we have, of what people will think if we can’t keep up. That’s a lot of effort, and there’s no ease anywhere in there.

I’m beginning to wonder if it’s possible to have fruitful effort without a sense of ease. Perhaps this is just another way of saying that we should be on the path of least resistance. It doesn’t mean that path is easy; on the contrary, a good deal of effort is required to get on and stay on the path we’re meant for, our dharma. I’m suggesting that if we find ourselves heading down a road where we find no ease, where it seems that no matter how hard we try, everything just gets harder, then maybe we need to go another way. Yoga’s teaching me that effort and ease are not opponents, but rather partners.

1

Step 86: Second Chances

Christa Avampato

“Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.” ~ A. A. Milne

“Judgment stops thought.” ~ Mr. Dietrich, my 9th grade English teacher

My 9th grade English teacher, Mr. Dietrich, was an odd guy, and at first I thought he was a terrible teacher. He did a module of lessons with us that had nothing to do with English. Because I loved English, I was irritated. I expected to be writing and reading classics. Instead, he taught us life lessons that 20 years later are still top of mind for me.

Instead, we learned about the work of Salvador Dali (he always paints mountains into his works). He told us we should get as far into a novel as we can upon first reading so we get engaged quickly and finish it. He encouraged us to read every time we’re waiting in line (to this day I always have a book with me). I still remember the definition of a quaff because of the funny way he explained it – it’s when you wake up at 1:00am and think you could drink a gallon of water. He challenged us to lie in bed motionless, and see if we could tell where our toes are without looking. (We have no idea where they are until we move them – welcome to the idea of the mind-body connection.)

The most important lesson I learned in that class is that judgment stops thought. So as crazy as I thought he was to teach us these things in English class, they’ve stuck with me all these years and I think about them and action them in my life on a regular basis. My first impression of Mr. Dietrich was wrong – he just may have been the best high school teacher I had. He wasn’t a weed; he was flower. I just needed to get to know him.

I’m a fairly good judge of character, though some times I get it wrong. I trust some people too readily, and don’t trust others enough upon first glance. There are times that these missteps have caused me to miss out on someone really incredible, and there are times when I’ve been deeply hurt by people who turned out to be different than I first imagined them to be. Most of the time, I keep Mr. Dietrich’s advice about judgment close to my heart. His lesson of withholding judgment as long as possible serves us well. It leaves our minds open to different scenarios and possibilities, allowing us more time and evidence to make a sound decision.

Now that I think of it, I owe Mr. Dietrich a card to thank him for showing me that English class was more than just reading the classics and writing essays. He taught me some enormous life lessons that have stuck with me 20 years later, that I’m sure I will be putting to good use for another 20 years into the future. If we can withhold judgment when we glance at the weeds of our lives, I’m confident that many of those weeds will turn to flowers. And maybe a few of those flowers will show their weed-y side sooner rather than later, saving us some heartache down the line. The important thing to remember is that to truly know something or someone we have to give it more than a first glance. Sound judgment requires more than a first impression – it requires a second chance.

happiness, time

Step 85: Choosing Where to Place Our Energy

Christa Avampato

“The only thing that keeps a man going is energy. And what is energy but liking life?” ~ Louis Auchincloss

Today someone whom I volunteer with tried to give away my time. A month ago I had offered to help with an event this person is running and then, unbeknownst to me, she assigned me to run the entire event without asking me if I’d be willing to do that. Even worse, she sent around an email, buried the change in the minutes, and then never said a word about it to me until today when she needed something.

A younger me (and by younger I mean 6 months ago), would have taken on the job, even though I didn’t agree to it, because I would have felt obligated. I would have felt like I needed to take on the event because otherwise I would let this person down, even though this person gave away my time publicly without my consent. Mind you this person is overwhelmed at work (aren’t we all these days?) and the other people on her committee are not engaged (which I think she should take a hard look at and find out why that might be rather than playing the martyr). I am sure she didn’t intend to be sneaky and assign me to a responsibility I didn’t agree to. The trouble is she’s a poor leader, and I have no intention of ever following a poor leader again. I’ve been there thank you, and it’s not fun. Poor leadership sucks the life out of me.

