“The wind that causes real change is the wind that consistently blows in the same direction.” ~ The I Ching
Distraction is everywhere. It’s easy to get sidetracked from the things we care about most because the world has a way of encroaching upon our to-do list. All of a sudden we find ourselves invested in things that don’t bring us joy and fulfillment. We go places and do things because we think we should, not because we want to.
I used to be guilty of this behavior more often than not. When I left my job in June, I also made an about-face in a number of other areas of my life. I only invest my time and energy when and where I can give my whole heart. Though this sounds easy, it was difficult to make these changes because a number of things had to come to an end. I let go of some relationships that sapped my energy. I withdrew from activities that felt more like obligations and less like joy.
Saying goodbye and breaking old patterns is not easy. During the times that I feel sad about these endings, I remember how much they’re needed. They create space for the people and activities that really matter. They give us an opportunity for something and someone new that better aligns with who we are.
If we consistently focus on generating more happiness and it will become easy to see what parts of our lives need fixing. Sometimes to get to the fun stuff, we have to go through the tough stuff first. It’s worth the effort.
“Being still does not mean don’t move. It means move in peace.” ~ E’yen A. Gardner
So often, especially in yoga, we think stillness means that we must not think or act. We are told that stillness is the gateway toward some sense of enlightenment and connectedness. Truthfully, we can never be fully still. Air will move through our lungs, blood will pump through our veins, and impulses will travel through our nervous system. We are beings of movement.
Stillness is steadiness. It helps us move with intention, purpose, and confidence. When we go somewhere, we go with our whole heart. And once we know the feeling of traveling and moving in this way, then we know that deep peace that no outside circumstance can disrupt.
In stillness, we show up in the world as an open vessel, allowing the energy and knowledge around us to pour into us. We are able to parse what matters and what doesn’t with efficiency, kindness, and the deep wisdom that we are connected to everyone and everything around us.
In stillness there is no separation between us and our environment. Instead, it all weaves together and we begin to find the ways in which we can affect its rhythm and path. Suddenly, as the world converges in stillness, we recognize just how great an impact we can have.
“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.” – Connie ten Boom, Dutch writer
People are worried about me. Some are afraid I am not making enough money. Some are sending me job descriptions just in case I’ve realized freelance work isn’t for me and I’d like to go back to working in a corporate office the way I was 3 months ago. I appreciate their concern and always answer these concerns the same way. I tell them I am just fine, not to allay their fears, but because I truly am fine. This is the life I wanted and it’s working.
Yesterday, I secured a wonderful contract through June 2013 with the Joan Ganz Cooney Center (JGCC) at Sesame Street to work on their National STEM Video Game Challenge. The JGCC is a digital media research lab within Sesame. (You can get more info on the program here – http://stemchallenge.org.) Pursuing my passion for tech that improves the world wouldn’t have been possible on this scale if I hadn’t taken a chance to go out on my own.
Yes, I still have to hustle. Yes, I am still working on lining up some additional assignments so that I can fully cover all of my expenses and not dig into my savings, but perhaps begin to add to those savings again. (If you can help on those fronts, I’m all ears!) I have all the tools I need to make this happen. I’ve been preparing for it all my life, and I know deep down that this is the path I want and need to take. I spent years acting on a plan to make this happen.
We can worry about tomorrow. We can let fear and anxiety stop us from doing just about everything. They are tough hurdles to clear, but if we are to ever doing anything extraordinary with our time, we have to go on in spite of fear. We have to gather our worries and burn them up to generate fuel for the work we are meant to do.
My friend, Blair, sent me this photo and I promptly printed it out to hang at my desk. Plans are important – they give us a guidepost and help us bolster our sense of determination. They help us to persevere. However, if we never give ourselves the flexibility to change and alter them, we run the risk of missing out on something wonderful.
