Category: dating

dating, friendship, relationships

Leap: We Matter in the Lives of Others

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“We don’t set out to save the world; we set out to wonder how other people are doing and to reflect on how our actions affect other people’s hearts.” ~ Pema Chodron

Some people have an incredible ability to be one person and pretend to be another.

In an unusual twist for me this weekend, I learned this lesson the hard way and a relationship that has been a part of my life in a variety of forms for many years crumbled away in a matter of minutes. It’s hard to get me down but these kinds of turns really set me spinning. I always expect people to be who they are, and it still surprises me when they aren’t. I let myself have a day to feel that sadness and loss for what it is – terrible.

I woke up this morning with a vivid realization – we have an enormous responsibility to one another because our actions have such a profound effect on the lives of those around us. Kindness is such an under-rated quality and yet, in the end, it’s the one that really matters because it can change the course of someone’s life.

Let’s be good to each other. Let’s be exactly who are because other people are counting on us.

dating, personality, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – The Explorer

Christa Avampato

Last month, there was a clip of me on 20/20. During the summer, I was invited to a party hosted by Chemistry.com where I was getting matched up with a number of people that were supposedly perfect for me. I did meet some interesting folks, despite my initial skepticism. I was highlighted on 20/20 as the classic “Explorer” personality. I usually dislike being “typed”, however this definition suits me almost too well. 


I think about my career (or more accurately – careers (plural)), my friends, my interests, my education, my travels, my hobbies. The common thread is this unending desire to explore anything new and different. I am a restless spirit. That trait has caused me plenty of trouble, and it’s also brought me an equal amount of joy. It’s left me sometimes lonely though more often very fulfilled. Wandering can cause me to feel lost and aimless, though the search is always filled with surprise and keeps me pushing forward. 

If I consider my ideal anything – career, relationship, trip, etc. – it always involves discovery. Each new adventure uncovers another tiny piece of me that I didn’t know existed. Many times I tried to settle down and play a consistent part, and until very recently I didn’t understand why I was ultimately more comfortable with the unknown rather than the stable. Now I know its hard-wired in me. I am proud to represent all Explorers – let the search continue, always.  

Many thanks to my friends, Alex and Shawn, for creating the link to my 20/20 clip on YouTube, and to Col for taking the still of my name tag with her iPhone!
dating, education, learning, new media, technology

Learning a new language

Christa Avampato

At the BlogHer Conference, I heard Kerry Miller speak about her inspiration for her blog, PassiveAggressiveNotes.com. She was on a terrible date, explaining the passive aggressive notes her roommates would leave one another on post-its. She joked that she should put them on a blog, and she did, and the rest is history. It’s now become a very popular site with hundreds of people logging in every day. Even a bad date can have a good outcome, even if it’s not the good outcome you were hoping for. 


Which is how I consoled myself last night after a date that might be described as one of the worst dates ever. I rarely dish about dating on this site, though this story had some usefulness eventually. To give you a taste of what transpired – after regaling me with his ability to find a bargain, his side business scalping concert tickets on Ebay, and his knowledge of five French vocabulary words, he then managed to use curse words relating to the human anatomy and phrases like “wow, the youngsters here are enthusiastic.” (We were at a rock concert – note to self, rock concerts are not a good venue for a first date.) The date ended with me getting so sick to my stomach and dizzy from all of the smoking in the audience that I had to go outside, get some fresh air, and in the process dropped my ticket, banning me from re-entry. Thankfully, I had written down his cell phone number so I  sent him a text to let him know I was grabbing a cab home. The Universe saved me by snatching that ticket from my pocket. 


So what good could come out of this night that I wished I had stayed home and watched the Food Network? Two things: I know now that my mother was right – when dating, using the decade rule is best. In general, it’s very hard to romantically relate to someone who is 10 years older or younger than me. There of course are exceptions like Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. But by and large, I believe my mother on this one. The other terrific thing to come out of this unfortunate date is a new on-line tool that my date told me about. It’s the one he’s used to learn his five French words. Don’t hold that against the site. 


www.livemocha.com is a language learning site that doubles as a social network The lessons go at your selected pace, and it’s free. So long as you’re motivated to put in the time, you can build your own classroom across the world to help you learn or re-learn a language, and you can help others in the process. While the language of love was clearly eluding me last night, there’s now renewed hope for brushing up on my Spanish! Que bueno!

dating, New York

The Fast Track

Christa Avampato

I took my second shot at speed dating last night. This time, I had 40 mini-dates over the course of 3 hours. And here comes the shocker: out of 40 available men, I found 1 that I’d be interested in seeing again. And that’s only because he’s very good-looking. Now his lack of interestingness could have something to do with him being date #38 for me. He was clearly exhausted from talking about himself so much.

The trouble with speed dating is that the only way you’re really inclined to want to see someone again is if you happen upon an interesting nugget of information about them in the 3 minutes you actually talk to one another (unlikely, though possible) or you have some physical attraction to the person (as was the case with #38.) Now, don’t get me wrong. I did enjoy learning about some of these guys – places they’ve traveled to, where they work, what places they like to go to for happy hour or dinner. There just wasn’t any spark of interest with 39 of them.

My romantic sensibilities make me inclined toward nerds and guys who have a goofy sense of humor who don’t take themselves too seriously. These guys aren’t going to be found in speed dating circles. They’re out in the world, doing things, making things, and having a load of fun doing it. By design, speed dating is really primed for “slicksters” and people who put on aires. When you only have three minutes, there isn’t much time to get real. You’re under a lot of pressure to make a good impression right out of the gate, and you know the person on the other side of the table is watching you very intently.

I didn’t realize all of this until giving it a second go. And so, this concludes the end of my speed-dating days. All two of them. Though, I keep reminding myself, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” I just need a new venue, and I need to slow down.