Category: choices

career, choices, school, student

Beginning: The Process and Product of a Career

Christa Avampato

A friend of mine recently asked me for some advice on how to get into the kind of work I do. I’m currently a product developer in the mobile space, and my first question to her was, “Why do you want to do this kind of work?” She was a little surprised though my interest in the answer was very genuine. She talked about how much she loves technology and how much it does for us to help keep us connected. That’s the end product, and I wanted to know what work, day-to-day, she really enjoyed doing.

The wow of an end-product and the work that goes into making that product are two very different things. I think losing sight of this idea leads many people to jobs they end up disliking. (Though the stats vary widely from study to study, it’s estimated that between 60% and 80% of Americans dislike their jobs.) This is completely understandable – it’s a fine nuance to get our heads around. I started out at Penn as an undergraduate in the engineering school. I loved science and math all through school, and so I thought engineering would blend the two nicely. Plus, I loved the end products of engineering.

I was quickly very unhappy in my classes. I hated the actual work of engineering. What I found I loved was understanding the engineers themselves. How could they possibly sit by themselves in labs for so many long hours. Didn’t they want to talk to anyone? I was fascinated by their focus.

It took me a long time to learn what careers were really for me – those that involve understanding the human mind and the choices we make. I love people and knowing what makes them tick. I want to know why when confronted with choices A, B, and C, they go for C under one set of circumstances and B under another set of circumstances, or even more interestingly, why they sometimes make no choice at all. And then I like to see how those choices impact their lives and the lives of those around them. (After I realized this interest of mine, I became a double major in Economics and History with a minor in Psychology. These are areas of study that all pivot around the psychology of choice, my favorite subject.)

So if you’re looking to start a new career, or you’re trying to understand how on Earth you got yourself into a career that really isn’t for you, my advice is to focus on process. Don’t be so concerned with what you’re creating; consider the act of creation that’s most exciting for you. Don’t let what you’ll be overshadow what you’ll actually do. A career is an action more than it is a title.

choices, decision-making, relationships

Beginning: What We Have, Hold, and Share

Christa Avampato

I recently had a conversation with a mentor who wanted to give me some food for thought. As someone who often wears my heart on my sleeve and my feelings on my face, she told me about some advice that her mother gave her a long time ago: “No one ever said you had to show all 52 cards.” This stunned me.

For the past couple of years I’ve been doing a lot of work on getting to my true nature and at every turn letting my authenticity have the reigns. In this time, I’d never realized that I could still be authentic and not give away the farm. Subconsciously, I’d equated the two.

Putting on my writer’s hat, this idea makes a lot of sense. It would be possible in one paragraph to tell a reader the entire plot of a book though if we gave away the ending up front, the reader would miss all of those wonderful nuggets that are embedded in the middle of the story. They’d know the final destination, but they wouldn’t have the benefit of the lessons learned along the way.

Similarly, if someone sat us down the moment we were born and said, “Look kid, this is how it’s going to play out for you,” we’d miss out on the act of living and all of the guess-work and experimentation that it involves. When we meet a new person, part of the fun of getting to know him is learning about his life one story, one moment, at a time. The mystery is fun.

There is so much joy in not knowing, wondering, hypothesizing, guessing, rethinking, and tinkering. If we just throw everything out on the table all at once, we lose the power of context, surprise, and delight. When you’re starting new, it’s worthwhile to consider letting your authenticity seep out a bit a time. Let that new fact about you, your history, and your abilities be fully appreciated morsel by morsel. A bit of suspense and intrigue has made many a work of art all the more interesting to experience. And remember, you’re a work of art, too.

choices, decision-making, fear, Life

Beginning: Somewhere Between Fear and Boredom

Christa Avampato

On Friday I was having a conversation with someone about his varied career practicing law. Though he’s been a lawyer for several decades, his bath is rather unorthodox as he’d practiced in a number of different specialties and now serves as the vice chairman of a large firm. As someone who has had a varied career, I’m always interested in hearing what makes people change course and what has served as their catalyst for change. This lawyer had a very simple answer:

“I chart my career. On the vertical access I’ve got fear and on the horizontal access I’ve got boredom. Every time I started in a new field I’d be all the way in the top left – high fear, no boredom. Over time, I move down the curve of fear and closer to boredom. Once those two cross, I know it’s time to do something else.”

