It’s hard to understand life in the moment, especially the tough moments. When I look back on my hard times, I know now why each of them happened. This is why reflection is so important, why it helps to move on from and let go of any negativity as soon as possible. It’ll all come out in the wash and the wash is time. Time doesn’t heal all wounds but it certainly makes sense of them so that we can wear the scars proudly. Peace is just up ahead around the bend. Move toward it.
Category: patience
This just in: Healing is like Yoda
Becoming a Jedi takes patience, puzzling, waiting, and a lot of slow learning. So does healing. What I hate most about the healing process is the waiting. I can’t do anything to speed it up, and I like to do things. I like to contribute. Healing is on its own watch, and I want it to be on mine. I’d like to snap my fingers, and have Phineas’s spinal column immediately knit itself back together so that he can walk again without a shred of difficulty or discomfort. Is that so much to ask?
I’ve been sleeping on an air mattress next to Phin’s crate since he came home on Friday. (Don’t feel bad for me—it’s a nice, comfy air mattress.) I spend a lot of time watching over him, and a lot of time waiting for the magic of healing which is taking its sweet time when I want it to use a magic wand. Healing, stop holding out on me. I’ve never been known for my patience. Quite the contrary. If something can be done today, right this minute, I’m doin’ it. Why can’t healing have that same work ethic? Why is it so damn lazy?
The body’s magic; life is magic. I get it. The surgeon drilled a hole into one of Phin’s vertebrae, cleaned out the ruptured disc area, and now the bone and disc are going to magically regenerate themselves in about 4-6 weeks. Okay, okay. We (humans and animals) are all tiny miracles of growth and progress and evolution. I know it’s a miracle that we have these soft squishy bodies that heal themselves through no effort on our part save for sleeping, eating, and, occasionally, taking some meds. Awesome. Now hurry up!
My pleas and prayers for an overnight recovery have thus far gone unanswered. The universe is making us sit, and wait, and watch, and learn. And I’ll do all those things because healing isn’t giving me a choice. It’s the boss, the teacher, the wise old sage, rocking in the corner, who’s earned the right to do things when it’s good and ready and satisfied that we’ve earned and learned everything it meant for us to earn and learn in the process. I’m thick-headed; I always have been. Lessons take a long time to seep into this skull of mine and make themselves at home in the deep recesses of my brain.
I’m inflating the air mattress. I’m giving Phin his meds wrapped in cheese (he’s crazy for Havarti), and tucking a soft blanket around him. He closes his eyes and drifts away into conversation with the sage, away from any pain, into a dream world where he walks and runs and is by all accounts perfectly healthy in every way. For him, for now, that’s enough. He’s content to give his body all the time it needs. I smile, and wait.
Inspired: Benefits of taking the long way
“All the work worth doing is about taking the long way.” ~Seth Godin
I always look for shortcuts, ways to get twice as much done in half the amount of time. I’m ridiculously impatient with myself, and many times that serves me because it forces me to make the most of every opportunity and maximize my creativity. But when I’ve been forced to take the long way, when no other way was possible, I’ve never regretted it. I tried to enjoy the view and stay open to what may happen that I had never planned. The long way, while never preferable for me at the outset, has always ended up being a blessing because it took me in directions I never knew existed. The next time your route feels more circuitous rather than a direct shot, take a beat and look around. Every step along the path has a lesson. Take it and use it.
Inspired: Get Angry and Take Action
I want you to get angry, and don’t wallow in it. Use it. Anger is energy and it’s fueled incredible changes: the Civil Rights Movement, women’s suffrage, gay marriage, and every nonprofit with a passionate mission. Some of the very best things I’ve ever done in my life started because I was angry – Compass Yoga, Sing After Storms, Chasing Down the Muse, my education. Anger builds fire and fire transforms everything around it. Let it motivate and inspire you to build a better world.
Leap: The Path of Most Resistance
Difficulty is good for us.
Yesterday I was reading an article in Intelligent Life, an Economist publication, entitled “The Uses of Difficulty” by Ian Leslie. He gives examples, mostly from the music industry, that depict challenges and difficulties as gifts that we should seek out, even create, for the benefit of our growth. At first glance this argument sounds like something akin to the benefits of brussels sprouts, but I was intrigued by the argument (and I happen to love brussels sprouts) so I kept reading.
In yoga, we search for that magical space between effort and ease. At first, I thought that’s where Ian was going but he took this idea to a whole new level. He presents scientific evidence that shows we actually benefit cognitively from doing things that are difficult, that do not come naturally to us. The benefits are so stark that he suggests purposely creating difficulty even when we find ease. This theory flies in the face of the idea that we should play to our strengths, or at least the idea that we should always play to our strengths.
This article also has the wheels of my mind spinning around the concept of short-term versus long-term benefits. Should we accept, even relish, short-term challenge because in the long-term it makes us more creative, intelligent, quick, strong, resilient, and, let’s face it, interesting? Is discomfort today worth triumph tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow?
