Month: November 2009

career, education, love, writing

My Year of Hopefulness – Personal Statements

Christa Avampato

Today I began writing my personal statement for my PhD application to Columbia. I have been thinking about it for a week. Usually writing comes very easy to me. It’s something I love and a skill I work on every day. The words usually come faster than I can type them. Several times I have sat down to write this personal statement and starred at a blank page for a long time, closing my laptop with nothing to show for my time.

What is it that’s getting to me? Why is it that putting fingers to keys to write this personal statement is so tough? I can talk about why I want to get my PhD; I know my dissertation topic and I know what I want to do post-PhD. So why is this personal statement giving me writer’s block?
In one to two pages I have to explain who I am and what I’m most passionate about to people who barely know me. Every word counts. Because of the critical importance of this piece I was editing before I even started writing. I let my quest for perfection get in the way of telling the truth, plain and simple.
While I need perfection before I click the ‘submit’ button, I was forgetting that the first draft, along with the second, third, and thirtieth can be far less than perfect. A final piece that shines from beginning to end is composed of bits and pieces of glimmer from the many drafts that come before it.
Life’s the same way. Love’s the same way. Careers are the same way. We usually don’t get things perfectly correct the first time around. It takes a lot of trial, and error, and trial again. It takes the courage to fail, to follow a dream as far as it will take us. And many times our dreams dead end and we have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again. Life, love, and careers take many drafts, and in each new experience we gain a little piece of magic, a little piece of awareness that will get us a bit closer to our own version of perfect. The trick is to never call it quits until we get exactly what we want.
The Journal of Cultural Conversation, travel

My Year of Hopefulness – A Tico Life for Me

Christa Avampato

The first time I learned Spanish, it was to satisfy a school requirement in 7th grade. The second time I learned Spanish it was for love – my first boyfriend in college was a Venezuelan and I wanted very much to know and understand his culture, especially the language.

Now in the process of learning Spanish for the third time in my life, it is to improve my own life and the lives of others.

I returned from Costa Rica through teary eyes and with a longing to stay among the people there. I was so fortunate to volunteer with a nonprofit called Cross-Cultural Solutions (CCS), a U.S.-based organization that organizes volunteer vacations to different sites around the world. The CCS staff in Costa Rica is exceptional, among the kindest and most competent people I have ever worked with.

I chose a placement in the city of Cartago because I have wanted to see Costa Rica for many years and that site was one of the few programs with the start date I wanted. I was prepared to go there to help the community in any way that I could, though it turned out that the people of Cartago had far more to offer me than I had to offer to them.

Our group of volunteers and staff, composed of some of the friendliest, funniest people I could have ever asked for, spent mornings at a senior center in San Rafael, a small community next to Cartago. The residents, known to the community as “abuelitos” (which translates to ‘grandparents’), were so grateful for our company and time. We sang and danced and did crafts with them. We laughed and shared stories. My Spanish is incredibly rusty, though I was so happy to be able to practice after over a decade of not using it at all. My grammar is terrible and my vocabulary is limited, though with the patience and kindness of the people in Costa Rica (known locally as “Ticos”) I was able to learn so much about the culture, language, and history in just one week.

The people of Costa Rica taught me how little I need to be happy, how much I have already, and the beauty of small kindnesses – three lessons that are invaluable and for which I am beyond grateful. From the moment I arrived in this happy country, it was evident that they are a deeply relaxed, confident, and joyful people. They have a culture that appreciates the idea of having enough and no more; they embody a sense of generosity and concern for others that is awe-inspiring.

Wherever You Go, You Are Home

The week zipped by too quickly and before I knew it we were on our way back to the airport for our return flights home. Our expert driver, Allan, wound through the twisting, turning, traffic-jammed streets of Costa Rica without a single trace of frustration. I was getting worried that I might miss my flight; we were still in the car an hour before take-off. “Mi vuelta es a la una.” (This made no sense to Allan because ‘vuelo’ is the word for ‘flight’ and ‘vuelta’, the word I was using, is one of the conjugations for the verb ‘to go back’.) “ ‘Vuelo’, Christa. ‘Vuelo.’ Tranquila. Es muy temprano.” (“Be calm. It’s very early,” he said.) I wasn’t even at the airport yet and already my panicked American ways were seeping back into my behavior. I followed Allan’s wise advice to calm down. He must have thought I was crazy to be worried about being at the airport an hour ahead of my fight – from the curb to the gate, it took 10 minutes and was the easiest check-in process I have ever experienced.

