I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~ Joseph Campbell
Why are we afraid to take some actions and unafraid to take others? So often I’ve found when I do exactly the thing I am afraid of, when I go where I don’t think I can go, that’s when and where I find exactly what I want. Now when I find fear, I celebrate because it lets me know I’m on the right path.
The waves of cold this winter left me wondering how to get Phin and I out of the freezer of New York City. We’re also not fans of the city’s summer heat, mosquitos, and giant air conditioning bills. Being shut in during the polar vortex gave me time to think about how to make myself truly location-independent. I want all the inspiration and creativity of New York City and the space from it to fully appreciate what it and other cities have to offer. My California break last summer worked wonders for me, personally and professionally. I want to find a way to always take my work with me so I can spend the Spring and Fall in New York City and the Winter and Summer in a temperate climate. The wheels are turning. The will is there so I know the way can’t stay hidden for long.
Queens, here I come! My Manhattan apartment building is being converted to condos. Because I’m a market-rate tenant, my lease isn’t being renewed and there’s no inside deal to buy my place. This is the tough and ugly part of New York City real estate: landlords hold all the cards. I’ve looked around the Upper West Side, the neighborhood I’ve called home for 7 years, and found that I can get much more for my money someplace else. The Brooklyn brand has caused rental prices to skyrocket there far beyond the rental rates in my current neighborhood so I’m looking at Queens. I’ve lived there twice before and loved it. Prices have gone up there as well but not to the same tune as Manhattan and Brooklyn. It also has the benefit of tremendous transportation convenience, lots of amenities, and authentic community, three things that are important to me. Come April 30th, Phin and I will shove off on a new residential adventure. Here’s hoping the apartment karma gods are with us!
This is the power of comedy: it opens up our minds by first making us laugh and then making us think long and hard about the truth underneath that laughter. Over the weekend, I made some additional edits to my play, Sing After Storms. There’s only one pop culture reference in the play and it refers to Bill Murray’s performance in the film What About Bob?. While we often think of What About Bob? as a comedy, and it certainly is, that movie had a different long-term effect on me that only rose into my consciousness as I was writing Sing After Storms. Clinical OCD (Bob’s illness) is a debilitating, terrifying condition. It keeps people confined and isolated by an intense fear of death. It deeply affected how I think about mental illness and it’s impact on an individual’s potential in a way that a dramatic film wouldn’t have done. If we can make people laugh, we can also move them to action. It’s a lesson I’m trying to bring into my writing and it’s perhaps the toughest artistic challenge I have today. Comedy isn’t easy but I’ve seen that its rewards are so rich.
I thought Leonardo DiCaprio had some sort of magic Hollywood wand that makes everything he touches turn to gold. I was completely wrong. Even with his passion and commitment, it took Leo 7 years to get The Wolf of Wall Street made. Like Matthew McConaughey and Dallas Buyers Club (who incidentally is also in The Wolf of Wall Street), Leo refused to give up on the film and chipped away at Hollywood until he lined up the right partners and the right funding. In our own creative pursuits, we sometimes struggle to get something to go in the direction we want it to take. We grease the skids of our own imaginations over and over again without much movement. It’s often akin to getting a car parked on ice to move. Don’t let the hard work and slow progress deter you. Keep at it knowing you’re in good company. Eventually, the ice relents (or melts) and we’re on our way.
Author James Patterson was on CBS This Morning talking about his new book, First Love. It’s inspired by a woman he was with many years ago. She developed an inoperable brain tumor and to keep their spirits up they adopted this shared philosophy: “Aren’t we lucky that you didn’t die today?” It kept them appreciative, hopeful, and present. We’re all lucky we had today, even if it’s been the worst day, because it’s so much better than the alternative of not having this day at all. It reminds me that there are so many people all over the world who have passed on who would have given anything to have today. On the tough days, that idea keeps me going. It keeps me grateful. It keeps me smiling.
