Category: change

change, dreams, hope

My Year of Hopefulness – The Invitation

Christa Avampato

I am still sort of getting my new home set up. I’m having a hard time getting myself entirely set up. I’m sure this is being brought on by some left over emotional fall-out from the fire. I suppose I’m scared and worried that all of this will just got up in smoke again, literally. On Friday night, after a very long tough week, I rounded the corner to my apartment building to find my street littered with fire trucks and flashing lights and big brawny fire fighters in their gas masks and black and yellow suits. Pre-September 5th, my first thought upon seeing this kind of scene was “I hope everyone is okay.” On Friday night, my first thought was “not again”. As Dinah Washington said, “What a difference a day makes.”

The fire on Friday wasn’t in my apartment building, it was across the street, and no one was hurt. I asked the fire fighters. I went upstairs to my apartment grateful that everything was still the exact way I left it Friday morning. Just inside my front door, there’s a piece of art that I read every morning. It’s a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, an Indian Elder, which I wrote out many years ago in my nicest penmanship on fancy paper. It was one of the few things to survive my apartment building fire, and I am sure that is not a coincidence.

There are a few lines in this poem that have really effected me as of late:

Can you disappoint others to be true to yourself?

Can you stand in the centre of your sorrow and still shout at the great Silver Moon, “yes!”?

Do you like the company you keep in the empty moments?

Being true to yourself:

This can manifest in our careers, relationships to others, in how we spend our free time. It’s hard work to be true to ourselves, it’s tough for us to get over the guilt of what we think we owe to others. And too often we disappoint ourselves for the sake of others. In truth, we let people down even more when we aren’t authentic, when we feign happiness instead of actually being happy.

Stand in the centre of our sorrow:

Disappointments and sadness are a part of life. I’ve known people who deal with their sadness by using it as fuel for creating happiness. I consider all of my friends who have recently lost their jobs and used their job loss as an opportunity to do something they’ve always wanted to do. These are the people who shout “yes”, yes to the goodness of life, even if life at that very moment is not very good at all. These are the people who keep me feeling hopeful in times that seem so bleak. They are my inspiration.

Unfortunately, I’ve also known people who use their sadness and disappointment as a way to make themselves and everyone around them miserable. These are people who can’t commit, who can’t seem to build healthy relationships, and as a result feel constantly alone and disconnected. They stand in the middle of their sorrow and sulk. Temporary sulking is okay – we all need to sulk once in a while. We just can’t let it get the best of the us.

The empty moments:

Someone who smiles when no one around is a person who is truly happy. These are the people I want in my life, people who like their own company. My friend, Ken, is someone I look to as this example. Ken could spend all day in his house by himself and have the best day of his life. He is someone who loves the empty moments.

Below is Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s poem, The Invitation. I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me for so many years:

“It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic.

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

change, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – Making It Happen: The Great Opportunity Before Us

Christa Avampato

In the past few months I’ve become a big fan of the DailyOm. I don’t know how those people on the other side of that message know exactly what to say at the exact moment I need to hear their sage words of the day. All I know is that every time I open their emails, I feel like they’re living inside my mind. My pal and writing partner, Laura, introduced me to this email and I’ve been basking in its glow ever since.

Today’s message: “There are times in our lives when all the signs seem to be pointing us in a particular direction. Our thoughts and dreams are echoed in the songs and stories we hear and the media we see. And when we are open and listening, the next step is to take action and go for it. Wherever your dreams are pointing you today, take a step. Take action and manifest your inner urges and soul whisperings.”

Now is the moment of our own reinvention. Tonight I went to a Darden alumni event about innovation and entrepreneurship. I had the chance to speak with one of our Deans who was hosting the event. I asked him how the students are feeling, how the faculty is feeling. Are they scared, nervous, concerned, anxious? In his signature calming style, he said that there is a lot of concern flying around Charlottesville, though this is really the time to reinvent, to become a better version of ourselves. Yes, we could hang our heads low and bemoan all of the change that we are facing. We could pine for the good ol’ days. Instead, the Dean was advocating for a new and crazy good way forward. I couldn’t agree more.

