Category: dreams

choices, clarity, dreams, faith

Beginning: Your Mission Possible

Christa Avampato

“What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible.” ~Theodore Roethke

A few days ago, the brilliant Tom Friedman wrote his weekly New York Times opinion piece on “The Start-up of You“. It’s a quick read, insightful, and hopeful. The last few lines are particularly poignant for me: You have to strengthen the muscles of resilience. “You may have seen the news that [the] online radio service Pandora went public the other week,” Hoffman said. “What’s lesser known is that in the early days [the founder] pitched his idea more than 300 times to V.C.’s with no luck.” In other words, you’ve got to have confidence in your own center.

This concept of confidence in our center is particularly powerful for me lately as I work on providing yoga and meditation to people who are recovering from trauma. One of the main challenges in transcending trauma is that trauma robs us of our center. In trauma, we have trouble getting quiet and going inside to tap our deepest wisdom. The trauma itself becomes our center; the focal point around which our other decisions are made.

Once we have a healthy center, of our own creation and internally guided, our confidence grows. And it’s not blind confidence or an overly powerful ego – it’s the quiet confidence that radiates from us. It’s charisma and authenticity.

That’s what Tim Westergren, the founder of Pandora, has. I heard him speak at Darden while I was a student there, and his vision and purpose are so clear. Despite the naysayers and those who thought the idea of Pandora would just never work, he could keep going and keep pitching his clear, simple message about the service. It was his center.

That’s how Compass Yoga was born and why its mission continues to drive me. When everything else falls away, I have my experience and my yoga. Those two things travel with me everywhere, and together they planted the seed that became Compass Yoga’s mission to provide wellness programs to those with a specific health concern. That is my center, what I know to be possible even if others see it as otherwise.

So now this begs the question, what is your center? What sustains you when everything and everyone else falls away, and how can you share that for the benefit of the world around you?

children, dreams, imagination

Beginning: My Niece’s Quest to be Mary Poppins

Christa Avampato

Flick user OhWhataChristy
Last week I spent a lot of time with my two nieces, Lorelei and Aubree, who are 3 and 1 respectively. Lorelei has a new-found obsession with the original Mary Poppins movie. She watches it with such intensity, and then sings the songs and mimics all of the movements. Her laser beam focus, which she’s had since she was a baby, is something to behold. I always wonder exactly what she’s thinking as she observes so keenly.

We were out in front of her house last week, drawing chalk pictures on the drive way and playing with her fancy umbrella and tricycle.
She turned to me and said, “Nan (that’s her nickname for me), can you help me get up there?”

“Where, Lorelei?” I asked her

She pointed at the sky. “Up there. Way up there. Like Mary Poppins.”

“Honey, I don’t know how to fly like Mary Poppins.”

“How does she do that? I want to do that. It looks fun.”

“I’m sure it is fun,” I said and I thought about how great that would be to just grab an umbrella and get where I want to go. My commute to work would be so much better.

While we may view that movie as filled with lots of things that can’t happen – floating up to the ceiling by laughing, taking adventures through chalk drawings, and using carousel horses to race – Lorelei doesn’t see any of that as impossible. She’s at the age when she can dream anything into fruition. I hope she never loses that sense of wonder and belief in herself. I do hope she becomes a Mary Poppins in her own right.

It was such an awesome moment with her in front of her house. I’m sure I’ll remember it all my life and recount it to her when she’s older. My guess is that there will always be a part of Lorelei who believes that anything is possible. And she helps me to keep that perspective, too. She reminds me that our imaginations are amazing and magical playgrounds. No wonder it’s my favorite place to go.

“Someday,” Lorelei said, “I’m going to fly like Mary Poppins.” And I’m sure she will.

1, choices, dreams, opportunity

Beginning: The Possibilities of You

Christa Avampato

“The important thing, it seems to me, is that we believe in the possibilities of one another.” ~ Feo Aladag, Director of When We Leave, to Cinema Without Borders

Yesterday I promised to tell you about the second dream I had in Florida that was so vivid, so eerie, that I felt it was more of a message than a dream. This one is about options, possibilities, and just how many of them are all around us.

The dream
In the dream I was seated in a very dark room, so dark that I actually wasn’t able to see anything. I didn’t feel frightened or alarmed in any way. It was as if I was just sitting cross-legged on the floor and with my closed eyes had blocked out all the light. There was a very clear voice, not my own and not belonging to anyone I recognized. The only thing I was certain of is that the voice was male.