As I waited for my flight to take off, I was writing about my experiences, wishing so much for a sign that this is a country that I would return to again and again throughout my life. A moment later, they called my name on the overhead speaker. My immediate reaction was fear. A few years ago, my passport was stolen in South Africa and the U.S. embassy told me that I would have problems traveling abroad for many years because of that incident. I made my way to the front of the plane, panicked, and then I remembered Allan’s advice. Tranquila, Christa. Tranquila.

A very kind stewardess at the front of the plane handed me a new boarding pass with a wide smile. “Yo necesito tomar una otra vuelo, senora?” (“Do I need to take another flight?” I asked, a little proud that I used ‘vuelo’ instead of ‘vuelta’.) She just smiled. I looked at the new boarding pass – they bumped me to a first class seat. “No hay bastante sillas en coach.” (“There are not enough seats in coach,” she said with a wink.) As I sank into the comfortable seat, I realized that this was the sign I had just asked for, a perfect ending to a perfect trip. I look forward to returning to the Tico life very soon.

books, business, change, dreams, entrepreneurship, money

My Year of Hopefulness – Unquestioned Answers

Christa Avampato

While in Costa Rica, I continued reading Lynne Twist’s book The Soul of Money. So many of her sentiments about the use of money, sufficiency, and abundance have resonated with me. At the end of one particular chapter she challenges readers to explore not unanswered questions, but unquestioned answers. I have not been able to get this term out of my head. I spent a long night in Costa Rica, tossing and turning, wrestling with the unquestioned answers in my own professional life.

Since going to business school, I have been on a track – to pay back my loans, to believe that I must make a certain amount of money in my single paycheck, to climb, climb, climb as high as I can in the field of business. We hear so often that there are not enough women at the very top of business world, that people from my socioeconomic background are under-represented and needed in large corporations, as are those who embrace empathy and innovation and change. Up until now, I assumed that these sentiments were a given, answers to timeless questions and concerns in business, and that I must heed this call.

With this latest economic downturn, these very things that I have held to be true without question are now up for scrutiny. Everything is up for debate. I went to an innovation conference several weeks ago, hosted by Roger Martin of the Rotman School of Business. My former boss, Bob, invited me because he knows of my deep interest in change and design. Tim Brown, the CEO of IDEO and one of the panelists at the conference, discussed the dilemma of big business today as it relates to change. IDEO runs workshops throughout the year that are training sessions for business people to encourage more creativity within their companies. They are wildly popular events, and there’s only one problem with them. “Once people open up their minds to the world of design,” Brown said, “they can never go back. Many times, attendees of our workshops leave their jobs shortly after they complete the sessions. They can’t accept a life in typical big corporations anymore. They know better.”

Big corporations have been trying so hard to make innovation and change a part of the culture, or at least trying hard to pay lip-service to change. The difficulty is that only a handful of corporations really believe in the power and necessity of change. Target, Apple, Nike are among the few. By and large most big corporations just want to return to the good old days of fat profits, zero regulation, and big, big bonuses. Those individuals who really want change, innovation, and design to be incorporated into the fabric of a company get too frustrated with bureaucracy and the slow, lumbering gait of a company strangled by its own size. And so, they leave for smaller, more nimble, freer pastures. Who could blame them?

These are the brave souls questioning the answers that business has for so long assumed to be universal truths. Now, the truth is not quite so clear as it once was. The people who have long-benefited from business as usual (so much so that BAU has become a common acronym in their lexicon) are getting very nervous because their lifestyle is being threatened by those asking why, those who are questioning the ‘given’ answers.

For those brave enough to ask why, their dilemma now lies not in how to get their ideas heard by the ones who phone it in, but whether or not it’s even worth it to ask why at all. Many are leaving to build their own dreams, to bet on themselves rather than on a big corporation. The world of business should be afraid. To survive in this new economy, corporations need the questioners much more than the questioners need the big corporations.

