Category: future

change, future, yoga

Step 193: Changing Course

Christa Avampato

“How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

“Fear paralyzes; curiosity empowers. Be more interested than afraid.” ~ Patricia Alexander,
American educational psychologist

Thomas Jefferson and Patricia Alexander talk to us about worry and its cohort, fear – that nagging little voice in the back of our minds that has us concerned with circumstances we cannot control, imagined scenarios, or thoughts akin to “what makes you think you can do (x)?” I’ve had this ill of worry since I returned from Greece. Greece and the Greek people I found to be a beautiful; the yoga retreat fell short for a variety of reasons – the biggest being that I just didn’t fit with the school of thought being promoted. The yoga, as defined by the retreat, was not my yoga.

I’ve been on the worry path wondering, “now what do I do? How do I move forward? Or worse yet, do I not move forward at all?” After a number of conversations with friends, the worry has subsided. I won’t move down the path I thought I was going to be on. I’m hopping off that train and looking for a new road. My yoga doesn’t exist where I thought it should be. It’s out there somewhere – destination TBD. I’m not standing still, just making the conscious decision to move on.

It’s hard to leave the nest, the nurturing home that felt right yesterday, and today which I recognize is not my own. For the next little while, I’m going to try out a few different styles and follow my gut to find what’s right for me. My friend, Laura, and I have talked about planning a retreat in the near future, the kind of retreat we’d like most to be on, because we don’t need permission any more to “do”, just the will to give it a go. Details to follow.

Worry can paralyze us – it has certainly paralyzed me for the past week. I slept a lot, talked to friends who could help me reason through my disappointment and disillusion, and considered how the future may take shape, a different shape than I’ve been planning. At the moment it’s a tiny speck out there in the distance. The next few weeks, I’ll be trying to bring it closer and more into focus.

decision-making, determination, future

Step 148: Ignorance as Gift

Christa Avampato

About 3 years ago I moved back to New York City after business school, no job, no place to live, and barely enough money to get by. I had the gift of a very large blind spot that prevented me from seeing that about 6 months later the economy would unravel into the great recession. Ignorance was not only bliss, but almost single-handedly responsible for making my current life possible.

Yesterday, I made my way to Laguardia airport for a much-needed vacation, by way of Astoria, Queens, my landing spot 3 years ago. My friend, Anne, needed a subletter just as I was graduating and I needed a cheap place in a good neighborhood. The Neptune Diner is right down the street from Anne’s and a favorite local spot in Astoria, owned by a Greek family that has been cooking up homemade meals for decades. They make an out-of-this world delicious, cheap lemonata chicken and it made for a fitting meal yesterday to celebrate how far I’ve come in 3 years.

I took a seat at the bar, ordered the chicken, and took a look around, drinking in my ridiculously good fortune. My mom and I came to Neptune when we moved my few arms-full of belongings into Anne’s. My mom was so proud of me, despite my lack of job, money, and a place to call my own. I was scared to death but I didn’t tell her. Despite my many wonderful friends and supportive family, I felt very much alone 3 years ago. I knew in my gut I belonged in New York again; I just didn’t know why. So I trusted myself and kept following my instincts.

Happily, it did all worked out. My gut knew the way. After a lot of networking, I got a job at the end of my first month back. I started this blog, which has provided me with a great abundance of opportunities to meet interesting people and share information that I hope helps others. It has also helped me land paying freelance gigs and opened my eyes to the opportunities in social media. I have a beautiful apartment in my favorite New York City neighborhood. Through diligent savings, I’ve got a nice little emergency fund tucked away and have started paying down my school loans faster than planned. Last week, I completed my yoga teacher certification. And my loving friends and family have only grown more supportive of my life. It’s been a full, happy 3 years.

