Category: books

books, love

Step 140: Meet Tre Miller-Rodriguez

Christa Avampato

I met Tre Miller-Rodriguez about a year ago as a result of my Examiner.com column. At the time Tre worked as a Senior Account Manager for Harrison & Shriftman. She set me up with several start-ups to feature in my column about entrepreneurship. Once Tre left Harrison & Shriftman we stayed in touch and then I discovered her inspiring lifestory outside of her career.

A little over a year ago, Tre, 34 years old, lost her husband, Alberto, to a sudden heart attack. I have trouble getting over a break-up with a boyfriend. I can’t imagine how I would get through losing the love of my life at such a young age. Tre’s strength bowls me over. She left Harrison & Shriftman to travel to Cuba, Alberto’s family home, and finish her book, The White Elephant in the Room: Diary of a 30-Something Widow. She recently launched her blog, of the same title as her book.

Her writing packs a punch, and her heroic journey reveals just how much might this woman has in her heart. Her first page of the book put a knife in my heart. She placed me right into the center of the situation with Alberto, and my mind raced with questions. I found myself saying out loud “no, no, no! This can’t happen!” I wanted to stop, rewind, get Alberto to a medical center, and save him. Tre recounts her loss with awe-inspiring grace and dignity. Your jaw will drop, as mine did, before you turn to page two.

Want to know how to rise above tragedy and live an extraordinary life? Get to know Tre.

The photo above depicts Tre and Alberto on their fairytale wedding day. Tre’s blog can be found at: http://whiteelephantintheroom.tumblr.com/

books, community, neighbors

Step 139: Good Neighbors

Christa Avampato

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.” ~ Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

I feel sick watching the news about the unending oil spill in the Gulf. As someone who has worried about our water supply since age 5, this story breaks my heart. Bill Maher got it right when we so poetically stated, “Every a**hole who ever chanted ‘drill baby drill’ should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.” I agree.

Whenever these sad moments hit me, I go to my book shelf and pull from a small collection of books that I refer to again and again for inspiration. The World According to Mister Rogers is one of those books. For Christmas in 2003, my mom bought me this book about Mister Rogers. The inscription on the inside of the book reads, “This book is dedicated, in Fred Roger’s memory, to anyone who has loved you into being.” My mom added, “and continues to love you every day for everything you do, for caring so much about all of us. I feel so lucky to have you as my daughter.” Moms always have a way of making us feel better, no matter how bleak the world may seem.

Last week, my yoga teacher Stacey read us the quote at the top of this post. I had forgotten it and when I went searching through the book tonight, I found it on p. 187. It made me feel better about the Gulf. And about Haiti and Afghanistan and the South Bronx. Blight and tragedy play out all over the globe every day, making it too easy to get lost in the sadness. Look for the helpers – they dwell in every neighborhood, sometimes acting behind the scenes and sometimes taking their rightful place at center stage. Find them, wherever they live, and celebrate them.

Mister Rogers taught me about community and the priceless value of a helpful neighbor. I grew up in a tiny, rural town on an apple orchard. We struggled financially; a lot of people in my town did. But we had really kind, generous neighbors, and we tried to return the favor every day. We tried to take care of each other as best we could. In my cushy Manhattan apartment tonight, I may have left behind the circumstances of my childhood, but I never lost the lessons of good neighbors.

P.S. – Trish Scott, a very talented writer, animal behavior expert, and extremely loyal reader of my blog wrote a post several years ago about how Mister Rogers raised $20M in 6 minutes. She put this link into the comments section but it’s so powerful, I had to include it on the main page of this post. Happy reading!

books, commitment, yoga

Step 136: A Dedicated Life

Christa Avampato

“Learn to lead a dedicated life…the dedicated ever enjoy peace…the entire life is an open book, a scripture. Read it. Learn while digging a pit or chopping some wood or cooking some food…OM Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi. OM Tat Sat. (OM peace, peace, peace. OM unlimited truth.” ~ Sri Swami Satchidananda

In one week, I will complete my 200 hour yoga teacher training. I’ve been trying to take my yoga practice out into the world. I practice my balance on the subway as it roars down the express track. I find it while cooking my meals. I use it when I encounter someone who is having a tough day and showing it. In the mornings, I try to be mindful of my commute, visualizing my day and what I will be able to accomplishment. I am trying to show up and be present at every moment. I look at service as yoga, too, even though my mat may be no where in sight.