Life has many twists and turns. We receive information and insight all the time, and those insights can bring about wonderfully unexpected and unplanned opportunities. The joys of life are often coupled with surprises and adventures we never saw coming. Don’t miss out on them; they arrive at our doorstep for a reason.
“Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~ Lao Tzu
We are programmed to think that what we have right now is not enough. We need things that are bigger, better, faster, shinier, newer. It keeps us striving.
I love striving. I love setting a goal and exceeding it. As I get older, I’m also learning to enjoy where I am right now. I see how much further I have to go. I see the mountain before me and I’m excited to scale it. But I don’t want to miss the glorious views along the way. I want to take it all in and be grateful, content in this moment that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
My friend Blair sent this to me and said “thought of you………. you ARE fire!” How right she is.
3 years ago today, I scrambled down 3 flights of stairs through blinding black smoke after a fire in my apartment building burned through 3 floors and was on its way into my kitchen. I was one person when I ran from the wreckage and another person when I emerged on the street. In an instant, my life and perspective was forever changed. I didn’t know that at the time but with the gift of 3 years of hindsight, I see how critical that fire was on my path.
It was the turning point. It was a new birthday. It gave me the courage to eventually make the Leap into a life of my own design.
When I quit my corporate job 2 months ago to craft my own career through Chasing Down the Muse, I really quit being afraid. In that instant, I became the person that fire made me become. Heat is a tool of transformation, and in a very visceral way, that fire was a spiritual kiln for my soul. It left an indelible mark on me and I am grateful for it.
In the past 2 months, many people have asked me how they could do the same thing. Here’s my 1 simple piece of advice to everyone who wants to take a Leap of any kind: dig down, way down deep to your core, and ask yourself what happens if everything falls away tomorrow. Is where you are where you hoped to be once this game was all over. If tomorrow the book of your life has the two words “The End”, has it been a ride you’re happy with?
I faced this very grim possibility 3 years ago and my answer was a resounding “No”. I knew something had to change; I knew a lot of somethings had to change and that it would take time. I had to get going. I needed to create a new direction.
I thought I was scrambling down 3 flights of stairs but what I was really doing was crawling through the window of possibility toward my very best self. In that moment, my Leap was set in motion. To quote Sondheim, “that’s where I began being what I can.”
“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.” ~ Edgar Degas
I believe in the deep healing of art. I didn’t always believe that. I knew it was healing for me but for a long time I thought my work in the arts was frivolous, self-indulgent, and a waste of time. How time changes and teaches us!
In the 8 years since I left professional theatre management, I have not missed it. The impossibly long hours, the stress and pressure, the constant hustle. Even when you have a job in that business, you’re always looking for work because a gig is gone in the blink of an eye. But I miss it now, in a very deep and passionate way.
More and more, I have thought about trying my hand at it again now that I have a bit more business experience under my belt and a few more lines of time around my eyes. This time I won’t be creating the environment for art for my own sake, but for the sake of others.
I am by nature an efficiency hound. I hate wasting time, I love to be productive, and I feel an outsized sense of pride as I check off items on my to-do list. Yoga and meditation have taught me a subtle truth about efficiency that I didn’t know for a long time: sometimes what looks inefficient in the short-term is the most efficient thing to do in the name of long-term productivity.
At the suggestion of Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writers, I started reading God’s Hotel: A Doctor, A Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart of Medicine. The book chronicles the 20+ year career of Dr. Victoria Sweet at Laguna Honda Hospital in San Francisco, the last almshouse in the country. Low-tech and human-paced the work of Laguna Honda is a far cry from any hospital I’ve ever been to or read about. Early on in the book, Dr. Sweet gives samples of surface inefficiencies that proved to be tremendously helpful when viewed with the gift of time.
There was a nurse who dedicated a good chunk of her work time to hand-knitting blankets for each patient. Efficiency consultants were aghast and put a stop to it. However, those blankets were tangible symbols of how personally vested the entire staff at the hospital was to all patients. It let the patients, many of whom were so ill that no other hospital would admit them, and their family members know how much care and attention was being paid to their health.