Now, I find myself at another cross-roads that feels somewhat like that time nearly 3 years ago. For the past year and a half, I have intensely researched entrepreneurship, and mulled over the idea of starting my own business on the side, hoping to eventually make it my full-time gig. I know that transition takes time so I have a good day job that supports my entrepreneurial vision. No matter how much research I do, I know entrepreneurship must be lived to fully understand it. To really embrace it, I will have to put the books aside and jump.

As I looked around the Neptune Diner, I reminded myself that from a place of fear and ignorance, good things transpire as long as we maintain the right attitude. My life serves as proof of that. I know in my gut, again, that this yoga-based business is the right idea, right now. I don’t know how it will all fall together. I just know that it will so long as I keep at it.

future

Step 142: Here Comes the Future

Christa Avampato

“Objects in the rear view mirror may be closer than they appear.” ~ every car sold in America

I make lists for everything, and my favorite lists are those that describe things I want to accomplish. I like to see how they change and grow; I like to reflect on which items I accomplished and which I tossed away and why. When I make these lists, I think that the check-mark next to each is an elusive, distant thing. Sometimes I think my future exists out there somewhere in the ether. I think I’ll see it coming way off in the distance so I can ready myself. So I can prepare. It never works that way. The future resides just over there, only a moment away, never as far away as I imagine. And always more beautiful.

future, home

Step 128: Finding Home

Christa Avampato

“We are born into this world and all we’re really trying to do is find our way home.” ~ Lauren, my yoga teacher

This weekend has been another set of hours in yoga teacher training that has provided me with a lifetime of learning. The idea of finding home that my teacher, Lauren, said struck me so deeply. We struggle to find the right job, relationship, place to live, friends, purpose, and what it boils down to is very simply wanting to be at home in our lives.

Certainly, the idea of the purpose of our lives being to find home could take on a religious bent, though it could just as easily mean just finding our way. Not someone else’s way. Our way. We’ve got this life full of days and we’re all trying to sort out what the heck to do with our time here. How can we be most useful? How should we connect and with whom? Where are we needed and wanted and loved? Simple questions that can be so tough to answer.

Sometimes, I really wish life was a game of hot and cold: as we move closer to where we should be we hear a tiny whisper that says “warmer” and when we move too far away from our true purpose we should hear a tiny whisper that says “colder”. And maybe we can make that happen. I’d like to believe that as I move closer to where I should be in any given moment that I’ll feel a warmth from knowing that says “yes, this is exactly where I needed to be right now.” On occasion that’s happened; I just wish I felt it with more regularity. I wish I had a giant compass that always pointed to home.

In class with Lauren, I started to think about how I might do this, tune my inner compass. Here’s what I came up with:

1.) Check in. Often. I sit in meditation for 18 minutes a day. I make myself do it, even if I’m tired and busy. Afterward I am always able to think a little more clearly.

2.) Record powerful dreams. It sounds cliche, but our minds do make connections when we are sleeping that our conscious minds cannot make. There are a number of scientific studies that support this idea. So I’m taking notes and seeing where that leads.

3.) Use past experience. There are definitely times in my life when I feel I’m on to something, that I am in the flow, and that everything is swimming along perfectly. I try to find the patterns that are common among those times. I’ve found that when I stop worrying about money and trust myself implicitly, somehow the world catches me when I leap. I don’t know how this happens; it just does. So I’m trying to look around for just a moment, make a decision from my gut, and leap more often.

I’d love to hear the ways you’re finding home, wherever that may be.