Very clearly and calmly that voice said to me, “You’re not as penned in as you think.” I started on why I need to keep my day job with the fact of my pesky student loans right at the top of the list. Then the voice asked me to really think about that reason and see if it’s true. And just like that, the dream ended and I woke up.

A lesson from my younger self
I thought about my students loans. While the total dollar amount is higher than I’d like, the monthly payment is lower than my student loan payment was when I first graduated from undergrad in 1998. And what did I do in 1998? I went running off to New York City to chase a crazy dream of working on Broadway shows. I didn’t move here, get a day job, and chase my dream on the side. I went for it, both feet in. It was difficult, I struggled, and there were plenty of days when I wondered what I was really doing. When those days hit, I just buckled down, showed up, and kept going because moving forward was the only thing I knew how to do.

Maybe the voice in my dream had a point. Maybe it is time for me to let go of the guideline that I have to pay off my student loans before I can leave a stable day job. If we want to live extraordinary lives, then we can’t spend all our days living our dreams on the side. The only box we are really in is the one we build around ourselves; we’re not as penned in as we may feel. We have to believe in our own possibilities and the possibilities of one another.

career, dreams, work

Beginning: Leaving My Assistant Hat Behind

Christa Avampato

I had two very vivid dreams while on vacation in Florida. They were so powerful that I truly feel like they were not just merely dreams, but messages. Being away from my home base opened up my mind to new possibilities and ideas. Not surprisingly, both of these dreams had to do with finding my life’s work. One was an affirmation of what I’ve known for some time but didn’t know how to articulate and the other had to do with options as I move forward. I’ll tell you about the first one today and the second one tomorrow.

My chance with The New York Times
I was interviewing to be the assistant to the Executive Editor of The New York Times, an institution that I treasure. For some reason, I decided to stop off and run an errand before going to the interview. My interview was at 5:30 and I looked down at my watch while finishing my errand and it read 5:36. I ended up getting to the interview at 5:50 and Bill Keller (the former editor who just stepped down last month) was waiting for me. He told me he was very disappointed in my tardiness though with some work I could probably make a good assistant. At first, I was horrified at being late (those of you who know me personally know of my great love for punctuality), and then I was horrified by the word “assistant”. I got up from the table, told Mr. Keller I wasn’t interested in being anyone’s assistant, and walked out of the building. It felt amazing.

No longer assistant material
This dream has real significance for a few reasons. If there is any institution that resonates with me for its history and commitment to excellence, it’s The New York Times and I am a huge fan of Bill Keller’s (despite his skepticism about social media). If I was disgusted by the thought of being his assistant, then I can’t really imagine signing up to be anyone’s assistant. I’m grateful for the time I spent as an assistant; I learned so much. And now those days are behind me. For everything, there is a season.

Love the work, love the result
This dream also made me realize that for my work to be truly satisfying, I have to love the work itself as much as the result of that work. I would never be an assistant at The New York Times because that is the kind of job that requires the commitment of someone’s entire life. I used to be a person who could do that; I certainly did that to work in professional theater and I ultimately left to get a life. Now, I guard my personal time as a prized possession. The only mission I’m professionally committed to now is my own with Compass Yoga. I love the work and results of yoga and its teaching.

Times change, and our priorities change right along with them. Now I’m meant to work for me.

choices, courage, design, determination, dreams

Beginning: Be an Invisionary

Christa Avampato

“Vision is the art of seeing the invisible.” ~ Jonathan Swift

“My favorite place is my imagination.” ~ ME

Every once in a while, I get a real fire under me. I’m not sure where it comes from, though it’s almost always linked to something I read like this quote by Jonathan Swift. And when this fire gets going, I feel the need to crack open my laptop and get this all down because I’m certain that the words I’m about to think are the words that someone somewhere needs to hear, right now at this very moment.

It’s easy to see what is right in front of us. What’s more difficult, though ultimately more rewarding, is to imagine what could be and bring it into being. There’s much talk in the business world about leaders of companies who are “visionaries”, and in business that has largely meant people who see the current situation with a slight twist that vastly improves value. Minimal work for a lot of pay off. There’s nothing wrong with that at all – masters of the 80 / 20 rule, they have been able to steer the companies they run through our economic storms of late.

