Category: choices

change, childhood, choices, death, family, future, sadness, time

Leap: Lessons from a Road Long Traveled – Remembering My Dad 20 Years Later

Christa Avampato
My road of choice. From Pinterest.
My road of choice. From Pinterest.

Yesterday, marked the 20th anniversary of my father’s passing. I’ve been alive longer without him than with him. To even fathom that 20 years has passed makes my mind numb. I remember that evening so clearly that I could recite my actions and thoughts of each minute. I think of it in frames of a film, a shutter action happening in between each. There’s some soaring music in the background that rises and falls in waves like water.

That night I was viscerally aware that I was literally closing one chapter of my life and opening another one with my bare hands. The door between those chapters was heavy and awkward. I knew that once it shut behind me that there was no going back. That feeling is lodged in my heart in a way that used to feel painful and now is just familiar. It’s become one of my oldest friends.

Nothing happens in isolation. As soon as my mind turns those events over a few times, it just keeps going and I follow it along as an audience member, as if I am watching a performance of Sleep No More. At first it slowly trudges to the wake and funeral, to high school graduation, to leaving my hometown, to college and everything that would unravel and then coalesce in that time.

The speed of the frames in my mind picks up rapidly after that. As a young 20-something I thought I would go into politics and instead opted for a career in theatre, moving from D.C. to New York to life on the road. That would lead me to Florida, back to D.C., on to graduate school in Virginia, and then back to New York where I’ve made my home for the past 5 and a half years. That journey flashes with so many characters and scenes and travels across the globe, some happy, some sad and everything in between. It makes me dizzy if I think about it for too long.

I used to feel so much a part of that narrative. No matter how much distance I got from December 1, 1992, I was still that character, playing that role. I was this way because my dad was that way. I played the victim card, the martyr card, the lost card, the hopeless card, the trapped card. I let the role write the script instead of writing it myself.

It took a long time for me to understand how that’s a clear and certain road to disaster. No one wins in that scenario, least of all me. And it took me even more time to realize that it didn’t have to be that way. The beginning of a journey influences its course but it doesn’t define it. It is within our power, responsibility, and right to own the narrative of our lives.

We can fold, toss those old worn out cards into the center of the table, and walk away. It’s okay to leave it behind and continue on in a different direction. It’s healthy to do so. It’s required if we intend to do anything extraordinary with our lives. We can honor our past, our roots, and not feel shackled to them. What happened, happened. There’s no changing it. What happens next? Well, that’s up to us. It’s always up to us.

Wherever my dad is now, I hope he folded his hand, too, walked away from the table, and set out on a new course that was brighter than the one that was here among us. Every soul deserves that chance.

choices, decision-making, dreams, meditation, yoga

Leap: Everything is Difficult

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“You cannot dream yourself into a character: you must hammer and forge yourself into one.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever shied away from doing something because you thought it was too difficult or because someone else told you that what you wanted to do was too hard? This pesky thought creeps into any and every crevice of doubt – about our careers, relationships, passion projects, and any time we are considering a change of any kind. It is the enemy of good decision-making and the only appropriate response to this thought is a loud, strong “Get out and stay out!”

It’s all tough. Everything you want to do in life has challenges. If you are waiting for the seas to part and the obstacles to disintegrate you are wasting your time and undermining your own strength. The path of least resistance that we hear so much about never said anything about a complete lack of resistance.

For a long time I lived with this conflict: I face a lot of challenges in my life and then in yoga class I hear that we shouldn’t struggle because life is supposed to be easy. Then a clear nuisance revealed itself to me. Life is challenging. We are almost always in the midst of difficulty. However, even a troubled road can be traveled with ease.

We can soften around obstacles so that we can navigate our way around them. We can move our attention inward when we need to replenish ourselves after a long day of work. Life may be filled with struggle but that doesn’t mean we have to be strugglers and take on all of the stress and anxiety that comes with that. To travel a hard road, we need strength, courage, stamina, and resilience – all the things that yoga and meditation provide.

So you go right on choosing your deepest, most passionate dreams, regardless of how hard it will be to bring them to life. Be confident in the fact that everything worth doing requires an effort of some kind. The trick is to also find the ease that lets you enjoy the journey and keeps you motivated to stay the course. Need some help with that? Contact me – my pep talks will make that pesky voice of self-doubt head for the hills.

art, change, choices, creativity, decision-making

Leap: The Work of Art that You Live

Christa Avampato

“Your thoughts, words, and deeds are painting the world around you.” ~ Jewel Diamond Taylor

Life isn’t happening to you. You aren’t being forced into a job, relationship, home, frame of mind, or attitude. These are all choices. How your days unfold is a result of your decisions, one after the other.