change, future, relationships

My Year of Hopefulness – I Got my Whole Future in My Hands

Christa Avampato

“Put your future in good hands – your own.” ~ Anonymous

I read this quote a few days ago on Owning Pink’s Twitter account (@Owningpink), one of my very favorite accounts to check. It is always brimming with inspiring ideas. This one spoke to me quite clearly and was just the advice I needed. Taking our future into our own hands is a brave and frightening act, though once we accept it as a way to move forward, it really can move mountains.
Today I had to have a conversation that I have been dreading for some time now. I knew it was coming and I was nervous about it. I was afraid of what the reaction of the of the other person might be and I was afraid of my tendency toward blatant honesty. How delicately did I need to plead my case? Would I have to tap dance around what I really wanted to say, playing politics, or could I just get on with it?
No surprise that I went the honesty route. I explained how I wanted my future to unfold and where I thought the best place to do my life’s work would be. And a remarkable thing happened – the very person I was frightened of, the very person who I thought would not at all support my decision, stepped up and offered his hand. This person and I have on occasion had a rough go of it. We haven’t always seen eye-to-eye. As a matter of fact we’ve butted heads so often that it’s become a habit for us. And yet, there is some kind of magic that honesty breeds. Once he understood my point-of-view, he realized that he had the opportunity to make my dream come true, or at least to help it along in a significant way. And so, he did.
Before I went to see him, I took a deep breathe, smiled, and told myself, “you can do this. Just go in there with an honest heart and say exactly what you think.” I did. He listened. And before I even had to ask for help, before I even dared to ask for help, he offered it up with a smile. All my worrying had been for naught. He asked me to think it over, and make sure that this is really the direction I want to go in. I thanked him, knowing that I’ll be back to see him tomorrow, to tell him I’m ready to build the life I imagine, to thank him for his help, and to take my life into my own hands.
dreams, family, friendship, future, thankful, thanksgiving

My Year of Hopefulness – More Thankful Than Ever

Christa Avampato

“A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues.” ~ Cicero


This Thanksgiving is a particularly special one for me. All week I have been with my family in Florida, playing and laughing and cooking, grateful for all of this time with them. I’ve never spent this much time with them over the holidays. In a year that has been so difficult, in a year when I came very close to not being here at all, I can hardly think of something I’m not grateful for. This Thanksgiving was a big milestone for me because I have been using it as a marker to a time I wanted to get to, a time when I would be in a position to make some big decisions about my life going forward. And this week I have – applying to a PhD program, formulating my own business plan, signing up for a full yoga teacher certification course. Life is looking grand from this side of Thanksgiving.

Today I am very thankful for my family and friends and mentors, people who have not only been supporting me through this difficult year, but also encouraging me to get the most out of my time here.
Earlier this week Weez and I went to the grocery store to do some Thanksgiving shopping and we talked about the fire in my apartment building. I told her how that event really eradicated any fear I have about all aspects of my future; when you almost don’t get a tomorrow, every day is gravy so I might as well get on with doing exactly what I want to do with my days. No more compromises. There’s no sense in waiting. She agreed, as has everyone in my life that I’ve talked to about this experience. That fire made every day Thanksgiving for me.

I’m grateful for my health and my ability to imagine a new future with new dreams. Surprisingly, I’m thankful for all that I lost this year because it has made me so grateful for what I have. It cleaned out my life and made room for a drastically better future than the life I was living. It made me realize that a lot of good can be created from something terrible so long as we have the right attitude, so long as we embrace the idea that everything we live through can be an opportunity for learning, for strength, for love. It’s this learning, strength, and love that I am most thankful for and I plan to use this thankfulness to bring these new dreams of mine to life.
education, future, goals, happiness, passion, success

My Year of Hopefulness – Choosing the way

Christa Avampato

“To find out what one is fitted to do, and to secure an opportunity to do it, is the key to happiness.” ~ John Dewey

October has shaped up to be a fantastic month for me. A few dips here and there, though for the most part it’s been about exploring new opportunities, meeting new people, and getting a better handle on how my life is moving forward. In other words, I am deep into the first piece of John Dewey’s statement: “finding what one is fitted to do”.

Tonight I had dinner with my friend, Richard, and we were talking about this exploration. I suppose one of the reasons we’ve become such good friends is that we are natural explorers. This is true of so many of my friends, nearly all of them have gone down many different paths, learning a lot along the way, and eventually finding their groove. I’m the late bloomer in the bunch. It took me a long time before I realized how that I could build a life around the idea of a securing a quality education for every child, how adamantly I believe in Frederick Douglass’s idea that “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” I am a product of this idea and I am now at a point where I’ve been in the world enough to be able to fight for this principle in a thoughtful, compelling way.

