Category: change

change, fear, youth

My Year of Hopefulness – Inspiration from our younger selves

Christa Avampato
“Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.” ~ Babe Ruth

I spent a number of years touring around the country with Broadway shows. I worked on the business side, taking care of everything from contracts to financial statement to company travel. Though I learned so much and enjoyed the job, I got tired of always being on the road. I wanted to live in a community and have a life outside of my job. My sister was also having some health issues, and I was really feeling the need to be with her. So I made a little deal with myself: as soon as I had $50,000 in the bank, I could leave, move to Florida with my sister, and figure out the rest from there. That was January 2003.

When I got to Florida, I spent time with my sister, took a few classes, and had the occasional odd job. And just when I needed a really good job, one miraculously showed up and it set me off on an entirely new path that lead to a move to Washington D.C., then to business school, and finally back to New York City. I just followed my heart every step of the way and made sure my bills were paid. Those were my only two requirements.

So now here I am at a crossroads again, though I’m finding myself unable to strike up a little deal the way I did back in 2003. In my heart, I am feeling a very strong need to write full-time, and yet that leap is much more frightening this time around. Now, it could be that my hesitation is caused by increased financial obligations (business school loans) and that the economy is in shambles. It could also be that, well, I’m scared now and I wasn’t then.

Today I had to remind my 33 year old self of my younger self, that brave, bold woman who was willing to take a risk, who was willing to bank on her ability to build her own path in life. How is it that I was so brave then and more timid now? It could have been foolishness or blind ignorance that made me so brave in 2003. It could be that I just wasn’t capable of doing anything except following my heart. It’s this later explanation that I’m banking on resurrecting.

Last Fall, I wrote a post based on an assignment that I did for business school. It’s a letter I wrote to my younger self. Now what I really need is my younger self to write a letter to me. I thought maybe a letter from my younger self would shake me awake, would give me some courage, would remind me of who I am and who I’d like to be. So here goes:

Dear Christa,
How did you get where you are? I remember when all you could think of was writing and performing and creating. And now when I think of how your days pass by, I wonder what happened. Your path from A to B was not linear. There were twists and turns. My guess is that while you are surviving quite well right now, you are not thriving in all the ways you’d like to be thriving. You’re starting to feel a little trapped and lost and frustrated. That’s only natural when the heart has lost its position as your guide.

I want you to know that it’s okay that this happened. It’s okay that you needed to take care of some necessary evils like paying off loans so that you can be free to pursue your larger mission in life. Sometimes we need to take a step back in order to leap forward. Just make sure you know why you’re taking that step back, how it’s going to help you leap forward, and how long it will be before you leap.

You have big dreams – so big that you might wonder if they’re just too big for you to accomplish. You might be losing a little faith and more than a little confidence. I want you to put your fears aside. I want you to remember how fearless you were climbing trees, racing around on your bike, running so fast that you felt like you might run right out of your own body. And remember how good that fearlessness felt. I want you to remember how good it felt to be free. Completely, hopefully free.

I want you to think of your mom and your grammy, woman who always, always knew you could do anything and told you so. I want you to remember that a lot of people put a lot of faith in you and your potential. You owe it to yourself to reach out for those dreams of yours, and you also owe it to everyone else. It is your obligation, not your option, to use your gifts and talents to leave the world a better place than you found it. Don’t think about your dreams as things you may be able to do; remind yourself that these are things you’re meant to do, that you must do. Because doing anything else except fulfilling your dreams is just wasteful. And you hate to be wasteful.

Your feelings will undoubtedly be hurt from time to time. You will face rejection and sadness and lose your way. When that happens, do what you always did when you were little. Take a look at those stars. Stare at them until you realize how many miracles you’re witnessing, until you recognize that accomplishing your dreams is a small feat when compared to the tremendous work that someone somewhere put into architecting that gorgeous Milky Way. Surely, if someone could line up all those beautiful stars to create something so intricate and perfect, then you can accomplish a handful of dreams, no matter how big they are, right? Right.

Keep your chin up, and give the reins of your life back to you heart.

