Month: December 2008

community, generosity, kindness, neighbors, relationships

Celebrating "Small"

Christa Avampato

A few weeks ago I was taking the bus cross town, or at least attempting to, in the pouring rain. I was dashing down the flooded streets, chasing after the bus I needed to catch. Thankfully another person was in the same boat, or so I thought. He banged on the door of the bus to stop it. For me. And he continued on his way under a half sagging umbrella. I breathlessly thanked him. “No problem.” he said.


In the late summer, I was walking a few blocks to meet my friends at the Boat Basin. A “Not in Service” bus stopped and asked me how far I had to go. He offered to take me over there. “But you’re out of service,” I said. “Don’t worry about it,” he replied, “I don’t mind.” He dropped me off as close to the Boat Basin as possible and didn’t even ask me to swipe my Metrocard.

Today I walked outside, very early in the morning and more than a little grumpy. An older woman was struggling to scrape off the thick ice that coated her car. A stranger pulled up to the curb and offered to scrape the car for her. The woman was overwhelmed with the offer of help. I smiled and felt a little more hopeful about the world. 

I was saying good-bye and happy holidays to some of my co-workers today. And I was quite speechless to have one of them say to me, “You, Christa, were the bright spot of 2008 for me. In a year that is so challenging on every front, I am so thankful for you.” I didn’t even know how to respond. I never would have expected to have made any kind of impact close to that.

It’s these small acts of kindness and concern that make all the difference in our existence, in our experience of life. While grand gestures are certainly well-received, I always find that it’s the small and heartfelt moments that I retain and cherish most. My new year’s resolution is very simple – it is to celebrate and savor these small gifts, understand how little effort it really takes to make someone else’s day, and to recognize that I can create those moments for others on a continuous basis. In short, I’d like to feel more hopeful and generate more hope for others. 
career, friendship, future, job

Getting What You Can From What You’ve Got

Christa Avampato

My friend, Lon, sent me an article from the Financial Times last week regarding employee satisfaction. For most of us, we can forget it for the near-term. Either we’re being let go or our friends are. Either we’re dumping all of our work on the people left standing at our companies or we’re the ones left standing doing the work of three other people. It doesn’t feel good to be on either end of this stick. There aren’t any winners in the job satisfaction game these days. 


So what are we to do? Hide under our desks or under our beds and wait for sunnier skies? It’s tempting but I wouldn’t recommend that. If you have your job, and even if you hate, there’s a way to make the best of what you’ve got. My friend, Kelly, came in to town recently and I was talking to her about this subject. No matter how nutsy her job gets, she always has a positive perspective. It’s a little sickening actually. She was my friend in graduate school who could listen to the most obnoxious student go on and on about nothing and be searching for what she could learn while the rest of us were banging our heads against the wall out of frustration. 

How does she do that?? How does she always see the best in her job situation, even though her company, and every company for that matter, is going through tough times? This isn’t the end game for her and she knows that. Her real passion is education, but she wanted big company experience first so she could bring something to the education party that would be beneficial. Consequently, she takes in all of this good learning she has all around her, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and is able to distance herself emotionally because she knows these crazy times will inform her education career when she’s ready to make that change. Brilliant, huh?

So while having a drink last night with my friend, Linda, I was talking over this POV. I’m 32 now. Where do I want to be when I’m 35 and how about when I’m 40? And if what I’m doing right now isn’t what I want to be doing then, how can I utilize the experience I’m getting now to inform my future? And what other skills can I pick up from where I am right now to help me on my journey? Lord knows there is plenty to do these days at work, not enough people to do it, and plenty of room to take on more if we so desire. Perspective, and the wise advice of good friends, is worth its weight in gold. 
      
books, career, economy, job, management, work

Trust and learning in a time of change

Christa Avampato

“But never forget … our mission is to recognize contraries for what they are: first of all as contraries, but then as opposite poles of a unity.” ~ Herman Hesse


There’s a lot of tension flying around companies at the moment. This holiday shopping season, and the financial results it generates for companies, will lead to some potentially scary decisions in January. If you feel everyone holding their breathe until the new year, you’re not alone. The pressure and fear is immense and wide-spread.