That way of thinking resonates with me, too. I actually enjoy biting off more than I can chew; I get a rush from the doubt of wondering if I can really do what I’ve set out to do. It gives me drive and stokes my determination. It took a long time to get there.

When I worked in company management on Broadway shows and national tours, I had the great privilege of working with Petula Clark on Sunset Boulevard. I always got her meal so she could eat in her dressing room between the two shows on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes she’d feel chatty so I’d stay and keep her company during dinner. She once asked me if I ever acted. I’d done some college productions and some work in summer stock, though never wanted to pursue the field professionally.

“Why not?” she asked me.

“I have terrible stage fright. I throw up every time before I go on stage,” I said, more than a little embarrassed.

“We’re all a little stage fright, dear,” she said. “The good ones never lose that fear. Keeps us on our toes.”

I liked that idea. I still didn’t want to be an actress and I wasn’t quite sure I believed Petula. She was famously supportive and kind, particularly to young people in the company. I thought she was just saying that to make me feel better. Years later I realized she was absolutely serious. I learned to use my stage fright productively – to help me stay prepared and on point at every turn.

If Petula Clark and this attorney had a conversation about career, I have a feeling they’d see eye-to-eye. The fear we have in starting a new adventure is really quite a gift. It gives us the chance to really feel alive, to feel like we’re taking on something so much bigger than ourselves. We’re going out along our edge to see just how far we can reach. It’s always thrilling to find that the ground out there at the edge is so much more stable that we imagine it to be, and not by happenstance, but because our determination and hard work makes it so.

change, choices, dogs

Beginning: What Dogs Teach Us About Change

Christa Avampato
Phineas patiently waiting for a hug

I’ve now boarded Phin twice, one for a business trip and once to visit my friends in DC. Boarding him felt like such an enormous decision. Would they take good care of him? Would he be safe, fed, and exercised properly? The team at Biscuits and Bath has been wonderful with him, giving him lots of attention and play time, though each time I’ve left him there’s a little part of me that feels hollow. And while I was briefly free of the obligation to take care for him at all times while I was away, it felt strange to not have him with me, as if something was not quite right with the world until I would pick him up.

This is the lesson of change that Phin has taught me: change takes adjustment. When I first got him, I had to reconfigure my schedule to wake up earlier to get a long morning walk in and adjust my weekends so I would also be around in the afternoon for his walk. I had to find a dog walker so he would have company during the day and so I could go out after work without having to rush home every night. It was a financial adjustment, too, securing pet insurance, medical appointments, high quality food, and regular medications as needed. We also had separation anxiety to sort through, and a routine to establish his security when I did have to leave him on his own at home. And above all, we needed to bond as a pair to enrich both of our lives.

It’s a lot of work to have a dog, particularly in a city and on my own. Much more work than I ever thought it would be. And yet, I cannot imagine what I ever did without little Phin. He’s become so much a part of my life in every way that I feel strange without his energy in my home. It’s as if I can’t be wholly me unless I know he’s safe and sound in our home.

Animals have this magical way of finding their way into our hearts just by being. Phin and I don’t speak the same language and yet we certainly understand each other. Just when I need a hug, he climbs out of his bed, does his little yoga stretches and makes his way over to my lap. When I need to get some work done, he toddles over to his toys and is more than happy to play independently. All without me saying a word. His innate comprehension on an emotional level is astounding.

If only people could be so attuned to their environments. Imagine how much more we could be there for each other, how much more comfort and concern we could provide in exactly the right amount, at exactly the right time. No wonder so many say that dogs are more than companions; they are our greatest teachers, too.

choices, economy, government, politics, President

Beginning: Our Role in the Economic Recovery

Christa Avampato

In DC, I was struck by how much wider the street blocks are in comparison to NYC. In New York, we always feel like we’re moving quickly because it’s easy to see progress in our movements. DC has more space and so it feels like a slow march to our destination.

