Month: April 2009

books, change, family, Hachette Book Group USA, love, writer

My Year of Hopefulness – Follow Me by Joanna Scott

Christa Avampato

As a writer, I read a lot, always looking for new styles and interesting turns of phrase. Joanna Scott has become my new favorite author. I quickly ran through her book, Follow Me, in a week. I couldn’t put it down and wanted to enjoy every word of this consuming, at once bitter and sweet, story that spans several generations of women. Mistaken identities, family complications, love, and a sense of place dominate the books intertwining themes. At points I loved and hated all of the main characters, a sign that Joanna Scott is capable of creating personalities that are so true to life that I have found myself thinking about them as if they are my neighbors and friends.

Even more lovely and intriguing than the plot twists and turns, Joanna Scott uses language that made me realize that English can be just as beautiful as any romance language. Her poignant sentiments are dramatic without being saccharin. For example, early on in the book one of the characters runs away from her life and family after a traumatic event. “But still she runs. Running, running, running. How many lives start over this way, by putting one foot in front of the other?”

I considered how many of us today must start over because our investments have decreased so dramatically in value or because we, or someone in our family, lost a job. Starting over is frightening and painful. And yet, Joanna Scott is right: starting over is simply putting one foot in front of the other in a different direction. What I find so inspiring about Follow Me is that its characters are not afraid to start over. Indeed, they find it almost impossible to not immediately start over when life doesn’t go their way. A lesson that at least bears consideration, if not emulation, by all of us.

investing, travel, volunteer

My Year of Hopefulness – Costa Rica, here I come!

Christa Avampato

Last night I had dinner with my friend, Jeff, who’s turning 30 next month. To celebrate, he’s going to Egypt and asked friends to come along. Because of the economy, most of us backed out. Last night, Jeff told me he booked the trip for 3 people, $2000 each – includes airfare, tours, and most of their meals. I almost fell over. I missed out on Egypt for $2000 because I was a little bit afraid of losing my job. (I’m currently still employed.) What a lost opportunity!

Cross-Cultural Solutions contacted me today to see if I had any more questions about booking a trip with them. (They have incredible customer service!) I wrote back a very apologetic note saying that my company had just announced that we’d go through another round of layoffs next month so I had to hold off and see how that worked out for me. Even though a trip with Cross-Cultural Solutions is 100% tax deductible, I still hesitated.

A long time ago a friend of mine sent me a quote that rings in my head all the time: “The world is a very generous place. It gives you the same lesson over and over until you finally learn it and don’t have to go through it any more.” Costa Rica was my next Egypt.

The moment I got home, I dropped my bag, headed for my Mac, whipped out my credit card, and signed up for a trip to Costa Rica with Cross-Cultural Solutions. Like everyone else I know, I’m nervous about the economy. But does that mean I just go into a holding pattern? Do I not take advantage of a great opportunity out of fear?

Now, I will say that I am in a very good position to just take the money for my trip from my savings and it’s a huge benefit to have the trip be tax-deductible. Still, it would be very easily justified to hunker down and not take this trip. It’s a matter of priorities, and international travel and volunteering are important to me. So this trip is not an expense, it’s an investment opportunity. In me. In the world. And I’m grabbing it with both hands.

family, health

My Year of Hopefulness – Second Opinions

Christa Avampato

Mom’s had a bum knee for a few years that’s gotten progressively worse. It’s to the point now where to walk comfortably she needs a cortisone shot. Total knee replacement is inevitable and she is now an excellent candidate for the surgery. She went to see a physician who was recommended to her by her doctor. With a near absence of customer service, he told her she’d be back to work in two weeks. And he could probably schedule her for surgery some time in the next few months.

Total knee replacement is an incredibly invasive procedure. It hurts. A lot. And the only way through the pain is to keep moving. Lots of physical therapy, before and immediately after. To say that someone could be back to work in two weeks is ludicrous according to my dear friend Ken who works in a physical therapy clinic. “8-12 weeks is more like it,” he told me. “And those stairs in her house? She won’t be able to use them for a few weeks either.”

We went off to see a new surgeon today. I refused to let the first surgeon work on her. This second opinion was the right way to go – the doctor spent a lot of time with her, answered all her questions and concerns (and mine), and gave her the straight story about what she could and should expect. 8-12 weeks off from work and yes, she’d be best off to go to a nursing facility for a few weeks right after the surgery. Oh, and he can perform the surgery as early as May 18th. He recommended a class for her to go to at our local hospital’s joint clinic run by a top-notch physical therapist who will answer all of her questions. She left actually looking forward to total knee replacement.

