Category: growth

death, growth, Life

This just in: The beauty of breaking down and building up

Christa Avampato
How long a seed must rot to grow

“Dead men are wisest, for they know
How far the roots of flowers go,
How long a seed must rot to grow.”

~ The Wise by Countee Cullen

There’s something to be said for everything falling apart, for not being able to hold something together no matter how much we try. We see it as failure, sadness, and loss. And if we can hang in there through the falling down, we find that on the other side of every kind of death—a dream, a relationship, a drastic change, and even the big death with a capital “D”—is a newness. Perhaps uncomfortable and maybe unwanted, but certainly a birth, a new way of being. Losing something we love, anything we love, is difficult and often painful. As someone who has lived through many deaths of every variety, I promise you there is life on the other side. Much to my surprise, that new life has always been better than the one that came before. Even the sad ones, even the ones I prayed would never happen. I grew from each one of those changes. I learned. I became a better person. More grateful, more aware. And that’s really the point of it all, isn’t it?

fear, growth, strengths

Inspired: Difficulty fuels growth

Christa Avampato

All clay needs a kiln to be made useful. Disappointment, fear, anger, sadness. That’s your kiln. Don’t think of them as forces that work against you but forces that polish you, that make you brighter, more resilient, and brilliant. Trial by fire shows us what we’re made of. It makes us empathic and compassionate and kind. Soldier on and let it do its work while you do yours.

goals, growth, learning

Inspired: Make growth your goal

Christa Avampato

From PinterestYour only job is to grow. From good and bad experiences. Triumphs and failures. Glorious surprises and grave disappointments. As long as you learn, no effort is ever wasted and in the end, you always come out ahead as a stronger, braver, wiser you.

forgiveness, free, future, growth

Leap: We All Need Forgiveness

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

“There is a hard law. When an injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” ~ Alan Paton

Forgiveness is the hardest task before us and yet it is the most necessary. We can’t grow or learn without it. We can’t put our best selves out into the world without it. Forgiveness is the key to fulfilling our potential.

A long time ago, I had a boss who taught me a truth about the act of forgiveness that still lives at the forefront of my mind. One of the people on our team had been very rude to him in front of a large group of people. I was furious with the team member’s behavior. My boss was clearly hurt and embarrassed and I felt the team member had been cruel, insensitive, and ungrateful for the efforts my boss put into his job.

A couple of days later this same team member came into our office. I almost threw him out but he was there to see my boss so I held my tongue. The team member quietly said how sorry he was for his behavior. My first thought was “well maybe you should state that publicly just like you did your rude comments.” My boss graciously accepted his apology and the entire exchange was over in about 30 seconds.

“That’s it?” I asked my boss once the team member left. “You’re letting him off the hook with a barely audible ‘I’m sorry’?”

“Yep,” said my boss.

“Why?” I asked. Now I was even more annoyed.

“Christa, it’s so hard to ask for forgiveness. And if someone has the courage to apologize then I should have the courage to forgive them.”

I was stunned. In that one moment he taught me everything I ever needed to learn about forgiveness. We are all capable of asking for it. We are all capable of giving it. And that exchange has the power to save us all.

growth, inspiration, nature

Leap: Grow Where You’re Planted

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest member http://pinterest.com/pewterandsage/

I spent the weekend with my friends Ken, Tom, and Amber in Bucks County, PA, just outside of Philadelphia. Ken and Tom recently purchased a home there that put me so at ease I thought of asking to become their live-in housekeeper / dog walker / cook. Some day soon, I’m sure they’ll be appearing on the House Proud segment of the Nate Berkus Show. The house is that beautiful.

I loved my time there so much that on the way home I wondered if a small home in Bucks County might some day be my reality. I went to school in Philadelphia and have long thought that my life may loop back in that direction some day. Looking out of the window of the train, I day dreamed about a place to get away from it all, to write, and to teach yoga and meditation. I began to wonder again about a possible move.

And then I remembered a small piece of art that was in the room where I was sleeping at Ken and Tom’s house. It said simply, “Grow where you’re planted.” Though I may be daydreaming of Bucks County, I realize that there is still so much for me to learn right here in New York, in my tiny studio way up above the bustle of the streets. This leg of the journey is not yet over; there’s still so much to do exactly where I am.

celebration, change, grateful, gratitude, growth, yoga

Beginning: Curative Energy

Christa Avampato

“You can channel your pain into helping others and spread a tide of curative energy throughout the world.” ~ Daily Good

I wrote earlier this week about the desire to be grateful for my hardships, to become so thankful for them that I would never think of trading them for any different history. Shortly after that post, I watched the PBS series This Emotional Life, and as if by some stroke of synchronicity learned that there is a growing body of research that points to gratitude for hardships as the potential silver bullet for a lifetime of happiness. Can our pain be the source of what breaks us down and what completes us?