As we have watched the antics play out in Washington in the past month, I couldn’t help but link the seemingly too slow progress on the Hill to the too slow progress I felt as I traversed the city on foot. I pride myself on having a quick New Yorker step. In DC, my progress was slow and steady no matter how quickly I put one foot in front of the other. It felt like I covered so much more ground with so much more effort in DC than I ever do in New York.

And maybe that’s the trick. I know you’re frustrated by Washington politics. I am, too, and I really do believe that the majority of politicians on both sides of the aisle are also frustrated. As I stood in front of that great Capitol Dome, I couldn’t help but feel a very strong sense of responsibility. The awesomeness of its size and detail is overwhelming, but small in comparison to the decisions that are being made inside.

Our government housed in that Dome is an enormous, gangly beast. To tame and then reform it is quite possibly the most complicated task in the world. It takes time, patience, and commitment. There is no slam dunk answer to any problem facing government today. There is no silver bullet despite the clever sound bites being thrown around by those jockeying for a more powerful position. It is a long, multi-term slog. We will take steps forward and back in an unpredictable dance because we are so intricately intertwined with our global neighbors. The butterfly effect is more potent than ever, and it is inescapable.

It would be easy to throw our hands up and buy into the propaganda being highlighted in every major and minor media outlet. It would be so (temporarily) comforting to pin all our hopes on a political messiah who claims he or she can wave some magic Washington wand and sprinkle the glitter of prosperity across our stubbornly depressed economy. That is the stuff of fairy tales.

Recovery will take many small and courageous acts by ordinary folks like you and me. We vote every day with our purchases, large and small, as much as we do at our polling stations on election day. We decide to go to work or look for a new job. We show up and do our best, or we don’t. We decide to work hard or slack off. We decide to innovate or phone it in, on every level of our lives. We decide to be numb or be present. We are teaching everyone around us in every moment through our words and actions. Those are the choices that will create lasting and fruitful change or continue to send us down in a potentially fatal spiral. These small opportunities for choice are so embedded into the fabric of our lives that we sometimes don’t even realize we’re making them. We forget how much impact and power we really have.

I turned these thoughts over and over in my mind as I made my way up to meet friends in Northwest DC for dinner and drinks. Visiting our nation’s capitol, my former home and maybe one day home again, reminded me of the incredible responsibility that rests with all of us. If we are going to truly reap the benefits of a free nation and free markets, then we cannot turn our backs in frustration when it so desperately needs our attention. Keep tuning in. Keep asking questions, searching for solutions, and raising possibilities. It’s a big ship, and we will all need to work together to turn it around.

choices, clarity, dreams, faith

Beginning: Your Mission Possible

Christa Avampato

“What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible.” ~Theodore Roethke

A few days ago, the brilliant Tom Friedman wrote his weekly New York Times opinion piece on “The Start-up of You“. It’s a quick read, insightful, and hopeful. The last few lines are particularly poignant for me: You have to strengthen the muscles of resilience. “You may have seen the news that [the] online radio service Pandora went public the other week,” Hoffman said. “What’s lesser known is that in the early days [the founder] pitched his idea more than 300 times to V.C.’s with no luck.” In other words, you’ve got to have confidence in your own center.

This concept of confidence in our center is particularly powerful for me lately as I work on providing yoga and meditation to people who are recovering from trauma. One of the main challenges in transcending trauma is that trauma robs us of our center. In trauma, we have trouble getting quiet and going inside to tap our deepest wisdom. The trauma itself becomes our center; the focal point around which our other decisions are made.

Once we have a healthy center, of our own creation and internally guided, our confidence grows. And it’s not blind confidence or an overly powerful ego – it’s the quiet confidence that radiates from us. It’s charisma and authenticity.

That’s what Tim Westergren, the founder of Pandora, has. I heard him speak at Darden while I was a student there, and his vision and purpose are so clear. Despite the naysayers and those who thought the idea of Pandora would just never work, he could keep going and keep pitching his clear, simple message about the service. It was his center.

That’s how Compass Yoga was born and why its mission continues to drive me. When everything else falls away, I have my experience and my yoga. Those two things travel with me everywhere, and together they planted the seed that became Compass Yoga’s mission to provide wellness programs to those with a specific health concern. That is my center, what I know to be possible even if others see it as otherwise.