Sri Swami Satchidananda wrote the translation of the Yoga Sutras that we read for the yoga teacher training. While I didn’t agree with all of his notes, the quote above that he used to close out the book has really stuck with me throughout this training. It’s great to be able to start to do arm balances or be on the verge of doing headstead in the middle of a room without a wall. My physical yoga practice has grown by leaps and bounds – for the first time I actually understand how my body is pieced together and why it works the way it does. I began a daily meditation practice with this course, a practice that will always be with me, even when my body stops working so well. I grew to look forward to change, and accept that all of this is temporary. But the real achievement for me is that I am conscious every day of living my yoga, on and off the mat. Yoga gave me a way to grow my dedication to my own happiness.

The most beautiful piece of yoga is that there is no end to the learning. In all the years I’ve been going to class and even with this wonderful training at Sonic, I haven’t even scratched the surface. Yoga has been around for ~6,000 years. Its applications in the world, in our lives, and in the physical practice have no end so long as we are dedicated to their study and to our own personal exploration. Tat Sat, indeed.

The image above depicts Sri Swami Satchidananda at his Yogaville Ashram in Buckingham, VA. Ironically, his ashram is only 40 minutes from where I went to business school; I never knew it existed until my training at Sonic.

adventure, books, change, yoga

Step 126: Reflection on The Bhagavad Gita

Christa Avampato

“As a man adorns worn-out clothes and acquires new ones, so when the body is worn out a new one is acquired by the Self, who lives within.” ~ 2:22, The Bhagavad Gita

“The awakened sages call a person wise when all his undertakings are free from anxiety about results; all his selfish desires have been consumed in the fire of knowledge. The wise…have abandoned all external supports.” ~ 3:19, The Bhagavad Gita

For my yoga teacher training class, we needed to read The Bhagavad Gita, the most famous poem in Hindu literature. It was powerful read for me. While many of our readings in the class focus on calm and steadiness, The Bhagavad Gita is a guide to action, authentic action.

On Labor Day weekend in 2009, my apartment building caught fire. I was almost trapped inside and only by following my intuition was I able to get out in time. Most of my belongings were lost to extensive smoke damage. September 5, 2009 was a kind of death date for me; a date when stripped of almost all my material possessions (my “worn-out clothes”), I realized that none of it mattered at all. I stood outside in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, holding nothing but my keys (which were now useless), watching my apartment building burn. Looking back, I think of that day as a day when I stepped out of my old, worn-out Self, and into a new frame. I still don’t know what the art inside this new frame will look like just yet. I’m a work-in-progress.

Verse 2:22 in The Bhagavad Gita resonated with me, as does that image of Shiva the Destroyer dancing in a ring of fire. Sometimes we get in the way of our own personal development. We get bogged down with belongings, material and emotional. We need not stand on a burning platform, literally nor figuratively, to recognize that change is needed. Yoga can be the practice that helps us recognize our truth, our purpose, our dharma.

Verse 3:19 speaks directly to the danger that surfaces when we get lost in the demands of our society, demands that others put upon us that do not align with our own personal truths. After my fire and after studying these simple words laid down in The Bhagavad Gita, I’ve come to believe that being “results-oriented” and “goal-driven” cause us to miss so much of life. To be shooting for the result, while remaining blind to each step leading to that result, denies us the beauty of practicing the yama asteya, nonstealing. Yes, where we’re going is important, and it is equally, if not more important, to be mindful of how we’re getting there. If we miss the journey, we deny ourselves the wonder and joy of the act of discovery.

Bearing this sentiment in mind, I read The Bhagavad Gita as if it were a map, laying out a method of living whose goal is boundless freedom. And from that freedom all good things come – kindness toward others because we no longer see them as competitors but partners; justice because we recognize in realizing our own freedom that all people everywhere have the right to be free; peace because all we’re really fighting for is our own self-discovery which doesn’t involve any type of harm to another being.