I laid in my bed, realizing that these questioners are the next great breed of entrepreneurs, the next batch of people who are on the verge of jumping from the safe, secure cliff and changing the world as we know it. And then I asked myself the question, “Will I be brave enough to count myself among them?” I waited long into the night for an answer to come from the darkness, and with the sun my own heart rose up to speak a quiet, strong, clear “yes”.

dreams, faith, hope, vision

My Year of Hopefulness – Visions and Plans

Christa Avampato

“How could a vision ever be given to someone to harbor if that person could not be trusted to carry it out? The message is simple: commitment precedes vision.” High Eagle

In San Jose, we stopped at an artisan market to buy gifts for family and friends back home. The market was filled with stalls that contained crafts of all kinds from coffee mugs to home goods to jewelry. I found some things for my family and purchased a journal for myself, of course, handmade from materials from a coffee plant. I am using it to write down my dreams for each part of my life. On this trip, a number of paths rolled out before me and I wanted to make sure to capture them as they revealed their many details.

In Costa Rica I found the space to breath and dream, the space to craft visions of what I want my life to be going forward. Bringing these dreams to life will take some short-term sacrifices, financially and personally, though the long-term pay off is well worth it. Realizing what I can live without has given me so much freedom. I don’t feel weighted down by needs and wants. I feel lighter and feel that my life is both full and fulfilling. Many of the volunteers I worked with have taken this similar path, simplifying and downsizing their lives, taking a chance on big dreams. It was very inspiring and encouraging to be among them and to hear their stories. Like me, they were a little hesitant and a little scared, and they kept going anyway.

On the plane back to the U.S., I allowed my mind to wander. I didn’t multi-task the way I have on every other flight I’ve ever been on. I simply started down one vision, turning over every stone, concentrating on all of the beautiful little details, and recording them in my coffee plant book. Within the pages of this book, I have put fear aside and written down my wildest aspirations without judging them in any way. I let the visions show up, knowing that High Eagle was absolutely right – of course I have the ability to bring them to life. If I’m committed to building a better life for myself and for others, then visions and the ability to make them my reality will follow. It is invigorating to be grounded in so much faith.

costa rica, volunteer

My Year of Hopefulness – Sunshine and Rain

Christa Avampato

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” ~ Nelson Mandela

By nature, I have a very hard time with good-byes. Today was our last day with the abuelitos, people I have grown to love in such a short period of time. How is it that in 4 days for a total of 12 hours, I have come to care so much about people whom I barely know? How is it that our hearts open up so freely to so many in this beautiful, foreign country?

We were encouraged by Oscar, the activities director, and Dona Sandra, the passionate owner of the Center at San Raphael, to say ‘hasta luego’ (‘see you later’) rather than ‘adios’ (a more permanent good-bye). I settled on a saying that I heard all the time when I traveled to Venezuela 15 years ago, ‘via con Dios’ (go with God), and I meant it more than anything I’ve ever said in my life. In my heart I knew that is was quite possible that I might never see any of these abuelitos again and I suppose that’s why the tears came so freely and quickly despite my desire to hold them back. Among people who love so freely and easily, I have found that in this week I have learned to love more freely, too. And so, the tears of good-bye were unstoppable, as were the smiles. In Costa Rica, the sun often shines as the rain falls, so tears mixed with smiles are only natural.

As predicted, the people here have offered up much more to me than I think I was able to offer them. I wish I spoke Spanish with greater fluency, and I resolve to do so by the time I visit again. I wish I had more time here. I wish I didn’t have so much debt from business school so that I could afford to give more money to groups like CCS to continue their work in communities like San Rafael. I wish I had more freedom to do what I want to do whenever and wherever I want. Travel, and international travel in particular, provides the distance and space we need to allow our dreams to take root.

I returned to the CCS home base with a heavy heart, with so much gladness and sadness – glad that I could be here, glad that I could be helpful, and sad that our time here was rapidly drawing to a close. My favorite part of the CCS home base are all of the quotes and hand prints that past volunteers have put on the walls. Volunteers choose quotes that encapsulate their experience here – the one above by Nelson Mandela was among my very favorites and really got to the heart of how I feel about my life now that I have been in this beautiful place for a week.