So now this begs the question, what is your center? What sustains you when everything and everyone else falls away, and how can you share that for the benefit of the world around you?

choices, decision-making, happiness, health

Beginning: Let Your Body Set Your Priorities

Christa Avampato

My cold from last week is persisting, and to some degree worsening. Rather than shocking my body with an overload of cold medicine, I’m riding it out for one very simple reason: the medicine didn’t work because my cold is due to stress, not that nasty little common cold virus.

Last week I had a very upsetting event happen and I literally felt the moment when my mental stress transferred to my body. My throat started to close, then a few days later a full on cold had found its way into my sinuses. My joints filled up with pain and it took a great amount of effort just to walk Phineas last weekend. My body was begging me to listen and if I wouldn’t go willingly, then it would make sure I rested by knocking me out.

There are a few amazing things at play here as I battle this cold of mine:

1.) I have actually heightened my awareness to such a level that I am fully aware of exactly when and how my mental state manifests itself into illness. This is the first time that’s ever happened.

2.) It’s become very clear to me that certain situations in which I’ve put myself and made compromises must come to an end, and quickly. Time is precious and my body and mind have had enough. It’s time to get on with happiness.

3.) This cold has given me quite a bit of time to think and evaluate how I spend my time. I notice that my symptoms wane when I’ve been doing things I truly love and want to do over the past week. My symptoms worsen when I’m doing activities that make me feel like I’m wasting my time. The difference is blatantly clear to me, mentally and physically.

And here’s the big one…

4.) If we’re wondering what to do next, there’s no need to crack out the pro / con list, the decision tree, the horoscope, the I Ching, or any other external device about decision-making. (And I’ve used them all, and frequently!) Stop, close the eye, and listen to the body. It is the ultimate prioritizer, the master of triage. Give it what it needs to be strong and healthy, and you’ll be assured of being on the right path.

The body knows the way. Listen to it.

career, choices, decision-making

Beginning: Spend One Day in Your Ideal Job

Christa Avampato

“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” ~ Buddha

You and I have been doing some soul-searching. In Mary Oliver’s beautiful words, we’ve been working hard to figure out what to do with our “one wild and precious life”. Yesterday I wrote about being at a crossroads in defining my soul’s work, and I’ve been spending a lot of time laying the foundation for Compass Yoga. Yesterday, I lived a day in my ideal job running Compass, and it was by all measures one of the happiest working days of my life. This is no small revelation.

I started out the morning at a reasonable time without feeling rushed – I walked Phineas, got ready, had some breakfast and was able to spend a few moments in meditation to prepare for the day ahead. I then went to meet with a group of attorneys who will potentially take Compass Yoga on as a client in their pro bono practice. I took away a few key items and decisions to speak about with the board when we convene for our first meeting in a couple of weeks. Then I gave a presentation on how yoga and meditation alleviate the body’s stress response at a men’s health fair at Jericho Project, a nonprofit partner that provides assistance to the homeless and like Compass has a particular interest in helping returning veterans.

It was a very good day, an ideal, fulfilling career day. And this got me to thinking, “Why couldn’t every one of my work days feel like this?” The answer of course is they can be, given certain decisions that I am on the doorstep of making. It was a motivating experience.

This day in my ideal job gave me a whole new perspective and new confidence in pursuing my entrepreneurial path. I felt such a sense of peace and satisfaction on this road. Even at a couple junctures when there was a bit of stress, it dissipated quickly and completely. I didn’t go running for the hills when the work day was done. I just eased into my evening. It’s been too long since I had a work day wrap up like that. I must remember Buddha’s wise advice – what I do now, today, becomes the basis for who I am tomorrow.