Another example of inefficiency was the process of giving Christmas gifts. Collected and wrapped every year, the nursing staff would dole out the gifts randomly and then a day of festive trading between the patients would ensue. It made for a lively atmosphere with plenty of interaction throughout the entire hospital community. Again, the efficiency consultants saw all of this festivity as a terrible waste.
Rather than collect random gifts and wrap them up without any indication of what was inside, the nurses were instructed to ask each patient what they wanted, including size and color, and then that is exactly the gift they would receive. Though the gifts were still lovely, the loss of the trading process deflated the celebration. Christmas at Laguna Honda lost its sparkle when it lost the activity of swapping. And with the loss of celebration, they lost some of the spirit of deep, true healing.
These examples made me think about the efficiency of my own life – my to-do list, the structure of my days, and my constant pursuit of more productivity in less time. These things have their purpose and they’ve served me well but perhaps there’s a bit more wiggle room than I typically allow.
Maybe it’s okay to spend part of my afternoon at a museum today rather than spending that time on business development. Going to the museum probably won’t yield a client contract, but what it may give me in terms of inspiration may be just what the doctor would order and exactly what I need to be at my best tomorrow.
This photo was taken by my yoga teacher, Arturo Peal
“It may be that when we no longer know which way to go that we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.” ~ Wendell Berry
It feels good to have direction, to feel confident in the decisions that lie in our past, the choices of our present, and the road of our future.
But what about the fork in the road? We stare for a long time down the path to the left, then pivot to stare an equally long time down the path to the right, and don’t know which to choose. We are keenly aware that with a single step, we are changing our future. We don’t know how it will unfold, but we know that there is no going back. With certain decisions, there’s no way to retrace our steps and make another choice. Things will be forever different.
When the going gets tough, we find that in that moment we actually get going. The Hero’s (or Heroine’s) Journey lies not in choosing between good options and bad options but good options and equally good options. That choice will allow us to clearly see our own priorities. We will finally know what’s most important to us, and very often it will surprise us and those around us.
Surprise and realization keep life interesting. They keep us engaged. They keep us growing and evolving. Confusion is a good sign that we are getting down to the real work of life – to decide what truly matters and why.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~ Carl Rogers
Are you thinking of quitting? Throwing in the towel on a dream you’ve worked hard to actualize? Great. You’re exactly where you need to be. You’re just about to have a break through.
Be a softie
There’s a lot of praise for people who persevere, who never show weakness, who remain tough and steadfast in the face of every obstacle. If we constantly put on a brave face, we miss out on an enormously valuable human experience. If we never break down, we never find out what we’re really made of. If we never fall, we never build the strength to get back up and try again. And that muscle of determination is hard-won and invaluable.
You have to give up to move ahead
I’m always inspired by the number of famous breakthroughs that have happened after a nap. In sleep, we surrender the conscious wielding of the mind. We literally let our imaginations run wild, no more barriers, no more little voice that says “oh that’s ridiculous.” In sleep, all possibilities are on the table. If anything is possible in sleep, then it’s no wonder that it’s the perfect breeding ground for breakthroughs.
Carl Rogers’ famous quote about change holds true in the land of imagination as much as it does in every day living. When we accept that we may not be able to crack a challenge that we’ve wrestled with for a long time, then the answer rises up. And that answer is usually so startlingly simple that we often berate ourselves for not seeing it sooner.
But here’s the rub: as we’re pursuing the answer, it’s also pursuing us. Challenges want to be met. Puzzles want to be solved. If we don’t stop, drop, and listen, then we risk chasing one another around forever. So if you’ve given it your all and tried to chase after an answer to no avail, go ahead and give up for a while. Get quiet. Let it go and let inspiration knock on the door when it’s good and ready. That way you’ll be rested enough to welcome it when it arrives.
Christa Avampato 