And here’s the really beautiful part: everything, and I mean everything, can be changed, fixed, and improved. And the person to do that is you.

It is within your power, within your right, to have exactly the life you want. If something isn’t working, if something is bringing you down, then you can take the steps to correct that. You can move toward joy, from wherever you are right now.

Your life is your canvas; paint a picture you’ll never grow tired of looking at. Don’t accept anything less.

adventure, choices, decision-making, dreams, time

Leap: Your True North

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

Finding our true north is about deciding what matters.

Next week will mark 5 months since I left my corporate job to start Chasing Down the Muse, my own consulting and teaching practice. I did this for many reasons though there is one reason that stands head and shoulders above the others: I wanted to work on projects that matter to me. I care deeply about education (defined broadly as cultivating the imagination by stoking our creative fire with inspiration and information), healthcare (defined broadly as helping all people attain their maximum level of wellness), and strengthening entrepreneurship / small business.

I was working a corporate job in financial services. It didn’t add up. This is not to say that I think financial services is a terrible place to spend a career. On the contrary, I am grateful that I spent time in this industry because it helped me to understand the mechanics of our economy during an unprecedented crisis. It just wasn’t right for me anymore in this capacity. So, I left in an attempt to find a better path with a safety net that consists only of my savings account and my passion to live an authentic life.

Planning to leave wasn’t easy. I had a cushy gig with nice people (many of whom I am honored to have as friends), regular work hours, a healthy paycheck, and a solid benefits package. It was a lot to walk away from but I’ve never looked back. These benefits paled in comparison to the possibility of doing the work I am meant to do, the work I am called to do.

I should have been scared. On paper this looks like an extraordinarily naive decision made by a wide-eyed twenty-something, not a thirty-, on the verge of forty-something, who’s been around the block a number of times. But here I am, 5 months later and resolute in the fact that given the chance I would absolutely do it all over again and perhaps sooner.

There isn’t a single day when I say to myself “I really should have stayed where I was.” Even when it’s hard, even when I haven’t had things work out as I planned or expected, I continue to feel motivated and inspired by possibility and opportunity. I’m always confident that something I really wanted doesn’t work out because room had to be made for something I have not yet even dreamed of.

To chart a new course, to step off the ledge, requires the belief in our ability to fly even if we have never taken flight before. Certainly, it requires equal amounts of conviction and lunacy because there is no proof, evidence, or guarantee of success. We make these kinds of decisions based on guts and faith.

You might think this is a recipe for anxiety but it’s exactly the opposite. Somehow, I am now calmer, clearer, and more relaxed than I’ve ever been. It’s the greatest feeling in the world to be free, happy, healthy, and fulfilled. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like the luckiest, most blessed, grateful person on the planet. To somehow repay the world for this incredible opportunity, I put these thoughts down on paper in the hopes that they help you find your own true north.

Never, ever doubt that your wildest, most wonderful dreams are not only possible, but also probable, if you set out to find them.

choices, friendship, inspiration, time

Leap: Take Up the Call

Christa Avampato

My friend, Amanda, recently posted this photo on her Facebook wall. I can’t think of a better piece of life advice than this. I printed it out and hung it at my desk, right next to Amanda’s quote that reads “We who are committed to living authentic lives need to cheer each other on….”

Consider this post my way to pay forward Amanda’s advice. Close your eyes. Hear that distant roar? It’s the sound of me cheering you on along your own joyful journey. It’s the wild and wonderful call to your spirit saying, “You can do this! Don’t delay. Don’t back down. Don’t give up. THIS is your moment.”

choices, decision-making, time, work

Leap: How to Decide What to Do

Christa Avampato

I’ve recently been faced with a few career decisions. I’ve had some opportunities crop up that are tantalizing with a side of “I’m not sure this is really the right choice for me right now.” To be clear, they are really wonderful options – good pay, interesting work, nice people. But in each there is a key ingredient that makes me think I should pass. Either the flexibility in schedule isn’t there or the work doesn’t feel like the best use of my time.

These decisions feel like the textbook definition of “the fork in the road.” It would be easy on some level to take these jobs and I’d be good at them. Here’s the morbid, though quite helpful, question I keep coming back to: what if this is it? Post-Sandy, we’re hearing about people who lost their lives despite following all directions and making good decisions. This grim idea gives me pause. I’m not any different from these people. That could have been me, and perhaps a bit too easily.