This morning, I read my Daily Good email that highlight a Harvard Business Review article about trust in a time of extreme mistrust, and leading change in a time of change – both incredibly difficult things to do and quite frankly two things that many managers are not good (although they don’t always know that but their team does.) For example, some managers think they’re change agents simply because they question everything. The fine line that separates change agents from managers who only ear what they want to hear is how they ask the question and what their end-goal is. A change agent wants to examine possibilities, dig in to the issue, and examine detail in an effort to fully understand the issue at hand so a collaborative solution can be found. They take a balanced approach. 

Managers who hear only what they want to hear, also ask a lot of questions but ignore any of the details of what they’re asking for. These are the “I don’t care what it takes, just make it happen” managers. They will steamroll over their people, squeeze change out them, and then sit back quite proud of themselves of how they’ve transformed the group. Unfortunately that transformation came at the group’s expense, not to their benefit. And if you have one of these managers, I am very sorry. Truly. I know where you’re coming from and so do most of my friends. You are in a no-win situation because there is no reasoning with that kind of manager. Your leader doesn’t have balance, and without balance that person cannot lead effectively, much less mentor you.  

So what can you do? Reach out, way out, in your organization. Extend the olive branch at every turn, whether the person is in your group or not. Take this time to expand your network – you’ll feel better meeting new people in your organization that may have nothing to do with your job now, but could in the future. You can find solace in partnership, strength in unity. And that solace and unity is what’s going to get you through this economic bust. 

The other thing you can do is focus on the learning, not the bad behavior your fearful manager is exhibiting. Bob, one of my former bosses, gave me this counsel and I think of it all the time. He would say that no matter what happened to him in his career, good or bad, he knew it was all good learning and it made him a better person and a better manager in the end. Take this time to think about how important it is to build trust with the people you work with and for, and go out and exhibit that trust while also relying on your skills and ingenuity that will help you persevere. It’s a tough road, I know, but at this point it may be the only way forward.   

communication, culture, language, technology

Acronym City

Christa Avampato

Ever have a conversation with someone, in English, and then all of a sudden feel like you’ve stepped into a foreign land without moving from where you are? My friend, Kelly, has the wonderful quality of being friendly to EVERYONE. On occasion this will get her into trouble, like one recent night at Joshua Tree. 


She was speaking to a guy at the bar (she dubbed him “Jersey Johnny” as his two favorite subjects of conversation were himself and New Jersey) who was there with his friends, though seemed much more interested in Kelly than in his friends. To be honest, she thought he was a bit of a jerk, but given her inability to be anything but friendly, she kept talking to him. He was going on and on about another party he was supposed to go to. “So then why are you staying?” Kelly asked. He leaned over to her and quietly said, “Well, I have some IOI here and I want to see what happens.” Huh? 

Kelly though that my constantly-connected life would leave me well-versed in this type of acronym speak. Nope – this is a new one for me. Jersey Johnny went on to say that he felt some of the other girls in the bar were checking him out so he wanted to see if any of them might make a move – he had Indications of Interest (IOI) from them. 

Now this story left me ROTFLOL (Rolling On The Floor, Laughing Out Loud – one of the favorite sayings of my friend, Lon) though prompted me to consider all of the ways we develop and re-develop language, and how confusion could arise by not saying exactly the words we intend. For example, Kelly could have thought Johnny meant “Internal Operating Income” or “Index of Irritation”. You see how easily this whole speaking-in-acronym thing could backfire?

So how wide spread is this possible acronym confusion, and how are we supposed to sort it all out if these handy little time-savers are creeping in to pick-up lines at bars? Fear not – there is an on-line acronym dictionary with thousands of common and not-so-common acronyms. (What we might really need is an iPhone app to whip out at a moment’s notice, as evidenced by Kelly’s situation with Jersey Johnny.) NFW, you say? LNKO, folks. This could be MC for your social life, particularly those of you who are into OLD. I am N/J – you really cannot take these suckers out of context, lest you could end up with a BFM on your hands. 

