Category: generosity

generosity, gifts, time

Leap: How to Judge Our Quality of Life

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life — not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving — not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness — not by our seeming greatness.” ~ William Arthur Ward

I’ve always thought it odd that when we’re alive and vibrant we are so concerned about our titles, salaries, and possessions and then when our time is come and gone, no one ever remembers any of those things. They remember our kindness, generosity, and passions.

What if we could live in that latter realm? What if we could focus our energies on what truly affects others, on the impact we can have that will live on long after our days? How might our actual days change as a result?

We would take better care of our hearts, minds, and bodies. We’d take greater care with each other. We would make time to be with people, really be with people. We’d understand on a very deep level that the New Radicals were so right – you get what you give.

dreams, generosity, gratitude

Leap: We Show Our Humanity By What What We Do For Others

Christa Avampato

“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.” ~ D. Elton Trueblood, American author and theologian

What are you building for others? What will survive long after you and provide a benefit to those whom you will never even meet? A piece of writing, a work of art, a song, a donation to an organization that supports a cause you care about.

These things change someone’s life. They give them hope when they’re down. They help them hang on when all seems lost. They trigger memories, inspire change, and encourage dreams.

When you give freely of yourself with no request for repayment of any kind, there’s no telling how much that gift will do for someone else’s spirit, and for your own.

adventure, generosity, India

Hotel India: You Can Check Out Anytime You Like But You Will Never Be Asked to Leave

Christa Avampato
View from my hotel room in Munnar, India, at sunrise

” ‘Get out’ is not a phrase in any of our languages. Indians don’t know that term,” Jose said.

Rob laughed loudly. “Well come to the U.S. and you’ll learn that phrase quickly. We use it a lot.”

“That’s a shame,” Jose replied. “If you are in a restaurant here, no one would ever tell you they’re closed and it’s time to leave. It would never happen.”

And I thought Southerners had cornered the market on hospitality. I was skeptical of Jose’s reply. Actually, I thought he was flat-out lying. Every one has a closing time and India couldn’t be an exception to that universal truth.

In Munnar, Jose took us to an authentic shop to get Ayurvedic massages.

“You can come by any time you like,” said the shop owner.

“What time do you close?” I asked.

The shop owner just stared at me and blinked.

“We can come by later on tonight after our tours?” I asked. A bit more staring and blinking followed. Ha! I knew I’d find a closing time in India.

“Sure, whatever is good for you,” he said.

“7:30?” asked Jose.

“Sure. 7:30 is perfect.”

“Done.”

Jose took us up the mountain to the hotel so we could check in. After they upgraded us to one of the private cottages (just because they could and wanted to), we learned we were going to miss the last dinner slot there due to our massages. (For the record, I felt like a complete jackass for having such a touristy excuse.) The proprietor said it was not a problem. They would hold a separate seating just for us.

“Yeah, right,” I thought to myself. Thank goodness I still had some chocolate chip cookies in my bag for dinner later on tonight.

When we returned from the massages (and that will be a separate post in and of itself!), sure enough dinner and the staff were all waiting for us with a delicious several course meal. I was floored. How could this be happening?

But this kind of scenario kept happening everywhere we went. Once again, India made a fool out of me, or rather I made a fool out of myself, to myself, by doubting her. Jose was right to an alarming degree. In India, they will always leave the light on for you. I wonder what the Eagles would think of that.

dogs, generosity, gifts, kindness, New York City

Beginning: A Downpour, the Kindness of NY Strangers, and a Community of Dachshunds

Christa Avampato

A photo I snapped of Friday's storm before a stranger rescued us with his umbrella
Phineas and I got caught in the downpour on Friday night. I had gone to pick him up from his first time at daycare and the raging storm took us by surprise as we made our way home. We were both crouched underneath an awning outside Cafe Frida, my favorite Mexican restaurant in our neighborhood. Phineas hates the rain, as most dachshunds do.

Just inside the restaurant a couple watched us through the window, looking on us with a great deal of pity. The man got up from the table and opened the door.

“We have two little dachshunds at home and we know how much they hate the rain. Take our umbrella so you can get your little guy home,” he said.

