Category: change

change

Step 49: Usefulness

Christa Avampato

“There is no power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple, and useful life.”
~ Booker T. Washington, American political leader and educator

“I release this,” I thought to myself today more than once. “I am removing myself from any attachment to the outcome of this conversation. I am free to do what I love, to do what’s useful.” This simple statement gave me a very powerful feeling and a rush of energy that I wasn’t expecting. It gave me room to breathe.

For all of the times we feel powerless or helpless or victimized, there is one remedy that we can practice that gets easier the more often we try it: release attachment to the outcome. So much of our pain is generated by trying to hang on to something that has slipped away, or worse yet something we have willingly left that has left a mark on our hearts.

So how can we let go of what hurts in favor of what heals and nurtures?:

1.) Visualization is a powerful tool. Imagine leaving something painful behind. Wrap it up, tuck it away, and then walk away knowing that it’s done.

2.) Remember that something which causes pain can also provide us with incredible learning. There is a principle in yoga that says the world gives us exactly the learning we need exactly when we need it. Something that didn’t go the way we had planned is not time wasted. We’re better for the trials we endure.

3.) A friend of mine once sent me a quote during a very difficult time. It said, “the world is a very generous place. It will give you the same lesson over and over again until you finally learn it and don’t need to go through it anymore.” Learn the lesson and move on.

4.) Tough times clear out what our lives no longer need. If we release what’s causing us pain, what’s no longer useful to us, we make room for a life composed of things that bring us joy and make our days worthwhile. When you’re going through tough times, remember that at the end of that tunnel, and no matter how bad things are there certainly is an end, there is a great and glorious light waiting to receive us. Trust the journey and keep going.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, choices

Step 39: The 100th Monkey

Christa Avampato

I’m fascinated with tipping points, those magical pivots when there is a step-change in the way the world operates. Once we cross over them, we can’t ever go back. They assure that progress has been made and will continue. To illustrate some profound tipping points, Brian told me about the idea of the 100th monkey and trees slowly exposed to toxins.

If a tree is slowly exposed to a toxin, it develops an immunity to the toxin. In a strange turn of events that science cannot explain, all trees of that same species develop the immunity even though they haven’t been exposed to the toxin. Somehow the trees communicate – be it through the soil or the air or the water supply. They are all connected.

At some point, a monkey figured out that if he dipped a stick into an ant hill, he could capture more ants to eat. Eventually, enough monkeys learned this trick that it became something that monkeys just knew how to do, from birth, with no training. Again, science has no explanation for this. Monkeys, thousands of miles apart, even on different continents, somehow tap into the greater genius when a certain tipping point of intelligence is reached within the species. It is truly remarkable.

Think of the implications that this kind of uber-intelligence has for us. What kind of world could we have if we could reach a tipping point of kindness, concern, compassion, and love? If our generation could put aside violence and have a restored faith in humanity, what would that mean for the many generations yet to be born? Is saving the world possible simply by enough of us saving ourselves?

books, change, community, education, encouragement

Step 24: Stay Maladjusted

Christa Avampato

I’m maladjusted and happy about it. Last week, Charlie Judy, the author of HR Fishbowl talked about Dr. Martin Luther King’s encouragement of maladjustment. He didn’t want anyone to be happy and content with the way things are. He never wanted us to adjust and accept things just as they are. He wanted us to keep striving to make things better. Our discontent, our maladjustment, improves the condition of the world.

Jerry Sternin of the Positive Deviance Initiative had this same philosophy. He pushed us not just to think different, but to actually act different and learn as we go. With this attitude, he brought better nutrition to millions of people in Vietnam. His small, heartfelt inquiries and actions changed the course of that nation.

Toyota believes the same thing. In business school, we studied the Toyota Production System (TPS), the secret sauce that made Toyota a global brand. Developed by Sakichi Toyoda, two of the greatest beliefs in TPS are the empowerment of the individual to make improvements and the idea of continuous improvement. Nothing is ever perfect; nothing is ever 100% as it should be.

This idea might be overwhelming at first, though let’s take a moment and see if we can find the bright spot. If everything can be improved, then there is always interesting work to be done that is useful and helpful. Incremental improvement is the focus of Dr. King’s maladjustment philosophy, Jerry’s Sternin’s initiative and the TPM, so even small steps are worthwhile. We don’t need to be paralyzed by the pursuit of perfection because perfection is never going to happen. We can instead be motivated by a desire to improve.