Though I appreciate the work of visionaries, the people who really inspire me, who really impress me and motivate me, are invisionaries – people who see a whole new way of being to improve their own lot and that of others. They see things that have never even been thought of, much less acted upon. They attack challenges that most people run from. They look at big problems in the world and rather than turning a blind eye, stand firmly rooted into the ground and say, “I can make this better.” They are people of action, people who don’t hesitate. They don’t need all the answers, they just need the next step. They’ll gladly pave the road as they travel it. In actuality, they prefer it that way.

This is who I’m trying to be with the mission of Compass Yoga – an invisionary – and it’s what I want for all of you, too. I don’t want us to be limited by what’s here in front of us. I want us to tear down the walls we see in our lives. Climb over them, plow through them, dig your way underneath if you have to. Need a boost? Let me know, and I’ll gladly offer it up. Just get out there, and live the life you really want.

I know this work isn’t easy. I’m asking a lot of myself, and I’m asking a lot of you, too. And here’s why – there a lot of people who are going to tell you, “You must do X because long ago you decided to do Y.” These people will tell you that no matter what you want to do, you just can’t. Maybe these people are your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers, or your boss. I want you to thank them for their opinions and then turn the volume on them off. I’m here to be the voice that tells you to roll the dice; the only thing you have to lose is regret for not living the life you want.

It’s tough to get people to see the world through your mind’s eye; don’t blame them. Many people are not invisionaries, and have no desire to be. They will plod along and be just fine. The people who do something really extraordinary with their lives, who make a difference, are the ones who are in this game every day courageously weaving the fabric of their own lives and the lives of those they want to help. Hold that as your ideal, your model.

Don’t take no for an answer. Open every window, swing open every door, and when all else fails get out your chisel and hammer and make your own way out of the box and into the light. If we can live like this, then we can live lives by our own designs. And what could be more gratifying than that?!

discovery, dreams, story, teaching, writing, yoga

Beginning: Thinking Your Dreams Into Being

Christa Avampato

“You are what you think.” ~ Dr. Lu

I saw this image yesterday when I went searching for information on the image I posted yesterday about how to live your life by your own design. This poem by Frank Outlaw reminded me of this quote from Dr. Lu, a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine. Who we become begins with our thoughts on our purpose. You can think the life you want into being. Frank Outlaw just handed us a map of 31 words.

As a writer, the second step of the journey – turning thoughts into words – is where I spend a considerable amount of time. Our words are the first pathways to our personal transformation. As a yoga teacher and yoga therapist, I help students find their own words by working through their own barriers in the body. Our past challenges, mental and physical, store physically in different parts of the body. Through yoga, we can remove the blocks in our bodies that then allow us to articulate our stories.

Once we can articulate our stories, we begin to heal and we become the rulers of our thoughts rather than our thoughts ruling us. It’s this combination of writing and yoga that is so powerful for me as a student and as a teacher. This is where it all comes together. I’m not here to impart any wisdom; I’m here to guide others to their own wisdom that they already have within them.

determination, dreams, work, writing, yoga

Beginning: Take it From Yoda and a Yogi – All You Have Are Your Actions, and They Are Enough

Christa Avampato

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda

“You are entitled to your actions, not the results of your actions. You leave the results to the Divine.” ~ Marco Rojas, Yoga Teacher

I went to dinner with my friend, Allan, on Saturday night and he asked me how I managed to teach yoga classes in so many different places this past year since I finished my teacher training at Sonic. Without even thinking about the answer, I said, “Because I cannot be deterred, Allan.” And it’s true. If I really want to do something, I’m going to find a way to make it happen.

Lessons from striking out
This is not to say that I never strike out or fall flat on my face. I strike out plenty, and I’ve fallen on my face so many times that it’s shocking I have a face left at all. The truth is in the past year I’ve sent out so many emails, made so many cold calls, and just flat-out walked in to so many potential teaching spots that I’ve lost count. Most of them never returned my calls, emails, or in-person messages that I left. Most of them didn’t hire me. Sometimes I felt disappointed at all of the rejection, but I just kept showing up. Showing up was the only thing I could really control. And every rejection helped me refine my pitch, and my style, a little bit more.

