Category: feelings

books, feelings, sadness, writing

This just in: Write out your sorrows

Christa Avampato
“All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story.”

“All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story.” ~Isak Dinesen, Danish author

No matter the source, sorrows multiply when you leave them in your mind and heart. I write mine out. Sometimes in a journal, often on this blog, and sometimes in my fiction. A few days ago, I was editing a part of my book, Where the Light Enters, and I realized that I could work in some real-life emotions that have plagued me recently. The moment I did that, I felt lighter. Not free necessarily, but stronger and relieved to see these emotions be given a purpose. We can’t always prevent disappointment, heartbreak, or regret, but we can always use it to create something of value. We can always make it meaningful.

choices, feelings, free, freedom

This just in: Letting go

Christa Avampato
Floating fairytale by Rick Nadal. http://rick-nadal.deviantart.com/art/floating-fairytale-324922824
Floating fairytale by Rick Nadal. http://rick-nadal.deviantart.com/art/floating-fairytale-324922824

Letting go is a choice rooted in the desire to be free from emotions that do us more harm than good, and the circumstances that cause those emotions. They’re often deeply entrenched within us and that familiarity, no matter if those emotions are positive or negative, breeds a certain level of comfort. We’re sure of those emotions, even if we don’t necessarily like them. To release them is to drift out into the unknown. Here’s what I’m learning: when you let go, you don’t sink. You float.

action, feelings

This just in: Letting go and digging in

Christa Avampato

“There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen.” ~Hugh Prather, American writer

I’ve been thinking a lot about effort recently. When it’s warranted and when it’s not. When it’s time to let life unfold and when it’s time to actively unpack it to see what we’ve got.

In general, I believe in being proactive and I always believe in being honest with ourselves and others. It’s not always easy or comfortable to honestly (and respectfully) express how we feel. But I always find that in the end I’m glad I’ve done so.

If people stick around through my honesty, then I feel like we may be able to get somewhere. If they walk away, then I know our paths were meant to go in separate directions. And either way is okay as long as I’ve been true to who I am and expressed what I need.

curiosity, feelings

This just in: How to know who you are

Christa Avampato
How are we?
How are we?

What we want determines who we are and who we become.

creative, creative process, creativity, fear, feelings, work

This just in: Don’t unpack your bags – a lesson from Saturday Night Live

Christa Avampato
Saturday Night Live - 1980s
Saturday Night Live – 1980s

Yesterday I watched a documentary about Saturday Night Live in the 1980s. The show struggled so much after its first five golden years. It lost a lot of its people, its mission, and its way. And it wasn’t a matter of finding it again. A very small group of people, some original and some new, scrapped the entire format and started over from scratch. Brave, and frightening. Just like life.

Many of the cast members—Billy Crystal, Kevin Nealon, Dana Carvey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus—talked about not unpacking their bags. They all had month-to-month leases and were never really sure if they’d made it. Even when things were going very well, they were always on edge. In so many of those old sketches and outtakes, I could see the nerves, spontaneity, and spark.

It got me thinking that as much as we are creatures of comfort, habit, and routine, maybe we do our best work when we don’t have any of those things. Maybe those nerves that keep us on our edge give us our edge. We shouldn’t be looking for comfort at all. What we need to do our best, most creative work is a manageable dose of anxiety and fear. Our magic is not is doing the work we know we can do, but in biting of more than we can chew, in taking on precisely the projects that are beyond our reach. We should go where we think we’ll fail. We rise when we have something to shoot for that seems impossible.

courage, fear, feelings, writing

Beautiful: Pushing the Limits of Our Capabilities

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

Yesterday I wrote an article for The Motley Fool on the economic impacts of this week’s nuclear deal with Iran. When I was offered the assignment, I hesitated for a moment. This topic is far outside my comfort zone and it would require a lot of research on my part with a very short timeline. I wasn’t sure I was cut out to write this kind of piece, though I was incredibly drawn to the topic so I went for it. When it published yesterday, it was one of my proudest moments as a writer. I conquered that little voice that said, “Don’t do that. It’s not your kind of thing.”