I just began reading Whatever It Takes, the latest book about Geoffrey Canada’s triumphant organization, Harlem Children’s Zone. Canada’s work is one gigantic bright spot in the field of inner-city public education. He is someone who embodies the idea of maladjusted positive deviance. In 2009, President Obama put forward funding and support to have HCZ’s paradigm replicated all over the country. Canada’s incremental improvements to Harlem over the course of several decades will now be levered up to create lasting, positive change for children throughout the US. He’s one individual with passion and determination. His is a bright spot worth replicating in our own lives, in our own way.

Jerry Sternin, Dr. King, and Sakichi Toyoda are smiling down on us. We’re living their legacy.

change, writing

Step 23: Replicating Authenticity

Christa Avampato

In yesterday’s post I talked about positive deviance, the practice of finding bright spots in a situation, in our lives, and replicating them like mad to create further improvements. And then I promised you a personal revelation for today’s post that demonstrates where and how I’d like to use positive deviance in my own life.

Think of one area of your life that you really love, that’s going so well that you smile every time it pops into your head. What do you love about it? Be very specific on this – get down to the meat of what makes you really happy about this part of your life. Now, how can this exact same paradigm be ported over to other areas of your life?

For me, one area that’s going really well is my writing. I love the design of this new site, the new people it helps me to meet, everything I learn from the research and writing, and its tangible nature. Now for the specifics: I run the site and get to call all of the shots on content and design. Yes, I certainly take and love input, and at the end of the day I physically make all of the updates myself. I get to tell my stories and share what’s happening in my life. It’s the one part of my life where I do exactly what I want, when I want, how I want. It’s the area of my life where I am the most authentic. Brian is going to be thrilled to hear this – this is the exact work we’ve been focusing on for the past few months. I’m going to become an authenticity addict.

Now, what implications does this have for other parts of my life? I’ve been settling. Lots and lots of settling. Settling’s comfortable, it reduces stress, it lowers expectations, and reduces disappointments. It’s also boring and at the end of the day it amounts to almost nothing. And that has to change. More of my life has to be how I want it to be, not just how it is. The other areas of my life have to have as much meaning and authenticity as my writing. I have to accept that this will be difficult, scary terrain. I will have to trust myself more and follow my gut. I will have to lose my grip on comfort in order to seek and find more meaning in the other parts of my life. I will have to jump off the cliff, arms spread wide, and trust that I can fly.

I should be more frightened by this, though if I look back over my life, history is on my side:
1.) I worked very hard as a student so that I could build a better life by getting a quality education. It worked; I have reaped the great rewards of a solid career, financial stability, and the genuine curiosity that an incredible education bears. I wasn’t always sure how I’d afford this education, nor did I know precisely where it would take me. I made it up as I went along, and it all worked out better than fine.

2.) I have been willing to take new jobs, despite a lower salary and less stability, because I followed my heart and did the work I wanted to do. It worked; I’ve always done the work I love and I’ve gotten to achieve many of the things on my childhood dreams list.

One of the very bright spots of my life in the past few years has been my writing because I show up everyday to convey an honest, poignant story. I take off the blinders, drop my guard, and go for broke. In this part of my life I’m not trying to impress anyone, nor am I trying to be any more or any less than me. Every time I just trust myself, my life always works out better than I ever imagined it could be. It’s a bright spot worth replicating.

books, change, education, Fast Company, social change, society

Step 22: Seeing Spots

Christa Avampato

“You cannot think your way into a new way of acting, you have to act your way into a new way of thinking.” ~ Jerry Sternin, Founder of The Positive Deviance Initiative

In this month’s issue of Fast Company, there is an excerpt from Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath. The book goes on sale February 16th, and this excerpt provides insights into how to find the bright spots, as small and few as they may be, that lead to radical, large-scale, successful change when replicated. The Heaths take a cue from Jerry Sternin, a professor of nutrition at Tufts University, who, along with his wife, Monique (also a professor at Tufts), gave so much to so many around the world. The Professors Sternin founded the movement of positive deviance and advocated for its use around the world.