So very professionally I paid tribute to my anger, made it clear that this person could not give away my time, and could not assign me to a responsibility that I didn’t accept, no matter how many smiley faces she puts in an email and no matter how much she complains about her life. I kindly told her that she would have to find someone else to take full responsibility for the event. Offering to help with an event and taking full-responsibility for it are two different things. Rather than feel guilt about this, as I could have in the past, I learned that I can have empathy for her situation without accepting a responsibility that I didn’t sign up for. If I had the time to fully take on the event by myself, I would help her out, but I don’t have the time and her behavior is unacceptable. So I took myself out of the game. She’ll have to look elsewhere for someone who’s willing to tolerate that treatment. The train I’m driving has left the station.

Life is about energy, and we need to seek out people, relationships, and activities that provide us with enjoyment to provide us with that energy. We can’t let others weigh us down. We can feel for them, have empathy for their situations (which most of the time they bring on themselves), and also preserve our own dignity and self-respect. (Now, I’m talking about people who are truly down on their luck and need our help because they actually can’t help themselves. I’m talking about people who make choices and then don’t accept the responsibilities that go along with those choices). It is a human right to enjoy our lives to the fullest, and the moment someone begins to treat us in a way that compromises that right, we can take our energies elsewhere. There are people out there who do appreciate our time and effort, and those are the people who deserve our attention.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

happiness, harmony

Step 84: The Wind of Enthusiasm

Christa Avampato

“Just as cotton is swayed in the direction of the winds coming and going, so should one surrender oneself to one’s enthusiasm, and in this way one’s supernormal powers will thrive. ” ~ Shantideva ch. 7 v 75

Beth, one of the most supportive readers on the planet, sent me a comment with this quote a few days ago. I keep mulling it over in my mind. Life has to be filled with what gives us energy, what lifts us up, and as we rise we can take others with us. Enthusiasm is contagious, and if we let it guide our actions, if we let it choose the road we should be on, I’m convinced that our success will be inevitable.

We could spend a lot of time worrying and wondering what we should do, what others wants us to do. But when we’re on our dharma, when we’re on the road we are meant to be on, enthusiasm cannot help but bubble to the top. So do at Shantideva says. Let yourself be cotton and let yourself be swayed by the current of your own enthusiasm. I can’t wait to hear what superpowers you find within your own heart. Let me know how it goes so I can cheer you on.

And thank you, Beth, as always, for these words of wisdom.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

happiness, harmony, yoga

Step 83: More Right Moments

Christa Avampato

Tonight I spent 3 hours at Sonic Yoga – 1.5 hours practicing and 1.5 hours observing. At the start of my practice, my yoga teacher, Stacey, asked us to consider moments in our lives that were completely right, when we felt everything in our lives was working together in harmony. “I bet all your chakras were aligned and that you weren’t trying too hard. Right just happened,” she said.

I thought about a few long walks in the park when I couldn’t help but smile at how lucky I am to have the life I have. I thought about how my body literally flew down the stairs to get me out of my apartment building during the fire so that I wouldn’t be harmed. When I ran the Chicago marathon and saw the finish line up ahead after 26.2 long miles, I could feel myself running outside of my own body, every cell working together in harmony. The first time I held my niece, Lorelei, or when I sat on the steps of my apartment building with our dog, Sebastian, both of us feeling the wind in our ears, everything felt like it was as it should be. Most recently, I thought about a few moments during my birthday party last weekend when I looked around and saw so many faces I love, all together.

“A yoga practice is about helping us to have more right moments in our lives,” Stacey said as she closed the class. Now isn’t that a beautiful goal for a practice?

The image above is not my own. I can be found here.