Category: success

success, work

Beautiful: Be Your Own Champion

Christa Avampato

e41933d7b503e2a2cc784c583e68a214“You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~ Lucille Ball

You said it, Lucy. You have to be your own best advocate. Every. Single. Day. There is no end to the number of people who will tell you that you can’t do something. They’re also fond of telling you what you should do and how much you should make to do the things they want you to do. I experience it as a freelancer every day. And every day I need to reiterate my boundaries, to myself and others. Then I need to enforce them, constantly.

I make the lion’s share of my income advising nonprofit organizations and then executing my advice in the form of programs, content, fundraising strategies, and marketing campaigns. I never intended to be a consultant but in this first phase of life in the freelance wild west, that’s how the chips have fallen. What I need to do to move into the next phase is be my own best consultant, coach, and fan. I need to look at my goals, look at my actions, formulate any and all needed adjustments, take my own advice, and go for it. Whatever “it” is.

It’s a tough job to be your own biggest fan. It’s even harder to be your own counsel but there’s no one better for the job.

creativity, failure, success

Beautiful: You Failed. Now What?

Christa Avampato

e41469c12649a4ba75dff65bd595e8fc“Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.” ~ Zig Ziglar

There is a lot of talk about failure. Fail fast, fail often is the creed of many an entrepreneur and innovator. But what do you do about failure? How do you move on after it and what do you do with the experience of failure? Here’s a short list of how I’ve processed my (many!) failures and created something valuable from them.

1.) I learned what not to do. We hear this kind of advice all of the time when we have a terrible boss (and sadly, we’ve all had terrible bosses.) They didn’t teach us what to do but they sure as heck taught us what not to do. This is true of failure as well. We experiment with different ideas, crossing off what doesn’t work in an effort to find what does work. Finding success is largely a process of eliminating ideas that don’t work.

2.) I figured out how to build a team. I never want to be the smartest person in the room. Ever. I want everyone else to be heads and shoulders above me with completely different skill sets and interests that complement mine. I build my teams the same way. The collaborative process of a team is one in which every member contributes something unique so that everyone maximizes their learning opportunity.

3.) Know when to press on in the face of adversity and when to quit. Kenny Rogers may have been talking about gambling but his line “you gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, and know when to run” is as true in the business as it is in poker. Failure taught me when to cut my losses and stop throwing good money, time, effort, and attention, after bad. It also taught me when to tough it out and get through hard times for the sake of the success that lies just beyond the difficulties.

There is no playbook for managing failure. It is a process of trial, error, and trial again. We all learn it the same way. We can take advice from others, but ultimately we are the captains of our own ships. We have to steer our own course, and many times that means taking failure and success in stride in equal amounts. Don’t let failure paralyze you. Don’t let it keep you from trying again. Also, don’t waste it. It’s an incredible teacher if we are willing to look at it objectively and use it as fuel to move forward.

choices, decision-making, success

Beautiful: Creating Life Goals? Make Sweatpants Sexy and Other Possibilities.

Christa Avampato

486951778429362564_rBsUPZ0j_bAmen! And why shouldn’t this be the way that life unfolds?

Here’s my proposal: break out those yoga pants and wear them out to dinner because they ARE sexy, vow to make Mondays fun because every day is a gift, eat junk food and exercise in equal amounts, cut the drama, be clear about what you want, and stay in touch with people who matter.

Sounds like a recipe for a good life, right? Go live it!

determination, passion, success, work, writing, yoga

Beautiful: How to Be Successful

Christa Avampato

20700_446525692062402_1595450150_n“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, and every part of your body be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.” ~ Swami Vivekananda

Above anything, success requires dedication. You must give you heart, body, and soul over to it. It’s the drumbeat that never stops ringing in your ears. The masterpiece that is never quite finished by your hand. You have to care so much that you are willing to tinker with it over and over and over again.  And for its own sake, you let others play a part in it to share its goodness. It’s bigger than you.

My passion projects – writing, Compass Yoga, fundraising for good causes – are never far from my mind. And they never feel burdensome. They never feel like work. They’re more an elixir, a balm that makes all the rough patches of life a little easier to bear. They do more than sustain me; they raise me up.

