Wrapping up a week in madness, I’ve reflected a lot on the ideas of creativity, transformation, and acceptance. Remaking ourselves and our lives takes courage. Some people may not understand what you’re doing or why or how. They might put us down in every way possible, and we might start to do the same to our own mad dreams. Don’t take your cue from them. Their words and actions, as much as they may hurt, have nothing to do with you. It is just an expression of them wrestling with their own demons and lost dreams that they didn’t follow. And the reasons for their choices don’t matter. They chose. Now you choose: Go down that road even though you know how it ends, and it doesn’t end well, or go in a new direction.
New directions can be frightening. We are leaving behind our history, our patterns, our expectations, and the impressions of others. Of course it’s mad to chart a new course. The old worn one is so much easier to travel. Be mad. I know it sounds so easy to say “let go”. No one tells us how painful that process can be. There’s a grieving, a mourning period. But on the other side of that grief, is light.
And here’s something else no one tells us: once we strike out on a new road, we don’t travel alone. Up ahead, just around the bend, there is someone new waiting, lots of someones waiting. They took off before we did in the same pursuit of something new and exciting, something that they feel passionately about. They are our new examples of how to be. We are both teacher and student, always. We learn and then we turn around and teach others through our example. That’s how it’s always been.
Yes, we’re here to take life by the horns, madness included, but we’re also here to give even more back. We’re here to be generous with our experience so that others may be encouraged and inspired to invest in their own mad dreams. That’s progress.
“I don’t want people to think I’m crazy so I won’t say, do, try…’x’.” How many times have you said that to yourself? I hear that recording running in my mind all the time. And I’ve learned to acknowledge it, thank it for its counsel, and then let it go. We have to release that thought if we are to do anything original. Our value, and the value of work, is found in what’s not obvious, in connecting dots that have been disparate.
That’s the place to go – into the dark corners, into the places that others won’t go. And don’t be meek about it. Hold your head up high, confident, bold, brave, and daring. Attempt to go so far in the direction of your dreams that you merge with them. Your life is an expression of what matters most to you – who you spend your time with, where you go, the actions you take, the support, encouragement, and love that you provide to others.
Don’t be discouraged if others can’t see what you see. It’s not their fault. They don’t have your vision in their minds. You have to build it for them. You have to bring along those who are interested in your path bit by bit. The expression you wear on your face and the light you emit from just being who you are, living your very best day every day no matter what circumstances you face, is all the proof you need.
“And the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.” ~ Ted Hughes
The hero’s journey is never a choice between two options, one wonderful and one awful. The hero’s journey is a choice between options that are all good. We have to decide where to spend our time if our time is limited, which it always is. We don’t know much of it we have. We have only now, right now, today. Ted Hughes gives us an excellent framework to evaluate the paths that lay before us. If we are to use our time wisely, the essential questions that we have to consider at the end of each day are:
1.) Today, did I do something bold? 2.) Today, did I wear my heart on my sleeve? 3.) Today, did I put love into everything I did?
Make today count. Answer yes to each question every day.
There’s nothing like distance to make us realize what matters most. A painter steps back from his painting, a film maker moves away from the tiny screen on which she’s editing to take in the whole world that she has created, a theatre director moves to the back of the house so he can see the whole stage. Our life and work can be unclear when we are trying to get a sense of it while in the midst of it.
I went 3,000 miles away to look at my life and my work and I stayed there longer than I initially wanted to so that I could take in the view. I liked some of the things I saw about my life and I hated others. And then I got out my trusty three lists to sort it all out – things I can easily change, things I can’t change no matter how much I try, and things that I think I can change if I’m willing to put a heck of a lot of work into it. Leo was right – now I can see where there is a lack of harmony, now I can see where the proportions aren’t quite right. I’m more confident in my judgement even if I’m not entirely clear on all of the pieces of the puzzle.
A big overhaul in my life is underway – long overdue and lots of work ahead of me but I’m excited to be digging in, to be getting on with the life I want and not just the life that I have cultivated until now. It’s easy to walk a road; it’s much harder to pave it in a direction I’ve never traveled before but I’m up for the challenge.
“Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation.” ~ Aristotle
Trying to figure out what career path to follow? Join the club. According to the latest Gallup poll, 70% of Americans hate their jobs. I used to be one of them until I struck out on my own, and though I now work a lot more hours and live with a lot less certainty, I am happier than I’ve ever been in my life because I love my work so much that it actually gives me energy. The road to happiness wasn’t easy and it’s a daily process to stay on that road, but here’s how I got started:
1.) I looked around to find out things that the world needs 2.) I wrote a list of things I love to do 3.) I wrote another list of things I’m good at 4.) And then I lined them all up
Now there are a million and one things you could do to get the answers for each of those 4 steps – and I’m happy to share my process for doing that – but those are the road signs along every successful career journey I’ve ever heard of. Get yourself to that crossroads in step 4, and you’ll know exactly which mountain you’re meant to climb. Need help? Get in touch with me – I’m glad to be your guide!
And now for another installment of necessary truths I learned this summer. After spending my entire life stretching my mind in every which direction, on any subject that struck my fancy, I’ve come to a conclusion: I spend too much energy on the fool’s errand of trying to be all things to all people in every aspect of my work. Just because I can do it all, doesn’t mean I should. To really make my mark and keep my sanity in the process, I have to specialize.
I sat down last week and thought about all of the people I admire who have really driven their fields forward, who have had a significant and lasting impact on the world. I want to be one of those people. The one and only thing they all have in common? They specialized. They got very specific about who they help and how and why. They know their value, shout it from the rooftops, and roll up their sleeves to get the work done with the people they care most about and have the most fun / success helping.
I’m not totally sure what that means for me and my work just yet but I’ve got some ideas. And I’ve still got two more weeks of California sunshine and sea breezes to whisk that answer into my consciousness. I do know that the answer is on the way. When it gets here I’ll be sure to welcome it with open arms and invite it in for tea.
We all get stuck. But we don’t need to stay where we are. We can move, grow, extend, and transcend.
When life gets heavy, lighten the load by opening up. Your eyes, your heart, your time. Be willing to be surprised by what you find, and then be willing to act on what you learn.
Life can leave us with many questions. Are we in the right job? The right relationship? The right city? I’ve found the clearest way to figure out these big questions is to move away from what we know. When we create some distance, literally or figuratively, we can see things more clearly.
For over a year, I’ve wrestled with the idea of leaving New York to create a new home in a new city. I was very conflicted about the decision so I decided to get away. I decided to take a break from New York and be totally open to any answer that rises up. My escape to Los Angeles did something really amazing, and totally unexpected. By going to LA, I found my way back to New York as my definitive home. I answered the question of “Where should I live?” not by thinking about it, but by leaving it behind. I didn’t need to angst over the decision. I needed to let it go and give it the space to solve itself.
What a powerful lesson. What an incredible discovery. I let go, and the sky didn’t fall. The world didn’t come to an end. I didn’t break. I let go, and then everything fell into place.
In just a few short weeks, I realized I’ve been telling myself a story that’s not true. I always imagined that if my ancestors had gotten off the boat in New York Harbor and kept going west, I would have never left the state of California. It’s a catchy little line and totally untrue. LA has given me some downtime, a chance to get away from it all. Getting around here and finding my bearings is proving to be more difficult for me here than it is in New York. When I first moved to New York, from the moment I set foot in that city as a 22-year-old who knew absolutely no one, I felt right at home. It clicked for me. I found the beat immediately and just joined the flow. Not so in LA.
This doesn’t mean that I’m sorry I came here. It also doesn’t mean that I regret this experiment in any way. After all, experiments are just that. We have a theory. We test it. We examine the result. A number of my dear friends have left New York for good this summer. I will miss them terribly and it prompted those old thoughts of giving up New York, again. My theory was that perhaps I had stayed too long at the dance, as Joan Didion so perfectly and beautifully stated about her move from New York to LA. Maybe it was time to grow up and move on. To test that theory, I did a house swap to try out California, a place I’ve thought of making my home for many years. The result has surprised me as much as anyone: California has wonderful aspects and I love to visit, but it’s not meant to be my home.
