Category: Life

When I think of myself in the world, I always imagine that my make-up is on perfectly, that every hair is in place, that I’ve got on just the right outfit. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in a store window as I stroll by feeling confident and realize I am a disaster. Without fail, my hair is flipping all over the place, and I have spilled something down the length of my shirt. Lovely.

I am completely freaked out by the idea of marriage. Truly. Just looking at the word, I am beginning to feel a panic attack coming on. I love being in love, I love the idea of finding that one terrific guy who’s so fantastic that I could never imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I love imagining having a partner in life who’s supportive of even my wackiest ideas. I just can’t imagine that my sense of judgment is so amazing that I could pick, right now, the one person I’ll be happy with forever. And actually what I’m more worried about is how will he know that I’m the one he’ll be happy with forever. I’ve had relationships when I thought I found the right one, and then it seemed to fall apart for no reason at all. And it was heart-breaking, and awful, and I just don’t want to go through that again. I don’t think I can go through that again and come out of it a sane person. Or, at least these were all my fears until today when I read something that helped me start to turn the corner. Something that helped me to look at this fear with a little more courage, and say, “well, maybe you aren’t so scary after all….”

One of the columnists in the New York Times went shopping with Alice Waters at the Union Square Farmers Market. Waters is a restaurateur, chef, and advocated for supporting locally-grown agriculture. In the world of foodies, she’s legendary. She’s 63, and as the article points out, currently not in love. And then she added a really lovely comment that helped me see that marriage, or at least being in love a committed long-term relationship may not be so bad. “While not in love, she does wish she had a good pal to be in the world with.” And if in my mind I define “husband” in that way, it doesn’t seem quite so scary.

Truthfully, that is exactly what I’m looking for. I don’t need a husband to support me financially. I don’t need him to be my everything, and quite frankly, I would prefer he not be since I have many wonderful people in my life that fill a variety of roles quite well. And since I’m laying the honesty on thick in this post, I’m not 100% sure that I want children. I’m a good 50 / 50 on that one, so I’m not even looking for someone to be the ideal father-figure.

What I really want is someone I laugh with, someone who’s smart and helps me think clearly, someone who supports my crazy ideas and has fun in the process. A creative-bent would be nice. Ambitious, though doesn’t devote his entire being to his profession. It would help if he liked dogs. Scratch that – he has to like dogs. Cooking, or an interest in learning to cook would just be fantastic. And travel – I want someone who is in this world to be an adventurer. And yes, I need him to be good-looking. Sorry. I figured if I’m really going to send this wish out into the world, I might as well ask for everything I want. At the heart of it, Alice Waters is right – he needs to be a good friend to me as we figure out how to navigate this crazy world around us.

My friend, Trevin, has recently moved to New York City after many years of imaging this place as the Garden of Eden. I understand – I’ve felt that way for the six years I have been away and I love being back here. During a recent conversation I was explaining to him that I had plans for a time he suggested we meet up to hang out, and invited him to come along. I gave him fair warning about the crowd he’d be meeting to which he replied, “oh don’t worry about me, Christa. I’m a blender.” To which I just burst out laughing.

And it’s true, Trevin, like me, is a blender. I know many of other people who are not – people I would never dream of introducing to friends from other chapters of my life. When someone asks “what kind of skills do you think I need to do X job”, being a blender is never something I’ve heard someone say before.

For years I’ve been hearing lots of funny, odd, and all-too-true sayings like Trevin’s and it’s high time I wrote them down. The following is a list of those (in addition to “I’m a blender”) that stopped me in my tracks, made me laugh, and also made me think.

“Bad design will haunt you forever.” My boss loves this one, and it’s so true. So many times we think up solutions and approaches to just get by. We’re so interested in doing that we don’t spend the time designing the best possible solution. We just want something in place so we feel like we’re moving forward. For example, let’s look at the state of New Jersey highways – could there be a worse design? Look at the bridge feed from NJ Route 4 onto the GW Bridge – hideous. Who imagines going from 6 lanes to two in a 100 foot stretch?

“Learn to talk to a wall.” I used to think small talk was overrated – now I’ve learned that small talk creates big connections. I’ve been undervaluing it for far too long. Small talk builds the beginnings of life-long relationships and connected us others. Through small talk we find our place in the world.

“Prepare for peace in a time of war.” I am so mad at Sun-Tzu for writing The Art of War. I’m even more mad at the people who revere it and take it out of context. So often I feel like preparing for war is the easy part. Preparing for and building a plan for maintaining peace is the hard stuff. Any schmo can demolish a bridge; it takes a real artist to build one that holds up over the years.