This feeling is all the success I’ll ever need.

creative process, creativity, determination, dreams, failure, imagination, success, time

Leap: Why It’s a Good Thing to Feel Like You Want to Give Up

Christa Avampato
All isn’t lost. You just need a break.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~ Carl Rogers

Are you thinking of quitting? Throwing in the towel on a dream you’ve worked hard to actualize? Great. You’re exactly where you need to be. You’re just about to have a break through.

Be a softie
There’s a lot of praise for people who persevere, who never show weakness, who remain tough and steadfast in the face of every obstacle. If we constantly put on a brave face, we miss out on an enormously valuable human experience. If we never break down, we never find out what we’re really made of. If we never fall, we never build the strength to get back up and try again. And that muscle of determination is hard-won and invaluable.

You have to give up to move ahead
I’m always inspired by the number of famous breakthroughs that have happened after a nap. In sleep, we surrender the conscious wielding of the mind. We literally let our imaginations run wild, no more barriers, no more little voice that says “oh that’s ridiculous.” In sleep, all possibilities are on the table. If anything is possible in sleep, then it’s no wonder that it’s the perfect breeding ground for breakthroughs.

Carl Rogers’ famous quote about change holds true in the land of imagination as much as it does in every day living. When we accept that we may not be able to crack a challenge that we’ve wrestled with for a long time, then the answer rises up. And that answer is usually so startlingly simple that we often berate ourselves for not seeing it sooner.

But here’s the rub: as we’re pursuing the answer, it’s also pursuing us. Challenges want to be met. Puzzles want to be solved. If we don’t stop, drop, and listen, then we risk chasing one another around forever. So if you’ve given it your all and tried to chase after an answer to no avail, go ahead and give up for a while. Get quiet. Let it go and let inspiration knock on the door when it’s good and ready. That way you’ll be rested enough to welcome it when it arrives.

personality, success, SXSW

Leap: My Introvert Confessional

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest member http://pinterest.com/tia_firefly/

In our culture, snails are not considered valiant animals — we are constantly exhorting people to “come out of their shells” — but there’s a lot to be said for taking your home with you wherever you go.” ~ Susan Cain

There’s a big to-do going on in the media about having a solo life. Though I love people, I appreciate the solitude, peace, and balance of my independence. In all this reading about the virtues of flying solo, I also happened upon quite a bit of reading about introverts, a group of people I never thought of as my people. Until now.

I have a strong introvert side.

I’m learning is that it’s not the loud, crazy party I crave, but the times I spend with a few people whom I’m close to that mean the most to me. It take a tremendous amount of energy for me to get out there and be a joiner. I do it, but in my own way. I like to ease my way in, choosing my interactions wisely and my general MO is to find a person or two in a crowded room who seem friendly and approachable. Barging my way into a group to be the life of the party just isn’t my style. I always felt a bit badly about that until I recognized the power that a thoughtful, well-tended connection can create.

SXSW 2011 was no exception. This is exactly how I proceeded through the crowd that numbered over 20,000 people. I found my way one person at a time, and in the process met so many people who I’m thrilled to see again this year. I could have gone against my nature and tried to be the extreme extrovert that many festivals like this ask you to be. SXSW made it possible for me to proceed at my own pace, in my own time. Despite all the fanfare around the big parties, there’s a way to personally connect and interact with others around every corner.

On the surface this might sound surprising since the interactive festival is all about technology. On the New York City subway, people into technology are the ones so consumed by their devices that they forget how to act like human beings. At SXSW, it’s different. We love technology. We’re mildly obsessed with it, but mostly as a means to an end, to make a human contact. Here, there’s a way to carve our own path. All we need is the willingness to try.

Introverts welcomed.

art, creativity, dreams, success

Leap: Success Defined by Ricky Gervais, Bob Dylan, and Emily Dickinson

Christa Avampato
Ricky Gervais - Bob Dylan's definition of success

“A Man can consider himself a success if he wakes up in the morning, goes to bed at night, and in-between did exactly what he wanted.” ~ Bob Dylan

“Forever is composed of nows.” ~ Emily Dickinson

Why do we delay?

We wait for more money, more time, more experience, for permission from others. Maybe someday, we say, we will do what we really want to do. Somewhere Bob Dylan is shaking his head at this idea.

