Category: friendship

friendship, New York

Be proud of yourself because sometimes you’re all you’ve got. ~ Denis the Menace

Christa Avampato

On Tuesday I was exhausted from a very late flight from Nashville last night, followed by a long day at work, combined with a tough commute in each direction. But still I had to drag myself out of my apartment at 11pm. Trevin, one of my very close friends, is leaving NYC in a few days and Tuesday was my only chance to see him before he leaves. 

Whenever Trevin introduces me to a friend of his, the friend invariably asks how we met. Trevin always replies, in a very distinct voice, “Christa was my BOSS.” Emphasis on the boss. And I smile, and I say, “Yeah” with a very distinct accent.  Truthfully, I don’t think Trevin nor I could have done our jobs without one another. He’s someone who’s so comfortable in his own weirdness that he makes everyone else around him comfortable in theirs. He is committed to one thing – to being who he is. His authenticity is undeniable. We should all be so lucky to be so proud of who we are and what we stand for. 

So it is with sadness that I said good-bye to Trevin after sharing a couple of chocolate milkshakes with him at the City Diner. Trevin and I moved here about the same time last summer and we would sometimes talk about how we’d be sharing chicken noodle soup at the Edison Hotel Cafe when we were two old-timers. We’d be swapping stories that started with, “Remember back in 2007…” And maybe we’ll still be that way, though for now Trevin’s adventures are taking him to other cities. 

Even though New York City won’t be his home, at least not for now, he knows he’ll always have a place to stay as long as I make my home here. It’s one of the great things about friendship – it can help you make a home in any place your friends happen to be, even if you travel many miles from it.     

creativity, friendship, New York, relationships

Messages out to the world

Christa Avampato

“One that would have the fruit must climb the tree.” ~ Thomas Fuller

I’ve been dating a nice guy for about two months – my first foray into match.com. Last night we decided to go our own ways and while I was a bit sad, there was a part of me that was also excited. I learned a lot from this very briefing relationship: one thing being how much I’ve grown emotionally in the last year, and the second thing being that putting out into the world what you’d like back in return is a very healthy and helpful thing to do. My friend, Steve, is grateful that I have now turned the corner to stop dating jerks – he’s grown a bit tired of hearing about them – rightfully so. There’s something to be said for growing up.

So while this guy didn’t have the creative and adventurous side I was looking for, I learned how very important those two things are to me. My sweet friend, Katie, said that this world needs my creativity. And she’s right – it needs everyone’s creativity. It needs everyone to be exactly who they are and I need someone who not only nurtures that creativity in me, but also someone who has his own creative work going on that I can nurture in him.

I have found in the past few weeks that as I spent more time with him, my writing suffered, as this blog shows. He didn’t inspire any kind of narrative in me. And I found I couldn’t share any of my creative work with him. He would listen politely, because he is very polite, though couldn’t reciprocate in any way.

Last night for a bit, I felt frustrated that it took me a few months to realize this fact, though I have to admit that the only way to know if the fruit is the right fruit for us, we must, as Thomas Fuller says, make the climb and check it out. No harm done at all; we can always climb back down and walk on to another tree that appears to hold more promise.

The above photo can be found at: http://www.avonk.com/images/Lemon%20tree.bmp

career, friendship, job

Build your own road

Christa Avampato

“The best way to predict the future is to invent it. ~ Alan Kay” 

My friend, Amy, has taken an adventure to Switzerland to work for the UN on a 6-month assignment. Amy is one of those people whom I met and immediately knew we’d be friends forever. She’s one of the people in my life who is endlessly supportive and positive. She helps me keep my head on straight no matter what’s happening. 

During a conversation several years ago, we talked about the different talents it takes to build your own road versus allowing other people, an employer, a university, etc. o build one for you. “What path are you on?” “What bucket do you fall into?” “What’s the career track for that kind of profession?” All common questions, and ones that I never have an answer for. 
Only recently have I found that I have stopped looking for an answer – I’m not on one path, one track, and  don’t want to be. I like that in my career I’ve been able to carve my own way. It’s tough for sure, and some people get a bit dizzy when I explain the choices I made, changed industries, geographies, job responsibilities. My one goal was simple: I wanted to learn as much as possible, as quickly as possible.   
In these uncertain times – politically, economically, socially – I’ve been doing my best to remain as calm and level-headed as possible. It’s easy to fall into the trap of planning every move, taking strategy to the extreme. I’m fortunate in that at the moment the only person I need to take care of is me, and I treasure the freedom that my current situation creates. “Where are you going with this experience?” My answer: anywhere I want. 
career, friendship

Where are who we’ve been

Christa Avampato

“One faces the future with one’s past.” ~ Pearl S. Buck

I visited my first toy fair today. My boss and I walked the show after a morning meeting downtown with a design shop that has a property that we are hoping to carry in our stores. My boss made the connection at the design shop, and with a number of people at the toy fair, through friendships that have spanned decades.
One of the joys of getting older is appreciating the circle of life. People come into our lives, and sometimes drift out, and again drift back to us. We find ourselves in familiar situations. Paths cross and criss-cross. And that reacquainting gives me a lot of comfort.
I’m learning quickly that few people ever leave our lives completely and always. It’s incredible how many people keep showing up in the most unexpected places, especially when we need them most. And in the process of meeting these people again, we re-discover parts of ourselves that reside with the experiences we had with those people. In a sense, they complete us.
friendship, gifts, volunteer

The moment of giving

Christa Avampato

“Generosity lies less in giving much than in giving at the right moment. — Jean de La Bruyere”

The saying “It’s all in the timing” tends to be related to a stroke of good luck, a serendipitous moment that occurs quite by accident with some great fortune attached to it. I am a huge fan of surprises. When I think about acts of kindness that I have experienced in my life, they came in the form of a surprise. My memory of the kindness has nothing to do with the actual gesture, but with the time that the kindness arrived.

My friend, Alex, is a fan of sending cards and little surprises in the mail. She sent me a magnet that I just love when I moved into my new apartment in New York. And she sent me a card during the summer I spent in Atlanta, which was miserable for a variety of reasons. She had no idea how much I needed a smile those days, though her timing was impeccable.

Even a well-timed, unsolicited compliment becomes an act of generosity. Occasionally I change out my picture on my blog or my Facebook page and I am always so touched when someone writes to me to say how much they like the new picture. The same goes for friends of mine who read my blog and reference it to me. I feel so touched when I know they’ve taken time out of their day to read what I’m thinking and writing about.

Simple phone calls do the trick, too. I am always excited to get a surprise call or voice message from someone I wasn’t expecting to hear from, especially when it’s not around a holiday or my birthday. I love those cards, emails, and messages that arrive just to say hi, for no reason in particular except to say “hey, I was thinking about you.”

As I consider gifts I’ll be giving this season I’ll be thinking about the experience they create, how much joy they’ll generate afterwards and hopefully for a long time to come. And this quote also gave me a third dimension to consider, timing. While the secret to a happy life may be to have low expectations, it may also be that we can generate happiness for others by providing unexpected generosity just when we sense that those around us need it most and expect it least.