Category: kindness

kindness, relationships

This just in: Being kind even when it’s not deserved

Christa Avampato
Image by Branden Harvey
Image by Branden Harvey

“What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.” ~ George Saunders, Syracuse University commencement speech

The other day someone did something very unkind to me. It was a selfish, self-centered, and rude thing. And no matter how much I tried to express that his actions hurt me, he didn’t relent. He barely apologized, and even that was only after I pointed out that he hadn’t. (There’s nothing worse than apology that you have to ask for.)

Eventually I did the most remarkable thing, a thing that surprised me because I wasn’t so sure I was capable of it in this instance. I forgave him. Not in the sense of forgiving and forgetting. I’m blessed (cursed?) with a memory that doesn’t fade. Ever. But I let go of the anger I felt toward him. The hurt. The impulse to give him a piece of my mind, tell him just how I felt, and hurt him in the same way that he hurt me. I just stopped.

There is something freeing about letting go of these kinds of emotions and the person who incited them in us. All of sudden there is a wellspring of energy, love, and kindness that can be used for something (and someone else) better and more productive. I don’t condone his behavior and I don’t allow myself to be hurt in any way by him anymore. Complete and total disengagement gave me a way to take care of myself without causing harm to him.

George Saunders commencement speech really helped me see that this was the right path in this instance. Many people may disagree with this idea. They may consider this letting go without giving someone exactly what he deserved as a sign of weakness. I don’t. When we inflict pain of any kind on someone else, we are also harming ourselves and often at a far higher cost. That’s not a cost I am willing to pay, and it is a cost that I am certain that this person bears already. His life is lonely. He is unhappy, and that is punishment enough for anyone. I actually feel sorry for him though I also understand that his unhappiness is a choice that he made. It takes strength to walk away without retaliation of any kind. And honestly, I’ve got much better, brighter, happier ways to spend my energy. I’ve got work, good work, to do and good people in my life. That’s where and with whom I intend to put my efforts.

choices, happiness, kindness

This just in: Be kind to you

Christa Avampato
Like yourself
Like yourself

“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.” ~ public transit poster

This is a short week for me because of the holiday so on Friday I’m giving myself a day of intensive self-care: my first ever acupuncture treatment, a new haircut, a delicious lunch, and some time going to a museum or an indie film at my favorite movie theater in D.C. The best way to give your best to others is to take care of yourself. Be a rebel; like yourself.

Christmas, kindness

Beautiful: On the Fourth Day of Christmas, Let There Be More Kindness

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

Let’s make kindness the new black. It takes more energy and effort to be unkind than it takes to be kind, and the rewards and benefits of kindness are so rich. They’re contagious, too. When we’re kind to ourselves, we have the capacity to be kind to others. This creates a ripple effect so that your kindness extends from your acts into the acts of others, and others, and others. There are chain reactions of kindness happening right now, all around us. It’s the one gift that keeps on giving, and it costs nothing. Smile at someone. Compliment them. Hold the door open. Say please and thank you and you’re welcome. And mean it. That’s all it takes, and it gives so much.

This post is part of the “Let there be…” consecutive series of Christmas wishes. 

kindness

Beautiful: Kindness Makes a Comeback

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

Have you noticed that the world is getting kinder? That it’s making criminals out of meanies? That people clamor to be a part of something good? Between the appreciation for veterans, massive outpouring of love for Batkid, and limelight shed on bullying in pro and college sports teams, this week alone is proving to be a triumph for niceness, appreciation, and courage in the face of difficult circumstances. For too long kindness has been underrated. We have awful sayings like “nice guys / gals finish last” and “sticks and stones…” I’m glad that we’re turning the tide, that nice is getting the press it deserves. Let’s create a world where nice people finish first every time and where name calling isn’t tolerated under any circumstances. That’s the world I’m excited to build. Are you in?

business, kindness, success, work

Beautiful: The Only 7 Words You Need to Be Successful

Christa Avampato

There is no better business plan, no better company culture, and no better personal mantra than this. Live it, share it, and inspire it in others.

2Jessica

community, karma, kindness, time

Beautiful: It’s Time to Do Your Bit of Goodness

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ~ Desmond Tutu

You’re a kind and generous person. You have empathy and compassion and you want to make it all better for everyone everywhere. It’s noble, but also a path to paralysis.

