I tell wonder-filled stories about hope and healing
In honor of Susan Strayer LaMotte‘s fabulous birthday, I’m participating in #40forgood. Today the dogs and I came cross a woman in our neighborhood sitting on her stoop having a very tough day. We stopped to sit and talk with her. She pet the dogs and they loved the attention. By the end of our conversation, she was smiling. It was a small thing to do. It didn’t take a lot of time. My hope is that it made a difference. Let’s make the world a little brighter for each other every day.
“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk, author of Fight Club among many other novels
When someone’s really hurt you, what’s the first thing you want to do? At the very least, you want that person to see that he or she was wrong and out of line. Maybe you’re going to get an apology at some point, and maybe you aren’t. Honestly, it’s not up to you. It has everything to do with how self-aware and kind the other person is. Everyone makes mistakes that can be hurtful to others. We all do. We’re twisted humans.
The best part is that no matter what’s been done to you, you don’t need an apology to move forward with your life. It’s the great benefit of being an adult. You can decide how you want to proceed, with or without that person who hurt you, and then choose to be happy with your decision. I’m not saying that’s easy. It’s damn hard. That sting takes a while to subside, and then there’s the scarring to deal with. But don’t make things worse for yourself with extra baggage that you create by carrying around old grudges, debts, and heartaches. Chances are those debts will never be repaid by the ones who owe them. Repay yourself. Be happy and create a good life for yourself. That’s all the revenge and repayment you need.
“How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?” ~Say Anything
Believing in happiness and magic, and believing that they are one and the same, is a choice. And it’s a choice I’ve decided to make. In the last few weeks, I’ve felt a heavy cloud lifting a little bit every day. I’m exploring more, reaching out more, experiencing more in a fuller and more complete way than I have in a long time.
The rain is tough to trudge through, but it does clear away the grime that weighs us down. So if you’re in the midst of trudging, please know that I’m cheering you on to the other side. I know the road is long and difficult, but it can be traversed. You got this.
“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.” ~ public transit poster
This is a short week for me because of the holiday so on Friday I’m giving myself a day of intensive self-care: my first ever acupuncture treatment, a new haircut, a delicious lunch, and some time going to a museum or an indie film at my favorite movie theater in D.C. The best way to give your best to others is to take care of yourself. Be a rebel; like yourself.
“A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul.” ~David Brooks
I think of every day as either a glow or grow day: either I’m glowing with accomplishment or growing into a better person by learning from my mistakes. I try to take my bad days (and there are plenty of them) in stride. I don’t always do a stellar job of that. When things are rough, I want to crawl under the covers and wish it all away. But this glow or grow outlook does help me to try again tomorrow. It helps me to take my punches and use them to make myself stronger, more determined, and hopefully a little bit wiser, too. And in this way, every day is made into a good day.
“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.” ~Mark Twain
Perfection is a shiny object in the distance that’s rarely, if ever, achievable. I chased perfect for most of my life, and eventually its dance wore me out. I gave up on perfect, and have never looked back. Rather than racing around after it, I’ve learned to sit still and breathe. I learned to realize that what I have, right now, is perfect for this moment. I have everything I need right now to be healthy, happy, and whole. Nature’s not perfect so why do we expect to be?
These days I put my effort into steadily improving myself from the inside out rather than trying to be perfect. Every day, I try to be better than I was the day before. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s okay.
Life is messy and complicated. It’s full of magic and heartbreak. That’s just its nature. Things get torn down to make room for something new. Over and over again. And we don’t always know why. I’ve found that the real joy is in the bouncing back from hard times and the gratitude we feel and show for the good times. Nothing’s permanent, so let’s enjoy what we’ve got right now.
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
This quote helped me understand why it’s so important to love our work. If we’re going to be happy then our minds, our hearts, and our actions have to link together. We spend so many of our waking hours working. We deserve to have those hours be put toward something that matters to us and to the world. So let’s live, work, and be happy.
