Category: family

adventure, books, career, celebration, change, choices, creativity, discovery, experience, family, friendship, grateful, gratitude, growth, happiness, ideas, meditation, New York City, story, writing, yoga

Step 365: What’s Possible? A 2010 Wrap-up.

Christa Avampato

“I am neither an optimist nor pessimist, but a possibilist.” ~ Max Lerner

As I cross over the finish line of 365 days of living and writing about an extraordinary life, I marvel at the passing of another year. On December 31, 2009, I wrote a post explaining that in 2010 I wanted to record something every day that put me one step closer to an extraordinary life.

This December 31st post is always fun to write because it’s a chance for me to reflect on the past year and realize how much has happened. Just like flipping through the New York Times’s Year in Pictures helps us remember what’s happened in the world around us, flipping through my posts from the last year lets me remember all the tiny steps that brought me to do this day.

My road to recovery from my apartment building fire:
I was in denial about the true effect it had on me and that brought me to Brian, my coach and therapist, who has helped my life grow in leaps and bounds. By June, I finally felt safe in my home again and could make my apartment feel like a peaceful space.

Stepping into the writing life:
I moved my blog over to WordPress and for the first time in the 3 years since I seriously began to contemplate living a writer’s life, earned enough money to be a freelance writer for hire. This year I connected with so many talented writers – Josh, Laura, Amanda, Erica, Sharni, Will, Sara, the Wordcount Blogathon writers, Katherine, the fab team at Owning Pink, Elephant Journal, and Michael.

I wrote and published my first e-book, Hope in Progress: 27 Entrepreneurs Who Inspired Me During the Great Recessions, a compilation of 27 of my interviews that I conducted with entrepreneurs through my Examiner column.

Yoga at the forefront of my life:
I completed my 200 hour yoga teacher training at Sonicstarted Compass Yoga, my own small teaching company, and will begin teaching a regular Sunday night yoga class at Pearl Studios NYC. Through Sonic I was inspired by the incredible teachers and the 23 amazing women in my class whom I hold so dear after our journey together. My yoga teacher training helped me to establish a regular meditation practice and cured the insomnia I’ve lived with all of my life. I found the joyful noise of kirtan, which re-ignited my interest in music. Yoga led me toward a true contemplation of my faith and spirituality that continues down a very healthy, peaceful path. There are not words enough to thank the people at Sonic for how much joy they brought to my life, but I gave it a shot in this post about our last class and the closing ritual of the training. I am forever and happily indebted to them.

Some wrong turns, too:
I studied for my GRE and despite doing well on the exam, Columbia sent me an email that began “we regret to inform you that you have not been accepted” [into a PhD program in education]. I wrote a curriculum for LIM College that I was tremendously excited about, and then the class was canceled at the 11th hour for reasons that still make me shake my head. I was so excited to be selected to serve on a jury and sadly realized just how imperfect our system is. I still think about the case on a regular basis.

Making peace with New York living:
In 2010 I fell in love with New York City, again and again and again. It became my home. Our love hate relationship ended its many years of turmoil and now we’re living together in a general state of bliss, with an occasional side dish of annoyance, just for good measure and because, well, it’s a very New York thing to do.

A few unexpected journeys:
I conquered my fear of swimming in open water while on a yoga retreat in Greece. I found that mistakes can be joyful.

Wonderful new additions to my family:
We happily welcomed my new little niece Aubree and after years of wondering whether or not I should get a dog, Phineas, a sweet little dachshund, has graced my life via the Humane Society and New York dachshund rescue.

And 10 valuable life lessons that I’m grateful for:
1.) Goodness is created and remembered by sharing what we have with others.
2.) Shouting dreams helps bring them into being.
3.) Stubborness can be a beautiful thing.
4.) We get what we settle for.
5.) Obstacles in our lives are valuable.
6.) We never have to wait to live the life we want.
7.) Letting go is sometimes the bravest and best thing to do
8.) Trusting our gut is the best way to get to get to the decision that’s right for us.
9.) Be thankful for less.

My favorite and most treasured discovery of 2010:
10.) Truly extraordinary living is found in very ordinary moments.

Wishing you a very happy start to 2011. Thanks so much for being with me on this journey that was 2010.