Yesterday evening, after a day spent in bed not feeling so great, I got up and stretched and went to my yoga mat. I meditated, moved through a series of asanas (the fancy name for yoga poses), and let myself accept a new way forward in my life, free from fear and anxiety about change. In the words of my brilliant yoga teacher, Johanna, I assumed a strength pose with the intention “bring it on”. I am ready for massive upheaval and change within my own heart and mind, a crazy good way forward.

I rolled up my yoga mat, logged onto Mac, and signed up for a yoga teacher training class at my yoga studio which will begin in February. I’ve wanted to have this full certification for a long time, and the time has arrived. This is my next step toward a life of multiple income streams pursuing things I love. This is my next bend in the road of reinventing me.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

career, change, patience

My Year of Hopefulness – Kant, Darwin, and Child

Christa Avampato

I never thought I’d be able to draw a common connection between Immanuel Kant, Charles Darwin, and Julia Child. In the context of gearing up for my second act, I’ve been coming across a remarkable number the stories about people who came to their calling and made their significant contributions to the world later on in life. Perhaps it’s true that we find what we’re looking for, and I’ve been looking for inspirations for my act 2. In this quest, the stories of Kant, Darwin, and Child bear repeating.

Immanuel Kant is recognized as one of the greatest philosophical minds, creating such constructs as the categorical imperative and transcendental idealism. I learned about Kant’s works through Michael Sandel’s on-line class, Justice. Kant received his first paying job at age 31. He was a university lecturer paid on commission based upon how many students attended his class. He published his first work at age 51 after a decade of near silence and introversion. Odd, yes. Worth the wait, absolutely. His first published work, Critique of Pure Reason, was the beginning of an entirely new branch of philosophy now known as Kantianism. Of course his brilliance did not sprout overnight – it took 50 years of training to condition his mind to be able to think clearly enough to write such a complex piece of work.

Like Kant, Charles Darwin wrote his seminal work, The Origin of Species, in his early 50’s. This work revolutionized life sciences by putting forward the ideas of evolution, natural selection, and survival of the fittest. He spent many years as a student, as did Kant, and he followed his own interests rather than cow-towing to the desires of others to plan his life. His father wanted him to be a medical doctor, even though Darwin always had an inclination to be a naturalist. Eventually his will won out and he got to build the life he wanted, albeit a little later than he probably would have liked.

I get a lot of inspiration from food, and it’s impossible to over-emphasize the contribution of Julia Child to the culinary field. Following the pattern of Kant and Darwin, Child published her best known book Mastering the Art of French Cooking, in her early 50’s. She didn’t even entertain making a career in cooking until she was awarded admission into Le Cordon Bleu, the famed French cooking school, at age 36. She freely admitted that she had been looking for a career all her life; she had several other careers as a copywriter and as a government worker before falling in love with cooking. Once she discovered that love, she never looked back and by her own hands, literally, changed the world of food forever.

These stories give me a lot of hope for the futures of people who follow different paths early on in life, who pursue their every interest with wild abandon and passion. I know some people who have known exactly what they wanted to do since age 5. I used to date a man who at age 5 decided he wanted to be an attorney. Today, he does exactly what he always wanted do. He probably always will. I’ll admit that I hate him a little bit for knowing what he wanted so early in life. Or at least I did hate him until I heard the stories of Kant, Darwin, and Child.

For some of us, our calling just doesn’t find us that way. We have to follow lots of different paths to find our way home. We’re in good company with Kant, Darwin, and Child. The only important thing is to not give up until we can finally find our true selves, until we fully realize our own great contribution to humanity. In the long-run, tenacity pays off.

change, discovery, stress

My Year of Hopefulness – Shifting Ground

Christa Avampato

“A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.” ~ Arthur Golden, from Memoirs of a Geisha

Lately, my life seems to be a little like an earthquake. I feel like I am always standing on shifting ground. Just when I think I get one part of my life settled, an aftershock throws me off balance. There are some amazing lessons to be learned when we are standing on uncertain ground. And while working through these circumstances is difficult, I am certain that once the dust settles I will be a far better person in every respect.