The quote I chose for the wall to accompany my hand print at the CCS home base is my favorite, a quote that gives me courage and strength and embodies this idea of “now is the time”. It’s by Victor Hugo, the author of the book Les Miserables, and very simply states, “There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.” This idea of carving out the life I want, a life of freedom and mobility and generosity, in this strange and beautiful world is an idea whose time has come.

My time in Costa Rica has confirmed that yes, now is the time for me to go after everything I want in my life: my own business, more international travel, the opportunity to teach yoga and to teach at a university level, the ability to effect public policy to provide a voice to those who need our attention and care, a loving, committed relationship, and much more time with my friends and family. The opportunity for this life has been with me all along, though it took traveling many miles from my home to realize how much is within my grasp. It’s with much thanks and gratitude that I bid farewell to the abuelitos today. They changed my life more than they could ever possibly know and more than I could ever possibly tell them.

costa rica, travel, volunteer, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – La Musica de los Ninos

Christa Avampato

Today I had the opportunity to visit a day care center in the morning. Maria, one of the other volunteers, needed some extra help with the kids and I raised my hand to go along. The children at the day care are between 8 months and 5 years old, and volunteers spend time playing with them and organizing activities. We made masks from construction paper and popsicle sticks, and played on the slides and swings. Monica, one of the other volunteers, and I spent some time cleaning out a very dirty refrigerator that had been donated to the center. It was full of mildew and mold. Dirty work, though so necessary for the children, and so we were glad to do it.

Later on I had the chance to do yoga with the kids. Teaching yoga to kids is a very different experience that teaching yoga to adults. It’s also very challenging because I have never done a class in Spanish. Thank goodness that Maria, who is originally from Spain, was there to translate! With kids, I find it’s easiest to have flashcards with pictures of animals and things that correspond to different asanas. Frog pose, airplane pose, monkey pose, etc. While adult classes many times focus on silence and on holding a pose for an extended period of time, classes for kids often involve laughing and moving about and making the noise of the very thing the asana is named after. There wasn’t really enough room for the class – the daycare center is a over-crowded – and we had a great time laughing and tumbling over one another anyway. It was the happiest I have been in a very long time.

What immediately struck me at the start of the class is that the sound of children playing is universal, regardless of the language they speak or the country where they live. The sound of laughter and joy is the same the world over. Again, I was reminded today of how much we are able to give to others with such a small amount of effort and time, and how much we receive in return. When we give, our own abundance grows.

time, travel, vacation, volunteer

My Year of Hopefulness – Honoring Time

Christa Avampato

I have only been here three days and I am amazed by how easy it has been to leave behind life in the U.S. for a while. I miss my family, my friends, and my neighborhood, though I don’t miss anything else. I can imagine being here for a very long time with no problem at all. It’s a delicious feeling, far different than any feeling I have experienced on any other vacation. How did this place begin to feel like home so quickly?

Today I had a chance conversation with another volunteer about her experience working at a school just outside of Cartago. She told me what struck her most was the great honor that Costa Ricans feel when an international volunteer works with them. They know how many other ways people have to spend their time and the fact that people travel from foreign countries to participate with Costa Ricans, improving the neighborhoods in this country, is truly a gift for them. This idea of honoring time is so different from the way so many feel in the U.S., and it is a pervasive sentiment throughout this country. Costa Ricans place the highest value on time and the way that it is spent.

At the senior center today in San Rafael, we spent time coloring with the seniors and making reindeer Christmas ornaments from pipe cleaners, clothes pins, and glitter. These simple activities brought them so much joy. Truly what they wanted was just to spend time with us, to talk to us about our lives and theirs. I continue to be struck by how little people need to be happy here, and how sad it is for us in the U.S. to believe that we need so much. My great hope for today is that once I return to the U.S. on Saturday night, I will be able to embrace the idea of honoring time, my own and that of others, and to hang onto the idea that truly we need so little in the way of material items. I need to find a way to carry a little Costa Rica with me wherever I go.

change, faith, religion

My Year of Hopefulness – Holy Water

Christa Avampato

In the center of Cartago there is a church known as La Basilica de la Virgen de los Angeles. In 1635, it is told that a statue of the Virgin was found in the forest by an Indian girl. She took it home and put it in a box. When she returned to the forest the next day, she found the statue again in the same place. When she went home, the statue was gone from the box. This same sequence of events happened to her several more times. She told her priest about the miracle and he took the statue from the forest and locked it in a box in his church. The statue performed the same miracle, and so it was decreed that the Virgin must have wanted a church built over that very spot in the forest.

