I’m off to DC this weekend to celebrate the upcoming wedding of one of my dearest friends with a bridal shower and bachelorette party. It will be nice to get away from my screens and spend the vast majority of my time connecting in real-time in real-life. I hope this weekend holds the same for all of you. Get out there and enjoy some fresh air. Fall is almost here.
Beautiful: Love for Everybody
My niece, Aubree, has her own jam. Every day on the way to school, she asks my sister, Weez, to turn on the song “Everybody” by Ingrid Michaelson. Aubree’s only 3 and she already knows the secret to a happy life:
“Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved…Everybody heals with love. Just let the love, love, love begin.” And she also really likes the “oh, oh, oh…oh, oh, oh” part. Happy Friday – here’s to love!
Beautiful: I’m Glad I Lost Everything – 4 Years After My Apartment Building Fire
“What matters most is how you walk through the fire.” – Charles Bukowski
4 years ago today, my apartment building caught fire and I lost almost everything I owned. I got out of the building just in time. A few moments later and I might not be here writing this post to you today. On that day if someone told me I’d be grateful for that fire, I probably would have punched them in the nose. Now I know better.
I’m more grateful than ever for that experience. Through that healing process, I found out what I’m made of, and I found out what so many other people are made of, too. I emerged from the other side of that grief a far better person than I was before. It was difficult, and many times it was awful and painful. A big part of me wanted to give up on remaking my life. A small part of me refused to give in. I listened to that small voice. I fed it, and eventually it grew loud enough to drown out the doubt. And if knowledge is power then I’m more powerful now than I ever dreamed I could be.
It doesn’t matter what challenges we face. What matters is how bravely we face them. It doesn’t matter how much nor how little we have, but how much we do with anything we have.
Beautiful: Wait or Act? How to Decide.
“I like things to happen. And if they don’t happen, I like to make them happen.” – Winston Churchill
The most striking outcome of my time in California is my decreased tolerance for waiting unnecessarily. Some times, we need patience. We need to take a beat, a breath, a moment. A gathering storm needs to pass. We need to deal with a new emergency. But patience can be used like a crutch. We wait because it seems less scary than action.
So how can we tell if it’s time to wait or time to act? Remove ourselves from the decision. Imagine that a friend is asking for your advice on the exact situation you’re in. This friend is strong, capable, ambitious, and talented. She will succeed or learn trying. Should she act? Should she wait? That’s your answer.
Almost always I find my answer is to act. Try this experiment. Let me know how it goes.
Beautiful: Roll The Dice of Life Like a Dog
When I get out Phineas’s travel carrier, he never knows where we’re going. Sometimes, we get on a plane. Sometimes, we head for a car or the subway. We’ll go over to Brooklyn and visit two of our favorite friends, Amanda and Jordan. Sometimes, we’re going to the vet.
No matter. Without fail, Phin enthusiastically jumps around at the site of his carrier because he knows we’re going somewhere to do something out of the ordinary. He doesn’t need to know where he’s going; he’s just prepared to enjoy the ride. We, and by we I mean me, should live more like Phin.
Thanks to my friend, Alex, for this beautiful photo – and the reminder to enjoy every adventure.
Beautiful: Happy Labor Day, Sans Labor
“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. A day in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.” ~ Maya Angelou, Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now
I hope today is this kind of day away for all of you. It is for me. Happy Labor Day, sans labor.
Beautiful: Jack of All Trades, Master of One
“Be a jack of all trades, master of one. Be a specialist and a generalist.” ~ Calvin Soh, SXSW V2V
This piece of insight from SXSW V2V may have been the most helpful in terms of my own personal career. For a long time I’ve wrestled with a way to reconcile my vast number of interests with the desire to choose an expertise. During the recession and in its aftermath, I’ve seen specialists struggle to make ends meet. Personally, I’ve felt the stress of being pulled in many different directions by my passions and eagerness to learn new skills and information. Calvin helped me see that both are possible in the world that we live in. Being a generalist and a specialist isn’t weird; it’s necessary.
The secret is self-control and self-monitoring. The key question I have to ask when tackling something new is: how much knowledge do I need to connect the dots and make this new information useful? My former boss Bob G. used to say, “I want to know enough to be dangerous.” In other words, know enough to be articulate and ask the best questions of the experts. I don’t need a PhD in every subject that interests me. I just need to go as far as the fun of learning takes me. That is enough.
Beautiful: Give Life to Your Madness
Wrapping up a week in madness, I’ve reflected a lot on the ideas of creativity, transformation, and acceptance. Remaking ourselves and our lives takes courage. Some people may not understand what you’re doing or why or how. They might put us down in every way possible, and we might start to do the same to our own mad dreams. Don’t take your cue from them. Their words and actions, as much as they may hurt, have nothing to do with you. It is just an expression of them wrestling with their own demons and lost dreams that they didn’t follow. And the reasons for their choices don’t matter. They chose. Now you choose: Go down that road even though you know how it ends, and it doesn’t end well, or go in a new direction.
New directions can be frightening. We are leaving behind our history, our patterns, our expectations, and the impressions of others. Of course it’s mad to chart a new course. The old worn one is so much easier to travel. Be mad. I know it sounds so easy to say “let go”. No one tells us how painful that process can be. There’s a grieving, a mourning period. But on the other side of that grief, is light.
And here’s something else no one tells us: once we strike out on a new road, we don’t travel alone. Up ahead, just around the bend, there is someone new waiting, lots of someones waiting. They took off before we did in the same pursuit of something new and exciting, something that they feel passionately about. They are our new examples of how to be. We are both teacher and student, always. We learn and then we turn around and teach others through our example. That’s how it’s always been.
Yes, we’re here to take life by the horns, madness included, but we’re also here to give even more back. We’re here to be generous with our experience so that others may be encouraged and inspired to invest in their own mad dreams. That’s progress.
Beautiful: The Mad Path Is One of Possibility
“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy so I won’t say, do, try…’x’.” How many times have you said that to yourself? I hear that recording running in my mind all the time. And I’ve learned to acknowledge it, thank it for its counsel, and then let it go. We have to release that thought if we are to do anything original. Our value, and the value of work, is found in what’s not obvious, in connecting dots that have been disparate.
That’s the place to go – into the dark corners, into the places that others won’t go. And don’t be meek about it. Hold your head up high, confident, bold, brave, and daring. Attempt to go so far in the direction of your dreams that you merge with them. Your life is an expression of what matters most to you – who you spend your time with, where you go, the actions you take, the support, encouragement, and love that you provide to others.
Don’t be discouraged if others can’t see what you see. It’s not their fault. They don’t have your vision in their minds. You have to build it for them. You have to bring along those who are interested in your path bit by bit. The expression you wear on your face and the light you emit from just being who you are, living your very best day every day no matter what circumstances you face, is all the proof you need.
Beautiful: How to Stop Regret
“And the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.” ~ Ted Hughes
The hero’s journey is never a choice between two options, one wonderful and one awful. The hero’s journey is a choice between options that are all good. We have to decide where to spend our time if our time is limited, which it always is. We don’t know much of it we have. We have only now, right now, today. Ted Hughes gives us an excellent framework to evaluate the paths that lay before us. If we are to use our time wisely, the essential questions that we have to consider at the end of each day are:
1.) Today, did I do something bold?
2.) Today, did I wear my heart on my sleeve?
3.) Today, did I put love into everything I did?
Make today count. Answer yes to each question every day.
Christa Avampato 