There’s only one way to find out.
Leap: Small Opportunities to Make a Difference
“Sometimes the little opportunities that fly at us each day can have the biggest impact.” ~ Danny Wallace
In a time when emotions are running high, I’ve found myself compelled to be more patient. When I’m on the subway with people who are pushing and losing their temper because of the intense crowding and delays, I am driven to be more tolerant, to smile more, to give others the right of way even when it’s my turn.
So often we think we must do something big to really make a difference. We have to start a company or organization, make a huge donation, or broadcast our message through a megaphone of some form. During this odd time in New York City as we are reminded of the power of nature and the incredible gift of neighbors helping neighbors, I am learning about the immense value of small, everyday kindnesses that we can all give and receive.
They give us a sense of belonging. They cause us to pay it forward, igniting a chain reaction of compassion and courtesy. It’s in these small moments that we recognize just how connected we all are. And it’s a really beautiful thing to understand.
Beginning: Patience is the Partner of Progress
“Patience is the companion of wisdom.” ~ St. Augustine
Lately I’ve been itching to run, just take off on the open road of life so to speak and not look back. I’m not exactly sure where this feeling came from or why it’s persisting, but it is certainly familiar to me. It’s been a while since it’s made an appearance in my life, and I must admit that it feels like greeting an old friend who has been away for too long.
Someone wise once told me many years ago that change is good and I should embrace it, so long as I’m running to something and not away from something. When the running instinct showed up at my door a few weeks ago, I had to take a few steps back and really think about whether or not to let it in. Was I just so frustrated with certain circumstances in my life, compounded by the fact that I have such a clear vision now for Compass Yoga, that I was willing to do anything to feel like I was just moving, if not moving forward? Or were the options for change laid out in front of me truly something I wanted to embrace for their own sake? It comes down to priorities.
By nature, I am an impatient person. I see what needs to be done, what must be done, and I just want to go do it. I don’t want to ask permission. I just want to have the freedom to act by my own conscience. Having such a clear picture of Compass Yoga is both a blessing and a curse. It helps me channel my efforts straight to its purpose and it has become a very centering force in my life. However, it makes it very difficult for me to do anything but further its mission.
As of late, I’ve had some really incredible career opportunities cross my path, opportunities that even a year ago I would have given anything for. I wasn’t sure what to do, and so I sat in meditation, much longer than I usually do, hoping for an answer. And I got one. I turned them all down. All of them, in favor of putting my efforts into Compass Yoga. One of them was a dream business development job. I would have been a senior person in the organization charged with growing the company 20%+. I knew I could rise to a challenge like that, but the trouble is that if I’m going to grow anything 20%, it’s going to be my own organization, not someone else’s, no matter how great I think that other company is.
Patience is hard. We aren’t wired for it, but when we have a big audacious goal, we need patience and perseverance is equal amounts. I’ve been waiting for this moment to do my own thing, it’s almost here, and I was going to cloud it with someone else’s vision? No way. I’ve waited too long to have my turn at channeling all of my resources and experiences in the direction that I see fit. I can’t lose sight of that big picture now! This choice is part of the hero’s journey.
Like Hanuman, I am laying in wait for just a little while longer before springing into action. The opportune time is almost here – I can feel it with every fiber of my being. No sense in getting sidetracked now. My work, by my own definition, is too valuable to too many people. Focus is what’s needed.
Beginning: Progress Requires Patience
“The most amazing thing about biz dev work: the more you do, the more you realize that opportunity is under every stone. Turn ’em over!” ~ ME
For the past two weeks I have been sending an insane amount of emails and making an equally insane amount of phone class related to Compass Yoga. I’m getting down all of the steps in the hopes that some day I will have the time to reflect back on all of this work and on all of the amazing, talented, incredible people who helped me through their own kindness, talents, and generosity.
Business development work is what I’ve been trained to do. By nature, I’m relentless, and this natural tendency and endurance was only further bolstered by my undergraduate and graduate school education. Once I really believe in an idea and have dedicated myself to it, I will work and work and work until I make progress. I’ll experiment, take a new approach, or try something completely off-the-wall if I think it will make a difference.
Business development is a long-term bet
I’m making progress. On June 19th I’ll be giving a presentation on the benefits of yoga for veterans, at Jehrico Project, an organization that serves homeless veterans in New York City, and I’ve started the long paperwork process to teach yoga at the Manhattan VA Hospital for the medical staff. These are two developments that I’m incredibly grateful for, and I think it’s important to share that I didn’t just waltz in and have these wonderful opportunities handed to me. Of the hundreds of contacts I’ve tried to make, most were never returned, a few kindly declined my offer, and these two took some convincing – first by me and then by people at these organizations who believed in the power of this work.