There is some societal belief that when someone is exceptional, they’re weird. We think that the exceptional do things that no one else can do when really they just do things that no one is doing. William Kamkwamba in Malawi, whom I wrote about earlier this week, illustrates this point perfectly. If we studied them closely, we would find that a couple of key things that they do are different from the majority, and those few differences can be replicated so that the exception becomes the new norm. Jerry and Monique Sternin believed that if we can find the bright spots, we’ll get more understanding of a situation and greater progress than we ever thought possible.

All day today I’ve been looking for bright spots in specific areas of my life. I’m keeping track of them in my little black book. This idea of positive deviance has had me grinning ear to ear all day. Tomorrow, I’ll be back here to talk about some of these recent discoveries. I hope you’ll join me.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, dreams, gifts, nature

Step 4: The Gift of a Fallen Branch

Christa Avampato

“Use the talents you possess – for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except for the best.” ~ Henry Van Dyke

In that tangled tree diagram of life options, I had assumed that my life would unfold a certain way this week. Instead, the option I considered least likely came to be. The trouble, or perhaps the beauty, is that this unlikely branch is entirely under-developed. Beginning today, I get to imagine a future I didn’t think I’d have just yet.

Brian and I talked tonight about the idea of prana, the intelligent undercurrent of energy that makes itself at home beneath of the narrative of our lives. In times of authenticity, that current supports our actions. When we’re acting against our nature, living our lives to a lesser extent than what’s possible, our prana breaks through, making room in the world for our true selves to emerge. Try as we might to suppress it, our prana will not be kept down for long. Eventually, we will have no choice but to live our lives to the fullest. We have to show up in the world and be everything we are capable of being.

I was willing to take the other branch, to remain in a holding pattern that would delay where I really want my life to go. Today the universe took that option away. No more delays allowed. Sometimes not getting what we wish for is the best gift we can receive.

The photo above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, nature

My Year of Hopefulness – Nature’s Lesson

Christa Avampato

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” ~ Lao Tzu

We live in a deadline-conscious world. Every day there is another to-do list, another crisis to attend to, another stress we didn’t count on. Sometimes I feel stressed by my to-do list. This weekend even though I had a lot to do, I focused on enjoying every task. Even studying for my GREs. My stress of to-do’s comes from always thinking about the next item I need to accomplish on my list. By enjoying every moment, even the busiest ones, I felt a greater sense of satisfaction, and I got my list completed faster than I thought I could.

I wonder if nature takes this same approach with her own to-do list. Nature operates on the principle of “just enough”. Just enough consumption and production. Natures conducts life in seasons, surging at certain times and resting at others. Renewing and replenishing when needed. Taking the opportunity to grow and flourish when the conditions are just right.

As I worked through my to-do list this weekend, I wondered if we could build lives that more closely resemble nature’s way of working. Could we place just the right amount of effort into the different parts of our lives? Could we learn to eliminate waste in all its forms as much as possible, take advantage of positive circumstances, and learn to retreat and wait when the skies above us grow dark? Could we find a way for all the pieces of our lives to integrate into one beautiful landscape? Can we gracefully adapt to change?

With nature as such a healthy example, I’m hopeful that we can find greater harmony, within ourselves and with others if only we set our minds and hearts to it.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

care, change, health, healthcare

My Year of Hopefulness – Good Grief

Christa Avampato

One of the things this year that has brought me so much hope is my new ability to ask and receive help. By nature, I am not good at asking for help, though I am fantastic at providing it. A few weeks ago I told my friend, Rob, about my strong desire to make all of the change I’ve been through this year into a positive experience. I want to look back on 2009 and see that it was a decisive, magical turning point in my life. Enter, Brian.

Early on in my life, I spent a number of years in therapy to acquire tools to help me handle certain aspects of my childhood in a healthy way. They’ve served me well for 33 years and now I need some new tools to help me manage a whole new set of challenges. Brian is a social worker by training who has an incredible gift for helping people to get the most out of the lives they have to help them achieve the lives that they want. He sets about his work with the desire to help people turn their experiences and dreams into action. He is exactly the kind of person I need right now.

