Last week Aimee Johnson, one of my blog readers, wrote me an email to thank me for helping to inspire her on her path to healing. She started her own blog as a result: http://aimees-apothecary.blogspot.co.uk. I’ve never met Aimee in-person though she wanted to make sure I knew how important my writing was to her, that my daily posts give her the motivation to keep going. I am humbled by her sentiments and her thoughtfulness to send me this note.
Just that morning I had been wondering how to structure this blog in 2014. I try to stick with a theme every year and 2013 was a year dedicated to making something beautiful, in my case a life and a career. Until I got Aimee’s email I was struggling with what to do for 2014. Aimee helped me solve that problem – 2014 will be about inspiring others and shining a spotlight on people who inspire me. I want to help people let go of things that don’t serve them and take more chances. Stories give us the courage we need to make that happen.
I’ve got a good feeling about 2014. Something tells me it’s going to be one of those landmark years with twists and turns and wild rides. I’m ready for it. I’m ready for all of it. Happy New Year!
Today I’m starting a new contract with the World Science Festival, “a nonprofit organization that works to cultivate a general public informed by science, inspired by its wonder, convinced of its value, and prepared to engage with its implications for the future.” In January, we’ll launch a new website squarely focused on this mission. The site will be free, open source, and chock full of incredible content for anyone with any level of interest in science. I’ve seen the beta site and it’s gorgeous. I’m thrilled, honored, and excited to join this talented team to put this amazing work out into the world. I’ll let you know when it’s live and ready for your engagement. Until then, you’ll find me happily buried in content production schedules, project plans, timelines, and bug fix trackers near Columbia University’s campus.
“In the long history of humankind those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.” ~ Charles Darwin.
This Christmas I got a subscription to Smithsonian Magazine, the perfect publication for nerds like me with a motley collection of interests. In the first issue I read about giant pandas, the Monument Men, and the last Christmas card sent by President and Mrs. Kennedy. One of the most interesting articles discussed Darwin. Though he published his seminal work, On the Origins of Species, in 1859 at the age of 50, he started developing his theory in the 1830s. He never planned to let it see the light of day while he was alive. It was only at the urging of his friend, Alfred Russel Wallace, that he published the work at all. Why did he hesitate for almost 30 years? He feared criticism. He feared that he was wrong despite so much evidence to the contrary.
Darwin changed the face of modern science in a radical way far beyond anything he ever imagined. Yes, his work was controversial and in some circles today it remains so. The lesson of Darwin is this: everyone who creates anything carries some amount of fear in their hearts. In Darwin’s case, it was extreme. Maybe that’s true for you, too. Don’t be Darwin. Please don’t let fear of criticism, fear of being wrong, stop you from putting your work out into the world. Do your best, release it, and let history be the judge and jury. Being wrong is painful, though not nearly as painful as never letting your ideas have a chance at a life outside of your own mind.
“Writing fiction can be difficult, lonely job; it’s like crossing the Atlantic Ocean in a bathtub. There’s plenty of opportunity for self-doubt.” ~ Stephen King.
I’ve started working on a few more play ideas. Writing fiction in any format is a strange and fascinating process. Over the Christmas break I finished The Playwright’s Guidebook by Stuart Spencer and he spends a good deal of time delineating between the story you want to write and the story that needs to be written. I wrestled with this concept when I was working on my play, Sing After Storms, over the summer. I kept trying to force my characters down a road and they fought me so hard that eventually I just let them do what they wanted. I stopped trying to save them from themselves. They were right and I was wrong. That was a big learning for me and it’s what makes fiction so distinct from nonfiction. There is structure to fiction but it’s so entrenched in the narrative that you can’t see it. The story builds the structure as it goes if the writer gives the characters the room they need to develop.
I’ve heard that there are writers who believe their stories come through them, as if they’re taking dictation from God in fully formed ideas. I’m not one of those people. My stories show up in fits and starts and sparks. I’ll hear sounds or envision scenes without any idea why they showed up, and they often appear at the most inopportune times – in the shower, while I’m walking Phin, at 4am when all I should be doing is sleeping. I rarely know where they’re leading. I just follow along, taking note of what’s interesting on the long and winding road that appears. To write fiction, we have to completely let go and let the story carry us wherever it’s headed.