“But I can’t take your umbrella. How will I get it back to you?” I asked him.

“You don’t have to. We’re going to stay here until the rain stops and we’ve got plenty of umbrellas at home. Really – take it,” he said.

I thanked him profusely and Phineas in his tired / scared state gave him a smooch. Away we went. People often think of New Yorkers as pushy, arrogant, and self-centered. And maybe we are or can be from time to time. Though I must say that after 12 years of living in this city on and off, I’ve had more kind, generous, and selfless interactions right here in New York than I have anywhere else in the world. This was one of those times.

The wind whipped us around a bit on the way home and the umbrella didn’t keep us completely dry but it did a good enough job to get home before the next batch of really heavy rain started pelting down. The umbrella partially busted along the way, but I just didn’t have the heart to toss it in the trash can at the corner of our block. I’m going to hang on to it for a bit as a reminder of just how much good there is flowing through the streets of New York, at least if you have a dachshund in hand.

generosity, happiness, impact, kindness

Beginning: The Secret to a Happy Life is to Be Good And Do Good

Christa Avampato

yvonnedevilliers.com
“Aim above morality. Be not simply good. Be good for something.” ~ Henry David Thoreau via Tiny Buddha

This week I’ve been preoccupied with and writing about a mission-driven life and the power of making our own personal missions the center of our work. A fulfilling, meaningful life requires a cause, a passion, a center. It’s important to be a good person – to be kind and generous and grateful. It’s equally as important to do something powerful with that goodness – to be helpful and inspiring and gracious.

I was on an elevator recently and someone gave my yoga mat bag a funny look. “Is that a weapon?” the man asked me. “Yes,” I replied. “It’s a weapon for goodness.” And it is.

The goal of my teaching is to help everyone I ever come in contact with, on and off the mat, to become the very best version of who they are. I’m at my best when I’m teaching yoga. There’s a certain ease and gladness that fills me up when I have the opportunity to pass on a gift that has been passed on to me by many patient and loving hearts. The very least I can do, in their honor, is to offer up the same gift to those who need it most.

Teaching yoga is my do good moment. What’s yours?

generosity, patience, story, success

Beginning: A Lesson on Generosity, Patience, and Building Our Own Road, Courtesy of a Grasshopper and a Snail

Christa Avampato

“AH gaining yet MORE wisdom grasshopper!!” ~ My friend, Anne, on one of my posts

When Anne left this note on my Facebook page, I had no idea what she was talking about so I Googled it and found the fable of the grasshopper and the snail. I highly recommend reading the story in its entirety here. Here’s the condensed version:

“A challenge
A snail with a lot of supporting friends challenges a grasshopper to a race. The grasshopper considers not accepting the challenge since it’s obvious that he will beat the snail and he’s worried that he will make the snail feel badly. However, after enough negative prodding by the snail’s friends, the grasshopper accepts.

A realization
The race starts and rather than crushing the snail with his speed, the grasshopper spends a lot of time thinking about his life as the snail creeps along at a very slow, steady space. After all of his thinking, the grasshopper decided to let the snail win. All the animals cheered for the snail and looked down on the grasshopper as a slow poke, never challenging the grasshopper to another race again. No one appreciated the grasshopper’s generosity toward the snail. At first the grasshopper was very depressed that all the animals made fun of him but later he began to appreciate the chance to enjoy his life without any pressure from constant challenges to race. He could choose how to spend his time and make his own decisions in his own time. For the first time in his life, he felt truly free to decide how to spend his days.

A fork in the road, literally and figuratively
After his win, the snail becomes so cocky that he accepts a challenge from a lightning bug to cross the road. Upon hearing this, the grasshopper gets very upset because he worries the snail will get killed trying to cross the road at his slow pace.To protect the snail from this terrible idea, he decides to race the snail across the road, determined to beat him so quickly that the snail will turn away from the road and go home. The snail smugly accepts, convinced he will beat the grasshopper again.

