happiness, opportunity, patience

Beginning: Learning to Grow Happiness

“The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.” ~ James Oppenheim via my friend Sue’s Facebook page

“If only” is a dangerous way to begin a thought. If only we had more money, time, lived here, had this relationship, job, house, project, contact, opportunity. And on and on it goes. There isn’t an end to what we want (and mistakenly think we need). And there will never be an end. There will always be something out there that seems like a good idea for us to have.

When I saw Sue’s quote on her Facebook wall, I was having one of those particularly “wanting” days. I had just reached the end of my rope with a particular situation at work. I had resolved that I was going to pull a Gershwin and call the whole thing off. This would have been a very bad idea because when I made my way back to my desk the situation reached such a tremendous conclusion, one that had never even occurred to me as in the realm of possibility, that I had to sit for a minute in stunned silence to fully process my good fortune. All this time, I had thought my efforts on the project were for naught. I had no idea how much of an impact my efforts made.

I was so focused on what wasn’t going well, on my internal frustration with the situation, that I hadn’t bothered to take stock and appreciate all of the progress I had made. It was slow, incremental progress, but it was progress. Sure and steady, hard-won and not fully baked just yet. But surely there were many moves in the right direction. All the while, I forgot to notice the bright green grass growing right under my feet. I was too busy living up in the clouds.

What a lesson in staying grounded and having a very good look at the buckets of opportunity that are all around us. I’m reminded again of a favorite quote that always helps me to count my blessings – so often what’s needed is a change of self, and not a change of scene. Or as my lovely friend, Sharni, so beautifully states on her blog – “the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.” Happiness is something we can cultivate, right where we are, right now.

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patience, success, yoga

Let’s Begin: Building a Practice Takes Patience

This post is available as a podcast on Cinch.

“It takes twenty years to become an overnight success.” ~ Eddie Cantor

“All of the effort you’ve put in could be wasted by giving up just a moment too soon.” ~ Seth Simonds

On Friday I met with Brian after a few weeks off due to the holidays. I told him about starting my own weekly yoga classes on January 30th and asked him how he managed having an independent counseling and coaching practice. Brian spent many years working for other people and eventually had a job that encouraged him to step out on his own. His business has grown by word-of-mouth to the point that he can’t take any more clients now. His calendar is full.

Brian is thrilled that I’ve chosen to try to make a-go of Compass Yoga on my own. This is exactly the type of new beginning that he and I have been working toward in my coaching – the confidence to help me realize that going my own way is the best path for me. It’s the path I was meant for, where I can give the very best of myself, where I can do the most good. And his most important piece of advice on this path: “Have patience. It takes time. Don’t give up.”

Patience is a hard one for me. I want to get where I want to be now – I’m the box in the middle of the cartoon above. So the quote above by Eddie Cantor helped. In our society, we witness an enormous number of overnight success stories thanks to YouTube and a variety of televised talent shows, or at least that’s how they’re portrayed. Dig a little deeper and we find that any lasting overnight success really was preceded by many, many years of very hard work that wasn’t always recognized or appreciated. They persevered because they got energy from the journey. Even if success never comes, they still feel fulfilled because they provided something of real value. Success is just the by-product of doing what they were meant to do, of the help they were able to provide.

When I keep that idea in mind, the fear of going my own way subsides a bit, or at least long enough to help me get through the next step of setting up my class. And when the fear finds me again, I remember to breath, and smile, and keep moving. For more information my group yoga classes starting at 6pm on January 30th, check out the Meetup page for the class.

How do you grapple with fear when you’re working on something that you care about? How do you keep going in spite of the fear?

This blog is part of the 2011 WordPress Post Every Day Challenge.

encouragement, frustration, future, goals, growth, passion, patience

Step 338: Rainbows and Rain

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” ~ Dolly Parton

When I was in Florida, rainbows were popping up everywhere. It had been a long time since I’d seen a rainbow, and in many ways I felt like the ones I saw in Florida were a sign that I’m going in the right direction. This year is my one year anniversary working with Brian. For a year I’ve been working hard on myself, digging deep into what I’ve come from, where I really am, and where I want to go. In one year, I’ve seen a huge transformation in my life: my confidence has grown, my authenticity has come shining through, and I feel positioned to live my very best life going forward.

The road to self-discovery can be difficult. I had dinner with my friend, Michael, this week and we talked about how much effort and energy it takes to find the work we’re truly meant to do. It’s much easier to take what comes our way, but it’s another thing entirely seek out and fulfill a personal mission. It can feel risky to build our own road rather than travel the one laid out before us, though ultimately a truly fulfilling and extraordinary life is one we live by our own self-designed principles.

There will be a lot of rain that falls as we build our own road, one small brick at a time. The pace of progress, particularly in the beginning, can seem slow and frustrating. I encourage you to please keep going, keep seeking. This world needs the very best of each of us, and we owe it to ourselves in this lifetime to find out what it is we are meant to do. Building strength, courage, and skill takes time, but the rewards we can reap once we have them are invaluable. The rainbow is out there.

The photo above is a picture of a double-Rainbow I took at Disney World last month.

choices, creativity, decision-making, determination, passion, patience

Step 269: Stubborn Persistance Pays

“Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits.” ~ Robert Brault

Phin and I head out early every morning for an hour-long walk, and I use that time to hang with him, get my own bearings, and meditate on where I am in life at that very moment. This often sends my mind just out over the horizon, into my not-so-distant future. What is it I’m really trying to do? What really matters?

