“Nothing in life is trivial. Life is whole wherever and whenever we touch it, and one moment or event is not less sacred than another. it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” ~ Vimala Thakar
It all matters. The simple and the complex. The difficult and the easy. The joyful and the heartbreaking. Each moment comes to our door to teach us something – about ourselves, about others, and about the world and our place in it.
I’ve been wrestling with this idea a bit this week, trying to make sense of why things go haywire, why they fall apart, and what we do with the pieces that remain. As best I can tell, we pick them up one at a time and help others do the same. They don’t fit together neatly as they did before. But what they create is stronger, more unique, and reflects what we learned in the process of putting it all back together.
Difficult circumstances are hard to live. They’re hard to examine. They’re hard to release. But the process of getting through them, reflecting on what they taught us, and figuring out a way to move forward is an act of sacred healing in and of itself. We can be whole again.
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” ~ Margaret Thatcher, British prime minister
Do you ever feel like you are continuously fighting the same battle over and over again? Do you find yourself running into the same difficulties, the same tough times, with the same challenging characters?
A long time ago, my friend, Derek, said something very wise to me and the simple lesson it conveys has stayed with me in many tough times. He told me that the world is a very generous place. It gives us the same lesson over and over again until we really learn it and don’t need to go through it any more.
That’s not to say that you’ll never face the same difficulties, even after you learn your lesson. But you will be different. Wiser, stronger, more resilient. So while the situation you find yourself in may feel like déjà vu, your reaction can be different, and therefore you can generate a different outcome.
There are just so many varieties of battle you’ll face in life. The difficult boss, the person who tries to bully and intimidate you, the relationship that goes awry, the stresses you didn’t expect. But the chips can fall any number of ways. There is no end to the learnings that are available to each of us in every circumstance that arises.
My mom took us to see the Nutcracker for Christmas. My oldest niece, Lorelei, takes ballet classes and was very excited to see her first ballet. She loved it but was very quiet as we made our way back to the car after the show. She whispered that she was worried she might never be as good as the dancers on stage because they know so much more than she does. She’s 5.
I told her that she didn’t need to worry about that, that we all start from zero. We are all born a blank slate, knowing nothing. With time and practice, we can do anything we want to do. It is about choice and dedication. She looked at me with her very pensive eyes and smiled.
This is true in every aspect of our lives. We’re all strangers at first – to ourselves and to each other. We grow and change and learn. That’s the course of every life. We’re all in this together.
“Having all the answers just means you’ve been asking boring questions.” ~ Joey Comeau
We have such a desire to know. Why did something happen to us? Why are we in our current situation? What will happen next? We dig for answers. We hypothesize, experiment, discover, and document.
There are some things that cannot be explained. There are some things that we only understand with the gifts of distance and time. There are some things that are mysteries and will remain that way. We cannot know it all, at least not right now. And there’s something reassuring in that; something that’s even kind of fun.
No matter how much we learn or how much we have, there will always be more questions. And where there are more questions, there are more discoveries to be had. There will always be fuel for our curiosity, a need for our imagination and creativity. There is always hope that tomorrow the picture will be a bit clearer than it is today. Interesting questions give us a reason to keep going.
A few weeks ago I started taking a nutrition course. The Fundamentals of Nutrition is offered by Coursera and is a wonderful example of a Massive Open Online Course, or MOOC. It is taught by Dr. Kristina von Castel-Roberts from the University of Florida. I decided to take the class because I really want to improve my eating habits even further this year.
One of our first assignments involved using Supertracker, an online tool from the USDA that helps you track your food intake, physical activity, and other health-based metrics. I’ve never actually kept a food diary and the psychology behind this activity is fascinating. I have a strong sweet tooth. A very strong sweet tooth. Yesterday I was at a breakfast meeting with all of my favorite goodies – muffins, pastries, donuts, and fruit. Usually I would gobble down anything and everything that looked appealing. Now that I have to commit my food intake in writing and actually see its nutritional content, I held back. I had one very small pastry and loaded up on fruit.
If we really want to achieve a goal, charting our progress toward it in writing is one of the most useful motivators. Write it down!
To continue my 2013 new years resolution to make beautiful things, I am thrilled to announce that I have joined the Advisory Board of Jumping Pages. Created by Rania Ajami, Jumping Pages brings classic and modern-day children’s stories to life through tablet apps. The artistry, music, and storytelling are stunning, and a portion of the proceeds of every sale is donated to charities that help kids in need. As someone who loves children, books, and technology and is dedicated to supporting good causes, I couldn’t be happier to take up this new opportunity that combines all of these passions!
Working with Jumping Pages also fuels another resolution I made last year. Inspired by David Kelley‘s decision to forgo a corporate job because he “wanted to work with [his] friends”, I have been looking for opportunities to do the same. John Casey, Director of Marketing for Jumping Pages, has been my dear friend since our days together at Toys R Us. When he started his own PR agency a few years ago, he inspired my own leap to work for myself through Chasing Down the Muse, my creative consulting practice. Being on the Advisory Board for Jumping Pages gives me an opportunity to work closely with John again – another career dream realized.
Jumping Pages has a number of exciting projects in the works and I’ll announce all new launches on this blog once they’re available for purchase. In the meantime, I hope you’ll visit the website and learn more about this amazing brand that brings reading to life.
For a few months, I’ve been taking mini coding lessons at on Codecademy. They’re hard for me – I’m learning a new language, turning my thought process on its head, and getting familiar with a whole new way of structuring my creativity. I’m not good, but I’m getting better. This weekend, I received a new book that’s geared toward teaching the very basics of Python, a popular programming language.