The image above makes me feel free. Find it here.

children, education, family

Step 271: Parents May be the Most Important Piece of the Education Puzzle

Christa Avampato

The airwaves are bustling and bristling this week about education. Our U.S. school system is making front page news like never before. Sadly, sometimes it takes a crisis to raise awareness.

Yesterday, one of my readers of this blog who has decades of experience in education voiced his opinion about one way to repair the system: parents. Get them interested and engaged, and the system has a far greater chance of turning around. Yes, teachers are important, critically important. Though consider how many hours a child spends with a teacher versus a parent. Consider that parents are responsible for a child’s living conditions, what they eat, where they sleep. Parents are largely responsible for their children’s emotional and mental well-being. Combined, all of these “non-education” factors come to bear in a big way in the classroom. If a child is hungry, sick, or lacks confidence, how can they focus on math, science, and reading? Social programs can only do so much.

My reader’s comment about parents being involved in public education made me consider how involved my own mother was in my education. Sometimes, we didn’t have enough to eat. We were part of the free lunch program for as long as I can remember. We almost lost our house a few times. We had trouble paying bills. For a good portion of my childhood, we didn’t have health insurance. Our childhood had a lot of instability and sadness and fear. But the one constant was my mom. She served on the school board. She went to every parent teacher conference, every sports event, every band concert. More than anything she cared about our education. She didn’t have time to help us with our homework – she always worked 2 – 3 jobs so we could get by. I came to value education and where it could take me in large part because my mother valued it. I wanted to make her proud of me, and I knew my high grades made her proud.

I went to Penn because of my mom. She wouldn’t let me lower my standards of the college I could get into. She wouldn’t let me stay home and go to school. She wanted to me to go away to the very best school I could go to. It was hard. I struggled for my first two years at Penn. I had a hard time adjusting to a place that seemed so out of reach to me. Everyone else around me seemed to have means beyond anything I could ever dream of. I worked several jobs and put myself through school with the help of lots of financial aid. I studied all the time just to catch up. Eventually, I found my bearings, largely because I got involved in theatre, but even more importantly because I’m stubborn and proud. I couldn’t give up and go home. I had to keep trying to live a better life. That’s what my mom wanted, and so that’s what I wanted.

I had good teachers, in public school, at Penn, and later at UVA, where I got my MBA. Those teachers inspired me, pushed me, challenged me to be better than I thought I could be. And with just those teachers, I would have built a decent life. But my mom’s involvement and concern for my education helped me strive for more than decent – it keeps me working for something extraordinary. And as I think of it now, my blog reader was absolutely right – parents have the ability to turn around the whole system just by showing their care and concern for what their kids learn. I’m living proof of their power.

change, family, work

Step 267: Thanks for the Wings

Christa Avampato

My mom and pop are on their way to Florida today, setting off for a new chapter filled with sunshine and only the things they love. The days of working for someone else’s goals are a memory for them. They’ve more than earned this new place in the sun.

I would be lying if I didn’t confess that there’s a bit of heartache in this decision for me. My parents are getting older, heading into the autumn of their lives and all that aging brings with it. They’ll be a 2.5 hour plane ride away now rather than a 1.5 hour train ride. Wit their move, I am reminded again that life is changing. Always changing, and fleeting.

At my mom’s retirement dinner this week, a large room full of friends gathered together to send her off in style and to thank her for so many years together. Some of them had such a hard time saying good-bye. I did, too. And I know it’s not good-bye to them, but it is good-bye to what has been for so long. And even though this is a wonderful, well-deserved and long-overdue change, there is a bit of mourning in it. There’s always mourning baked into change.

My brother, Joey, gave one of the speeches at mom’s dinner. It was a really beautiful sentiment based on my mom’s favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. He simply said, “thanks for the wings.” And we all felt that. Even when mom couldn’t fly with us, she still pushed us out of the nest and sent us on our way so we could fly solo into whatever future we wanted. She lifted us up, and even if we didn’t always agree with her, she never prevented us from going where we felt we needed to go.