A second chance
The day of the rematch, the snail starts to creep across the road at his usual slow pace. The grasshopper waits patiently for a safe time to leap across the road in one action. The snail makes fun of his patience, until the grasshopper finally sees his opening and makes the leap to the other side of the road. The snail, shocked and embarrassed, turns around after barely getting his start and never leaves his home again. The grasshopper, knowing the dangers of crossing the road, stays on his new side of the road and lives out his days as a great teacher of patience, generosity, and modesty.”

I was completely confused by this story when I first read it. “Slow and steady wins the race” – I understand that lesson. “Don’t be cocky about successes” – yep, that makes sense, too. But what was Anne saying by casting me as the grasshopper here? What could I possibly have in common with this guy?

I’ve known Anne for a long time. She’s bailed me out of tough situations, and more than once she’s given me a one liner that has snapped me back to reality after I’ve gotten too caught up in my own story. This is another one of those times.

For a time now, I have enjoyed being under the radar in a few different areas of my life. I’ve been waiting and watching patiently, stringing together different learnings and experiences, before I make the leap to go off on my own and create an unconventional career that breaks from tradition and what I “should” do. I feel fine with following rules as long as I’m the one who makes them and decides when to break them. And I do feel like my gift lies in teaching based upon my own experiences, positive and harrowing alike.

Anne was right, as always. I’m more like the grasshopper than I realized. It’s funny how sometimes we can look right into a mirror and not recognize our own reflection. It takes another passerby to connect the dots and awaken us to ourselves.

generosity, leadership

Step 331: Giving Our Best

Christa Avampato

“You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself.” ~ Harvey S. Firestone

“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership recently, and its elusive, mutable nature. I believe that the very best leadership is rooted in a deep desire to serve others. Though in its final expression it is outwardly focused on others, if we are to lead well we must have a deep understanding of what lies within us first. We must learn to enjoy and respect the company we keep in the empty moments before we can fully engage with others. We must know our own heart’s longing before we can uncover the same in others. To bring forward the very best in others, we must know and cultivate the very best within ourselves. To know ourselves, to really come face to face with who we are, who we mean to be, and how we should spend our time this time around is a lifetime endeavor.

Amid the stresses of daily life, how do we ensure that we leading a life composed of the very best we have to give? How do we make our days and years really matter? Here are 5 ways that I measure the quality of what I’m giving:

1.) Does an activity give me energy? I’m all for a good work out that leads me to a long, restful sleep, but aside from that I’m more interested in activities that boost me up rather than ones that leave me feeling depleted. If I start to feel my mind going numb, it’s best for me to move on.

2.) Am I giving and receiving something positive simultaneously? I may do a service project that helps someone else and makes me feel good about contributing to my community. I may write a blog post that helps me work out a challenge I’m having while also helping someone else. When I hang out with my nieces, the hope is that we’re all having a great time. If I’m doing anything that doesn’t strike this balance most of the time, chances are I’m not putting my best into the world.

3.) Is there laughter involved? By nature, I tend more toward the serious side of life more than the humorous side. (I’m working on balancing that out in 2011 – more details to come in a later post.) I can always rest easy when the activity I’m doing is somehow triggering laughter. Of course, always better to have people laughing with us than at us, but I’ve also been known to never be above self-deprecation if it increases the chances of a happy ending. Humility doesn’t get all the respect it deserves.

4.) Is what I’m doing furthering one of my larger goals? My blog posts are a great example of this principle. Each post isn’t in and of itself an audacious goal, but each one is adding to my goal of living a writer’s life. Smalls steps make the journey.

5.) Am I resting easy? My sleep cycle is my greatest signal of the value of my daily activities. I had insomnia for a good chunk of my life and my yoga training really helped to correct that, as did a lot of the work I’ve done with Brian. When my heart’s at peace, my mind and body follow. A day well-lived leads me into a night well-slept.

How do you measure what really matters and how do you keep track of whether or not you’re on the right path?

friendship, generosity, gifts

My Year of Hopefulness – The high value of giving

Christa Avampato

Finally settled into my dear friend, Rob’s, apartment for the week, I am feeling an immense sense of calm. As the last of my belongings were expertly ushered out of my old apartment with the greatest of care by the movers, I was doing a little dance of gratitude.