Today, I woke up in my new home in Washington D.C. It’s freezing, and yet I don’t feel the cold at all. My smile and heart are warm because I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be: in a city of people working to make the world a better place in their own special way.
Right before I started my last leg of the drive to D.C., I read Dr. Oliver Sacks’s essay in The New York Times in which he explained that he has terminal cancer. It’s one of the most positive, uplifting pieces of writing I’ve ever read. I’ve long been an admirer of his work and life, and this essay explains why. (The incredible movie Awakenings, starring Robin Williams, is based on his book about his early career.) Though he is now face-to-face with death, he remains joyful, grateful, and hopeful for the world that he will not be a part of in a few short months.
If Dr. Sacks can feel like this while standing on death’s doorstep, then we can all feel it every minute of every day. Regardless of the weather, regardless of how we feel, regardless of how others may behave. We can be happy, grateful, and glad to be alive. That’s my goal, today and every day.
When Will Ferrell took to the screen to play Buddy the Elf, I’m certain he was channeling the disposition of a dog – a happy-go-lucky, life-loving dog. While we spend a lot of time wallowing in our own unique brand of self-pity (Why is this happening to ME? When is my life going to make sense? Why is the world such a MESS?), dogs acknowledge what’s happening and soldier on. We’ve much to learn from them. I’m convinced they heal faster, love more deeply, and enjoy life more because they don’t drag themselves down with self-loathing.
We obsess about our appearance. We let our worries rob us of our blessings. We let yesterday and tomorrow ruin today. Instead, a dog lives every moment. “Yeah, that scar’s pretty ugly; can we go outside and play now?” “I’m not feeling so great today; I’m going to take a nap, right after I get you to give me a belly rub.” “It’s been a tough day; how about a treat?”
Dogs are Buddy – joyful, singing, smiling, let-me-cover-everything-with-maple-syrup-to-make-life-sweeter Buddy. Someday, I hope I’m as wise, and as happy, as they are.
I’m planning a trip to Iceland in April and my friend, Sheldon, sent me a BuzzFeed piece that confirmed my suspicions: someone crawled inside my mind and built me a country! Why I should live in Iceland, and maybe you should, too:
Happy and friendly
Iceland is the 4th happiest country in the world. I’m now building up my cheek strength by excessively smiling. (I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.) Also, there is virtually no violent crime and the police don’t carry guns.
Books are everywhere
Iceland has a 99% literacy rate and publishes more books per capita than any other country. Books are the most popular Christmas gift. It’s an Icelandic tradition to exchange books on Christmas Eve and then spend the rest of the night reading. They usually take their books to bed with some chocolate. (There’s a pickup line if ever I’ve heard one!)
Beauty (and clean energy) is everywhere
The sun basically never sets in the summer, it has the dazzling Northern Lights in the winter, and is famous for its rejuvenating hot springs. The houses are unique and colorful and the landscape is rich with wildlife including cuddly horses, the adorable arctic fox, and magical reindeer. (Phin will have a diverse set of friends!) It’s also a very clean and environmentally sustainable country. 25% of their power is generated through geothermal sources and they plant more trees per capita than any other country. And here’s the real kicker—Iceland has zero mosquitos! (Now you’re speaking my language!)
Socially liberal
It’s the #1 country for gender equality and was the first country to elect a female president (Vigdis Finnbogadottir was President for 16 years). The former mayor of the capital city of Reykjavik was a punk rock taxi-driving comedian.
Food
Their traditional yogurt is actually cheese (WHAAAAT?) and they have a special sauce for everything they eat. (Just stop it, Iceland. THIS is too good to be true.) There’s no McDonald’s in Iceland and they’re famous for making the world’s best hotdogs.
Technology
Iceland is the most web savvy country in the world. 97% of people have broadband.
Storytelling
Most Icelanders believe in mythical creatures such as elves, trolls, and fairies. (Iceland, where have you been all my life?)
April can’t get here fast enough! I’ve got fairies, cheese, books, and smiling faces waiting on me. Skál! (“Cheers” in Icelandic.)
Christa Avampato 