We can be overwhelmed by all of the people in the world who need what we have to offer and what we’re willing to give. We often feel like the problems we face as a society are so large that we can’t fix them. And so we wait. We stall. We hope that one day we’ll wake up with that one brilliant idea that will let us have the degree of impact we want to have.

Whenever I feel like this, and it’s more often than I’d like it to be, I remind myself of this quote by Mr. Tutu.

Today we will not fix the whole world. Tomorrow we probably won’t do that either. But today, right now, there is something we can do. Something small, right where we are. We have to remind ourselves of the ripple effect – that beautiful phenomenon that causes the kindness of one person to become contagious and inspire kind acts of others.

We also have to remember that one small good act is not any better than any other. What you do for one person right now is as valuable as what you do for 100, 1,000, or 1,000,000 people because to that one person it might just mean everything. It might just turn their day around, their life around, and there are so many people who will benefit from that, most of whom we will never know and never meet.

What you can do is enough. The important thing is that you do it. Let the Universe worry about how your goodness ripples through the world. You just make sure that the goodness exists.

grateful, gratitude, kindness, thankful

Beautiful: The Best Way to Say Thank You is to Share What You Have

Christa Avampato

fabc9fa30d6a4ae0026940317887819d“How do you say “thank you” for sunshine or health…for clear days or gentle rains…for happiness, joy or love? You say it by sharing what you have. You say it by making the world a better place in which to live.” ~ Thomas D. Willhite

Sure you could say thank you a thousand times over. I recommend it. People need to know that they are appreciated. They need to hear thank you much more often than they do. If someone does something nice for you and you don’t acknowledge that kindness with a “thank you”, then you’re essentially flipping them off, but worse – you’re flipping them off with a passive aggressive air of nonchalance. It’s as if you would flip them off, if only it were worth the time. Ick. Say thank you – loud, proud, and often.

“Thank you” is a lovely sentiment. Simple, direct, and classy. And there’s something even better. Say thank you and then turn around and pay it forward. Sure you could turn around in the line in Starbucks and pay for your neighbors expensive caffeinated beverage. You could also extend your kindness to everyone you meet. For a day, just make it a point to smile, say thank you, look everyone in the eye, and mean it. It’s that simple. And it’s so powerful.

At the end of most of my yoga classes, I let students know that it’s my honor to be there with them, that the light that is in me honors the light that is in each one of them. And that isn’t just some gratuitous sentiment. I mean it. I feel it. I want each one of them to know that. They matter and I’m glad that I had the chance to spend some time with them. I hope the classes are helpful to them. They certainly are for me.

Life is all about exchange. Everyone shows up with what they have. It’s a mental pot luck and everyone’s invited. Share what you have and rest assured that it is enough.

happiness, kindness, New York City, patience

Leap: Small Opportunities to Make a Difference

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Sometimes the little opportunities that fly at us each day can have the biggest impact.” ~ Danny Wallace

In a time when emotions are running high, I’ve found myself compelled to be more patient. When I’m on the subway with people who are pushing and losing their temper because of the intense crowding and delays, I am driven to be more tolerant, to smile more, to give others the right of way even when it’s my turn.

So often we think we must do something big to really make a difference. We have to start a company or organization, make a huge donation, or broadcast our message through a megaphone of some form. During this odd time in New York City as we are reminded of the power of nature and the incredible gift of neighbors helping neighbors, I am learning about the immense value of small, everyday kindnesses that we can all give and receive.

They give us a sense of belonging. They cause us to pay it forward, igniting a chain reaction of compassion and courtesy. It’s in these small moments that we recognize just how connected we all are. And it’s a really beautiful thing to understand.

kindness

Leap: Kindness Multiplies

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.” ~ Amelia Earhart

Kindness has the ability to change hearts. And once you change someone’s heart, you can begin to change someone’s mind.

They will open up in beautiful and unexpected ways. They will begin to feel empowered and support the dreams and hopes of others. They will see that despite all of the tough circumstances in the world, there is light. No matter how difficult today is, someone with a kind heart will always work to make tomorrow better.

calm, commitment, community service, kindness, time

Leap: The Dalai Lama’s Rules of the Road

Christa Avampato

I need to post this up in my apartment, particularly as I begin this new chapter of my life that involves great risk in an effort to achieve a life of my own design. Words to live by.

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: -Respect for self -Respect for others -Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you have made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you have never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.