“How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
“Fear paralyzes; curiosity empowers. Be more interested than afraid.” ~ Patricia Alexander,
American educational psychologist
Thomas Jefferson and Patricia Alexander talk to us about worry and its cohort, fear – that nagging little voice in the back of our minds that has us concerned with circumstances we cannot control, imagined scenarios, or thoughts akin to “what makes you think you can do (x)?” I’ve had this ill of worry since I returned from Greece. Greece and the Greek people I found to be a beautiful; the yoga retreat fell short for a variety of reasons – the biggest being that I just didn’t fit with the school of thought being promoted. The yoga, as defined by the retreat, was not my yoga.
I’ve been on the worry path wondering, “now what do I do? How do I move forward? Or worse yet, do I not move forward at all?” After a number of conversations with friends, the worry has subsided. I won’t move down the path I thought I was going to be on. I’m hopping off that train and looking for a new road. My yoga doesn’t exist where I thought it should be. It’s out there somewhere – destination TBD. I’m not standing still, just making the conscious decision to move on.
It’s hard to leave the nest, the nurturing home that felt right yesterday, and today which I recognize is not my own. For the next little while, I’m going to try out a few different styles and follow my gut to find what’s right for me. My friend, Laura, and I have talked about planning a retreat in the near future, the kind of retreat we’d like most to be on, because we don’t need permission any more to “do”, just the will to give it a go. Details to follow.
Worry can paralyze us – it has certainly paralyzed me for the past week. I slept a lot, talked to friends who could help me reason through my disappointment and disillusion, and considered how the future may take shape, a different shape than I’ve been planning. At the moment it’s a tiny speck out there in the distance. The next few weeks, I’ll be trying to bring it closer and more into focus.
Published by Christa Avampato
The short of it:
Writer. Health, education, and art advocate. Theater and film producer. Visual artist. Product geek. Proud alumnae of the University of Pennsylvania (BA) and the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia (MBA). Inspired by ancient wisdom & modern tech. Proliferator of goodness. Opener of doors. Friend to animals. Fan of creative work in all its wondrous forms. I use my business skills to create passion projects that build a better world. I’ve been called the happiest New Yorker, and I try hard to live up to that title every day.
The long of it:
My career has stretched across Capitol Hill, Broadway theatre, education, nonprofit fundraising, health and wellness, and Fortune 500 companies in retail, media, entertainment, technology, and financial services. I’ve been a product developer and product manager, theater manager, strategic consultant, marketer, voice over artist, , teacher, and fundraiser. I use my business and storytelling to support and sustain passion projects that build a better world. In every experience, I’ve used my sense of and respect for elegant design to develop meaningful products, services, programs, and events.
While building a business career, I also built a strong portfolio as a journalist, novelist, freelance writer, interviewer, presenter, and public speaker. My writing has appeared in The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, PBS.org, Boston.com, Royal Media Partners publications, and The Motley Fool on a wide range of topics including business, technology, science, health, education, culture, and lifestyle. I have also been an invited speaker at SXSW, Teach for America, Avon headquarters, Games for Change, NYU, Columbia University, Hunter College, and the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America. The first book in my young adult book series, Emerson Page and Where the Light Enters, was acquired by a publisher and launched in November 2017. I’m currently working on the second book in the series.
A recovering multi-tasker, I’m equally at home in front of my Mac, on my yoga mat, walking my rescue dog, Phineas, traveling with a purpose, or practicing the high-art of people watching. I also cut up small bits of paper and put them back together as a collage artist.
My company:
I’m bringing together all of my business and creative career paths as the Founder of Double or Nothing Media:
• I craft products, programs, and projects that make a difference;
• I build the business plans that make what I craft financially sustainable;
• I tell the stories that matter about the people, places, and products that inspire me.
Follow my adventures on Twitter at https://twitter.com/christanyc and Instagram at https://instagram.com/christarosenyc.
View all posts by Christa Avampato
“How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
Christa Avampato 
there is a great bible passage about worrying.
matthew 6:25- 34.
also proverbs 3:5-6
will be praying for direction for you!
LikeLike
Thanks, Jessie, for the prayers and passages! I will look them up. xo
LikeLike
Well, you know I understand, as someone who was terribly disappointed in a yoga retreat earlier this year. I found a silver lining — learning to coexist more peacefully with discomfort, and showing myself I’m capable of summoning greater stamina than I realized. But the experience definitely shook me to my core. It made me question whether my understanding of yoga up to that point had been limited, or sheltered. That made me scared: what if yoga isn’t the delicious centering experience I thought it was?
Months later, I’m in a much better place. Being exposed to a kind of yoga that I dislike has deepened my commitment to the kind of yoga that I love.
I’m going through something similar with improv – taking classes at a theater whose style doesn’t resonate with me. I know I’ll walk away a stronger improviser – when I choose to perform in a particular way, it won’t just be because it’s the only style I know; it will be the style I actively choose. Unfortunately, that means a good amount of artistic angst in the meantime, just as our retreats created ‘yoga angst’ (!)… these experiences can suck as they’re happening, but I do believe we can still leverage them toward our long-term happiness.
I love it that you’re planning your own retreat. That’s the perfect antidote to your experience! You go girl.
LikeLike
Hi Amanda,
Your perspective when we met up last week was so incredibly helpful and I felt much less alone in my new journey. Your stories about your yog and improve really inspired me and gave me hope. These changes can be unsettling though I must believe we will be better off for all of them!
LikeLike
Christa,
Moments before reading this entry I had just finished describing an unavoidable disaster scenario to my boyfriend. It included everything and anything that WILL go wrong when we move to California in September, compounded by my cat’s heart condition and her epic death at the hands of my bad planning because my brother visits in 2 weeks and he will probably kill her by some clumsy accident (an accident I skillfully mimed). My heart was racing and I was completely distraught over the pain and anguish lurking in my future.
Thank you for this post – it brought my heart rate right down. I also giggled a little when I read that the yoga retreat was not your cup of tea. I know the style you speak of and you and your opinions are in good company. That is, if you consider me good company. (I’m fishing for a compliment). I think we should consider ourselves fortunate that we have the luxury to search – it is a priviledge.
LikeLike
Rachael, I love your perspective. I had high hopes for the yoga retreat since so many people speak so highly of that teacher. I could not have been more disappointed. I learned a few interesting things, though honestly most of them came from doing my own practice, which I could have done in my own apartment. I guess we live and learn as we explore. Her type of yoga, on and off the mat, is not for me so I’m starting to look at other places and for other partners whose philosophy is more in-line with mine.
Congrats on moving to Cali!!! So exciting. These types of changes can always be scary and unsettling. We’re really taking our lives and turning them on their heads. Not an easy, though incredibly brave, things to do. I am so glad this post was helpful. It was one of those where I hesitated before I hit the “publish” button. Glad I chucked my fear aside and just went for it. You are indeed good company to have 🙂
LikeLike