Several years ago, I read a book called Women Who Run with the Wolves. Although the actual words and anecdotes are different, the message is the same as the one delivered to us by The Bhagavad Gita around the question “How do we acquire freedom and mastery of the mind?” The answer in Women Who Run with the Wolves: “crawl through the window of a dream.” The window may be small. Undoubtedly, we will have to leave things behind in order to continue our journey through it. We may wonder why on earth we have to struggle so much, why we should even try at all when the big room full of our belongings that we currently live in is really just fine.

No matter how much we love our current room, that window will not be ignored. It will continue to stare at us until we take up the challenge of crossing over. Through that tiny little frame, lies Samadhi, enlightenment. The only thing stopping us from getting there is our courage, our own belief in our abilities to make the journey at all. Arjuna struggled with this same quest, just as we struggle with it. We’re all in this together, across the globe, across the centuries. The struggle does not change; we have to change. The only way forward is through.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

books, writing

Step 109: Looking for Some Solid Writing Advice? Author Zadie Smith Serves It Up.

Christa Avampato

A few weeks ago, I signed up for an open house at Gotham Writer’s Workshop. As a result, I was added to their email list and have been enjoying their newsletter. Today they featured 10 solid tips from author Zadie Smith, known for her brilliant books White Teeth, The Autograph Man, and On Beauty.

1.) When still a child, make sure you read a lot of books. Spend more time doing this than anything else.
Chances are if you’re reading this blog post, you aren’t a child but if you have children in your life in some way this is a great gift to pass on to them.

2.) When an adult, try to read your own work as a stranger would read it, or even better, as an enemy would.
Hard to be critic of our own work, especially if we love the piece, but this point is critical to being a good editor.

3.) Don’t romanticize your “vocation.” You can either write good sentences or you can’t. There is no “writer’s lifestyle.” All that matters is what you leave on the page.
This is my favorite tip in this list. Practical and straight-forward. And it made me realize that my life off the page is an important influence on my work.

4.) Avoid your weaknesses. But do this without telling yourself that the things you can’t do aren’t worth doing. Don’t mask self-doubt with contempt.
I’m a fan of playing to my strengths. Thank you, Marcus Buckingham.

5.) Leave a decent space of time between writing something and editing it.
I like my writing to sit for at least a day before I start editing.

6.) Avoid cliques, gangs, groups. The presence of a crowd won’t make your writing any better than it is.
I like that this puts us in charge of determining the value of our own writing.

7.) Work on a computer that is disconnected from the Internet.
For fiction writing, I totally agree. Blogging and news writing often require research and the internet is invaluable for that.

8.) Protect the time and space in which you write. Keep everybody away from it, even the people who are most important to you.
I love my writing nights after work, or having a whole weekend day to just write. Those nights and days are few and far between lately, but I’m hoping to get them back soon. I do write everyday, and it doesn’t seem daunting and doesn’t resemble a chore. It’s just what I do. Just like brushing my teeth.

9.) Don’t confuse honors with achievement.
Some of the very best writing I’ve read never won any kind of award, and it didn’t make one bit of difference in how much those pieces helped me.

10.) Tell the truth through whichever veil comes to hand—but tell it. Resign yourself to the lifelong sadness that comes from never being satisfied.
The truth takes on many forms, and appears in our lives, off the page and on the page, in so many different ways. Just take it as it comes, through moments of triumph and defeat. It’s all learning.

Looking for more cool tips from some of the best writers around? Check out Tips from Masters.

books, writing

Step 96: Don’t Save Yourself

Christa Avampato

I’ve been trying to space out my Examiner.com posts, limiting them to 2 per month. Guidelines at Examiner require writers to publish once per month to be considered active. A few months ago, I found a slew of great entrepreneurs who I wanted to feature so I spaced them out to last me through the middle of the year. I was saving up the great content to share in the coming months just in case I didn’t find any great leads in the near future.

In the past few weeks, I’ve gotten referrals and requests from entrepreneurs asking me to feature them in the column. Some came in from entrepreneurs I’ve featured before and friends of those entrepreneurs. (They travel in tight circles!) Some have read the column and pitched me a story about their business. I’m proud of the content I’ve put out there, and in return more good content is finding its way to me, even when I’m looking for it.