And that’s the trick to getting over and through disappointment: figure out what you can actually do, and focus on doing more of it. I couldn’t make someone hire me. I couldn’t make someone even look at my resume or give me an informational interview. I could keep searching, and I felt confident that if I knocked on enough doors, one of them, the right one for me, would open, and I’d find the students I was meant to teach.

Ignore the skeptics, or at least learn from them
Everyone will tell you that what you want to do is too difficult, that there are already people who do what you want to do, and that you should just try to do something that’s easier. I’ve got news for them: it’s all difficult. Everything worth doing takes effort, and a lot of it. I wanted to manage Broadway shows. I wanted to learn how to be a fundraiser. I wanted to be a product developer who works with new technology. I wanted to move to New York City, and I really wanted to live on the Upper West Side, which always was my favorite neighborhood in New York (and remains so today). I wanted to adopt a dog. I wanted to travel, teach yoga, and be a writer. None of that is easy; it all takes effort and a lot of people told me that each and every one of those things just wouldn’t happen for me for one reason or another. I took their feedback and kept going.

I did all of those things and then some, and not because I have some kind of extraordinary talent. I did them out of dogged determination. I was stubborn and I just wouldn’t give up. If I could stay focused on the action, then I knew the result would follow. Sometimes it took longer than I thought it would. Sometimes I got what I wanted, and then realized it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. Sometimes I had to make trade-offs. But I tried and tried and tried again. No silver bullet. No magic formula. Hard work was enough; it always is. Eventually, even a mountain yields to constant, flowing water.

dreams, New York City

Beginning: A Little More Air, Please

Christa Avampato
Perry Street in the West Village, New York City

“Afoot and lighthearted I take to the open road, healthy, free, the world before me.”
~ Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

When I have an intense day of activities I try to take lunch by myself. This is especially true when I’m in yoga teacher training sessions. I need that hour in the middle of a day of learning to just sit, be, and absorb with as much silence as possible. I find that if I can do that, I can be completely present with people in the morning and afternoon sessions because my batteries are recharged with that tiny amount of “me” time.

Falling in love again on Perry Street
I took some “me” time last Sunday, grabbed my lunch, and found a sunny spot along Perry Street, one of my favorite streets in New York. A few days ago I was watching Part 2 to the New York documentary series done by PBS. In that episode there is a discussion about Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman’s love letter to New York City. In hearing those words, I was reminded of how many people have come and gone along these streets, and how for everyone there is a new discovery of their New York City experience that mirrors what so many people have felt before. Those dreams with a light and airy quality are the ties that bind New Yorkers together across time.

Where did the air go?
A few days ago, I took a dosha test – a personality test of sorts that has its roots in Ayurvedic medicine. I was a little alarmed to see how much the “vatta” or “air” quality of my personality has been pushed aside. I’m grounded and action oriented, but a little bit more of that dreamer would be good for me. On Perry Street, I was able to remember that feeling of being very young and new to New York. Even though my love affair with this city has gone on for a dozen years, I still find something new here every day. Feeling my way through the development of Compass Yoga, and the therapeutic yoga training at Integral Yoga Institute in particular, I have been able to find some of that air again. I have a new skin, a new outlook on this city and my role in this community.

Somewhere in this 12 year relationship with New York, I’ve lost a bit of that dreamy, airy quality. I’ve been so focused on paying my school loans, striving, and achieving in a city that moves at an unstoppable pace that I’d forgotten how good it feels to just let the mind wander for a bit. It’s fun to see where it goes.

Dreaming helps the living
And the best part is that after even just a short period of dreaming over lunch on Perry Street, I could get back to the business of my yoga teaching training at Integral with a renewed, open sensibility. I could be more present with my classmates and teachers. My teaching was spot on and it felt amazing. So much for the theory of idle time being truly idle. In those dreamy moments, there is serious work going on that makes the rest of our time that much more valuable to those around us.

dreams, fear, strengths

Beginning: Surviving the Uh-oh Moment So We Can Have the Lives We Want

Christa Avampato

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” ~ Ambrose Redmoon

“Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.” ~ Dan Rather

Why is it that just when we are on the doorstep of doing exactly what we want to do, there is often a moment of hesitation and fear, a moment when we wonder, “Can I really do this?” I had this feeling yesterday around 5:00pm. I had just gotten onto the subway to head downtown to Integral Yoga Institute for my first session of Therapeutic Yoga Teacher Training with Cheri Clampett and Arturo Peal. I have been planning to take this training for a number of months and it’s the first training step I’m taking to transition my career full-time to work on Compass Yoga. And though I know this is the right path, that this is what the world needs and what I need, I had a very brief “uh-oh, what have I done?” moment.