Compass Yoga is taking a cue from Daily Good. We are generating a tide of good will and compassion. We’re attempting not to help our students escape, but to help them use what they’ve got, everything they’ve got, to help them heal themselves from the inside out. I’ve heard the saying that every difficulty contains its own answer. I am beginning to see just how much value our pain has, and the recognition of that value is what begins to help us make meaning of the hurdles in our lives.

I would never wish trauma on anyone, though slowly I’m also beginning to realize that I may be getting to a point where I would never wish mine away because it’s too valuable for me and now through Compass Yoga, too valuable to others. Acceptance and healing don’t have to be elusive goals. We can draw them to us and embrace them. They are ours for the taking.

career, growth, work

Beginning: The Meaning of Work

Christa Avampato

I had brunch on Saturday with my friend, Susan, in DC. An amazing and inspiring woman, Susan talked about so many strong women she knows who are now beginning to frame up their own futures in every sense. We couldn’t figure out if it has to do with our age (we’re both in our mid-30s, as are many of our friends) or if it’s more of a societal shift. Is carving our own road the way of the future? Is the entrepreneurial path, or some flavor of it, the new norm. Will we begin to become a society of people who take a role at a company for stability as we build up our own unique ideas that eventually take more of our time and generate more of our income?

Later that afternoon I had a drink with my friend, Matthew, where we talked about wanting to give our lives meaning. We believe that there is so much good work in the world to be done that we cannot simply phone it in for 40+ hours / week to a job that doesn’t fulfill a mission. There must be and can be more that comes from work. It should make our lives bigger and generate energy within us rather than leave us feeling insignificant.

There used to be an idea that a job is a job and we get paid to do a job because it isn’t supposed to be fun. Last week I sadly heard a friend of mine lament that she felt there was no use looking for a new job at a new company because every place is just as bad as every other place. She’s in her late 20’s, and my heart broke a little for her. She’s too young and too talented to be so deflated, though on some unfortunate level, I get it. Corporations beat you up. They do make you think it can’t be better elsewhere and that there is always a bad apple in every barrel. I have to challenge that notion for my own sanity. I believe the bad apples can be pitched for the sake of fostering a healthy system. It takes courage, concern, and enlightened leadership, and it can and should be done.

I got the chance to meet MJ, whom you may know from all of her amazing comments on this blog and links to resources that relate to my post topics. It’s always a treat for me to meet new friends whom I get to know through my various online channels. Whoever said technology is isolating us isn’t using it correctly. It’s expanding my network and opportunities for learning significantly.

MJ made a very astute correlation between work and a bucket of water. GRab a bucket full of water and stick your hand in it. Your hand is you at a big corporate job. Pull your hand out. You’re left with some water clinging to your skin as evidence that it’s been in water (call this water experience) and notice that the space where you hand once was in now filled in, the water level being every so slightly lower in the bucket. That pail of water is the corporation you work for. When you leave, there’s a minor change in the environment, but not much and it’s quickly filled in. We talked about the desire to make a change to new roles that can uniquely be filled by us, where our presence is needed and would be missed if we left.

All these conversations had me turning over the meaning of work in mind. It should be something that contributes to the mission of crafting meaningful days. I’ve no desire to feel that my work in ancillary to my life; that I am one person at work and another at play. I want to be in an environment where I can bring to bear all that I’ve learned and have the environment teach me more in return that becomes useful in my continued work the following day. That’s what I hope work becomes for all of us – just another word for “grow”.

fate, fear, frustration, future, goals, growth

Beginning: There is a Message in There. Keep Looking.

Christa Avampato

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
Winston Churchill

I had gotten an unwieldy situation under control. I was feeling good about the progress and the step-wise solution that was in place, and then it all came apart in 48 hours. Like pulling a loose thread in a sweater, every piece unraveled. All the forward movement had been erased and then some. I showed up at Brian’s office a little worn out. Depleted. How and more importantly, why, did this happen?

Brian sensed my frustration the moment I walked into his office. “You’re living on a ledge. What kind of existence is that?” he counseled me. “What the universe, what your yoga, is trying to tell you is that you can be more. You can do more. What you’re doing now is just watching the time pass, and that’s no way to live. I’m a little worried that you’re too adaptable, that you’re too good at coping. Go where you can be well and inspire wellness in others.”