Here are a few common acronyms whose confusion could have dire consequences:
WTF – Welcome to Finland!, Wild Turkey Federation, What The Frick (polite version)
HOTD – Hottie of the Day, Hair Of The Dog, Head Of Train Device
BFF – Best Friends Forever, Black Footed Ferret, Buffered Flip-Flop 
STD – Sexually Transmitted Disease, Save The Date, Safely Tolerated Dose 
BFD – Big Frickin’ Deal (polite version), Big Fat Disclaimer, Burger Fries Drink
 
And if you’re wondering “AYS?” with all these acronyms, the answer is “YBBI”! 

books, retail, writing

Grey Bracelets and David Sedaris

Christa Avampato

My friend, Liane and Steve, and I tried to go see David Sedaris at the 66th Street Barnes and Noble in Manhattan. We were stopped at the door. Why? No receipt for a book, and no bracelet. What’s worse – if you had a “grey bracelet” (meaning you didn’t go to the Avery Fisher Hall show of David’s) you were told to go wander around the store and you would be called when you were allowed to meet David. “Don’t stand by this door, grey bracelet holders. It won’t help you,” cried the disgruntled Barnes & Noble worker. Or maybe she was just a naturally angry woman. They have a grey bracelet, not a disease. They aren’t “untouchables”. Calm down, lady. And frankly, if they want to stand by the door, who are they harming? 


Hmmm….I like David Sedaris’s writing, but honestly, is there any reason to treat his fans badly? Is the security detail similar to that of the Pope appropriate or necessary? Given his humble economic background, you’d think he’d have more empathy for those of us who couldn’t get to his show. Maybe fame has gone to his head, or maybe he just has a real stick-in-the mud for a publicist. I’m going with the latter. I love his writing too much to think that behind those funny stories lies a guy who’s too high on himself.   

I was going to drop this whole issue and not write about it. But then when I was telling a friend of mine about the event, and he said David Sedaris would probably find the whole bracelet caste system funny. So here’s hoping he somehow finds this post, reads it, laughs a bit, and then changes the policy the next time he is in NYC promoting his books.  
finance, luxury, retail

Fewer, Better Things

Christa Avampato

Those clever marketers at De Beers, the diamond company, have launched another brilliant ad campaign: “Fewer, Better Things.” De Beers is a PERFECT example of a luxury company who is using the current economic state as a benefit to them. 


The idea of the campaign is simple. As a society, Americans collect a lot of junk – things of little value and use and we’re not even sure why we have them. They don’t bring us joy and most of it won’t even be around a year from now much less a generation from now. Jean Chatzky, financial advisor guru, has a rule of thumb that if you didn’t want it 5 years ago, you don’t need it now. De Beers thinks the same way, and maybe we all should take that advice to heart. 

Have a pair of earrings that you truly love (preferably De Beers diamonds) and make them part of your signature look. Same goes for other high ticket items. Save up for something of value that you really want instead of piddling away money on items you won’t cherish. Who knew some of the best financial advice you’d ever get would come from a diamond company’s print ad?    
business, corporation, ideas, innovation, leader, leadership

The Idea Guy

Christa Avampato

Some stories would be really funny if they weren’t so true. My friend, John, has successfully gotten his hefty graphic design projects out the door for the holiday season. He was right on-time and under-budget. We had coffee yesterday now that he’s successfully dug himself out from that pile of work. He was re-counting some of the sad and hilarious moments of the season and one of them really caught my attention. Well, actually one of the characters really caught my attention – his boss, Tom.


John largely does graphic design work for print. However, many of their clients are looking to them for web design work as well, specifically for social media. John doesn’t know much about this field so he had to dig in, learn the details, and then reconfigure his skills to get the job done. They had some big budget and time constraint decisions to make on some of his projects. He assembled the details in a clear presentation and then gave the decision options that were possible with the constraints they were under. After a 15-minute presentation, Tom cut in with some SWAG (Super Wild A*s Guess) ideas. Apparently, his company is fond of this SWAG idea to develop things like budgets, business cases, colorful PowerPoint presentations with smiley faces on them, etc. Poor John….