Love,
Bella

business, change, entrepreneurship, social change, social entrepreneurship

NY Business Strategies Examiner – Interview with Teju Ravilochan of The Unreasonable Institute

Christa Avampato

This week I had the opportunity to interview Teju Ravilochan, Connections Strategist and Co-Founder of The Unreasonable Institute. I found out about The Unreasonable Institute through Social Earth’s Twitter feed and was intrigued by the name. Some of the people I admire most consider themselves unreasonable, those who push boundaries, who work toward building a world that is far better than the world as we know it today. They strive and thrive on their creativity and imagination. Teju and the team at The Unreaonable Institute fit this bill perfectly. The Unreasonable Insttiute’s missions is to intensive training, effective collaboration, and expert guidance to provide Unreasonable social ventures the momentum to take flight.

To read the interview with Teju, click here.

change, fear, growth, learning, money

My Year of Hopefulness – The Lessons of Fear

Christa Avampato

Fear preoccupies us, consumes us. We can’t get it out of our minds. It follows us around, a shadow that’s always just a step or two behind. It impacts our actions. It’s distracts us from our responsibilities and keeps us from our dreams.

It’s amazing what happens when we let fear dissipate. A weight lifts from our shoulders. The world is a little brighter. There’s a little more hope in our hearts. Best of all, we are able to be more ourselves without fear. We can see all the possibilities in front of us.

So how do we let go of fear? Like most other ailments, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. So here are some ideas on how to banish fear and also how to keep it at bay, along with an example of a fear I’ve worked through.

1.) Identify the fear. Give it a name.
I always thought I had a real fear of not having money. But then as my earning power increased, I found I was still afraid. It took me a while to realize that my real fear was not being able to provide for myself.

2.) With the true fear identified, consider what would happen if we had to handle the fear head-on tomorrow.
Once I realized that I was afraid of not being able to provide for myself, I thought about what I would do if I suddenly found myself living my fear. I made a list of friends and family who might be able to help me. As I worked through my list, I realized what an amazing support group I have.

And then I considered all the times in my life when I had been very close to living my fear. I thought about how I’d previously gotten myself out of tight budget situations. In college, I was always on the verge of being completely broke. I would get an extra job or pick up a few hours at my current jobs. I even participated in psychology experiments run by grad students at my university to get an extra $25 or $50. I was very good at cutting my expenses down to nearly $0 if need be. I got used to super-cheap food, and I went without every possible frill imaginable.

3.) Talk to others about the fear. Articulated fears are much less scary than those that swim around in our minds.
This one was hard for me. For the majority of my life I was really embarrassed about my financial situation. And then I met a bunch of people in college who also had a hard time making ends meet. They were more at ease about it than I was and they always had some odd job leads that were very helpful.

4.) Set-up a plan to keep the fear at bay, and remember that a fear can be a wonderful motivator to promote good habits.
Because I was worried about not being able to provide for myself, I made an action plan of how to get myself into a situation that made my fear irrelevant. I put myself onto an aggressive savings plan so that I’d have a cushion to fall back on if something went wrong. I also became an expert negotiator for my salary and for variable priced purchases like cars and rental apartments.

My fear about not being able to provide for myself also made me very empathic toward those who truly can’t provide for themselves. I knew that fear and sadness and embarrassment they felt. I’d felt it, too. And spending time with those people made me realize how extra ordinarily lucky I am, even at times when I didn’t have much at all.

I also realized that I wanted to have more control over my earnings. The roots of my entrepreneurial spirit were started in my desire to provide for myself, to take my future into my own hands. And while I wish that I hadn’t allowed fear to plague me for so long, in the end I learned to make the most of it while it was here. I lived through my fear many times over and the sky didn’t fall down. Maybe what I was afraid of was fear itself.

business, change, economy, Examiner, fame

NY Business Strategies Examiner: Stories of the famous and fired who are now better off

Christa Avampato
In relation to my column yesterday, I read a story today about Harry S Truman. He ran a clothing that store that went bankrupt. After that bankruptcy, he made the jump to politics which led him to win the highest office in the land – when many naysayers said he could never win a Presidential election. I wondered if there were other people who were fired and now live a better life because of it, so I went to Google and did some poking around.