So now the trick is the how, John Dewey’s second piece of the puzzle: how (and where) to secure an opportunity to do what I am fitted to do. On the one hand, I am fortunate that my passion has many different avenues for me to pursue. I could go back to a nonprofit that has a mission to help children. I could teach. I could do research in this area. I could pursue an advanced degree (and there are several types of degrees that would be suitable). I could go into government work. I could simply volunteer as I have been doing for many years. I could write. In actuality, I could do all of these things, and likely will. On the other hand, how will I make a choice among all of these options? What is the right way forward for me?

One thing that has amazed me is that it’s the first part, figuring out what we’re fitted to do, what we’re passionate about, that takes the most time and effort. Once that piece is firmly planted in our minds and hearts, and we begin to share it with others, opportunities to do what we love abound. People rally around us, support our dreams and efforts. Somehow, the way opens once we know what way we want to take.

This abundance didn’t hit me until I was speaking to Richard tonight. I was telling him what I was interested in and why. I am in the midst of researching doctoral programs in public policy and there is one in particular that just feels right, that lights a fire in my eyes and heart, the same way that the Darden School was the absolute right fit for my MBA. There are others that seem fine as well, though I just can’t seem to feel as excited about them as I am about this other program. And then a little panic set in. What if they don’t take me? Then how will I ever get this work done that I now know I am fitted to do?

I thought about this on the subway ride home, actually I worried about it. And I played it through in my mind. What if this program didn’t want me? What if the other programs didn’t fit quite right? What if this degree just wouldn’t be possible for me to get? I felt this way when applying to Darden, too. The only other program I applied to was Tuck, and after visiting Tuck, I knew that wasn’t the right fit, so Darden quickly became the only place I could or would or wanted to go. On my drive back to DC from Charlottesville, after my interview and visit to grounds, after I had fallen deeply in love with Darden and the prospect of being a student there, I wondered what I would do if I didn’t get in. I decided to do one of two things: I’d join the Peace Corps, also a lifelong dream of mine, or I’d move right back to New York where I knew I eventually wanted to make my home. That’s it. Very simple.

As luck would have it, I was accepted at Darden on December 1st. I distinctly remember jumping for joy, accepting over the phone, and breathing a great big sigh of relief. I got exactly what I wanted. So now, I’m at that same point again. What will I do if this one program that seems perfect for me doesn’t take me? Now there are many more options for this new road – maybe I’ll teach full-time, go back into nonprofit work, start my own business, write, and continue to be an active volunteer. Maybe New York City government will prove to be the way for me. Yes, I confirmed, I have lots of options.

I emerged from the subway a few hours ago with a lighter heart. John Dewey would smile knowing that there are so many opportunities I could secure to go about doing my life’s work. After all, he is the one who said we climb mountains so that we can see other mountains. From where I now stand, there are so many peaks in my landscape that a valley is scarcely able to be seen. With so many routes to happiness, the work for me now lies not in the finding but in the choosing. And that in itself is reason to smile.

The photo above is not my own. It can be found here.

art, choices, future

My Year of Hopefulness – The future’s arrived

Christa Avampato

“The future is here. It’s just not widely distributed yet.” ~ William Gibson, author of Neuromancer

The future is a funny thing. It can surprise us. It can frighten us and delight us. When it unfolds, we understand its logic though in the moment it seems to completely confuse us. It’s true of the larger world’s future and of our own personal futures, too.

As Weez, Lorelei, and I were heading to the Glass Garden at the Rusk Institute today, I was telling them about my plans for school and work and every other aspect of my life that I could think of for the foreseeable future. It all seemed to make so much sense, even though only several weeks ago nothing really seemed to make sense at all. It seems that so much is falling into place, as if I had these little pieces and the slots they fit into all along; I just wasn’t sure how to configure them until now.