Joey got it right – thanks for the wings, Mom. And everything that you had to sacrifice to give them to us. Now, it’s your turn to get some wings of your own.

animals, dogs, family

Step 261: Meet Phineas, My New Dog

Christa Avampato

Finally, after months (maybe even years) of deliberating, I rescued a dog from the Humane Society. Meet Phineas (Phin for short), a black and tan 10-pound dachshund, part wire hair, part smooth coat, part mini, part standard size. About a year ago, we lost our dachshund, Sebastian, and it was a heartbreaking event for my entire family. We really loved that little guy and this is the first year of my life that I’ve ever spent without a dog to love. Now that the grieving has passed and I can now almost mention Sebastian’s name without crying, it’s time for a new chapter in my life with canines. And just as I decided I was ready, Phineas appeared through the help of New York Dachshund Rescue and the Westchester Shore Humane Society in Harrison, NY.

I woke up this morning as if it were Christmas, eager to meet Phineas and see if he was a match. I knew in just a few minutes that this guy was the one for me – now if only dating were so easy (and I suppose it is with the right guy!) My newly retired mom, a great dog lover, met me at the Humane Society and agreed to watch him this weekend while I’m out-of-town. She fell in love with him on sight – another good sign! I’ve started reading Cesar Milan’s book, Cesar’s Way, and have plowed through many of Temple Grandin’s books in an effort to understand how dogs think and how to give them the very best lives possible by giving them what they need, not what we need. It’s going to be quite an adventure with Phineas and I’m looking forward to it!

A lot more to come as I travel down this new path. As I learn about Phineas, dogs, and myself in the process, I’ll record the journey here. Happy trails and tails!

Above is a photo of Phin and I, about 10 minutes after meeting. It’s our first photo together.

celebration, change, family, work

Step 260: My Mom Retired Today

Christa Avampato

When I was a teenager, I distinctly remember watching the news with my mom one night and there was a segment on retirement and social security. It was quickly becoming apparent to our nation that my generation would likely never collect social security despite all we would pay into it for many years. My mom said something like, “it must be nice to retire.” I replied with something like, “you’ll find out someday.” And then I have a snapshot in my mind of my mom hanging her head and saying, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to retire.” And it wasn’t for lack of wanting to but lack of means.

That all changed today. Just about now, my mom is packing up the last items of her office, clicking the door shut one last time, and bidding adieu to the life of full-time work. Today she will retire from over 50 years as part of the American workforce – an incredible accomplishment by any standard.

So what’s next for my mom? We’re aren’t 100% sure yet. She’s moving to Florida next week to be close to my sister and her family. She is eager to spend more time with my darling nieces and it’s time for her to spend more time in the sunshine, resting, relaxing, and reflecting. She’ll do that for a bit and then decide what’s next.

Maybe she’ll continue with her own small business, get a part-time job doing something she loves, or spend a lot of time volunteering in her new community. Maybe she’ll take up writing or painting or some other art. Maybe she’ll learn to be a clown and join the circus. My mom is full of surprises. It’s one of the many things I love about her.

I do know that she won’t take retirement lying down. She loves to be busy and active, and now she has the opportunity to really get to her life to-do list now that her employer’s to-do list is done. My mom is a firm believer in the idea that when a door closes a window opens. I can’t wait to see how everything unfolds for her. Happy retirement, Mom – no one is more deserving of it than you!

dreams, family, learning, relationships

Step 206: Dreams Must Be Lived

Christa Avampato

My niece, Lorelei, lives in her tutu. It’s one of the first things she asks for in the morning. She loves to put it on, along with her dancing shoes (little black patent leather shoes with bows on the sides), and tap around on the kitchen tiles. She’d be thrilled if we could tile the whole world like a kitchen. She’ll spin, belt out a few Disney musical tunes, and take a bow. She invites everyone else to join in.

Her tutu transforms her – she takes on a new persona with it. It’s her special everyday costume. As I danced around the kitchen with her almost every morning of my vacation, I wondered what my tutu is. What is that one thing I have that transforms me into exactly the person I want to be? What helps me put away any fears I feel for the sake of just living to the fullest?

I have a white puffy calf-length skirt that I bought several years ago. I live in it during the summer. I love to twirl around in it. It makes me feel like I’m in some far away place, like I’m an explorer. It’s one of the few things that survived the fire in my apartment building. I have no idea how the specialty cleaner got the smoke and soot out of it. I bet they bleached the heck out it, and I’m glad they did. That skirt is my version of a tutu.

I’m not a clotheshorse – I actually hate shopping, particularly shopping for clothing. I do think it’s important to have one item that helps us to actualize and crystallize our lives exactly as we wish them to be. It helps to keep dreams in the forefront of our minds.