change, dreams, imagination, social change

My Year of Hopefulness – The World We Live In

Christa Avampato

“Every aspect of our lives is, in a sense, a vote for the kind of world we want to live in.” ~ Frances Moore Lappe

This is one of the best quotes I’ve read in a long time. Think about the hundreds, even thousands of small choices we make every day. Where to shop, how to commute to work, where to live, work, and play, how to treat strangers and co-workers and family members and friends, where and how we spend our time and with whom. Every one of those choices has an impact on the world, and therefore shapes it.

It’s easy to feel that we’re so small and that the problems in our world are so large that we couldn’t possibly make a difference with our daily choices. The truth is we make a difference with every step without even knowing it. We have so much ability to change our existence and the existence of those around us. We do it every day; we’re already impacting the world right now, so why not recognize that and make the choices that lead us toward making the world the kind of place we want to be?

books, change, movie, play, theatre

My Year of Hopefulness – A Life in Three Acts

Christa Avampato

With such beautiful weather in New York today, I headed to the park to continue reading Street Gang: The Complete History of Sesame Street. At the start of chapter 16, Michael Davis opens with the line “sometimes life in like the movies, a story in 3 acts.” I’ve been thinking about that line, particularly with respect to my post from yesterday about being in a state of flux with a dash of confusion.

Davis reminded me that in act 2, there is always a series of challenges that the protagonist has to work through. I wonder now at the ripe old age of 33 if I’m at the tail end of the first act or have just entered the second act of my life. This slight act of separation, some might call it delusion, helped me think a little more clearly today. I’m able at this moment to step away from my life a bit, and just observe what’s happening in context of a broader set of possible outcomes.

It also helps to know that in every great story there are always twists and turns, that few if any read like fairy tales of sweetness and light. There are fairy tale moments, though they tend to not be the ones that are the most interesting or insightful. The trade-off for learning and insight is often a bit of struggle and discomfort. It involves rising when all we feel like doing is laying low. It asks us to be greater spirits than we believe we can be.

Surviving and thriving through act 2 requires us to take a deep breathe, several if necessary, put our heads down, and get to work, on ourselves and on the exterior circumstances that effect us so that we can sail into act 3, riding high, wiser and more certain of our direction. It helps if our co-stars, friends and family, can help us – a protagonist rarely appears in act 3 triumphant as an island. Guides and assistance often appear as the plot lines intertwine with growing complications, exactly when we need them.

A story takes a while to unravel, to reveal itself to the audience, and to the protagonist. There will be moments of confusion and tough choices to make. It’s all part of the drama and the comedy; it’s all part of life.

change, schedule, time

My Year of Hopefulness – Time for Me

Christa Avampato

I am an over-scheduler. I am so worried about missing out on an opportunity that I routinely wear myself out with my scheduling. My sister, Weez, continually tells me that my weekends are busier than my workweek. She’s right. I’ve never learned the art of sitting still.

I marvel at my friend, Ken, who is so capable of carving out time just for himself to do whatever he wants depending on his mood and energy level. I’m so concerned with living up to expectations, put on me by myself and others, that I have a tough time scheduling Me time. And it’s critical – it’s something I’ve got to work on getting better at, particularly with my aspirations to start my own business at some point.

The calendar on my Palm is my best friend – it keeps going to the right place at the right time, always prepared. What I need to focus on in the next few months is using it as a tool to get more Time for Me. While I can be flexible if something wonderful arises, I need to make sure I am setting aside some time every week that is not scheduled – some time that is free to take shape based upon what the world has in-store for me and what I’d like to accomplish independent of any other opportunity.

It’s the 9th of May and I’m wondering where the first 4 months of 2009 went. I shouldn’t be wondering how that happened – my life should feel full but not stuffed. I should feel engaged with life but not overwhelmed by it. And I have the power to change that by putting aside the time to let myself relax, breath, and just be present, right here right now.

change, death, family, friendship, legacy, time

My Year of Hopefulness – Our after-effect

Christa Avampato

Whenever I think about Penn, I imagine it to look like it did when I was there as a student. And every time I go back, I am always surprised to see how much it has changed. The place I imagine in my mind isn’t in the world anymore. Change happened without me.

