Day: January 18, 2010

books, education

Book Buddy: Letter 3

Christa Avampato

I received my second letter from Dwight, my 3rd grade book buddy. He and I connected through Learning Leaders, a nonprofit education organization that pairs local elementary school students with business professionals. Dwight and I are reading Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White and then sending several letters to one another to share how we feel about the book.

Here’s Dwight’s latest letter to me and my reply to him:

“December 21, 2009

What I think of Charlotte’s plan is wonderful. Me, too, I like how she chose interesting words, too, because they are good. Me, too, I will wonder if Wilbur will continue putting words into his head. Charlotte has good words, too.

Your book buddy,
Dwight”

“January 18, 2010

Dear Dwight,

Happy New Year! I hope you had a great holiday. I went to visit my family and friends in Florida and really enjoyed spending time with them. I finished up Charlotte’s Web while I was there What did you think of the ending of the book? Were you surprised by it?

I really liked the scenes at the fair, though I was hoping all of that food would make Templeton, the rat, a nicer friend. I bet he would enjoy living at the farm a lot more if he was a little bit nicer. At least he agreed to help Charlotte find the final word for her web. What did you think of the events at the fair?

Losing someone we love it difficult, so I really related with how sad Wilbur was to lose his friend, Charlotte. I was very impressed with his sense of responsibility to care for Charlotte’s children; his actions showed how much he cared about Charlotte and how appreciative he was for her efforts to help him. I was a little bit worried that all of Charlotte’s children will leave. I felt relieved when Joy, Aranea, and Nellie decided to live at the farm. I am sure Wilbur was relieved, too!

Your book buddy,
Christa”

Life

Step 18: Bookshelves and the Downside of Gratitude

Christa Avampato

A set of bookshelves was the last piece of furniture I needed to replace. I bought a perfect set of them about a year ago and lost them in the fire in September. I took myself to Crate and Barrel this afternoon and bought the exact same set I had in a darker stain to match my new bed. To make room for this new set, I needed to clean out a corner that’s been filled with boxes for 4 months. About half way through the cleaning, I started to cry. I was reminded of the last time I cleaned and made room for bookshelves, which then caused me to think about how they looked just after the fire. Covered in a film of dark gray soot, holding books that could never be cleaned and electronics that couldn’t be salvaged.

The delivery of these bookshelves is another reminder of starting over, and starting over begins by losing something we care about. I still haven’t been able to hang up any pictures; I’ve tried but when I do I start to tear up and put them down. Everything still seems so impermanent to me, and I still have some anxiety about wasting even a moment of time, which then leads me to question how I’m spending my time at all, causing me undue stress and worry.

I am immensely grateful that I made it out of the fire unscathed. I feel lucky to have insurance that took care of me financially. My friend, Cindy, gave me the legal know-how to negotiate with my former landlord. In a practical sense, the fire was a blip on the radar screen of my life. In reality, it changed everything. It changed me. The double-edged sword of getting another chance is that I can’t stop considering and re-considering and re-considering again what would be the best use of my time. It’s enough to drive anyone mad.

So what can I do? How do I keep from going mad? I just keep going. This afternoon I sat for a minute in my own tears after clearing space for these new bookshelves. And then I just grabbed a tissue, grabbed my Swiffer, and pushed it around the floor to pick up the dust and lint where my boxes have been piled up for 4 months. In the middle of the dust I found a tiny pink metal object. It was my niece, Lorelei’s, hairclip. She must have dropped it when she was here visiting in October. I smiled as I spun it in my fingers.

That hairclip reminded me that no matter what I do with the remainder of my life, the best part is that I get to be with my family and my friends. I get to keep writing and working with my community. I get to evolve and grow and try new things that I never would have had a chance to try had I not gotten out of the fire. I’ll get to fall in love again. And that’s the upside of gratitude and starting over – even though I lost so much, I realize I have a lot of reasons to begin again.