This isn’t the first time this moment has crept up on me. As an actor and musician in college, I always had this exact same moment right before a show. I would literally be in the wings, on the verge of being sick, wishing I could just run for the exit. It happens to me when I speak publicly, whether I’m presenting or just asking a question in front of a large group of people. I often feel this moment just as I’m wrapping up a blog post and my finger is hovering over the “publish” button. Is what I’ve written too personal, too candid, or on a topic that is much too sensitive? There is something inherently scary about whole-heartedly putting ourselves out into the world, in front of others, and saying, “This is who I am.” How can we get comfortable with being uncomfortable? How do we remain equal parts vulnerable and strong?

Now that I’ve dealt with stage fright in all it’s forms for many years, I’ve got a few methods that I use that have never failed me:

1.) Remember that what you’re feeling is not unique and it’s okay to be afraid. I’ll even go one step further and say that if you aren’t afraid to do something new, it may not even be worth doing. Fear is a very human response and a sign that you care so much about what you’re about to do, that you want to honor its importance as much as you possibly can. The best way to honor your action’s importance is to keep going right through the fear!

2.) Remember your intention. For me, this path of Compass Yoga is the work of my lifetime; it is my contribution to humanity. On the doorstep of Integral Yoga Institute last night, I reminded myself of all of the people who will be helped by my work in therapeutic yoga, people who right now at this moment need that help and aren’t receiving it. I walked through that door for them.

3.) Remember what’s on the other side of your fear. There’s so much anxiety that resides in anticipation. Once I get to where I’m going, I’m fine. What I fear is the lead up to that uh-oh moment, not the action I’m taking in and of itself. Last week at the Urban Zen event I went to, Lauren Zander made a powerful comment about fear: on the other side of your fears are your life’s greatest accomplishments. So don’t run from fear, but run toward your future accomplishments, recognizing that fear is just a tiny bump on the road to great happiness.

4.) Carry an inspiration with you. When I’m really frightened, I remind myself of two very inspiring passages about moving through fear. The ideas behind them always help me walk through my uh-oh moments:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so? ~ Marianne Williamson

Many of us have lived desert lives: very small on the surface, and enormous underground. Because of this, so often we feel we live in an empty space where there is just one cactus with one brilliant red flower on it, and then in every direction, 500 miles of nothing. But for those of us who will go 501 miles, there is something more. Don’t be a fool. Go back and stand under that one red flower and walk straight ahead for that last hard mile. Crawl through the window of your dream. ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes

All this to say that I want you to keep going along whatever path you want to be on. You will have moments of fear, hesitation, and doubt. You may feel like a fraud, and on the surface this feeling may seem insurmountable. I assure you it is not; it is just part of the journey. Fear is an obstacle placed in your way only so that you can realize how much strength and conviction you really have. You have every right to have exactly the life you want, to do the work you really want to do, to help the people you want to help with your own gifts and talents. Push through.

art, dreams

Beginning: Shouting and Drawing Dreams on My New Computer Tablet

Christa Avampato

For Christmas, I bought myself a Wacom – a drawing tablet that attaches to my computer. Sort of like a high-tech Etch-A-Sketch. I have been wanting to do some art work that I can showcase online and this seemed like the best outlet for that. To the left here is my first real doodle – it depicts a dream I had a few weeks ago about standing at the very edge of a cliff and shouting out into a valley. And when I woke up, I felt like a tremendous release had occurred.

I was a little clumsy with the Wacom for the first month that I’ve been trying it out. I would draw a shape and then try to use the paint bucket icon to fill it in. It took me a while to realize that doesn’t work. I actually had to color in a shape myself, just like I would with a paintbrush. I laughed at myself. It’s been so long since I’ve created any visual art that I almost forgot how to do it. I really do need to be doing more art.

I tried to think of a way to write about the experience of my dream, of that release, but no words came to mind. The dream was so visual, that I felt a drawing, albeit not a very sophisticated one, would be a better reflection of it. So here it is – me on the edge, shouting dreams into a valley. My first doodle of the year – what do you think?

This blog is part of the 2011 WordPress Post Every Day Challenge.