Ricky Gervais is hosting the Golden Globes tonight and in a recent interview he quoted Bob Dylan when someone asked him about his definition of success. Ricky Gervais is a man who always does what he wants to do, and by Dylan’s definition, he’s found success. I agree.

A lifetime is made of tiny snapshots, brief moments. Our forever is now in progress; it is always in progress. We have to be smart about our time. We plan and take a step forward, and then another and another. Incremental, intelligent, meaningful. And while sometimes slow and sometimes a mad dash, progress is always possible. Emily Dickinson was right – it all adds up.

Figure out your endgame and then back into what actions will make it possible, bit by bit.

economy, politics, Steve Jobs, success, Thomas Friedman

Beginning: The Secret to Everyone’s Success, a la Thomas Friedman and Steve Jobs

Christa Avampato

“The melancholy over Steve Jobs’s passing is about the loss of someone who personified so many of the leadership traits we know are missing from our national politics…He did not read the polls but changed the polls by giving people what he was certain they wanted and needed before they knew it; he was someone who was ready to pursue his vision in the face of long odds over multiple years; and, most of all, he was someone who earned the respect of his colleagues, not by going easy on them but by constantly pushing them out of their comfort zones and, in the process, inspiring ordinary people to do extraordinary things…There isn’t a single national politician today whom you would describe by those attributes.” ~ Thomas L. Friedman

This quote is excerpted from Tom Friedman’s immaculate weekly column in The New York Times. He has been perhaps the lone voice in our current policy debate who has been able not only to articulate our problems with laser beam accuracy, but to also formulate a plan of how to dig ourselves out. Friedman has been highly critical of both sides of the aisle – he’s not running for office, he’s not trying to make friends, and he’s not trying to support anyone’s agenda. He’s on our side – the side of people who are willing to buckle down and turn our economy around through our own volition. He’s giving a savvy and brutally honest voice to our concerns and worries, and also giving us a ray of hope that there actually is a way for ordinary folks to put our nation back on track toward a future that’s better than our present.

In the article he goes on to say that while it’s very easy to get caught up in what is being said – by Occupy Wall Street, politicians, and armchair pundits, “sometimes the news is also in the silence. “ What does that silence mean for us and for our communities, and for the many people who will come along after us? We need to put our own egos aside and consider what we’re leaving for them. My experience has been that the more frustrated people are, the more they shut down. Frustration leads too often to a feeling of power lost, and once someone feels completely depleted of power they have two choices: crawl into a corner or lash out.

Though I strongly disagree with the methods of Occupy Wall Street, I do understand their underlying emotional motivation. They are frustrated and feel like there isn’t anyone in policy listening to those concerns. Rather than slink off, they found others who have many of the same feelings. They have banded together in the hopes that their combined voices will be loud enough to stir change.

What they need to do now, what we all need to do, is what Jobs did so well – he didn’t like the future as it was so he invented his own and won people over to his way of seeing. As The Onion’s obituary of Steve Jobs so eloquently, if painfully, stated, “he was able to sit down, think clearly, and execute his ideas.” That was his secret and his legacy. It’s a blueprint we can all follow.

generosity, patience, story, success

Beginning: A Lesson on Generosity, Patience, and Building Our Own Road, Courtesy of a Grasshopper and a Snail

Christa Avampato

“AH gaining yet MORE wisdom grasshopper!!” ~ My friend, Anne, on one of my posts

When Anne left this note on my Facebook page, I had no idea what she was talking about so I Googled it and found the fable of the grasshopper and the snail. I highly recommend reading the story in its entirety here. Here’s the condensed version:

“A challenge
A snail with a lot of supporting friends challenges a grasshopper to a race. The grasshopper considers not accepting the challenge since it’s obvious that he will beat the snail and he’s worried that he will make the snail feel badly. However, after enough negative prodding by the snail’s friends, the grasshopper accepts.

A realization
The race starts and rather than crushing the snail with his speed, the grasshopper spends a lot of time thinking about his life as the snail creeps along at a very slow, steady space. After all of his thinking, the grasshopper decided to let the snail win. All the animals cheered for the snail and looked down on the grasshopper as a slow poke, never challenging the grasshopper to another race again. No one appreciated the grasshopper’s generosity toward the snail. At first the grasshopper was very depressed that all the animals made fun of him but later he began to appreciate the chance to enjoy his life without any pressure from constant challenges to race. He could choose how to spend his time and make his own decisions in his own time. For the first time in his life, he felt truly free to decide how to spend his days.