I try to stay right there at the edge, peering over until I almost fall down into the abyss of the plot. These stories need telling and even though I don’t know why at first, I write them down as best I can. That’s what happened recently. I was working on an idea, happily plunking along when I started thinking about an entirely new character in a completely new setting. I kept trying to ignore him as I worked on my other idea and then he started invading my dreams. There he was, in the snowfall, his nephew trailing behind him. He seemed burdened, dark, and imposing. And alone. Terribly, terribly alone, even when he was with other people. I knew he was hiding something and it took some time for me to find out what it was. And then I found it, in a dream I had on the plane coming back from Florida to New York City the day after Christmas.
My eyes welled up when I learned what horrible pain he was hiding and what he would confess. It was awful and beautiful and for a split second I thought about finding a way to shut him up, to make him take it all back. But it was too late for him. And for me. The train was already pulling out of the story station and I needed to board it, to follow it to the end of the road, even though I wanted to run in the other direction. I couldn’t. He already had me in his grip. I have to take the journey with him. My curiosity is too great and I can’t let him go alone.
This wasn’t the story I wanted to tell right now but it’s the story I need to tell. I have no idea why just yet. I just know it’s there and I am the only one who can hear it. So I write it down in bits and pieces, and then do the hard work of cobbling it all together, of weaving the strings of words into one cohesive path. I feel lucky to have this job because it shows me that I really was meant to be a writer.
“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” ~ Ram Dass
The days just before the New Year are magical and unique. They give us a lull to look back, be where we are, and look ahead all at the same time. Generally they’re quiet – a good time to catch up with friends, organize, and rest. It’s a time of Thanksgiving and a time tailor-made for imagining and crafting the life we want as the calendar turns over. Enjoy it.
As I’m whipping up some goodness from leftover Christmas feasts, my attention moves toward reflection. This year held so many surprises. I had no idea how it would unfold. I just knew that I wanted to focus on being true to myself by making something beautiful. I’ve been writing about his journey every day all year. I went out into the world to find beauty and I worked on creating it in my own life. It’s been a year of purpose and it feels amazing. The year coming up will hold a bit more structure and a bit more focus:
– I’ll produce the play I wrote, Sing After Storms, at the Thespis Theater Festival in New York in June.
– I’m working on my book, Your Second Step.
– I’ll run the New York City marathon in November.
– I hope to take two big international trips – one to Africa and one to China and Japan, both to visit friends who live there.
– I’m hopeful that I’ll add several new steady content development clients in January.
Just writing down these bullets shows me that 2014 will be an incredible year of transformation and growth. Much to learn, see, and do. I’m ready for the adventure.
I saw this story on CBS Sunday Morning. Jackie Turner is a college student in Sacramento and though she’s acing her way through college, she longs for something she’s never had: a family. The story of what she did next is incredible. She placed a Craigslist ad for a family to be with on Christmas and found so much more in the process, for herself and many others. This inspiring story of honesty and coming to grips with the past made me want to find a way to play a part. Sending lots of love this Christmas to Jackie and all the people who share her feelings and experiences. Even if you feel alone today, please know that there are many of us who want to help. Like Jackie, all you need to do is ask.
“Remember that your natural state is joy.” ~ Wayne Dyer
It doesn’t take any effort to be happy or joyful. It does take effort to unburden ourselves, to cast off guilt, disappointment, and sadness and that effort comes from not doing these things, from not taking them on. Joy is inside of us and it wants to shine. It wants us to take it on and wear it proudly. It wants us to embody it and spread it around to others. Joy looks good on everyone and we can never have too much of it so cultivate it in yourself and encourage it in others in great big glorious heaps for the holidays and every day.
“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” ~ Nelson Mandela
Of course I want more freedom in the world, a greater sense of peace and much less conflict. Freedom in the world starts with the freedom of an individual’s heart. Freedom to pursue work we love. Freedom to travel, speak, write, believe along whatever path feels right to us, and respect that this level of freedom belongs to everyone, even those who have paths, beliefs, and dreams different from ours. That’s the kind of freedom I want for everyone – freedom to be whomever we are at the very core knowing that we will be accepted, celebrated, and appreciated for it.
Christa Avampato 