This little voice sneaks up on all of us. It will try to keep us confined. It takes a lot of effort to break away from it. We have to have the courage to fail, to give it a try knowing that if we fall we will have the strength to get back up. Understand that if something doesn’t work out according to plan, we have the ability to learn, adjust, and keep going. That’s the funny thing about talents. The more we stretch them, the more they grow.

creativity, dreams, fear, feelings

Beautiful: Fear Can Be a Path to Free

Christa Avampato

494ab1219a79b1ae0d7cab6dcea48107 With just over a week to go in LA, it’ll be back to life and back to reality very soon. Some of my old familiar fears are beginning to seep in: Am I on the right track? Am I going the right way? Are these sacrifices really worth the potential rewards? And if they are, and I don’t ever see those potential rewards, will I still think of this path as one worth taking?

Too often I’ve associated freedom with lack of fear. With a year out on my own under my belt, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that if I waited for the fear to subside before pursuing my dreams, I’d never pursue them at all. The road to freedom is paved with fears, and lots of ’em. I don’t banish my fears, but I use them like our bodies use carbohydrates, like cars use gas. I burn through them and part of that process means fully feeling them, looking them in the eye, and not flinching. I press on with those unrelenting fears at my back, and they only subside when I face them and live to tell about it.

And I don’t think that being afraid of something means that I should definitely do it. For me, it means that I should put a lot of thought and consideration into the decision. Facing fears is difficult work; it’s often painful, plagued by hardship, and there is no guarantee of success. All of those facets have to be weighed in totality. I have to ask myself, “Even if this path is difficult, do I still feel in my heart that it’s the best way to spend the precious little time I have?” If so, I use the fear for fuel. If not, I’m grateful for that realization and I pursue another dream.  After all, I’ve got a list of dreams that never seems to have an end. If this one doesn’t work out, there will always be another.

Up tomorrow: An exciting announcement about my company

feelings, future, time

Leap: Open Your Heart. Get Better.

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest
From Pinterest

“What happens when people open their hearts? They get better.” – Haruki Murakami

When we are hurt, our natural reaction is to take refuge, to hunker down and shelter ourselves from any additional harm. This is a useful reaction in the short-term because it jump starts the healing process. Our wounds scab over and we begin to regenerate what’s been lost. For a while we need the bandaid to prevent infection.

But sheltering is only helpful for a brief period of time. A cut only fully heals once we take off the bandaid and it is exposed to the air again. Eventually, we have to crawl back out of our shells to find the sunshine again, to take in goodness. Yes, there is a chance of being hurt again. However, we will most certainly be hurt if stay tight in a bud for too long. We need the air. We need the light. We need love.

This Christmas, open your heart and get better.

adventure, fear, feelings, patience, risk, strengths, time, yoga

Leap: The Path of Most Resistance

Christa Avampato
Vertical staircases at the foot of Mt. Huashan, China
Vertical staircases at the foot of Mt. Huashan, China

Difficulty is good for us.

Yesterday I was reading an article in Intelligent Life, an Economist publication, entitled “The Uses of Difficulty” by Ian Leslie. He gives examples, mostly from the music industry, that depict challenges and difficulties as gifts that we should seek out, even create, for the benefit of our growth. At first glance this argument sounds like something akin to the benefits of brussels sprouts, but I was intrigued by the argument (and I happen to love brussels sprouts) so I kept reading.

In yoga, we search for that magical space between effort and ease. At first, I thought that’s where Ian was going but he took this idea to a whole new level. He presents scientific evidence that shows we actually benefit cognitively from doing things that are difficult, that do not come naturally to us. The benefits are so stark that he suggests purposely creating difficulty even when we find ease. This theory flies in the face of the idea that we should play to our strengths, or at least the idea that we should always play to our strengths.

This article also has the wheels of my mind spinning around the concept of short-term versus long-term benefits. Should we accept, even relish, short-term challenge because in the long-term it makes us more creative, intelligent, quick, strong, resilient, and, let’s face it, interesting? Is discomfort today worth triumph tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow?

There’s only one way to find out.

choices, community, feelings, future, legacy

Leap: The Source of Our Inner Voice

Christa Avampato

2814818488163739_Ly16Wp5q_bWords can be daggers or wings. They can tear us down or help us fly. What you say now, not only to children but to all people, becomes a part of how they view the world and their place in it. Gentleness is as important as strength and honesty. Everyone should leave every conversation with their dignity intact.

Do you want to be someone who tears people down or builds them up? Do you want to be someone who becomes a pesky inner voice to someone that instills self-doubt or do you want to be someone whose words are a comfort to others in their darkest hours?

The answers to these questions fuel our words and actions. They are our legacy.