“Don’t invest in things that rust.” This another one of my boss’s favorites that he lives by, truly. He had one car for 18 years. Unbelievable. And this saying extends far beyond cars. Think about all the energy that we pour into lost causes or places where we know we can’t make an impact. Eventually it rusts out, and we move on. Imagine what we could do by redirecting that energy toward things like fine wine and a good quality leather coat that only get better with age.

“Be in it for the journey.” There’s something to be said for having a goal, and something to be said for taking interesting detours. And yes, you can do both.

“Live your life spherically, in many different directions.” Ever meet someone with a one-track mind? I never understand that. I used to envy those people who could be so singularly focused, mostly because I am the anti-thesis of them. And I would get down on myself when I felt like I was flailing and all over the place. Was my exploring getting in the way of my living? And after a few years, I could look back on the journey and see how it all connected, see how having my hands in a lot of different pots gave me a richer, more interesting spirit than I would have had otherwise. And I learned that the only really direction in life is a circle.

“The hardest thing on Earth is choosing what matters.” I used to frustrate myself with all of my competing interests. For a long time I have struggled with prioritizing different areas of my life. My romantic life, school, time for me, friends, family, career. And when I read this saying I felt a huge weight being lifted off of me. I thought everyone else instantly knew what was important and what wasn’t, and then just went about their lives. It turns out that deciding between competing interests is everyone’s struggle. We’re in this together, and to help one another figure this out.

“I believe in the goodness of imagination.” No explanation needed.

I hate dirty dishes – the very thought of them makes me feel a little queasy. Probably because I worked as a dishwasher in a nursing home one summer because it was a job I could walk to from my home and I really needed the money. The only thing I hate more than dirty dishes in the sink is wasting a gorgeous day outside by doing menial, though necessary tasks around the house. Erma Bombeck said, “I hate mopping the floor. I spend all this time doing it, and then a month later I have to do it again.” I couldn’t agree more!

Today was one of those gorgeous days, and one of those days when I have a hundred menial tasks to do around my apartment. Tracking expenses, dropping off dry cleaning, cleaning my bathtub, and yes, doing today’s dishes. I just couldn’t pass up the chance for a nice long walk today. I walked 72 blocks to meet my friends, Katie and Monika, for lunch at The Cookshop. And even though there are still dishes in my sink and receipts to record in my excel spreadsheet, I just couldn’t stay inside today. I needed to get out, breathe deeply, and poke around my neighborhood Barnes and Noble for some writing inspiration. I also needed some exercise.

I saw little kids learning to play soccer in the park, dogs and their owners jogging. Friends greeting one another, and catching up. It helped me count my blessings while making up for the 500 calories I was about to consume on a yummy, sumptuous lunch. It did my heart good to see my friends, and recognize, acknowledge, and honor the happiness that is all around us, peeking out from every nook and cranny of our world. For that, yes, the dishes will wait.

The photo above is the sole property of Apple.

*The picture above can be found at http://www.edge-inc.net/images/cars/Lamborghini-I-Love-Speed.jpg.

Please forgive me if I can’t even string three French words together properly. French is one of those language I long to be able to speak. It drips with elegance and charm in a way that few other language could ever hope to do. As much as I love Spanish and Italian, which have their own incredible beauty, French has always captured my attention.

Me all have daydreams – I imagine myself sitting in some lovely little café, sipping coffee from a delicate little cup, in some incredibly chic French outfit, just out this season of course. Eating a croissant, and laughing with an adorable French man who finds me equally adorable. And then the part in the daydream when I have to say something…I imagine myself speaking French but then what comes out of my mouth is some alien language not comprehensible by any other living being. The French boy runs away, and I am left with my coffee….sad, sad story.

I went to France for a month right before starting at business school and I fell in love with it. The Sunflowers, the Eiffel Tower, the Seine, the people, the FOOD, the wine. I spent a week in Paris, two weeks volunteering with a nonprofit that rebuilds ancient architecture in Saint Victor La Coste (near Avignon), and then a week along the French Riviera. So incredible – every day was out of fairy tale book. Paris is the only other city I have ever been that made me feel the way New York make me feel – alive, free, and bubbling over with joy. Whenever I went to a restaurant or a museum or the post office, etc. I always made an effort to ask for what I wanted in French. The people I was speaking to would look at me with sad eyes and respond to me in English. I would respond in French (if I could) and they’d look at me with even sadder eyes and again respond to me in English. I love France so much that I think I am entitled to be able to learn French without any difficulties.

