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“Something has always come along to shake things up just when I am feeling settled. Maybe this is the fate of a striver, someone always trying to be ‘twice as good’.” ~ Condoleezza Rice
A few months ago I read the book Extraordinary, Ordinary People by Condoleezza Rice. It tells her own personal story prior to her very public life by paying tribute to her parents. Despite the fact that I was confused by nearly every foreign policy call she made while servicing in President Bush’s administration, I was enormously impressed by her personal story and the candor with which she told it. She’s also an incredibly likeable person.
Shake it up, baby
Of all the sound bites in the book, this one about the life of a striver has stuck with me. I regularly go through this same roller coaster. Just when I think I’m settled and I’ve got it all figured out, my reality gets turned on its head. This has happened to me enough times that I have learned to just roll with changes, big and small. And while this constant change may appear unsettling on the surface in actuality it’s made me so grateful. Because I know that everything will change, I appreciate each moment, good or bad, more fully. I’m reminded of my mother’s mantra, “This too shall pass.” Everything passes.
On disappointment
Another happy side effect of the acceptance of change is that disappointment has less of a sting. My friend, Sara, recently asked me how I manage to work on so many projects at once. For better or worse, I was raised to be productive. My father’s one ask of us is that we never do anything to embarrass him; ironic given all the times he embarrassed us. Still, that stuck with me and to me meant that if I attempted to do anything it had better be done well. It was made very clear to us that we are here on borrowed time and that we were expected to make a contribution to humanity.
My father’s life was tragically cut short at age 61 with most of his life’s work left unfinished. The lesson of how fleeting life is sticks with me; I think about it every day. The most enlightened point-of-view of this lesson is that I have very little time to feel badly about disappointment. I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. In many ways, to keep going is the only way I know to deal with disappointment.
A belief in karma
I’m a walking contradiction, and truth be told I like it that way. A big believer in free will, I’m also just as passionate about the concept of destiny, karma, and a predetermined path. One of my favorite quotes came from Steve Jobs when he told a group of graduates that life could only be understood in reverse because it’s only in reverse that all of the seemingly disparate pieces of our lives fit together. As I work on the direction of Compass Yoga, I realize why I need all of my life experiences, good and bad, big and small.
Welcome, Change!
In an effort to make all of these experiences worthwhile, to make them mean something in the grand scheme of life, I’m glad to put myself in the camp of strivers. In the end I want to be able to look back on my long life and realize that it was twice as good as I ever thought it would be. This is a tall order given that I have very high expectations. And if change is the linchpin that makes that dream possible, then I welcome it with open arms and often.
Christa Avampato 
A couple of ways to think about the contradictions:
1) a diamond has many facets, each contributing to the whole – what you see just depends on which facet you’re looking at
2) Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes. — Walt Whitman
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I love that quote by Walt Whitman, and if having contradictions worked for him then I’m glad to count myself in that good company 🙂
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Couldn’t agree more with you Christa. Your take on how to handle disappointments is especially relevant. Personally, I believe that every moment spent regretting a decision is a moment lost. I would rather take the learning, own up the consequences and move on. From my life experiences, I have learnt that life isn’t about how many times or how bad you get hit. It’s about how well you get back after each time you are hit to the ground. You’ve got to get up, dust yourself and come back stronger. This is the beauty of life – It never stops. So, if we stop it will leave us behind.
There’s one more lesson that I would want to share. I have learnt 100 times from my failures than my successes. One recent example is my job search after MBA. I spent whole 2 years of MBA + 4 months after that looking for one. During that time, I was accepted by a company and then they pulled back the offer. I had to start from scratch again. It was a very difficult process. I applied to over 100 places, and was rejected by each one of them (except where I am right now). Finally, I got my job 10 days before my visa status would have expired. That was the last chance I had in this wonderful country and it did work out. During my job search time, I remember being completely down and on verge of tears (one of the companies had denied me that day) while talking to my mom one day. She only told me one thing – “when you come out of it and look back, you will realize that you have become a stronger person”. She was so correct. That struggle taught be so much. Most important, I learnt the value of perseverance and the philosophy of “never give up”. I learnt that no matter what the situation, there is always something positive in that. Finally, there’s no time to regret in life – just keep moving!
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Hi Abhilekh,
I absolutely remember that time. I remember talking to you on the phone and learning about that rescinded offer. What an awful thing to have happen, and yet look how well it’s all turned out. That certainly was such a difficult time for you and it’s really incredible how you’ve become grateful for that kind of hardship. I wish we didn’t need to go through such times of stress, though I suppose in our complex world it is inevitable. Thank goodness we have our yoga, and our friends!
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Christa,
Terrific post, as usual, and thank you for your contribution here.
Like you, I have also found the lives of Condi Rice and Steve Jobs to be inspiration. Reading about their lives was like watching a movie.
Both are public figures: they are wealthy and famous, but it amazing what they had to go through in order to reach the summit.
Condi has lived a disciplined lifestyle and still wakes up at four in the morning for her workout. Condi works long hours and was a professor at Stanford University at a young age and earned a PhD even earlier.
She also plays musical instruments and is a high-achiever, to be sure.
Steve Jobs dropped out of Reed College in Oregon and was broke. He has had so many ups and downs in his life. Even today, he is battling against cancer, which has been reported in the media. Despite the hurdles, Jobs continues to inspire us–a true innovator and icon.
Namaste.
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