Professionally and tactfully, John explained why they really needed to choose from the options that he had presented. Tom stands up, and raising both of his hands to point at himself, says, “Tom, you’re not getting it. I’m the idea guy.” And gesturing to the rest of the team in the room says, “You guys need to make the ideas happen. I don’t care about the details.” Ouch. One of the team members actually rolled his eyes and plunked his forehead on the table. I feel another comedy sketch coming to me. And this would be a funny story, if it weren’t true. All we could was laugh as John was telling me this story. Otherwise, we’d have to cry. 

I love ideas; I can’t stand “idea people”. I’m not talking about people with ideas, innovators, product developers, etc. I’m talking about people who are full of hot air – lots of ideas with nothing to back them up. They have no ability to execute or even think about how it could be executed. And as a result, nothing gets done, the “make it happen” people leave, and innovation stalls. It’s a sad state of affairs. 

I have a simple piece of advice for companies that have people who refer to themselves as “idea people”. Get rid of them! Seriously. We all have ideas. All of us. The companies and people who win are also the ones who are movers and shakers, meaning they have ideas and they actually do something with them rather than just verbalizing them for their “minions” to do. These “idea people” are dangerous because they degrade others, as happened to my friend, John, and his team. By proclaiming themselves Lord of Ideas, they make everyone else feel small. If companies are going to get through these rocky times, teammates need to band together with a will to win. “Idea people” destroy the team dynamic, and that team dynamic is an asset that companies cannot afford to lose.  
books, career, choices, friendship, future, happiness, relationships

What Now?

Christa Avampato

About a month ago I read Ann Patchett’s book, What Now?. It’s a reproduction of her graduation speech at Sarah Lawrence University, her alma mater. And she talks about crossroads and where you might look when considering your next step. I wonder if she realized how poignant this question would become in the year after the book’s publication. 


In the month since reading the book, I’ve been considering “What Now?” almost daily. It seems that I am at an eternal crossroads in almost every area of my life. As I talk to my friends and my family I realize that many people are doing the same thing. So I thought it might be helpful to detail the way I’m framing up this question to myself in an effort to answer it as effectively as possible. 

Career: My friend, Susan, whom I consider my career guru, is always concerned about the story that our careers are weaving. And this is especially important for us 30-somethings. We have amassed a good deal of experience and expertise and we may be teetering on a taking the plunge into a higher level position a a big company, starting our own company, or making a career switch. How are those pieces weaving together into one cohesive story? When have we been happiest in our careers? What skills are we happiest exercising and what skills do we still want to polish up? These questions help me think about what’s next for me. 

Relationships: A tough one for us single 30-somethings. We’ve likely had a number of relationships at this point. And we’ve gone through the highest of highs and lowest of lows in love. We’ve had our hearts broken, perhaps broken someone else’s heart, walked away, been walked out on. We’ve loved and lost and loved again. Some people think this is the time to find a husband or settle in to be single for a long time to come. I don’t. There’s a calm that has settled in for me around love in the 30’s. Either it works or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t, I’ve given up the sadness and sulking of my 20’s – it must mean that I had better get back out there because that relationship just wasn’t the right one for me.

Friends: My friend, Amy, and I always talk about how important it is to get energy from our friends rather than have or energy sapped by people. My friend, Kelly, describes it as not wanting to be around people who suck our will to live. A bit dramatic? Sure. Accurate? Definitely. We have just so much time to devote to people in our lives. Make sure that each one enriches your life. It’s not easy to clean out our lives of old friendships that don’t work anymore – for one thing, we may find our lives have more holes than we’d like. But the good news is that if we do that we’ll have more time for the people in our lives who really matter to us, and you’ll be surprised what good fortune finds you when you make room in your life for it to stay awhile.

Happiness: This is the area of my life I work on the most. It effects our health, the foundation for every other area of our lives. It effects those around us. A recent study found that surrounding ourselves with happy people has enormous benefits – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. When I think about what’s next in my life, the greatest consideration I give is a decision’s effect on my happiness. And having that one guiding principle, light’s the way. 
business, career, corporation, job, youth

Is this the end of hierarchy?