When you don’t know what to do, keep going
I’m sharing this truth because there’s an important lesson in this for you and me. You might be working on a project at this very moment and you may feel like all of your efforts are yielding a blessed thing. You might feel like you’re beating your head against the wall, wringing your hands, and wasting your time. The truth is that you are laying a foundation, and foundation building takes a lot of effort. We want to jump to the decorating, “the fun stuff”, of a project as soon as possible, but trust me, that won’t work. You have to make sure your base is solid and build from that. It’s slow in the beginning but if you training properly and do the appropriate groundwork, you’ll be so much better off in the long run. Cultivate patience as you pursue progress.
Beginning: A Lesson on Generosity, Patience, and Building Our Own Road, Courtesy of a Grasshopper and a Snail
“AH gaining yet MORE wisdom grasshopper!!” ~ My friend, Anne, on one of my posts
When Anne left this note on my Facebook page, I had no idea what she was talking about so I Googled it and found the fable of the grasshopper and the snail. I highly recommend reading the story in its entirety here. Here’s the condensed version:
“A challenge
A snail with a lot of supporting friends challenges a grasshopper to a race. The grasshopper considers not accepting the challenge since it’s obvious that he will beat the snail and he’s worried that he will make the snail feel badly. However, after enough negative prodding by the snail’s friends, the grasshopper accepts.
A realization
The race starts and rather than crushing the snail with his speed, the grasshopper spends a lot of time thinking about his life as the snail creeps along at a very slow, steady space. After all of his thinking, the grasshopper decided to let the snail win. All the animals cheered for the snail and looked down on the grasshopper as a slow poke, never challenging the grasshopper to another race again. No one appreciated the grasshopper’s generosity toward the snail. At first the grasshopper was very depressed that all the animals made fun of him but later he began to appreciate the chance to enjoy his life without any pressure from constant challenges to race. He could choose how to spend his time and make his own decisions in his own time. For the first time in his life, he felt truly free to decide how to spend his days.
A fork in the road, literally and figuratively
After his win, the snail becomes so cocky that he accepts a challenge from a lightning bug to cross the road. Upon hearing this, the grasshopper gets very upset because he worries the snail will get killed trying to cross the road at his slow pace.To protect the snail from this terrible idea, he decides to race the snail across the road, determined to beat him so quickly that the snail will turn away from the road and go home. The snail smugly accepts, convinced he will beat the grasshopper again.
A second chance
The day of the rematch, the snail starts to creep across the road at his usual slow pace. The grasshopper waits patiently for a safe time to leap across the road in one action. The snail makes fun of his patience, until the grasshopper finally sees his opening and makes the leap to the other side of the road. The snail, shocked and embarrassed, turns around after barely getting his start and never leaves his home again. The grasshopper, knowing the dangers of crossing the road, stays on his new side of the road and lives out his days as a great teacher of patience, generosity, and modesty.”
I was completely confused by this story when I first read it. “Slow and steady wins the race” – I understand that lesson. “Don’t be cocky about successes” – yep, that makes sense, too. But what was Anne saying by casting me as the grasshopper here? What could I possibly have in common with this guy?
I’ve known Anne for a long time. She’s bailed me out of tough situations, and more than once she’s given me a one liner that has snapped me back to reality after I’ve gotten too caught up in my own story. This is another one of those times.
For a time now, I have enjoyed being under the radar in a few different areas of my life. I’ve been waiting and watching patiently, stringing together different learnings and experiences, before I make the leap to go off on my own and create an unconventional career that breaks from tradition and what I “should” do. I feel fine with following rules as long as I’m the one who makes them and decides when to break them. And I do feel like my gift lies in teaching based upon my own experiences, positive and harrowing alike.
Anne was right, as always. I’m more like the grasshopper than I realized. It’s funny how sometimes we can look right into a mirror and not recognize our own reflection. It takes another passerby to connect the dots and awaken us to ourselves.
Beginning: Renewing the Familiar and Waking Up
“The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” ~ Henry Miller
Every morning I walk 5 blocks to the subway, and some mornings I don’t remember a single step that I took to get there. I’m out ahead of my walk. I’m imagining the packed subway car that I don’t want to deal with or thinking about my morning meetings and deliverables. I’m checking Twitter and Facebook or planning out my evening activities. This is the downside of being hyper-organized and a creature of planning – I can miss the moment I’m in right now, and all of the learning that each one offers.
In the past month, I’ve been focused on waking up and being aware. I’m observing more consciously, and finding that Henry Miller was absolutely right. Right in my neighborhood, there are beautiful things happening. Small business owners trying to make a-go of their dream. Tiny sprout of life breaking through the cold ground as Spring makes its long slow climb out of obscurity in Riverside and Central Parks. Street musicians and artists decorating our sidewalks. And even all of those people packed in the subway car on weekday mornings – just watching them and taking note of their activities makes my commute a part of my day rather than just some means to an end.
It is possible to renew the familiar, and it doesn’t require any fancy equipment or class or certification. You can start right now, wherever you are. Observe the knots in the world flooring beneath your feet, the sunshine filtering through your window, or the simple mannerisms of the person sitting next to you. We always have the option to begin a practice conscious living.
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Christa Avampato 