When these thoughts first started to rise up last week, I thought I was being too judgmental. Perhaps I needed more time, more patience, more experience with this new life. And as I sat in my meditation every morning, I realized that my gut was right, as it always is. Sometimes I ignore it, and regret it.
There are many things to commend my temporary home. The weather here is mostly cool and dry. Because I’m at the beach, it’s often cloudy and that prompts my pensive writer brain. Because it’s not as easy to get around here as it is in New York, I’m spending a lot of time on my creative work at home, exactly what I wanted to do with this time. I am staying in a beautiful condo that’s in a walkable neighborhood while a pair of lovely people are taking exceptional care of my (very small) pad in New York City. I’m getting the chance to see friends here whom I don’t see often enough. Almost all of the people I’ve met here are lovely and kind.
I’d always been of the mind that a place is just a place, that I loved New York only for the people who are there and a part of my life. But that’s not true either. New York and I have had a love affair for 15 years now. It’s been an off and on relationship. We have had our rough patches and separations. Sometimes I want to punch it right in the face because it makes me so frustrated. Eventually I can’t take it anymore, throw a fit, and run out the door saying I’m heading for greener pastures. New York stoically stands its ground, confidently and calmly, and says, “Okay. Do whatever you want. You know where to find me.”
I leave New York, and then I come back. Over and over and over again. I miss its energy and the buckets of opportunity that are flowing through the streets. I’ve had 8 different homes there over the course of 15 years. I’m sure I’ll have many more. I’m in Manhattan now and know that eventually I’ll find a home in Brooklyn either when this lease is up or perhaps a year later. I’m also certain that the love of my life is roaming the streets there and he’s wondering what the hell is taking me so long to find him. (Believe me, man, I’m wondering the same exact thing!) I know my long-term multilayered career will find its groove there.
New York, give me your noise, your dirt, and all the crazies you can muster. Let me rise to the challenge and make me a better person in the process. You’ve taught me strength, courage, and perseverance. A diamond is made shiny by pressure and scrubbing. A pearl is created through a salve to ease irritation. A butterfly is born from a cocoon through the struggle and squirming of an imperfect being with great potential that is hidden from the eye. Those lessons are not lost on me. I’m glad you stood your ground and chose to evolve on your own terms, not mine. You taught me so much about me just by being who you are. You’re not meant to be a home to everyone, but you are certainly meant to be my home. I’ll see you soon, but in the meantime I am making the most of my 5 remaining weeks in the City of Angeles.
“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” ~ Mary Oliver
Within every day, even the hardest, most awful days, there is something wonderful that happens. If anyone asks me what I’ve been up to lately, this is what I’m going to say: “I’ve been out looking for all the wonderful things that make me happy I’m alive.”
I love to open doors, for myself and others. It’s what I do in my teaching, writing, and consulting. I work hard to help others find new opportunities within themselves and in the world around them. Every day I tunnel into my imagination and discover new ways of seeing, new ways of doing, and new ways of being. Sharing these insights with others is a great honor.
I’m a firm believer in opening the doors that scare us most. What lies behind them are circumstances that will become our greatest teachers. As we open doors, we open our hearts. And as we open our hearts, we find that we are more full of compassion, understanding, and kindness than we ever thought possible. Once we open up to the world within, we can be in communion with the world around us.
Let’s plug in to what really matters. Let’s get connected.
Wrapping up a week in madness, I’ve reflected a lot on the ideas of creativity, transformation, and acceptance. Remaking ourselves and our lives takes courage. Some people may not understand what you’re doing or why or how. They might put us down in every way possible, and we might start to do the same to our own mad dreams. Don’t take your cue from them. Their words and actions, as much as they may hurt, have nothing to do with you. It is just an expression of them wrestling with their own demons and lost dreams that they didn’t follow. And the reasons for their choices don’t matter. They chose. Now you choose: Go down that road even though you know how it ends, and it doesn’t end well, or go in a new direction.
Christa Avampato 