My friend, Jamie, and I took a stroll along Battery Park at lunch time this week and a woman stopped us. She looked a little lost. “When does this park end?” she asked us. “I haven’t been in this neighborhood for 20 years and it looks completely different. This park wasn’t even here then!”

When we leave a place, we have a tendency to fix it in our minds. Even though we change and grow, we expect places we’ve been and people we’ve known to stay the same. It’s too much for us to imagine that life goes on without us.

Today I went to the funeral services for my Aunt Lorraine. She was a lovely lady that never forgot a birthday, an anniversary, or any other important occasion that involved her family members and friends. She lived a happy, long life, and I’m so glad that we had the opportunity to have her with us for so long.

On my drive home from the funeral, I kept looking at the clock, registering in my mind that all these minutes were unraveling, that I was traveling mile after mile, and my Aunt Rain wasn’t here with us anymore. Time went on, and we’ll all go on to make new memories even though she won’t be with us. And she’s going on without us, too.

I shed tears over the injustice of it all, of having to let go of people we love as a natural course of life. Change and time cannot be stopped. One day will fold into the next, whether or not we’re around. What changes because of our existence and the interaction we have in specific places with specific people is the how. How will one day become the next for me because I had my Aunt Lorraine as a role model? How does she live on in all of us even if she can’t be with us? And how do we want the world to go once our time has come and gone? This is really the only work that needs our attention.

The above images is from http://clock-desktop.com/screens/shiny_clock/palms-clock.jpg

career, change, experience, family, friendship, love, relationships, travel
Christa Avampato

“Man can touch more than he can grasp.” ~ Gabriel Marcel

We have a very short time on this planet. While we might think that 80 or 90 years sounds like such a long time, in reality it is the bat of an eye when considering the length of history. In our lifetimes, we’ll see and take part in many different experiences with many different people in many different places. And while we might have the instinct to take part in any and every way that we can, we just can’t. We have to choose where and how and on whom to spend our time and energy.

Where will we have the most impact? Where will we find the most joy? Do we care about life-long learning or is it connection with others that is most important to us? These types of questions are critical for us to consider and answer when we think about what we’d like to do with our time here.

There are millions of ways for us to make a difference – there are so many places, people, and things that will somehow enter our lives. The only question we really have to answer is, “which experiences we will witness and let pass and which are the ones that are we will hang onto for longer than a moment?”

books, change, family, Hachette Book Group USA, love, writer

My Year of Hopefulness – Follow Me by Joanna Scott

Christa Avampato

As a writer, I read a lot, always looking for new styles and interesting turns of phrase. Joanna Scott has become my new favorite author. I quickly ran through her book, Follow Me, in a week. I couldn’t put it down and wanted to enjoy every word of this consuming, at once bitter and sweet, story that spans several generations of women. Mistaken identities, family complications, love, and a sense of place dominate the books intertwining themes. At points I loved and hated all of the main characters, a sign that Joanna Scott is capable of creating personalities that are so true to life that I have found myself thinking about them as if they are my neighbors and friends.

Even more lovely and intriguing than the plot twists and turns, Joanna Scott uses language that made me realize that English can be just as beautiful as any romance language. Her poignant sentiments are dramatic without being saccharin. For example, early on in the book one of the characters runs away from her life and family after a traumatic event. “But still she runs. Running, running, running. How many lives start over this way, by putting one foot in front of the other?”

I considered how many of us today must start over because our investments have decreased so dramatically in value or because we, or someone in our family, lost a job. Starting over is frightening and painful. And yet, Joanna Scott is right: starting over is simply putting one foot in front of the other in a different direction. What I find so inspiring about Follow Me is that its characters are not afraid to start over. Indeed, they find it almost impossible to not immediately start over when life doesn’t go their way. A lesson that at least bears consideration, if not emulation, by all of us.