With shifting ground:

1.) You learn what you want, and what you don’t want.
Things I want: a career that contributes to building a better world, freedom to use my time with more flexibility, to be out and about in the world as much as possible, a close family, close friends, a feeling of connection to my community.

Things I don’t want: to wake up in the middle of my years and find that I didn’t do something because I was scared or because I was worried it would take too long to complete, to “dream” more than I “do”

2.) You learn who you want, and who you don’t want in your life.
People I want: those with commitment and determination. Those who do what they say and say what they do. People who show up, and love fiercely and fearlessly, and take big chances on big dreams. Those who hold at their core honesty, bravery, and empathy. People who know what they want and have the confidence to go for it. People who change the direction of the wind. Kind and generous and those who want to be at cause with the world. People who listen more than they talk.

People I don’t want: those who can’t make up their minds. People who are inconsistent. People who constantly look at what others can get or do for them. People who lack follow-through and commitment. “Idea people” who don’t have the ability or inclination to bring those ideas to life through the honest work of their own two hands. Those who spend an hour with me talking about themselves for 59 minutes and asking me how I’m doing for 1 minute.

3.) You learn to live with less material wealth, and greater purpose.
Last night I spoke to my dear friend, Amy, who is my inspiration when it comes to creating a purposeful life. She told me about a book called The Soul Of Money by Lynne Twist. It’s helping Amy to make the transition from the career she has, which carries a big paycheck and is not what she wants to do, to the career she wants, which has a less certain income stream and a tremendous amount of satisfaction. Twist advocates for our ability to build a meaningful, satisfying life with our own inner resources. It’s an idea we can all get behind – to be motivated by a personal mission, a reason for being, and not a bonus and an annual performance review rating. She shows us that wealth of the heart and mind is at least as importance as the wealth in our bank accounts.

Shifting ground is treacherous. It is filled with doubt and uncertainty. It shakes us to our core, and in the process we find out what sustains us, what makes us glad that we woke up today, what motivates us to build a better tomorrow for ourselves and for others. This is uncomfortable work, though it’s the only way I can see to make the valleys of this journey through life worthwhile.

Disappointment is going to show up at our door at one time or another. People are going to let us down. And how we handle these disappointments, and what we learn from them, in many ways helps us to define who are and who we mean to be. They are teachers, twisted and odd as they may be. The way to learn from the disappointments is to hang on to those who build us up, the circumstances that make us strong, those who can support us in our darkest hour. They make all the difference, and help us climb back to those peaks.

This uncertain ground will pass. The aftershocks eventually die down. Life does get back to normal. And when it does, I know I’ll find that my ground has shifted in a favorable direction.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, leadership

My Year of Hopefulness – Pendulum

Christa Avampato

“One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life.” ~ E.M. Forster

Yesterday a friend of mine was talking to me about the idea of leadership as a pendulum. “Imagine that the leader is up here at the top of the pendulum. Even the slightest movement made by the leader causes huge swings down at the bottom. Leaders need to be conscious that when they make seemingly small changes, the repercussions for others are enormous.”

I had never thought of leadership this way and wondered how I might be able to apply that to leading my own life. It’s easy to play out the idea of what big changes can do to our lives; what happens with the slight changes, the ones we don’t put so much thought into? How do they add up and what kind of toll do they take, for better and for worse?

First, for worse: I’ve been trying to remember to breath. That’s right – remembering to breath. Earlier this week I was starting to think about everything I need to get done in the next month. I’ve made so many commitments – places to be, people to see, tasks I need to complete – that I began to feel overwhelmed. How could I get this all done in the time I had?