My friend Heather recently came to New York for a visit and stayed in my apartment. Heather went to Darden with me, and her husband Didier, is originally from France. Their children are completely bi-lingual and I marvel at their conversations. When Heather came into my very small apartment, I immediately said, “oh don’t look at the kitchen – it’s so tiny. (It literally is the size of a closet.) She immediately said, “Are you kidding me? This apartment is great – bigger than places in Paris. All apartments in France are small.”

My heart leapt with joy! Now I can imagine myself coming home to mien petite appartement, knowing that million of people in Paris are doing the exact same thing in an even smaller place than mine. If I can’t share the language with them, at the very least I can appreciate the beauty of living small.

The opera singer Beverly Sills once said, “There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” Some people may think she was pontificating about how to achieve a successful life through hard work and determination. I think she was talking about finding a parking space on the Upper West side of Manhattan. Now that school is back in session, all of my favorite parking haunts have been stolen. I am exaggerating – it’s actually not bad at all. The most I have ever spent looking for parking is 20 minutes, and, knock on wood, that will be a rare occurrence and I will go back to my five-minute parking search which has up until now always ended with me finding a primo spot.

These parking posts are quite elusive, I find them and they always manage to be a little too small, or a little close to a fire hydrant, or just a smidge into the cross-walk. Given how diligently the police patrol my neighborhood (when in my opinion they really need to be spending their time in parts of the city that really need heavy patrols rather than having their cushy jobs giving people like me tickets for making turns where I am supposed to magically know that turns are illegal despite the fact that there is no posting), I am weary of any parking that doesn’t seem absolutely 100% perfect.

The other real kickers are these crazies looking for parking spaces on the UWS. Yesterday I actually encountered a woman who was STANDING in a parking spot waiting for her friend to come by and park there. Unbelievable. I considered forcing her to leave and give me the spot but she looked like the spiteful type who may key my car the second I walked away. (Not really, but that was the only way I could console myself for letting her take a spot that really should have been mine.

Then there are the people who continually make a right on red, despite the fact that you can’t do that in NYC, all to steal a spot from someone respectfully waiting at the light. At moments like these I say to myself, “that person’s karma has just hit an iceberg.”

I’ve been trying the theory of positive thinking a la the Oprah-recommended book, The Secret. I imagine in my mind a perfectly sized, legal spot right outside my building. I’m not imagining hard enough. I will have to work on that in the coming weeks.

I’ve got a fabulous weekend lined up – I am going to devise a parking space strategy. There are all kinds of different parking hours on the UWS. Some spaces you can’t be in between 7 and 4 on school days. Some don’t allow you to park there between 8am and 6pm. And the list goes on and on. I haven’t found a website that gives details of these parking rules yet – heaven forbid the city government give you that info – it would inhibit the police from giving you tickets that I imagine rack up quite a bit of funds. So I am going to make a list, and come up with a search strategy based upon what time I arrive back in the city.

Sounds like I’m a crazy person right? Though if I consider that it will probably take me about an hour’s walk on a beautiful Saturday afternoon to get all the information on parking in my neighborhood, compared to the 20 minutes per night it may be taking me to find parking everyday, it doesn’t seem so crazy after all. I’m sure that perfect spot is out there waiting for me…

After 15 years of driving, I received my first traffic ticket. 7:00am, making a right onto Riverside Drive. Silly me. “Everyone knows you can’t make a right onto Riverside Drive up here,” said the cop. Well, I guess what she meant to say was “everyone (who’s a mind reader) knows you can’t make a right here.” No sign. Not even a hint that this wouldn’t be allowed. There’s even a light at that intersection.

I left the ticket on my desk all day long – $90! I was steamed. What a way to start a morning. On the way to work, I started wondering if there are other things we are expected to know in NYC, even if they aren’t explained to us.

Streets and Avenues run perpendicular to one another. The subway map. Broker fees are a way of life for renters (actually not true given the great deal I found on Craigslist sans broker, though the brokers will tell you it is near impossible to get a place without them). Dropping off your laundry is cheaper than doing it yourself. The Upper West Side is so much cooler than the Upper East (I don’t know if everyone knows this or not – consider this an insider tip from me to you!)

We magically expect everyone, tourist and resident alike, to just “know” things that they couldn’t possibly know. NYC is unique and part of the responsibility of living in this city is to help other people find their way. If you happen to be here and a bit lost or confused, just tap the person’s shoulder right next to you (and in NYC, there is always someone right next to you). We take a great sense of pride in flaunting our innate knowledge. Just make sure to avoid taking a right off of Riverside.