On August 2nd every year, Costa Ricans come to La Basilica as a pilgrimage, some walking for days across the country and crawling on their knees from the start of the aisle up to the altar. Several of us went to the church yesterday and today to witness the extreme devotion that Costa Ricans feel for this church and for the Virgin Mary. They come here to ask for help and healing and peace and luck, something we can all use a little more of. There is a river that flows under the church and there is a small spring where people collect the holy water in bottle, wash their faces in it, and drink it as an elixir of all things in their lives that they wish to come true, things that they wish to change.

I am not a religious person, and haven’t been for a long time, though I do find religion to be a compelling area of study and I do believe fervently in a higher purpose and power. I do believe we are all connected; my religion is simply kindness. Hearing the miracles that the church has performed for people in Costa Rica, I felt compelled to pay my respects, to ask the Universe for help me now at this time in my life as I make big changes to transform it into the life I want to live, and I did wash my face in the holy water.

Sometimes, we must accept that there are things that do not make sense to us, things that happen and sources of power that we cannot see nor explain. I don’t know if the Virgin appeared in the forest and I don’t know that a church needed to be built on that site in Cartago. I do know that faith is a very powerful feeling, that it is capable of accomplishing that which we cannot possibly accomplish without it. I do believe in our ability to change, and every once in a while I believe that miracles really do happen. Today, was one of those days.

I left the church and I did feel a little bit more brave as I headed back to the house. Perhaps bravery and our ability to change that which we do not like in our lives is a miracle in and of itself.

change, learning, travel

My Year of Hopefulness – Turn Right at the Fancy House

Christa Avampato

(Internet has returned to my house in Costa Rica so I can begin recording all of my experiences here so long as the connection holds – ‘via a Dios’.)

I am famously bad with directions. I never know where I’m going, even with a map. I have to repeat the same path many times over and mentally make note of landmarks along the way. I suppose I could hunker down and just get a little bit better at this skill, though to be honest I’ve just gotten comfortable feeling lost. I enjoy it because every road, whether I’ve been on it or not, is a new adventure this way.

Imagine my great happiness to learn that there is an entire country full of people with this same issue! In Costa Rica, there are no postal addresses. There is barely a postal service at all. Address are something akin to ‘go 25 meters east from the large yellow building with the slat windows and blue shutters, then turn north at the Soda Pollo (literally means Chicken Restaurant) and go another 100 meters until you reach two little stray dogs, one brown and one black, that are always outside an orange house’. As our program manager, Santi, said when giving us directions to our volunteer placement, “Turn right at the fancy house and walk up the hill.”

This is the greatest pleasure of travel – to learn the customs and history and culture of other people, to realize that our little lives in our little cities, no matter how big they are, are just one tiny slice of life on this planet. We learn that there are so many other options to conduct our lives. For people like me who are considering a jump off the cliff, travel helps us see that what to us seems like a big risk is not really a big risk at all. It is just a step change; it is just a different choice and this realization is a great comfort.

There are so many people on my program who made this same leap into a different life. Their courage is encouraging me, inspiring me. I know I am here in the lovely town of Cartago, today, for a very specific reason. I know I was brought here at this time in my life to help me see that this different way forward that I imagine is not only possible, but probable, bordering on certainty. The comfort I am finding in this house, with these people, in this town, in this beautiful and loving country, is a great gift.

Life

Internet in Costa Rica

Christa Avampato

The internet in Costa Rica is horrendous and everything else is incredible. I will likely be unable to post to this blog for the remainder of this week, but never fear. I´ll be writing every day and will upload all of the posts when I return to the U.S. this weekend.

I will say that the people in Costa Rica are among the friendliest and most genuine I´ve ever met. My Spanish is flooding back into my mind, and I immediately felt at home here. In just one day, I have so much to share. This is a place of tremendous healing and happiness. This will be a turning point in my life that I will look back on with great fondness.

Hasta Domingo….