My friend, Dan, was one of the people who recommended Flat Rate Moving to me, and I texted him to ask how much I should tip them. We went back and forth several times about an appropriate amount. Finally, Dan said “In these situations I reason that they need it more than I do, so I round up.” I emptied my wallet to double the going industry tip rate (which Dan also looked up for me on the fly, as well as surveying everyone in his office on the spot.) They deserved it.

I swept up the last of the dust bunnies, and grabbed a cab cross-town to Rob’s. Given the gridlock traffic, I had a lot of time to think about giving more than the going rate for exceptional circumstances. Whether it’s a tip to movers or the amount of time and attention to a valuable friendship, it feels good to give far beyond the usual.

So what if we always gave a little more than what was warranted? A little more care, energy, effort, passion, time, and money? What if we shared beyond what would ever be expected by others? Imagine how much further along we’d be. It seems to me that the only way we’re ever going to have a life and a world that’s exceptional is to give and give and give again. More than we’re asked, and maybe even more than we think we’re capable of.

generosity, gifts

My Year of Hopefulness: Showing others what they’re made of

Christa Avampato

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but reveal to them their own.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli

In many instances, it’s easy to share. All we need is a bit of motivation and some generosity. Write a check to a charity, show someone how to do something you already know how to do, share knowledge by posting on a blog. Sharing is a small, often painless and free, gesture. Anyone from any socioeconomic level, of any age, in any geographic location on Earth can do it.

What Benjamin Disraeli is talking about is more substantive. It requires more commitment, more dedication, more patience than sharing alone. Revealing your own gifts and using them for the benefit of others is done over and over again every day in every corner of the world. To help someone else realize their own potential, to cultivate someone else’s knowledge and creativity, to give them the confidence to go out into the world and make an impact is something that needs much more time, intention, and attention.

The payback for helping an individual or an organization help others is immense, much greater than if we only share what we’ve got. There’s a multiplicative effect. We help someone help several others who in term each help several others and so on. Consider it a pyramid scheme of generosity, something the world desperately needs now more than ever.

Of course the best of all possible scenarios is that by sharing what we’ve got, we inspire others to share. Think about teachers, writers, and artists, and how they inspire the imaginations of others. Consider how small acts of kindness inspire the “pay it forward” mentality. While giving and sharing are important actions for each of us to take, we also need to encourage and teach them to others in our lives.

community, generosity, kindness, neighbors, relationships

Celebrating "Small"

Christa Avampato

A few weeks ago I was taking the bus cross town, or at least attempting to, in the pouring rain. I was dashing down the flooded streets, chasing after the bus I needed to catch. Thankfully another person was in the same boat, or so I thought. He banged on the door of the bus to stop it. For me. And he continued on his way under a half sagging umbrella. I breathlessly thanked him. “No problem.” he said.


In the late summer, I was walking a few blocks to meet my friends at the Boat Basin. A “Not in Service” bus stopped and asked me how far I had to go. He offered to take me over there. “But you’re out of service,” I said. “Don’t worry about it,” he replied, “I don’t mind.” He dropped me off as close to the Boat Basin as possible and didn’t even ask me to swipe my Metrocard.

Today I walked outside, very early in the morning and more than a little grumpy. An older woman was struggling to scrape off the thick ice that coated her car. A stranger pulled up to the curb and offered to scrape the car for her. The woman was overwhelmed with the offer of help. I smiled and felt a little more hopeful about the world. 

I was saying good-bye and happy holidays to some of my co-workers today. And I was quite speechless to have one of them say to me, “You, Christa, were the bright spot of 2008 for me. In a year that is so challenging on every front, I am so thankful for you.” I didn’t even know how to respond. I never would have expected to have made any kind of impact close to that.

It’s these small acts of kindness and concern that make all the difference in our existence, in our experience of life. While grand gestures are certainly well-received, I always find that it’s the small and heartfelt moments that I retain and cherish most. My new year’s resolution is very simple – it is to celebrate and savor these small gifts, understand how little effort it really takes to make someone else’s day, and to recognize that I can create those moments for others on a continuous basis. In short, I’d like to feel more hopeful and generate more hope for others.