Anne Lamott, my favorite author, wrote a book called Bird by Bird. When I was a teenager, that book made me want to be a writer. (It’s out of print now which I think is completely ridiculous, but luckily it is available for the Kindle.) On the topic of giving, which all writers do every moment of every day, she says, “it is only when I go ahead and decide to shoot my literary, creative wad on a daily basis that I get any sense of full presence.” She’s hilarious and truthful and right.

We have to keep showing up and giving the best we’ve got everyday, whether or not we’re writers. It doesn’t behoove us, it doesn’t behoove anyone, to hoard our talents and stories and souls. Those who give will always find that there’s no end to what they will receive in return.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

books, creativity, design, hope

Step 89: Glimmer Moments

Christa Avampato

On Bruce Nussbaum‘s recommendation, I just started reading Glimmer: How Design Can Change Your Life and Maybe Even the World by Warren Berger. I’m only a few pages into the introduction and already my mind is reeling with ideas and inspiration. Thinking and learning about design gives me more energy than a gallon of coffee.

In the introduction, Berger defines ‘glimmer moments’ – the point when a life-changing idea crystallizes in the mind. I’ve been having a number of glimmer moments at work, in yoga teacher training, and in my sessions with Brian. Call it destiny, synergy, coincidence, Kismet, serendipity. Or prana. Or dharma. Glimmer moments are aha’s. Times in our lives when everything just falls perfectly in to place. So perfectly that we wonder why we didn’t see all along what now seems so obvious.

We talk a lot about timing in terms of relationships or jobs. In actuality it’s all in the timing, everything, every aspect of our lives. The stars align exactly when they are supposed to align, not when we want them to, not when we think that they should. Sometimes I imagine that up there somewhere there’s a great puppet master who’s arranging and re-arranging circumstances based upon the choices that human hands make in their attempt to control human destiny.

So let go. Do what gives you energy, what makes you whole and happy. Make a plan or a rule, but be prepared to do an about-face at any moment because you have new information today that you didn’t have yesterday. Life is like that – we change, the world changes, and we all have to keep plodding forward, doing the very best we can with what we’ve got. Recognize that the glimmer is always there; our only job is make sure we take the time to stop, look up, and recognize it.

The image above is not my own. It can be found here.

books, health, healthcare

Step 70: Mountains Beyond Mountains

Christa Avampato

“It is so easy, at least for me, to mistake a person’s material resources for his interior ones.” ~ Tracy Kidder, Mountains Beyond Mountains

Today I finished Tracy Kidder’s excellent book about Paul Farmer and his nonprofit, Partners in Health, a global nonprofit organization, started in Haiti, that has changed the perception of basic health care from a privilege to a social justice. Being able to have the tools to heal is a birth right, not something reserved for the wealthy and powerful. Paul Farmer has given his life for this simply articulated belief: every life matters equally.

Biography and autobiography is a fascinating thing. While we hear about someone else’s journey, we cannot help but examine our own. By viewing someone else’s place in the world, their contributions to humanity, we begin to consider and re-consider our place, our contribution.

As I left yoga class today, my head was swimming. I’ve got too much information coming at me a million miles an hour: at work, in yoga class, in my volunteer hours, from my friends and family. I’m trying to date as much as I can, and then also leave some time each day for myself. For my own thoughts and reflections. My life is bursting with, well, life.

And then I finished Mountains Beyond Mountains, and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I’m trying to just manage my own little corner of the world. Paul Farmer is out there actually saving many corners of the Earth – the most desperate, the poorest, the ones that need immediate attention before they decay entirely beyond any recognition. He is Atlas, and he will not shrug.

So give me yoga asanas, Sanskrit, sacred hindu texts, new technology, org chart after org chart, change and then more change, and any and every trouble and triumph of my many beautiful friends and family members. I can take it all in, and still feel whole and complete, still take care of my own heart and body and soul. I’ve got this.