When I think about the next year of my life, all of my projects seem to be falling into the time line in a startling beautiful pattern. It’s as if the future is already here, that it has been here for some time. It just took me a while to see it for myself. A few things in my life needed to be cleared away, things that were distracting me. At the time, I didn’t even know those things were distractions. I didn’t even know that they needed to go but the world knew. My future knew what I needed to keep moving forward.

Lately my body has gotten into the unfortunate habit of waking up at 4am on the nose every morning so I try to make that time useful. When this happens, I stare out the window at the water towers. I have a glass of milk. Some times I do some easy yoga poses and I think about my future. I try to think of an image that calms me down and lulls me back to sleep.

Recently, I’ve been imagining myself as a high diver in the form of a Maxfield Parrish painting. I face this beautiful forest as I stand at the very edge of a cliff. I raise my arms and face up to the sun, I bend my knees, and I jump. Rather than falling to the Earth, the wind catches me and I float under a sky of beautiful colors. I’ve been thinking of the forest as all of the experiences I’ve had to date and the beautiful colors of the sky as my future. Those colors have yet to fully take shape, though their very beginnings have certainly arrived.

The painting above depicts “Mountain Ecstasy” by Maxfield Parrish.

books, future, goals, Marcus Buckingham, personality, psychology

My Year of Hopefulness – Your Strongest Life

Christa Avampato

“We don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” ~ Anais Nin, French writer and diarist

I’m a huge fan of Marcus Buckingham. If I had to make a short-list of the top 5 people I’m most interested in meeting, he’d be one of them because of his keen insight into human behavior. He knows what makes us tick, all of us, just upon meeting us. He looks at his role in life as a guide on the side who wants to help people reach their full potential happiness and satisfaction. That’s it. Simple, straight-forward, no nonsense, no voodoo, no magic. It takes dedication and hard work to reach our potential. He’s giving us tools to get there. He’s not here to make us feel better about the very bad choices we may have made in the past and our unfortunate habits (and we all have them). He’s here to help us realize and maximize our ability to effect positive change, in ourselves first and then in the world around us.

My friend, Lon, is also a fan and recently sent me a series of articles that Marcus Buckingham has been writing for the Huffington Post on the subject of women’s happiness. We’re in a tough spot: as a gender, half the world’s population, our happiness has been on a steady decline for 40 years. 40 years. That is a very long time to be unhappy. Marcus Buckingham offers up surprising observations and remedies for this trend. It’s important reading for all – men and women alike.

I clicked through the articles and eventually landed on a link to an on-line game that serves as life’s central casting office. Through a short list of questions, Marcus Buckingham shows us the lead role and supporting role that we were born to play, just as we are right now, and that also stretches us by revealing where we should focus our time and energy. It’s fun, insightful, and accurate. I hope you’ll take a couple of minutes to give it a whirl. While it’s geared toward women on the website, it’s equally applicable to men: http://www.wowowow.com/relationships/marcus-buckingham-find-your-strong-life-test-376609

Here’s what mine revealed: best lead role for me – Creator; best supporting role for me – Weaver. Hmmm….what does all of this mean?

Creators:
1.) “Begin by asking: ‘What do I understand?’ You aren’t immune to the feelings and perspectives of others, but your starting point is your own insight, your own understanding.”

Great – now I can stop feeling bad about my natural instinct to look internally first and then externally second!

2.) “Your best quality: Your ability to find patterns invisible to others.”

As a kid, hide-and-seek was my favorite game. I considered being an anthropologist, a paleontologist, an astronaut, and a psychiatrist. All searching professions. At heart, I am a Seeker, Explorer, Finder. I sometimes wonder if I missed my calling as a detective of some sort. I do like to find what’s special and unique in things, places, and people who do not immediately look special upon first glance. My favorite game as a kid was hide-and-seek. I love the idea of underground places, secret passageways, and buried treasure. I love the search. I want to get at what’s underneath the exterior, of people and situations.