I began my weekly sessions with him today and because I am so open about my life’s circumstances, we were able to get to the root of our work together very quickly. It helps that I found Brian based on Rob’s strong recommendation. Because I trust Rob, I immediately trusted Brian. Because I trust myself and know how I want my life to take shape, it was easy to ask someone as knowledgeable as Brian for help. And so, it begins…

Being a forever student, I asked for homework at the end of our session. “I want you to be still and allow the feelings of loss you’ve had this year to surface. You’re so busy getting away from grief that you never really look it in the eye and see how it can actually help you.” True, and scary, and difficult, and necessary. I was so concerned about getting through my losses this year that I didn’t stop to look around and see what they really had to offer me. I just wanted to be done, and in my desire to be done, I forgot to let myself grieve. I took a “well that happened so now get on with it” approach without letting myself say “that was frightening and sad, and I’m going to miss those things and people in my life.”

Grief is difficult; suppressed grief eventually becomes unbearable and makes itself a nuisance and makes us tired. With Brian’s help, I’m going to figure out how to make grief serve me well.

career, change, work

My Year of Hopefulness – Take Up the Torch

Christa Avampato

“Life is no brief candle, it’s a torch. I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

I saw this quote by George Bernard Shaw on Twitter over the weekend. Someone sent it to me after reading my blog posts about my trip to Costa Rica and my plans for the future. Thinking of life as a torch, something we can and should wield as a powerful instrument to light up the world around us, reinforced my belief that if we are just subsisting and not doing our life’s work every day, then a change is necessary, sooner rather than later. As my mom often says, “we will not pass this way again. So make this pass count as much as you can.”

Yesterday a friend of mine was telling me about a conversation he recently had with his dad. His father told him that his job was my friend’s life’s work. My friend objected and then his dad asked him a few questions:

“Son, where do you spend the most hours of your day?”

“At work.”

“What do you think about for the most number of hours per day?”

“Work.”

“Then your job is your life’s work. How do you feel about that? Is it fulfilling?”

“No. I don’t get any fulfillment from it. It’s just a job,” my friend answered.

“Sounds like you better change it. You don’t want your life’s work to be just a job.”

These are harsh words that could have been said with a kinder voice, though the point is crystal clear. Where and with whom we spend most of our time is our life’s work. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about where my energy and time is spent, and what that’s accomplishing. I spend a lot of my time volunteering, and a lot of that volunteering is done in the field of education. I come alive in a classroom of any kind whether I’m the student or the teacher, and classrooms can be found throughout our communities. It’s that learning environment that is so invigorating, that gives me the most hope for our future.

And so, in the words of my friend’s father, I am about to set to work on making a change to make that time in education my life’s work. When I think about how much good can be done there, how much I have to offer in that setting, I realize that my torch is growing brighter.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

change, future, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – I Got my Whole Future in My Hands

Christa Avampato

“Put your future in good hands – your own.” ~ Anonymous

I read this quote a few days ago on Owning Pink’s Twitter account (@Owningpink), one of my very favorite accounts to check. It is always brimming with inspiring ideas. This one spoke to me quite clearly and was just the advice I needed. Taking our future into our own hands is a brave and frightening act, though once we accept it as a way to move forward, it really can move mountains.
Today I had to have a conversation that I have been dreading for some time now. I knew it was coming and I was nervous about it. I was afraid of what the reaction of the of the other person might be and I was afraid of my tendency toward blatant honesty. How delicately did I need to plead my case? Would I have to tap dance around what I really wanted to say, playing politics, or could I just get on with it?
No surprise that I went the honesty route. I explained how I wanted my future to unfold and where I thought the best place to do my life’s work would be. And a remarkable thing happened – the very person I was frightened of, the very person who I thought would not at all support my decision, stepped up and offered his hand. This person and I have on occasion had a rough go of it. We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye. As a matter of fact we’ve butted heads so often that it’s become a habit for us. And yet, there is some kind of magic that honesty breeds. Once he understood my point-of-view, he realized that he had the opportunity to make my dream come true, or at least to help it along in a significant way. And so, he did.
Before I went to see him, I took a deep breathe, smiled, and told myself, “you can do this. Just go in there with an honest heart and say exactly what you think.” I did. He listened. And before I even had to ask for help, before I even dared to ask for help, he offered it up with a smile. All my worrying had been for naught. He asked me to think it over, and make sure that this is really the direction I want to go in. I thanked him, knowing that I’ll be back to see him tomorrow, to tell him I’m ready to build the life I imagine, to thank him for his help, and to take my life into my own hands.