If Paul Farmer can wrap his mind around treating TB, HIV / AIDS, and everything that comes along with that, in Haiti, Peru, Russia, Guatemala, Roxbury, and Lesotho to name just a few of the regions of the world his worked has touched, then surely I can do my fair share. After all, we are all just people, fallible, imperfect, stunning examples of grace. There is always more to do, always. And that is a beautiful realization. The Haitians say it best, “There are always mountains beyond mountains.” Let us hope that our work is never really done, and let’s celebrate that.

The image above is Paul Farmer with a young boy in Haiti at his clinic. It was taken by Maupali Das.

books, children, education

Step 31: Whatever It Takes

Christa Avampato

Yesterday on my blogging / computer break, I finished the book Whatever It Takes: Geoffrey Canada’s Quest to Change Harlem and America, an intimate look at Harlem Childrens Zone (HCZ), a nonprofit run by Geoffrey Canada. If you are interested in the future of public education, this book is a must-read. Author Paul Tough could have easily made it a ra-ra HCZ book, and he would have been justified in doing so. He didn’t. He shows us the good, the bad, and the ugly, the organization’s great successes, the painful choices, and the grave disappointments. It’s a beautifully crafted book about an organization that is changing the odds for poor, inner-city children.

When I finished the last word of the book, I started to think about Geoffrey Canada’s strategy and mission statement for HCZ: “Whatever It Takes”. He is willing to do whatever it takes to not just improve the odds of success for poor children in Harlem, but to change the odds of the game entirely for poor children all over the country. He provides health services, nutritious meals, parent education, and even pays back-due library fines for families enrolled in his program so that they can take their children to the public library and read to them. His list of services strives to be comprehensive of every possible need a child could have so that they can focus on their studies. His unwavering confidence in his approach and his laser beam focus are inspiring, and they’re working in his favor.

What if we could all do that with the area of our life that we are most passionate about? What if we could commit to the “Whatever It Takes” philosophy? How would that change our odds of success and fulfillment? I can’t help but think that there is so much power in those three little words that it would be truly impossible to fail if we took those words to heart. In those three words, the sky ceases to be the limit because they obliterate any limit at all.

books, change, community, education, encouragement

Step 24: Stay Maladjusted

Christa Avampato

I’m maladjusted and happy about it. Last week, Charlie Judy, the author of HR Fishbowl talked about Dr. Martin Luther King’s encouragement of maladjustment. He didn’t want anyone to be happy and content with the way things are. He never wanted us to adjust and accept things just as they are. He wanted us to keep striving to make things better. Our discontent, our maladjustment, improves the condition of the world.

Jerry Sternin of the Positive Deviance Initiative had this same philosophy. He pushed us not just to think different, but to actually act different and learn as we go. With this attitude, he brought better nutrition to millions of people in Vietnam. His small, heartfelt inquiries and actions changed the course of that nation.

Toyota believes the same thing. In business school, we studied the Toyota Production System (TPS), the secret sauce that made Toyota a global brand. Developed by Sakichi Toyoda, two of the greatest beliefs in TPS are the empowerment of the individual to make improvements and the idea of continuous improvement. Nothing is ever perfect; nothing is ever 100% as it should be.

This idea might be overwhelming at first, though let’s take a moment and see if we can find the bright spot. If everything can be improved, then there is always interesting work to be done that is useful and helpful. Incremental improvement is the focus of Dr. King’s maladjustment philosophy, Jerry’s Sternin’s initiative and the TPM, so even small steps are worthwhile. We don’t need to be paralyzed by the pursuit of perfection because perfection is never going to happen. We can instead be motivated by a desire to improve.

I just began reading Whatever It Takes, the latest book about Geoffrey Canada’s triumphant organization, Harlem Children’s Zone. Canada’s work is one gigantic bright spot in the field of inner-city public education. He is someone who embodies the idea of maladjusted positive deviance. In 2009, President Obama put forward funding and support to have HCZ’s paradigm replicated all over the country. Canada’s incremental improvements to Harlem over the course of several decades will now be levered up to create lasting, positive change for children throughout the US. He’s one individual with passion and determination. His is a bright spot worth replicating in our own lives, in our own way.

Jerry Sternin, Dr. King, and Sakichi Toyoda are smiling down on us. We’re living their legacy.