Give it a whirl
Maybe you have an idea of how you’d like to spend your work days. Maybe you have an idea of a venture you’d like to consider. Is it the right path for you? Should you leave behind your current job? Perhaps. My advice would be to take a day off and really live that ideal career day. See how it goes. Your body will tell you if you’re on the right path. Listen to it, and let me know how it unfolds.

choices, decision-making, fate, future, work, writing, yoga

Beginning: Protecting the Crossroads

Christa Avampato

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both, and be one traveler long I stood, and looked down one as far as I could…knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” ~ Robert Frost

While on vacation I started and finished reading the book Hanuman: The Devotion and Power of the Monkey God. Since beginning a deep study of yoga philosophy about a year and a half ago, I have felt very close to Hanuman. A tiny monkey, he is the most loyal servant of Lord Rama. The child’s version of the story of Hanuman is that he leapt across the world to rescue Sita, Lord Rama’s wife, when she was captured by the enemy during a long and brutal war. The truth is a bit more complicated, as truths tend to be.

In incredible detail, the book elaborates on the story of Hanuman, his dual-characteristics of great devotion and great might, his ability to be a fierce warrior and to lay in wait when that is what’s needed, and his dark and light sides. I had envisioned him as an adorable and adoring little monkey. He is so much more.

I won’t spoil the story for you – you should read the beautiful prose that author Vanamali lays out in exquisite detail. What I do want to share in this post is a role that Hanuman plays that i never knew before reading this book. He is the protector of the crossroads, those places in-between in our lives, the transitions. Ironic (or perhaps just synchronous) that I would learn this now when I feel that I am at such a huge junction in both my personal and professional lives, as I craft a living and a life with Compass Yoga.

In my daily meditations for the past few months, I have felt change arriving slowly, like a light slowly rising, like a clearer vision coming into focus that honors my experience and celebrates my potential offering to humanity. While I am crafting an extraordinary life, I am fully aware that I am also lovingly building a legacy. This is my soul’s work.

In my meditations I have heard a faint and distant voice conveying what I know is very important, though I cannot yet decipher its exact words. I think maybe it has been Hanuman unrolling the map of the decisions I must make, laying out the carpet that takes two directions of which I must choose one.

Joseph Campbell is famous for elucidating the hero’s journey, a choice between two roads that is never easy. Both roads contain trade-offs, good and bad experiences, joy and sorrow, pain and freedom, light and dark. Our goal is not to choose the “right” road, but to choose the “right road for us”. I am at the crossroads, but Hanuman is here with me and so I don’t have to be alone or afraid in my choosing. He will protect and defend while I decide. He will do the same for you, too, and you should take great comfort in that. A bit of help makes the choosing easier, right?

1, choices, dreams, opportunity

Beginning: The Possibilities of You

Christa Avampato

“The important thing, it seems to me, is that we believe in the possibilities of one another.” ~ Feo Aladag, Director of When We Leave, to Cinema Without Borders

Yesterday I promised to tell you about the second dream I had in Florida that was so vivid, so eerie, that I felt it was more of a message than a dream. This one is about options, possibilities, and just how many of them are all around us.

The dream
In the dream I was seated in a very dark room, so dark that I actually wasn’t able to see anything. I didn’t feel frightened or alarmed in any way. It was as if I was just sitting cross-legged on the floor and with my closed eyes had blocked out all the light. There was a very clear voice, not my own and not belonging to anyone I recognized. The only thing I was certain of is that the voice was male.

Very clearly and calmly that voice said to me, “You’re not as penned in as you think.” I started on why I need to keep my day job with the fact of my pesky student loans right at the top of the list. Then the voice asked me to really think about that reason and see if it’s true. And just like that, the dream ended and I woke up.

A lesson from my younger self
I thought about my students loans. While the total dollar amount is higher than I’d like, the monthly payment is lower than my student loan payment was when I first graduated from undergrad in 1998. And what did I do in 1998? I went running off to New York City to chase a crazy dream of working on Broadway shows. I didn’t move here, get a day job, and chase my dream on the side. I went for it, both feet in. It was difficult, I struggled, and there were plenty of days when I wondered what I was really doing. When those days hit, I just buckled down, showed up, and kept going because moving forward was the only thing I knew how to do.

Maybe the voice in my dream had a point. Maybe it is time for me to let go of the guideline that I have to pay off my student loans before I can leave a stable day job. If we want to live extraordinary lives, then we can’t spend all our days living our dreams on the side. The only box we are really in is the one we build around ourselves; we’re not as penned in as we may feel. We have to believe in our own possibilities and the possibilities of one another.