These are the tough questions, ones that don’t have any right or wrong answers. Isn’t it now, on the tail end of youth prior to solidly moving into middle age, that I can really take every chance to firmly commit to joy in my work? And isn’t that the choice that could have an expiration date? Down the line, won’t there be some job that I could do that feels a bit less like joy and a bit more like selling out that I could take if I really needed to?

This is the hero’s journey and I am in the midst of the “challenges and temptations” portion of the trip. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where character is formed and tested. Revelation and transformation lie in wait just around the bend. And it is not easy.

adventure, choices, creativity, determination, passion, time

Leap: Passion Projects

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Those who wish to sing, always find a song.” ~ Swedish proverb

If you truly have a passion to do something, you will make it happen. Its allure, its promise, will be undeniable. You will have to set aside everything else in favor of getting it done.

That’s how it goes with projects of the heart. Because it is actually a part of you, you cannot shake it. You will stare down every fear, leap over every obstacle, and shut down every nay-saying thought to bring it to life. You don’t have a choice in the matter. It is just what you must do.

choices, commitment, determination, failure, fate, fear, rejection, sadness

Leap: Ditch Your Fear of Rejection

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

I know this is true: because I have no fear of rejection, I have been able to do a lot more with my life than I would have done otherwise.

I’ve been rejected so many times, I’ve lost count. And you know what? None of those rejections killed me. Some of them hurt, badly, but none of them kept me down.

Rejection, that nasty, endless tape of “You can’t…”, “You aren’t good enough to…”, “Who are you to…” is worthless. It runs its mouth and there is no pleasing it. You can’t compromise with it. You can’t reason with it. You can’t take something good from it. It is rotten to the core. All you can do is shut it down.

Here’s the best outcome: you will do something you really want to do, gain confidence, be happy, and then work on your next dream. Awesome.

Here’s another possible outcome: you will pitch yourself into something and it will not work. You will fall down, you’ll perhaps sustain some bumps and bruises, and then you’ll get up. Big deal. You’re strong. You’ll become more resilient with each fall and rise. You’ll live to fight another day.

Here’s the worst possible outcome: you will let the spokesperson for the fear of rejection keep you from trying to do something you really want to do. And you’ll never do it. That’s just sad.

I know which of these paths I’m taking. Do you?

choices, decision-making, happiness

Leap: Joy is a Non-Negotiable

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it.” ~ Amelia Barr, British novelist

The clouds will gather. The storms will come and they will go. We can’t control them. They are bigger than us. Bigger than all of us banded together. But what we can control is the amount of joy in our lives. We can choose happiness. We can choose, in this and every moment, to be grateful, to love, to be kind, to be strong, to pay attention.

Too often we have come to think of joy as a luxury. We think we should thank our lucky stars for the opportunity to be joyful when in fact joy should be the default state. We weren’t born to trudge through our existence with a heavy load bearing down on us, constantly downtrodden and agitated.

We are made for joy. I completely reject the idea that, “It’s called a job for a reason, and not because it’s fun.” Who decided that work couldn’t be joyful? Who decided that we couldn’t find enjoyment in our efforts?

What if we made that path a non-negotiable? What would come of us if we decided that joy had to be an integral part of everything we do? And going a step further, what if we refused to do things in which we couldn’t find any joy or purpose? What would our world be like then?

art, choices, creativity, decision-making, design

Leap: Curate Your Life

Christa Avampato
Photo from Lifehacker

“Life is your art. An open, aware heart is your camera. A oneness with your world is your film.” ~ Ansel Adams

“Curating a creative life” has been my tagline for this blog for several years. At one point my obsession with change got the best of me and I toyed with changing the tagline as I thought about how I wanted to craft my career and my businesses, Chasing Down the Muse and Compass Yoga. After a couple of days of a new tagline, I changed it back. There’s nothing wrong with sticking with what works and makes us happy. I realized it’s much more than a tagline; it’s my mantra.

It would be easy for a museum curator to just get any pieces of art up on the wall but that’s not the role of a curator. He or she carefully chooses what kind of art to install, and how and why and for what purpose. An art exhibit needs to hang together. It makes a cohesive statement and the pieces support the whole.

Your life is a living, breathing house of art. You are the sole curator of it; you decide what to add, what to toss, and how it comes together. And you are the only one who gets to judge its worth and meaning. You have the best job in the world and it’s the only job you really need to do. Don’t just live your life; craft it by your own design.