Category: personality

books, friendship, movie, music, personality, relationships, theatre

Andre 3000

Christa Avampato

Have you heard of this guy Andre 3000? I haven’t. Outkast, yes. Andre 3000 – nope. Wouldn’t know him if I saw him. And I didn’t know his name in the midst of a group of people today at happy hour. For so long, I was used to being the youngest member of a group. That switch has flipped, clearly. I wish I could say that I’m not as hip as I used to be. Trouble is I was never hip. Ever.


The conversation then switched to movies. I had mentioned that I just saw Crash on DVD and loved it. For this I was slaughtered by nearly everyone in the group. They hated the movie – they thought it was narrow-minded and too precious. “No one talks like that or thinks like that.” “Could you make a more predictable movie?” Yikes. I was not in friendly waters.

So then we switched to books and someone said they were in the middle of A Thousand Splendid Suns, which I just finished. Finally – someone I can relate to! I said how much I enjoyed the book and also loved The Kite Runner (same author). Nope – I was the odd one out again. “That would never happen.” “What an unrealistic story.” “Too perfect an ending for my liking.” Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. And then they all left in a rush. I guess my taste in music, movies, and books cleared the room. 

Needlesstosay, I was happy to get away from those people and back to my cozy apartment among my books and music and movies that I love. (And incidentally, ones that many others love as well – Crash won 3 Oscars including one for best picture and both A Thousand Splendid Suns and The Kite Runner were best-sellers before they even went on sale to the public.) With that crowd, no wonder so many people didn’t come out for happy hour. They knew better given the company. Have any of these people read a newspaper, traveled outside of New York City, or even just learned to be polite? My guess is no. A resounding “no”. So while I felt bad about myself on the subway ride home, I was also reminded that we all have to howl if we want to find our pack. Clearly, that bunch is not my pack. I better spend my time elsewhere, and that is helpful information to have. 
career, hope, job, personality, work

My Year of Hopefulness – Change of Behavior

Christa Avampato

In my quest to cultivate more hope for myself and for others, I have recognized that there will be set-backs and that those set-backs will create opportunities for learning and reflecting. I had one of those moments today. Or rather, a friend of mine relayed a story to me that set my hope back a bit. 


John, my graphic design friend, deals with a tough work situation. Right before Christmas, he was really in dire straights. He was very discouraged by an abusive and unappreciative boss, and given the economy his prospects for leaving are bleak. To his surprise when he returned after the holiday break, his boss was different. Kinder, more appreciative, more team-oriented. For a week and a half. And today his boss flipped the switch. 

For a week and half, John was more hopeful about his job. Maybe things would be looking up for him and his team. And then it all unraveled and John felt like it was December 18, 2008 all over again. 

The lesson here is that no behavior change, positive, negative, or indifferent, is immediate. No one comes back to any situation with a completely new attitude. Behavioral changes take time and patience and practice. In all likelihood, John’s boss’s behavior is not going to change overnight, or over Christmas for that matter. I only had one piece of advice for him: take the long view. 

For him, this is a stable job in a tough economy and it’s a good resume and portfolio-builder. This tough time will pass and we will be better people for persevering. At least that’s what I tell myself – it’s what I have to tell myself. Sometimes hope, unbridled, unreasonable, unreliable hope, can be the only thing we have. And sometimes, that’s enough. It has to be enough because it’s all we’ve got.