This week, I worked on numbers, letters, and vocabulary with Lorelei. She taught me about the value of not only having dreams, but also acting out our dreams. I think I got the better end of the deal.

The photo above is my niece, Lorelei, dancing in her tutu. If you have your version of a tutu, I’d love to hear about it!

family, time, travel

Step 205: Choosing to Board, or Not

Christa Avampato

Delta sent me a message this morning that read “time to check-in” and my immediate reaction was “no”. I’ve been having a blast with my family, especially my little nieces, and I’m not ready for the fun to end tomorrow morning at 6am. I love my life in NYC – my friends, my neighborhood, and my projects that are coming up in the Fall. Some parts of my life need sprucing up.

1.) Dating for the summer has been fun, actually dating for the past year has been fun, and now I’m ready to be in a relationship again. I wasn’t sure this day was going to arrive, but here it is. To read more on the topic of relationships, check out my Owning Pink blog.

2.) More than anything, I need more flexibility with my time, mostly from a geographic stand-point. This trip to Florida showed me that I need to watch my nieces grow up. I need to travel even more than I do. There are conferences and events all over the country (and globe for that matter) that I want to attend. My work, at least a portion of it, needs to be wherever I am.

Those two areas are heavy ones for me, each with plenty of sprucing needed. They’ll be getting some focus and attention, long overdue, in the weeks ahead.

family, happiness, harmony, sunshine, thankful, time

Step 202: Making Moments

Christa Avampato

Yesterday, the fam and I headed out to New Smyrna Beach, Florida. We splashed around in the salty surf, hung out on the sand in our sun dome – so much better than an umbrella, collected seashells, and looked for jellies washed in by the waves (my niece, Lorelei’s, favorite beach activity). Perfect temperatures, both air and water, made for a relaxing, care-free afternoon.

My sister, Weez, snapped pictures of us and as I looked at those photos I was reminded of how special days and moments like these will be treasured for many years to come. My nieces are growing fast. I imagined how we’d think about these days when the girls are older, how we’d long for these very moments as life trolls on. I was glad and grateful to appreciate them in real-time, for what they are now and what they will mean in the days ahead.

That awareness is something I’m working to harness. We have special moments all the time; we just don’t always know they were special until they’ve passed. I’d like to catch them by the tail as they whiz by, in the hopes that I can hang on to them for just a little bit longer.

The image above is a picture of New Smyrna Beach, Florida.

family, happiness, simplicity

Step 200: Getting to Simple

Christa Avampato

“Power is the ability not to have to please.” ~ Elizabeth Janeway, American author and critic

Simplicity is hard work. It involves letting go of preconceived notions, the opinions of others, and every would, could, and should that we encounter daily. A lot of people, products, services, and companies want to complicate our lives; they want to keep us on our toes and on the go for their own purposes. Gaining and maintaining simplicity requires power and willpower.

I am in Florida this week with my family and we’re enjoying a lot of simple fun. Hanging out with the kids, going to the beach tomorrow, easy meals, morning cartoons, and afternoon siestas. Every day this week will feel like Saturday. A few times I’ve caught myself making to-do lists and panicking that this, that, and the other thing need to be done. And they do – but not right now. Chores can, and will, wait.

Even when I get back to New York City life, I’m going to give it my best shot to keep it simple. Complication is easy – it’s everywhere, comes in every flavor, and can be taken up at any time. Simplicity is the harder road, the more challenging goal, but in the end I think it’s the way to more happiness. Just check out the grin on my face above.

The image above is my niece, Lorelei, giving me a kiss to wake me up from a nap I was taking in the car.

children, family

Step 173: Introducing Aubree Alice, My New Niece

Christa Avampato

Dear Aubree,
We are so excited that you have arrived to sprinkle even more joy into our lives. We are thrilled that you are healthy with ten precious fingers, 10 precious toes, and already a pretty little smile. You are pretty perfect.

Though the world can sometimes seem scary, I know that it will be a better place now that you are in it. You will make us better, happier, stronger people who strive even more to make this world a bit brighter for your sake. We don’t have words yet to tell you how much we love you or how happy we are that you have joined the human race.

We’re so excited to see what you will learn, how you will grow, and who you will become. We promise to be here for you, for every little step, stumble, and wobble. Just reach out your perfect hands and we promise to catch you. Thank you for being here, for being born, for taking this journey with us.

Love,
Your Nan