On the train home, I thought a lot about second opinions and the importance of getting them for so many situations in our lives. It’s easy and less time consuming to snag the closest opinion and run with it. It’s easier still to not seek out any opinions and just do whatever we want. The value of two or more opinions is that you get a few different views of the world from varying vantage points and levels of experience.

With these remarkably uncertain times we’re living in right now, the value of second opinions can’t be overstated. We need to take a 360 degree look at every challenge and decision we’re facing and opinions from different, non-associated parties can help us do that. It’s advice we can all use, whether we’re considering a new knee, a new job, a new city, a new relationship. After all, “none of us is as smart as all of us.”

relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – 15 Chances to Turn an Enemy Into a Friend

Christa Avampato

Extra gum has an interesting saying on the inside of its packaging: “15 chances to turn an enemy into a friend.” On my way to the subway this morning I thought about that statement. Extra gum was clearly talk about its 15 sticks of gum. But are there 15 ways to turn an enemy into a friend? I can think of 6 – and that’s a start. Any you’d like to share?

1.) Do something nice for someone, even if they haven’t been so nice to you. It can be small. It can even be done anonymously. A thoughtful favor can sometimes turnaround a bad attitude.

2.) Consider what their lives must be like outside of the environment we’re used to seeing them in. Does that give us some greater insight and understanding about their behavior?

3.) Detach. It’s amazing how people stop misbehaving when no one is watching or no one seems to care.

4.) Lay it on the line. By disarming enemies with straight-forward honesty, we can disarm them.

5.) Think of something good about them. My friend, Kelly, is brilliant at this. No matter how much she may dislike someone, she’s always able to keep an open mind about them and is determined to learn something from them.

6.) Recognize that everyone comes into our lives for a reason.

Image above can be viewed at: https://christaavampato.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/enemies_love_.jpg?w=294

change, curiosity

My Year of Hopefulness – Why Settle for One Dimension When You Could Have Many?

Christa Avampato

I arrived home from Florida today tired and happy. There is a good deal of shifting about to take place in my life and that shifting is causing my usual high energy to run that much higher. So what to do with all this excessive energy? Clean my apartment. (A bit sunburned from my time in the Sunshine State, jogging out in the sunshine seemed like less than a good idea.)

As is my habit when cleaning my apartment, I put on the Food Network. There was some challenge called Last Cake Standing where each of the five competitors had to build their life story out of cake. Can you imagine a more fun assignment? If only I could bake…

One of the contestants built this gorgeous cake of decorative masks, forms that symbolized different hobbies she has and places she’s been. It was colorful and inventive, much more so than any of the other cakes. One of the judges criticized her for having too many disparate parts and not enough of a cohesive story. She’s being ridiculed for having too many interests? Too many dimensions to her personality? Too many interesting stories and way of spending her time?

This is a terrible message to be sending out into the world, and it’s one I’ve seen and heard much too often from far too many people. A lot of people are comfortable in one dimension. Maybe they don’t have the capacity or imagination or creativity for living life in many different directions. And if so, that’s fine, but don’t criticize people who want to explore every interest them have! Don’t punish people for being curious.

Here’s are some ideas for expanding your world if you’d like to break out of the same old same old:

1.) Find a new hobby. Meet-ups, Twitter, and your local bookstore are great places to look for ideas.

2.) Live life like a tourist for a weekend. Pick up a copy of a guide book to your city or a copy of the weekend edition of your paper, and see where it takes you.

3.) Take a weekend trip on an impulse.

4.) Volunteer – you’ll be inspired by the other people you work alongside.

5.) Start to learn a new language, and explore the cultures that use it

art, story

My Year of Hopefulness – Giving the visual arts its fair share of attention

Christa Avampato

If you want to learn about the importance of impact in visual messaging, consider this: the average amount of time a painter has to engage a potential purchaser of his work in a gallery is 15 seconds. That’s about how much time people spend looking at any one painting as they’re strolling through an art space. In 15 seconds, the artist who likely spent hours, days, or months creating a single piece of work must make that viewer think, laugh, cry, and wonder. 15 seconds to make an impression, or not. In other words, the painter must immediately elicit some type of strong emotion and curiosity or risk being passed by and forgotten.