Thinking about all of this I was holding my breathe. I closed my eyes and I let it go. I kept reminding myself while I had a lot on my plate, 99% of it was fun stuff, things I wanted to do. We have to take one day at a time, one moment at a time. If we think about swaths of time that are too large, we naturally get overwhelmed. Bite-sized pieces – that’s the key. Small steps.

Now, for better: what are the small things we can do in our lives that make a big difference? This week, I’ve been taking a few minutes before I go to sleep to close my eyes and empty my mind. Last week I was having some bad nightmares. I wasn’t sleeping well. And it was effecting my energy and my outlook. It was eroding my hope. This week, I found myself being a bit more bold, able to articulate my point-of-view calmly and succinctly, especially under very stressful situations. All that I needed was a clearer, calmer mind, and that 5 to 10 minutes of meditation before I went to sleep made a big difference.

The next time when I see big swings happening in different areas of my life, I’ll raise my eyes up to the top of that pendulum. I’ll take a look at the small changes I made, or the small changes I can make, that yield big results.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

career, change, love

My Year of Hopefulness – What We Love

Christa Avampato

“Let the beauty of what you love be what you do.” ~ Rumi

So often we spend our time wondering what we should do with our lives that will make us successful, useful, and financially stable. What will bring us the greatest amount of happiness is always secondary to these other considerations when we think of our careers. We think “what can I do as a career so that it will give me the freedom to pursue what I really love down the road or after hours.” Today I thought a lot about how much more good we could actually do in the world if we approach our careers from a place of love first and everything else – success, money, utility – second.

This is especially on my mind today because another group of people I know lost their jobs. The news completely blind-sided all of us. It’s with a heavy heart that I went about my business today, wondering how I’d feel if I were in their shoes. How would I react? What would I say? Would I view the news as a great opportunity or an unfortunate circumstance? And then the question that caused me the greatest discomfort – who’s to say it won’t be me tomorrow? “Down the road” could very well be right now.

This idea of impermanence keeps running through my mind. In my new apartment building, there was a fire on the 10th floor on the other side of the building. When I heard the news, I panicked for a moment. Last night I kept waking up because I could not get images of black smoke out of my mind. That awful scent seems stuck in my nose. I remember too clearly rounding the corners of those stairs in my old building, clinging to the railing, crouching and scrambling and praying, as I was passing by apartments that were burning just on the other side of those walls. I remember how lucky I was that I left that building when I did. A few more minutes and it would have all unfolded very differently.

This little fire on the 10th floor of my new building was successfully extinguished before causing too much trouble, though it’s as if the Universe is flashing a great big reminder at me just as I’m getting comfortable in my new surroundings. “Remember the important things in life aren’t things. You cannot afford complacence.” I wanted to reply, “Yes, thank you Universe, I hear you. I’m working on a new plan for my life right now and I’m getting all the details ironed out. Now could you please stop playing with fire in my presence? And by the way, it’s rude and cruel to be so threatening.”

All joking aside, I’m trying hard to live every moment of my life from a place of love, love for my self, and my community, and the people I care about. I want to take Rumi’s idea one step further and let the beauty of what I love be not just what I do, but also who I am. It’s easy to put on disguises; it’s easy to tell ourselves this is who I am at work or school or with this person or that person or when I’m alone. What I’m striving for is to be one kind of person all the time, to make “down the road” today, to make my after-hours activities my every hour’s activities. In short, I’m striving for authenticity. And it seems to me that the surest way to authenticity begins with always with knowing what and who we love.

The image about is not my own. It can be found here.

change, happiness, New York City, story

My Year of Hopefulness – Stories We Tell Ourselves and Others

Christa Avampato

Today was not a good day in the ordinary sense. I had a conversation that disturbed me on a very deep level, one that really made me question who I am and what I’m about and what I mean to do in this world. Luckily a friend of mine set me in the right direction – he helped me see that this conversation is a very good thing for me. It’s helping me to realize the next step in my life in a very clear way.