A fork in the road, literally and figuratively
After his win, the snail becomes so cocky that he accepts a challenge from a lightning bug to cross the road. Upon hearing this, the grasshopper gets very upset because he worries the snail will get killed trying to cross the road at his slow pace.To protect the snail from this terrible idea, he decides to race the snail across the road, determined to beat him so quickly that the snail will turn away from the road and go home. The snail smugly accepts, convinced he will beat the grasshopper again.

A second chance
The day of the rematch, the snail starts to creep across the road at his usual slow pace. The grasshopper waits patiently for a safe time to leap across the road in one action. The snail makes fun of his patience, until the grasshopper finally sees his opening and makes the leap to the other side of the road. The snail, shocked and embarrassed, turns around after barely getting his start and never leaves his home again. The grasshopper, knowing the dangers of crossing the road, stays on his new side of the road and lives out his days as a great teacher of patience, generosity, and modesty.”

I was completely confused by this story when I first read it. “Slow and steady wins the race” – I understand that lesson. “Don’t be cocky about successes” – yep, that makes sense, too. But what was Anne saying by casting me as the grasshopper here? What could I possibly have in common with this guy?

I’ve known Anne for a long time. She’s bailed me out of tough situations, and more than once she’s given me a one liner that has snapped me back to reality after I’ve gotten too caught up in my own story. This is another one of those times.

For a time now, I have enjoyed being under the radar in a few different areas of my life. I’ve been waiting and watching patiently, stringing together different learnings and experiences, before I make the leap to go off on my own and create an unconventional career that breaks from tradition and what I “should” do. I feel fine with following rules as long as I’m the one who makes them and decides when to break them. And I do feel like my gift lies in teaching based upon my own experiences, positive and harrowing alike.

Anne was right, as always. I’m more like the grasshopper than I realized. It’s funny how sometimes we can look right into a mirror and not recognize our own reflection. It takes another passerby to connect the dots and awaken us to ourselves.

patience, success, yoga

Let’s Begin: Building a Practice Takes Patience

Christa Avampato

This post is available as a podcast on Cinch.

“It takes twenty years to become an overnight success.” ~ Eddie Cantor

“All of the effort you’ve put in could be wasted by giving up just a moment too soon.” ~ Seth Simonds

On Friday I met with Brian after a few weeks off due to the holidays. I told him about starting my own weekly yoga classes on January 30th and asked him how he managed having an independent counseling and coaching practice. Brian spent many years working for other people and eventually had a job that encouraged him to step out on his own. His business has grown by word-of-mouth to the point that he can’t take any more clients now. His calendar is full.

Brian is thrilled that I’ve chosen to try to make a-go of Compass Yoga on my own. This is exactly the type of new beginning that he and I have been working toward in my coaching – the confidence to help me realize that going my own way is the best path for me. It’s the path I was meant for, where I can give the very best of myself, where I can do the most good. And his most important piece of advice on this path: “Have patience. It takes time. Don’t give up.”

Patience is a hard one for me. I want to get where I want to be now – I’m the box in the middle of the cartoon above. So the quote above by Eddie Cantor helped. In our society, we witness an enormous number of overnight success stories thanks to YouTube and a variety of televised talent shows, or at least that’s how they’re portrayed. Dig a little deeper and we find that any lasting overnight success really was preceded by many, many years of very hard work that wasn’t always recognized or appreciated. They persevered because they got energy from the journey. Even if success never comes, they still feel fulfilled because they provided something of real value. Success is just the by-product of doing what they were meant to do, of the help they were able to provide.

When I keep that idea in mind, the fear of going my own way subsides a bit, or at least long enough to help me get through the next step of setting up my class. And when the fear finds me again, I remember to breath, and smile, and keep moving. For more information my group yoga classes starting at 6pm on January 30th, check out the Meetup page for the class.

How do you grapple with fear when you’re working on something that you care about? How do you keep going in spite of the fear?

This blog is part of the 2011 WordPress Post Every Day Challenge.