In writing, we give authors a decent number of pages before we decide to continue or put down a book. We’ll watch a TV show for a few episodes, a play for at least the first act, a few songs on an album or at a live concert. Visual artists barely ever get a fair shake. And here’s why it’s even more tragic: our minds physically cannot take in every detail of a painting in 15 seconds. But it’s exactly those details that will make all the difference in our opinion of a piece of work. In 15 seconds, we aren’t giving the artists nor ourselves a fair shake and my guess is that we are missing a lot of beauty and a lot of joy through this self-imposed limitation.

For the sake of the art world, here’s my suggestion: slow down and open the mind. I’m guilty of museum fever. I have to get through as much as possible as quickly as possible just to say I’ve seen it. Bad idea. Very bad idea. I have a tough time recalling details of works if I take that approach. So on my last visit to the Met, I went more slowly and I did less. I went to see one small showcase, Raphael to Renoir, and then let myself just wander and enjoy whatever happened to catch my eye for about an hour. I spent that hour looking at a handful of works and I took the time to enjoy, appreciate, and question each one. It was the best visit I ever had to the Met.

The visual arts can be overwhelming but they don’t have to be. Take small steps, question why the artist chose specific colors, textures, or points of view. Read the back story on the work if it’s published alongside the work in a gallery or museum. Take time to consider all the choices that could have been made and why an artist specifically made the decisions to create the work that now stands before you. We’ll be better off for this exercise – we’ll learn how to see and appreciate more of the world around us – and visual artists will finally get a chance to inspire us at least as much as other artists.

The painting above, Blank Image, was painted by Kyle Waldrep and is on display at the School of Visual Arts on the UCF campus. Oil on canvas.

career, change, choices, family, friendship, movie, priorities

My Year of Hopefulness – 10 Items or Less

Christa Avampato

Phil Terry recommended the movie 10 Items or Less on his Facebook page. It is one of those exceptional indie films that slipped by me and I am glad Phil encouraged his friends to see it. In the movie, the two main characters discuss 10 items or less of things they love, hate, can’t do without, etc.

It’s a poignant and revealing premise. In a few short words, these lists can get at the heart of what’s really important to you. So here are my 3 lists of 10 items or less: things I love, things I need to do in my life, and impacts I’d like to have.

Things I love to do
Write
Develop new business ideas
Research
Read
Meet new people
Travel
Volunteer
Organize

Things I need to do in my life
Start my own business
Own the place where I live
Write and publish books
Fall in love for life
Travel a lot
Learn to play an instrument well

Impacts I’d like to have
Live an extraordinary life
Help other people live extraordinary lives
Help other people start their own businesses so they can be independent and create their own lives on their own terms
Further the cause of creativity and innovation

career, charity, community, community service, family, philanthropy, volunteer, women

My Year of Hopefulness – Women in Need

Christa Avampato

Yesterday I participated in an event at work as part of my women’s networking group. We provided workshops, some career coaching, and a healthy dose of encouragement to women who are in homeless shelters, unemployed, and who need a hand up in life. My networking group goes by the acronym WIN (Women’s Integration Network).

I had volunteered to have a 1-on-1 lunch with one of the women who were visiting our office for the day. I was paired up with a woman who had an 11 year old daughter. Married, both she and her husband have been unemployed for some time. No college education, with a goal of being a social worker. We were joined by another woman who didn’t have a lunch buddy. She had an 11 year old brother she was taking care of as well as a 1 year old daughter. She lives in a homeless shelter and began taking care of her brother after her mother had a nervous break-down. The father of her child is incarcerated, out of the picture. She hasn’t had work in a while either, citing affordable and hard-to-come-by childcare as a major obstacle. She wants to go to school to be a nurse. Both are 25 years old.

What was I going to say to these women? How could I relate? How could I even begin to understand how difficult it is for them to just get up out of bed in the morning?

And then one of the women, the one who wants to be a nurse, said to me “Your name tag – you’re from Women in Need.” (Women In Need is the community group they belong to that helps these women find jobs, get money for school, and provides emotional support.)

“No, I work here in this office building,” I replied.

“But your name tag says – WIN. That stands for Women in Need.”

“Oh! That’s also the acronym for our internal networking group here at this company. It stands for Women’s Integration Network.”