I have no interest in becoming a programmer so why would I devote time to gain a basic understanding of coding?
1.) Our world is becoming increasingly influenced by technology. Knowing the basics of coding will soon be as necessary in the workplace as knowing how to use Microsoft Office.
2.) It’s difficult for me. By forcing myself to learn something that doesn’t come naturally to me, my mind must look at challenges in new ways and create new neural pathways. Just as we work muscles so that they get stronger, we must also work the brain.
3.) It grows my understanding as a product developer. There’s noting worse than a business people who ask the world of tech teams without having a clue exactly what their requests entail. I saw this all the time in my old job. Hardly anyone on the business side ever truly understood what they were asking of others. I want to do better.
4.) All it takes is time. Not so long ago, I would have had to enroll in a class to learn these skills. Now there are sites like Codecademy that offer these lessons for free and online. There are excellent manuals and books that will walk beginners through the basics. If it’s there to learn, then why not give it a try?
Are you working on learning something new? Would love to hear how the adventure is unfolding for you!
“If you’re going to go through hell I suggest you come back learning something.” ~ Drew Barrymore
As I approach the six month mark of my freelance life, I’m continuing to interview for additional contract work. Last week I was at an interview where someone commented about my ill-fated timing of joining a financial services firm in August of 2008. I joined 5 weeks before Lehman Brothers collapsed and hell broke loose in the financial markets. I was given two months, $200,000, and told to get a product out the door to customers by Thanksgiving or I would be fired. (These were my VP’s actual words. I’m happy to report he’s no longer with the company wreaking havoc.)
To be clear, it was an awful time for everyone. Whether you lost your job or kept your job, no one was having fun. In that moment, I had to make a choice. I could be terrified of joining the deep ranks of unemployment or I could vow to learn something amidst the chaos and uncertainty. Through no planning on my part, I had a front row seat to the recession whether I liked it or not. It was a tremendous, if strenuous, period of personal and professional growth.
In the depths of the recession, I sowed the seeds that ultimately allowed me to try my hand at this freelance life. Without that time of great difficulty, I might still be whiling away my time in cubicle land simply out of comfort. This isn’t a bad thing; it just isn’t the right thing for me. The discomfort I experienced in that job caused me to build a new plan. I am meant to walk a different path and it isn’t better than working at a big corporation. It’s only better for me.
I wouldn’t wish those days on anyone. There were times that I went to bed crying only to wake up with an even heavier heart. To get through that time, I actually wrote out a list of the positive things about my job and taped it above the lock on my front door so I would actually go to work instead of hiding under my bed. It was a short but poignant list that included items like “you’re getting a paycheck” and “you have health insurance”. Yes, it had actually come down to that, and it was depressing to say the least.
I don’t tell you this because I want you to feel badly for me. I was fine then, I’m fine now, and no matter what, I will always be fine. I tell you this story because I don’t want you to feel alone, ever.
Maybe you’re going through hell now, right this very moment. Maybe you’ve gone through hell several times over. Maybe your days of hell have not yet arrived. As far as I know, everyone who’s ever lived has had at least one royally awful day in their lives. I think when we’re born into this world, we sign some type of contract that requires at least a brush with hardship at some point. It’s a raw deal, I know. I feel your pain, literally and figuratively.
I don’t want to go all Pollyanna on you, mostly because it drives me crazy when people do that to me. You know the type – the people who think that if they don’t talk about tough times that somehow they’re immune to them. (To make lemonade, you actually do have to acknowledge the lemons.) But I do want you to hear a very honest and straightforward truth – without darkness, we never fully appreciate the light. We can’t. Our screwy, beautiful, human minds need contrast in order to drive toward understanding. I wish it weren’t true but I didn’t build the human mind so I refuse to take responsibility for any craziness except my own.
I can extend a very sincere “I hear ya” in your direction. The whole world’s gone crackers. It’s going to continue in that direction and we’re going to get caught in the cross-fire. Some of that’s not our fault and some of it is by our own design. It doesn’t matter. We’re all in it together and while we’re hanging around in this plane of existence, we might as well learn all we can. At every moment, there’s a teaching available to us, some wisdom that is meant for us. Our only job is to tap into that, take note, and use that knowledge at a future, to-be-determined date.
Learn, learn, learn. It’s the only way to keep your sanity, sense of purpose, and stamina. And if we’re going to get to a better tomorrow, we need those three things in great abundance.
“When you listen, it’s amazing what you can learn. When you act on what you’ve learned, it’s amazing what you can change.” ~ Audrey McLaughlin
We spend so much time asking for a sign of where to go and what to do, and yet the signs are all around us. The Universe is constantly whispering to us, providing us with wisdom, if only we will stop, sit, and listen. It’s not any more complicated than that but you can’t spell “listen” without “silent”. Stop the chatter, even just for a moment, by committing to learn and soon you’ll find yourself buried in inspiration, hope, and the knowledge that it all begins with you.
“Life offers its wisdom generously. Everything teaches. Not everyone learns.” ~ Rachel Naomi Remen
No matter what’s happening to us, we have the opportunity to learn. Good times teach us gratitude and generosity. Tough times teach us about perseverance and dedication. Confusing times teach us about our priorities. Moments of clarity teach us that life doesn’t have to be as difficult as we make it.
Around every corner, there is a chance to meet wisdom, to take her into our lives, and make her feel at home. Just let it happen.
“Nothing in life is trivial. Life is whole wherever and whenever we touch it, and one moment or event is not less sacred than another. it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.” ~ Vimala Thakar
Christa Avampato 