“Nothing will work unless you do.” ~ Maya Angelou
Late at night after a long day and in the wee, still-dark hours of the morning, I’m often at my computer – reading, writing, and researching for one of my personal projects. They are labors of love – every bit as much labor as love. Every once in a while, the doubts creep in. I hear the hurtful comments of people who doubted, and probably still strongly doubt, that I’ll ever be able to do anything significant as a writer. That little voice of self-doubt pipes up in agreement.
When this happens, I think of the remarkable Maya Angelou who has long been one of my idols. When I was 31, first moved back to New York, and decided to work on becoming a writer, I learned that she also decided to focus on her writing in New York City when she was 31. Prior to that, she worked in the performing arts though with only limited success. The same was true for me. Her strength, determination, and work ethic kept her going, reaching, and striving. She has been a wonderful role model for me, in my writing and my life.
And with her example, I close the door on the doubts – my own and those of others – and just keep working, as hard as I can, with as much authenticity and passion as I can muster. She’s right. Nothing works unless we do, and I’m not afraid of work. I like it. I revel in it. I believe in its power. It raises me up and becomes its own reward. In those times, I realize that the only way to make my writing work is to keep going.
Carolina Herrera, designer to the stars, took a big risk at 40. Prior to then, he was a housewife in Venezuela. When she turned 40, her children were grown and she told her husband she wanted to move to New York to start a new career as a fashion designer. She had plenty of connections and access to funds so that helped though without her drive, ambition, and impeccable taste, connections and capital wouldn’t have meant much.
She could have easily laughed off the idea, and stayed right where she was – comfortable, settled, and bored. Instead, she went for it and reinvented herself. Today, she’s still reinventing herself and her fashion line at age 74. She admits that she’s every bit as scared now as she was 34 years ago and she said that every year it’s harder, not easier, to do her work. However, she loves it so she keeps going.
We place so much emphasis on youth in our society that we forget that every day, at every age, we have the opportunity to reinvent who we are and what we do. We can shift gears and try new things. We can be daring and courageous. Reinvention is a choice and Carolina shows us where it can lead if we give ourselves the chance.
A lot of people tell me their ideas for businesses and projects and ask me if I think it will be successful. I answer with this question: “Are you willing to work on it for a decade with little to no success?” Some people look at me with a confused expression and others are completely horrified.
My Decade Rule has grown out of my own experience. I’ve found it takes 10 years (at least) to really get something to work. And I don’t mean a decade of casual work here and there. I mean a solid decade of effort, energy, and passion.
Maybe it’ll take you less time, but I think we have to go into new projects with the decade lens so that we make the best use of our time. I use this concept for all of my new ideas and it helps me decide what is and isn’t worth doing. If an idea can hold my attention for 10 years, then I know it’s worth my time. If not, I move on.
Making some decisions about ideas you’ve got? Put it through the decade test and let me know what you find.
It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s dreams. Our paths cross, we see how we can be useful and helpful, and before we know it we’re spending a disproportionate amount of time making someone else’s dream happen. This is especially true if you have clients for your business or if you work a day job that funds your dream. It’s so easy to take our eyes off our prize because someone else’s prize isn’t so bad to look at. I have to be very careful of this because I like to be helpful and useful. I’ve had so many people who have helped me and I want to constantly pay that kindness forward.
That’s why very clear statements of work, project goals, and timeframes are so important for me to have with my clients. I’ve been asked by a number of them to join them full-time and though flattered, honored, and humbled by the offers, I politely and professionally refuse. I feel very lucky to have a number of repeat clients, and I have to remind myself why I’m doing this: to help others along while I’m working on my personal writing and original content goals.
As you carve your own path, you’ll be tempted, too, because carving our own paths is very hard work. Day in and day out. There is so break from it. We chip away one tiny piece at a time, brick by brick, we build our dreams. It’s understandable to jump to someone else’s dream that feels easier to build up because honestly, it is easier. But I promise you it’s not as fulfilling. Road building it tough work and it feels amazing, the way a tough workout leaves you with a runner’s high. I combat the tired feeling by regularly taking time to step back and look at what I’ve done. I’ve got a long way to go, and I feel very motivated when I see how far I’ve already come. It gives me the energy and the drive to keep going.
Christa Avampato 