After work I went with my friend, Col, to the West Village’s The Bitter End to see The Moth, a group that does a themed open-mike night of storytelling. After my day, I needed to laugh and lose myself in someone else’s stories and The Moth provided just the release I needed. 10 brave souls took to the stage, after their names were drawn from a hat, and discussed their stories that revolved around the theme of disguises. They told us about experiences where they had to pretend to be someone they’re not to accomplish something – to earn a paycheck, to meet someone whom they wanted to meet, to realize who they truly are. They were all poignant and hilarious, and Sara Barron, the MC, is a brilliant comic.

Traveling home, I kept thinking about the stories from The Moth that revolved around people who put on a mask, sometimes literally, and then put down that mask to be who they really are. For some, it took an unhappy situation, like the one I experienced today, to make them truly embrace who they are. They had to be forced to pretend to be someone else before they could actually find their own true voices. And in their own true voices, they were able to tell their own stories, their own truths. It was exactly the lesson I needed to transform a tough personal day into a day of learning.

change, education, student, teaching, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – Sonic Yoga

Christa Avampato

It seems that I just cannot resist the pull of being a student again. Some people can’t wait to get out of school and spread their wings. The moment I graduate, I’m trying to figure how to continue to be a student. Call it an addiction. Weez, my sister, tells me that my end goal in life is to figure out how to be a professional student. She, as usual, is right.

In 2004, I took a weekend course through Yoga Fit that gave me a very basic teacher certification. This was before Yoga Alliance became the true gold standard. I have taught free classes to friends and colleagues though now, after many years of practice, I have decided that I want to be more dedicated to my practice and to join the community of fully-certified teachers. For the practice that has given me so much, it is now my turn to provide the comfort of yoga to others through teaching. I’ve been trying out a lot of different studios in New York – we are blessed with many! – and doing research on different teacher training programs. While they have been amazing finds, none of them felt quite right to me until today when I stepped into Sonic Yoga in Hell’s Kitchen.

The gracious and masterful Johanna quickly put me at ease, put the entire packed classroom at ease. I knew I found my home. Sonic Yoga is not fancy; it’s homey, comfortable, and filled with so much positive energy and warmth. People laugh in class; it’s one of the few places in New York where you are encouraged to not put on a show, but to just be exactly as you are.

Today’s lesson was about surrender, letting go of the stories we tell ourselves, freeing ourselves from situations in life that just aren’t working for us. Johanna asked us to continue to repeat one of the following three mantra throughout our class – “I surrender”, “I don’t know”, or “not my will”. She asked us not to choose the one that felt the best to us, but rather to choose the one that bothered us the most. “I don’t know”. Those words haunt me. At one point during the class, they made my eyes tear up. I’m tearing up now just thinking about this. My life is on very uncertain ground right now. While I know what I want and have an idea how to get there, I am having to give up a lot of the stories that have sustained me in order to make the change.

I am now in the process of turning away from things in my life that just don’t fit. And I don’t care what anyone says – the process of good-bye is hard. Even when we know we need to let something go for our own good, it still hurts. There are dreams that have to be put to rest. There are people who aren’t good for us. There are situations that we must remove ourselves from. I’m now in the process of deciding what dreams, people, and situations those are. And while I have my eye fixed on the horizon of the new life I am so excited about, it means surrendering some aspects of my life now that I love. There are no certainties in life; there are many things that we don’t know, that we can’t know. We must learn to be comfortable with not knowing.

Throughout the 90 minute class, I would repeat to myself “I don’t know”. I kept reminding myself that I can do this; I can surrender, even if it hurts. Keep a stuff upper lip and just muscle through. And then Johanna said, “you don’t like those words, do you?” “No,” I thought, “I don’t.” And then as if inside my head, Johanna said, “that’s okay. Acknowledge how hard this is, how much it bothers you. And then keep going.” So I did the only thing I was certain I could do. I could keep going through the asanas. I could keep moving, even with tear-filled eyes, even with a heavy heart, even while saying good-bye, I could keep moving toward my beautiful life ahead.

change, nature, simplicity

My Year of Hopefulness – Sunsets and Moments

Christa Avampato

The brilliant women over at Owning Pink made one of my recent posts to their blog their homepage this morning. I’m honored and humbled. Thanks to Keith for inspiring this post. From the comments on the original Owning Pink blog, it helped a lot of people. It’s an amazing gift to be able to write things that help others – especially since this writing helps me so much.