He’s right of course. Sometimes I try to prove him wrong. I discount his counsel, and I waste my time in doing so. So here’s to leaving the ledge, to picking up one foot and then the other, and not looking back. There’s the message I was looking for…

courage, growth, yoga

Beginning: Standing on My Head

Christa Avampato

At some point, you just have to decide you are capable and that you have all the tools you need. For several years I’ve been working on more intense and challenging asanas, not because I think they are the be all end all, nor that their accomplishment has anything to do with how deeply I understand and live my practice. To be honest, they just look like fun and I thought they would give me a new perspective.

What dreams may come
I told you a bit about the interesting dreams I had while in Florida. One was an affirmation that I’m ready to take the reigns of my professional life. The other let me know that I have far more options that I think I do in terms of my independence. Where did these dreams come from? Was it vacation that brought them on? A change of scene, creating a change of self? Maybe.

A new way of seeing the world is closer than we think
What may also be at play here is that my body’s long-standing belief that I cannot stand on my hands or my head in challenging asanas has been put to bed. A few weeks ago I went to Yoga Vida with my pal, Sara, and we took an arm balance workshop. The mechanics that the instructor, Alex Schatzberg, explained clicked for me. He layers simple postures on top of one another to build out arm balances. Easy to say, harder to do, but with practice it makes so much sense. Then One night at my sister Weez’s house in Florida, I just decided I was going to do my arm balances and my headstand in the middle of the living room, no wall. It was just time. I felt an overwhelming amount of confidence and went for it. And it was there, as if it was waiting for me.

This literally new perspective may have done more than just give me a few more asanas to play around with. It may have tipped my perspective of my life upside down, too, as well as released some kind of block in my body that had been there for so long. We are so much more amazing than we give ourselves credit for, in body, mind, and spirit.

family, feelings, forgiveness, growth

Beginning: A 19-year Old Lesson of Forgiveness and Healing Finds Its Way Home

Christa Avampato

“When you feel pain, question it. Why is it there and how can we heal it? The body wants to heal.” ~ Cheri Clampett

In the last few weeks, there has been an opening. A pain that’s been hidden, so deep for so long, refused to lay down any longer. It had to bubble up in me so that finally after far too long it could release. The pain asked to be looked at, considered, appreciated, and then, finally forgiven.

This reminded me of something Cheri Clampett said a few weeks ago in the therapeutic yoga teacher training at Integral Yoga Institute. Pain is our friend. It may not feel like it at first brush, but it is there to teach us. You can ignore it, medicate it, and try like heck to forget about it. It will not be dissuaded. Loyally, it will wait for you to be ready, to have the strength to meet it, sit with it, and understand it. That moment has finally arrived for me and my dad. We are ready to forgive, release, and move on.

I have known this pain a long time. In some odd and uncomfortable way, it has become a friend. It’s been my fallback and my excuse for certain circumstances in my life. “I can’t do this because my dad was like that.” And for a while that was true; it’s just not true anymore. I am healed. I am whole. And I can do anything, even if I my dad didn’t he could.

Yesterday, I wrote about my regret that I didn’t go say goodbye to my dad when he was dying. What I didn’t mention is that I was 16 at the time. I didn’t have the tools to look so much pain in the face and not crumble. I needed to grow up before that was possible, and at 16 I wasn’t grown up, not by a long shot, and I couldn’t possibly have been expected to be. It was my dad’s time to go but it wasn’t yet my time to let go. Sometimes life is like that. Sometimes our timing is just off, and in those moments we do the best we can with what we’ve got. We operate with imperfect information all the time.

In the post yesterday I spoke about yesterday lessons, the lessons that our past teaches us so that we can improve going forward. Another yesterday lesson that my father’s passing taught me had to do with forgiveness. That lesson appeared more slowly, over a very long period of time, and in fits and starts: if we’re truly sorry, then pure, true forgiveness will find us. The “I’m sorry” moment starts us down the road to healing of every kind. All we have to do is ask for it. Forgiveness is a life force in and of itself. It changes everything. And if we believe in learning, in growing, in constantly evolving, then we must believe in forgiveness, of others and even more importantly, of ourselves.

In Buddhism there is a belief that every moment provides the exact teaching we need exactly when we need it. There’s no way at 16 that I could have known how deeply it would affect me to not say goodbye to my father. And in some strange, cosmically-correct way, I think the moment came and went exactly as it was supposed to be. I know so deeply that every moment comes to pass this way, and because of this belief, I have to forgive my dad and I have to forgive myself. We were two people who were doing the best we could with what we had. And even though we didn’t get a chance to meet in the middle this time around, in our own ways, in our own now separate worlds, we are both finding our way to forgiveness – of ourselves and of one another.