Christa Avampato

With the current economy, the only case for hierarchy might be in the military. Have you ever wondered what a Senior Vice President General Manager Grand Pooba Chief of Everyone does? Me too. Who is making up titles this long and complicated? Companies too large to get out of their own way. 


The more I talk to my friends about their jobs, the more I hear the exact same frustrations continuously. “Not able to get anyone “of power” to listen to my ideas.” “Tired of feeling like I don’t count because I’m not a high enough rank.” “Why do 18 people need to approve every small decision we make?” “Why is everything SO SLOW here?”


There are many reasons for this commonality in their frustrations. It could be because many of my friends are on that cusp of being young though with enough years of experience under their belt to make bigger decisions than their titles “allow”. It could be that my friends are much smarter and more worldly than their bosses. It could that they’re all having a bad day – at the same time. 

The real reason I think they’re getting irritated is because the rules of the corporate game have changed and no one told their bosses, or their company CEOs for that matter. Seth Godin talks about industries as ecosystems, meaning they are dynamic. The rules change all the time, meaning corporate cultures need to change all the time. Adjustment, constant adjustment, is the name of the game. What worked for companies 10, 15, 20 years ago won’t work today. This is a brand new world. And it requires an intense curiosity and desire for growth that will keep today’s established companies relevant; without curiosity and growth they will be obsolete in the blink of an eye.

So what can big corporations do? Are they doomed? No – they just need to flatten out, especially at the top. A friend of mine recently attended a corporate training session and the trainer said that whenever they encounter a senior leader they need to look at their feet and let that leader run the whole conversation. I almost got sick. Who wants to work for an organization that not only doesn’t value youth, but does its best to make its young people feel insignificant? If corporations want to hang on to young people, they better learn to how to utilize their energy and ideas, quickly. Flatten out and give everyone at every level a chance to participate!

And for my friends who are frustrated with corporate rigidity? A few suggestions: think about branching out to try a new venture, maybe not for pay, but for peace of mind – for hope of what may pan out down the line. Offer your services to a start-up, or try something new like a language class that could have professional value in the future. It’s also powerful to gather the experience you can from where you are for however long you’re there. We all always have something to learn from whatever situation we’re in. Make sure to capture those learnings and take them with you when it’s time to give yourself a fresh start.      
business, entrepreneurship, health

Chance meetings you keep

Christa Avampato

Today I was feeling pretty badly. Sore throat, achy muscles, possibly a fever. But I had to go to work. I know I’m supposed to stay home when I’m sick. I couldn’t today – too much to do, no time to do it. Bad practice – yes. Avoidable – yes, if I had known I wouldn’t feel well and had brought my computer home. I didn’t. So I went in. 


And my sickness got worse throughout the day. My frustration and irritation was mounting.I hate being sick; I hate feeling sow and unproductive. Frankly, I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. 

I had a meeting after work with an entrepreneur whom I greatly admire – Melanie Notkin who started savvyauntie.com. (If you haven’t checked out the site or signed up for the newsletter, I strongly encourage you to do so!) She wrote a post on her blog recently asking for interns. She wanted help, exactly the help that aligns with my experience and interests, to build her brand. I love social media; she loves social media and she needs someone to work on that part of her business. I almost cancelled our meeting, or at least postponed it. I didn’t feel well. I was tired. And frankly, I arrived home with a very bad attitude. How could I go talk to this bright-eyed entrepreneur with this dark cloud hanging over my head? I went any way – it’s rude to cancel last minute. And we were meeting at a Starbucks around the corner from my apartment. So I put on my best actor smile, decided to be in a good mood, and then was in a good mood. 

Thankfully I place a value on respect because I am thrilled that I didn’t cancel! I thought we’d meet for half an hour – we talked, non-stop for 2 and a half hours. By the end of our meeting I was on-board and excited about being an intern. An unpaid intern. Who would have thought? 
   
Turns out I was sick, though I had misdiagnosed the cause. I felt deflated all day today. With savvyauntie, Melanie explained what she needed, I explained what I was interested in, and we found a common ground. And wouldn’t you know it – my sore throat went away, my muscles ached less, and my bad attitude had evaporated. I feel more motivated for every area of my life. And I’m pretty jazzed about my new project. More to come…