3.) “Always: Find time to be by yourself.”

So true – and a goal of mine as of late. I do need some time on my own every day to re-group. I love people, and to make sure I always enjoy their company, I also need my time for me, too.

4.) “Be careful you: Don’t think so long that you never do anything.”

I am the quintessential list maker. I weigh pros and cons and consequences and upsides and downsides and comparison shop. These are important things, and I need to make sure to balance them with enough action. Sometimes, we just have to go for it, even if it seems that the odds are not stacked in our favor!

5.) Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to produce new content.

What my life and writing is all about, and what I think I am just about ready to jump off the cliff and do full-time!

And my ideal supporting role – Weaver. Creator I understand inherently. Weaver? Does this mean I need to get myself a loom? As it turns out, no. Weaver is a synonym for connector. Of course!

Weavers:
1.) “You begin by asking: ‘Who can I connect?’ You see the world as a web of relationships, and you are always excited by the prospect of connecting two new people within your web.”

I love nothing better than linking two people whom I adore to one another when there can be a mutually-beneficial relationship. It’s a puzzle, and I love puzzles.

2.) “Your best quality: Your genuine curiosity.”

My favorite question has always been ‘Why?’ and I’m not shy so I asked it (and still ask it) A LOT. My poor mother. I was the ‘Why’ child in every class, at every moment. Now I’m the ‘Why’ adult. You can’t take the kid out of the classroom…

3.) “Always: Trust in your web of relationships.”

Done – they get me through the tough times and help me celebrate the great abundance in my life. My most valuable asset is my network, and I covet it.

4.) “Be careful you: Don’t push people together who shouldn’t be.”

I’ve had some failures on this front for sure. It’s not just about the experience and interests of people, but their personalities, too, that dictate if a connection is really worth making. I need to be more mindful of that

5.) “Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to speed up the connection between people.”

That would be my obsession with on-line community-building. I love it. If I could, I’d spend every moment of my life working toward this end. Connect, connect, connect. As a kid, my favorite art activity was connect-the-dots. I loved to see what would emerge, how something would develop. It’s still true – my life and relationships are in a constant state of emergence and development.

I’ve printed out my lead role and supporting role descriptions and hung them up at my desk and on my fridge to remind me what’s important, and where and on whom I should spend my time, energy, and talents. Strongest life, here I come!

dreams, future

My Year of Hopefulness – Living Great Thoughts

Christa Avampato

“And what he greatly thought, he nobly dared.” ~ Homer

I had brunch with my friend, Dan, today. He was interested in learning more about my desire to take up a writer’s life full-time and still be able to afford my current lifestyle. The greatest gift I have in my friendship with Dan is his ability to listen to my dreams and ideas and help me figure out how to act on them. “When you close your eyes and imagine your life as a writer, what do you picture? And does that picture allow you to live the same quality of life you have now?”

They’re good questions, hard questions. I have some ideas about avenues I can take that will make writing at least the main piece of my job if not the entire job. Like a muscle, the more writing we do, the sharper our skill of writing becomes so the plus side of being employed as a writer is that my own personal writing will also improve as a result. And isn’t that what a job should be – an activity that provides us with training and development in areas that interest us so that our lives overall are enriched?

At brunch, Dan and I ordered tea. On my tea bag, I read the quote by Homer and it so perfectly relates to the conversation we were having at that moment. It’s wonderful and necessary to have dreams, to think big and then bigger still. What really brings about transformation is our ability to harness those dreams and the energy that they give us and allow that energy to put us into motion in the physical world. We have to look at the end result and work backwards to develop a game plan and smaller goals that help us fulfill that vision for our lives. Thoughts and dreams about our futures are not enough. We must eventually stand up, get out there, and build them.