These morning walks often have me thinking about limitations: financial, personal, professional. Sometimes these limitations really grab a hold of me and just won’t let go no matter how much I try to shake them off. I try every trick in my bag to make my limitations vanish (or at least my perception of them) and very often they just hang on, unabated. They are stubborn to say the least.

This morning I tried a different approach. What if I didn’t try to completely bust my limitations but instead just sat and talked with them? What if I could show them that my dreams and I are even more stubborn and will not be dissuaded? I will work around them and do what it takes to get where I want to go. And what if I could see my limitations as gifts, as teachers, rather than roadblocks. What can I learn from them, and more importantly from my fear of them?

As I considered this idea, I could feel my breathing loosen up and the creativity started to seep back in. Limitations exist to give us some bumper lanes, to actually heighten our creativity and provide some structure in which to build the life we want. It’s easy to get bogged down by them, to wish that that they would just melt away giving us complete and total freedom. The truth is that there will always be some kind of limitation on us. No resource is entirely unlimited, except creativity. Limitations may be stubborn, but they’re nothing compared to the creativity we can amass and put to good use to get where we want to go. Persist. Just persist, and see where that takes you.

career, change, patience

My Year of Hopefulness – Kant, Darwin, and Child

I never thought I’d be able to draw a common connection between Immanuel Kant, Charles Darwin, and Julia Child. In the context of gearing up for my second act, I’ve been coming across a remarkable number the stories about people who came to their calling and made their significant contributions to the world later on in life. Perhaps it’s true that we find what we’re looking for, and I’ve been looking for inspirations for my act 2. In this quest, the stories of Kant, Darwin, and Child bear repeating.

Immanuel Kant is recognized as one of the greatest philosophical minds, creating such constructs as the categorical imperative and transcendental idealism. I learned about Kant’s works through Michael Sandel’s on-line class, Justice. Kant received his first paying job at age 31. He was a university lecturer paid on commission based upon how many students attended his class. He published his first work at age 51 after a decade of near silence and introversion. Odd, yes. Worth the wait, absolutely. His first published work, Critique of Pure Reason, was the beginning of an entirely new branch of philosophy now known as Kantianism. Of course his brilliance did not sprout overnight – it took 50 years of training to condition his mind to be able to think clearly enough to write such a complex piece of work.

Like Kant, Charles Darwin wrote his seminal work, The Origin of Species, in his early 50’s. This work revolutionized life sciences by putting forward the ideas of evolution, natural selection, and survival of the fittest. He spent many years as a student, as did Kant, and he followed his own interests rather than cow-towing to the desires of others to plan his life. His father wanted him to be a medical doctor, even though Darwin always had an inclination to be a naturalist. Eventually his will won out and he got to build the life he wanted, albeit a little later than he probably would have liked.

I get a lot of inspiration from food, and it’s impossible to over-emphasize the contribution of Julia Child to the culinary field. Following the pattern of Kant and Darwin, Child published her best known book Mastering the Art of French Cooking, in her early 50’s. She didn’t even entertain making a career in cooking until she was awarded admission into Le Cordon Bleu, the famed French cooking school, at age 36. She freely admitted that she had been looking for a career all her life; she had several other careers as a copywriter and as a government worker before falling in love with cooking. Once she discovered that love, she never looked back and by her own hands, literally, changed the world of food forever.

These stories give me a lot of hope for the futures of people who follow different paths early on in life, who pursue their every interest with wild abandon and passion. I know some people who have known exactly what they wanted to do since age 5. I used to date a man who at age 5 decided he wanted to be an attorney. Today, he does exactly what he always wanted do. He probably always will. I’ll admit that I hate him a little bit for knowing what he wanted so early in life. Or at least I did hate him until I heard the stories of Kant, Darwin, and Child.

For some of us, our calling just doesn’t find us that way. We have to follow lots of different paths to find our way home. We’re in good company with Kant, Darwin, and Child. The only important thing is to not give up until we can finally find our true selves, until we fully realize our own great contribution to humanity. In the long-run, tenacity pays off.

books, discovery, fear, friendship, patience, yoga

My Year of Hopefulness – At the End of the Test

One can’t learn much and also be comfortable. One can’t learn much and let anybody else be comfortable.

On Friday night I went for a walk with my friend, Dan. We wound our way through Central Park talking about recent events in our lives, challenges we’re facing, things we’re excited about. We got onto the subject of testing. When recently talking to a friend of his about a particular circumstance he’s working though the friend said, “Like Job, you are being tested.” Dan’s response was a simple question, “What do I get if I pass the test?” I’ve been thinking about that question all weekend.

As I was working through my yoga practice this morning, I was thinking about the idea of comfort versus discomfort. Times of testing are often uncomfortable times. We just want to get through them as quickly as possible. We want the shortest path to relief. Yoga teaches us to be comfortable being uncomfortable, sinking into the pose, going deeper, as opposed to pulling away often helps us. Perhaps the shortest relief to discomfort is through, similar that old saying of “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Every day that saying makes more sense to me.
Maybe Charles Fort is correct: If we shrank away every situation that was challenging, every situation that brought some kind of fear or discomfort, perhaps we’d never learn anything. If we embrace fear, discomfort, and confusion for the sake of learning, maybe challenging times become easier to bear. Maybe learning is the prize at the end of our test. All that’s required of us is patience and commitment. We just have to keep showing up, for ourselves and for one another.