And with that simple revelation, I realized these women were not very different from me at all. My mom raised by sister, brother, and I on her own, no college education. We struggled with food and housing and health insurance. We had trouble keeping the lights and the heat on. Though that was many years ago, it’s still there in me. All of it. I remember being hungry and afraid and hopeless. I remember having dreams that seemed unlikely, foolish, and impossibly out of reach.

I told them about putting myself through school twice, about my mom, about the role of education in my life and the advantages it provided to me. I smiled and laughed and asked them about their kids and their daily lives. I listened to them talk about their frustrations and hopes. And all it took was time – that’s all it cost it me.

Through that lunch, I realized that there is a lot I can offer in these tough times, a lot of people I can help to live happier, healthier, more successful lives. And it doesn’t involve any kind of extraordinary act. All it takes is me sitting down with people who are down and out, and telling them about my life and how I made it better, how so many people helped me along the way.

It’s really just a way to pay forward all the blessings I have been fortunate enough to encounter. The people who helped me (my mom, my teachers, guidance counselors, some of my bosses, friends, authors, speakers, and the list goes on) were angels, and without them I am certain that I would have failed. This current recession provides us with an incredible opportunity to give and participate. It gives us a chance to repay the kindnesses we’ve witnessed.

business, career, change, friendship, work

My Year of Hopefulness – Be the Change

Christa Avampato

I went to the Metropolitan Opera with my friend, Allan. Prior to the show, we met at the B&N on 66th Street to grab some coffee and talk about a business project he’s working on. As I was standing in line, I saw a mug merchandised with that familiar saying by Gandhi “Be the Change You Wish to See in the World”. I’ve seen it a million times before on every conceivable piece of merchandise from coffee mugs to calendars to t-shirt to bumper stickers. It’s published so often that it’s almost become a cliche.

So how about we take that saying and use as a discussion starter for business? We use it so often when talking about social issues, politics, the general act of living and playing a part in our communities. Now put yourself in your boss’s shoes or your CEO’s shoes. What is that you’d like to see your company do or say or be? And can you take those ideas and either transform your workplace or start your own company around those principles?

Here are the changes I’d like to see in the (business) world and ones I can be:
1.) A constant champion for new ideas, the crazier the better
2.) An empathic listener of all stakeholders that have anything to do with my business
3.) A cheerleader for those I know who are too afraid, nervous, shy, or embarrassed to speak up for themselves
4.) A constant confidence booster
5.) Someone who cares, all day, everyday
6.) Someone who shuts down negativity, know-it-alls, hecklers, bullies, self-proclaimed “idea guys”, and other unsavory characters who kill innovation and creativity with their brash, loud-mouth personalities
7.) A connector, especially of those parties who seem disparate on the surface
8.) Committed, compassionate, concerned, open-minded who believes a discussion and a promise are far more important and useful than hours, day, and weeks spent building powerpoint slides and graphs made from colorful shapes
9.) Organized as a web rather than a pyramid

That’s not a bad list. And it’s not impossible to accomplish either. Best of all, business, companies, and stakeholders would be a lot better off if the world of commerce had these qualities in abundance.

government, human factors, justice, movie

My Year of Hopefulness – Harvey Milk

Christa Avampato

At 40 years old, Harvey Milk sat in a gray New York City cubicle at a large insurance company. He wasn’t proud of a single one of his accomplishments. Luckily for all of us, Harvey Milk was not content to live out his days in an unremarkable fashion. He rose up, and he took us with him.

In the remarkable portrayal of the first openly gay elected official in the U.S., Sean Penn brought the story of Harvey Milk to a new generation of people, just as the tide of activism, volunteerism, and interest in politics was taking hold again in this country. Harvey Milk stands as a shining example of possibility realized, of personal accountability and responsibility, of the power of a single individual to unite a group of people for a common cause.

Harvey Milk’s story is especially important now as we consider and re-consider laws and propositions whose central issue is decency and respect and dignity. Someone’s sexual orientation, gender, cultural heritage, religion, race, and socioeconomic status too often determines the course of someone’s life in our country. And it must stop.

I’ve heard people say that every generation has its own societal ill that becomes central to its history, shaping the lives of its members going forward. Ours is very basic, very easy to articulate. Once and for all, are we going to support the notion that all humans should be treated humanely, regardless of circumstance? Will we finally make the statement “all people are created (and therefore treated) equal” a reality? If so, then all of Harvey Milk’s efforts, and the efforts of millions like him, will have all been worthwhile.