“On Saturday afternoon as I was walking back to my apartment, I came around the corner and saw this amazing sunset, one of the most beautiful I had ever seen. I raced upstairs to my apartment, grabbed by camera, and jumped out the window to snap a photo of it. And you know what? It didn’t work. No matter what settings I changed on my camera, I just couldn’t get the photo of the sunset to look the way it actually was. My eyes saw something so much more beautiful than my camera could capture and hold.

So all I could do was stand there on the roof, basking in the glory of all those colors. As the sky turned darker, the sunset got more and more beautiful. The colors evolved and mingled and every moment was more incredible than the moment before. Our lives are like that, too, so long as we just let them unfold in their own time, in their own way.

With every experience, our lives grow richer, each one adding its own little dab of color. I know that all of the things I’m working on now are little dabs, and they might not seem like they belong together just yet. I know that they will find a way to work together, and that eventually the art of my life will emerge. That will happen for all of us. It’s not a matter of if, just a matter of when. Our only job is to show up every day, for ourselves and for the people we love, and let life unfold moment by moment.

Today someone sent me an amazing video from Radio Lab about moments. http://blogs.wnyc.org/radiolab/2009/08/14/16-moments/

I love it so much that I’ve played it over several times now. It features the moments of every day life, mostly things we take for granted. As I watched the video I became even more aware that these little moments, the things we don’t or can’t capture and hold, are the building blocks of our lives. While mostly simple and ordinary this is the stuff of our days. It reminded me that there is always time and cause for celebration.

In what ways can you slow things down, just a little? What is there to notice? How might it change the way you live, love, and celebrate?

Watching it all unfold,
Christa”

change, health, science

My Year of Hopefulness – Grey Matter, White Matter

Christa Avampato

I’ve been thinking a lot about aging this week. During my yoga practice I noticed that my lower back had some weird pain, just a small twinge, when I flatten out my back and lift up. I’ve never had that pain before and I don’t know what could be causing it except maybe that I’m not as young I used to be. Not that I’m old by any stretch. Not by a long shot. I just have to actually be conscious of my health now.

This weekend, my niece is visiting me. She is 21 months. I’m having a blast chasing her around. Today we went apple picking and I got to experience that joy all over again with fresh eyes. I forgot how much fun it is to be out in the fresh air, picking apples, and running up grassy hills. When we got back to my apartment tonight, I went into the bathroom to wash my face and noticed that I look shockingly younger. And it’s not that I have some magic moisturizer. I think it’s just the glow of happiness that we gain by being around a little ball of energy.

Earlier this week, I heard Jean Chatzky speak. She’s been thinking a lot about aging lately, too. And she’s been doing some research involving neuroscience. Specifically neuroscience that relates to aging. As it turns out when we are very young, our grey matter is growing, too. Literally, the number of neurons is increasing, making us, well, neurotic. So all those crazy thoughts and emotions and mood swings we have in our teens and 20’s are to be expected. Blame it on the growth of grey matter. After our 20’s, the growth of grey matter slows and the growth of white matter, the part of our brain that connects our neurons, grows well into middle age. So this process of becoming older and wiser is not a nice metaphor to make us feel better about aging. It actually has some serious science behind it. As we age we become less neurotic and more able to see connections between thoughts, ideas, and experiences.

What keeps coming to the forefront of my mind is how do I keep my body young and my brain moving forward at the same time. The greatest question of our time, I suppose. How do we make sure to keep our outlook fresh while also preserving the wisdom we’ve worked so hard to attain? How do I keep the energy of youth and take comfort in having an old soul? Perhaps it’s just a balance – holding my youth in one hand and my age in the other. There is a time for age old wisdom and a time for a new outlook. The trick is to know when to utilize each.