I saw this hand drawn index card yesterday and it felt fitting since I’m preparing for another move into a future that seems uncertain. Whenever I get a little queasy about leaving my comfort zone, I remember this: all futures are uncertain. We’re never sure exactly what’s going to happen, even when we have created the very best of plans designed for our comfort. Outside the comfort zone, our gut is our secret weapon. In an uncertain world, the gut is the best gauge of what move to make next. It’s attuned to things our brain just can’t get a read on. The gut has its own magic, and that magic will never fail us.
Category: choices
This Just In: Honor the space between no longer and not yet
Are you in the in-between, that place where you’ve stopped doing something to make room for something else, even if you don’t quite know what that something else is just yet? I’m with you! That place isn’t just something to get through; it’s something to be honored and treasured. It happens a handful of times in our lives after we’ve gone through an intensive learning period, made some changes, and now we’re turning our eyes to our future that’s just around the bend.
Before we plunge headlong into the future, let’s turn around and reflect. Let’s enjoy the view created by getting some distance from where we were. Let’s celebrate the effort it took to create that distance. It’s okay to pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and congratulate ourselves for doing something that was difficult. The future will be here soon enough.
This Just In: Why history is so critical to our present and future
I have started to work on several longterm writing projects. I wouldn’t call them book ideas just yet, but rather historical events that I want to deeply explore and write about. One of my majors at Penn was history and my reasoning for choosing it was very simple—everything has a history so no matter what interests me, not matter what work I do, history will always be important. We have to know where we’ve been to understand where we are. And where we are now is the start of everything yet to come.
This Just In: Manage your future like a pool player
The planning process of any aspect of life can be frustrating. Preparation can sometimes feel like just something we have to do before we get on with our real work. It’s not. It is the work. When my patience with preparation is wearing thin, I think about playing pool. When you play pool, you keep your eyes focused on where you want the ball to go, not where it is. He or she has to line everything up correctly. The slightest adjustment can make a huge difference. The same is true in life.
Right now, you may be making small steps and lining up your circumstances for that moment when you are ready to strike. All this planning may cause you to feel a lack of progress because you don’t actually see anything happening. It might seem so slow that you want to give up. But like the pool player, you need to give yourself the best chance at making the best shot with the landscape you have. That takes planning and patience. Rest assured that all this planning, all these small adjustments will pay off. Play the long game.
This Just In: The 4 questions I ask when deciding to walk away or try harder
Eventually we all face this question: walk away or try harder? I face this kind of choice every day, multiple times a day, especially at that dark 3:00am hour. It happens so often that I’ve had to devise a method to calm myself down and thinking clearly. The beauty of this simple system is that it lets me respond to my fear and doubt without being consumed by them. I ask myself four questions:
1. Do I find joy in doing X?
2. Am I helping someone by doing X?
3. If I stop doing X now, will I regret it?
4. Is what I’m giving up to do X worth the tradeoff?
Sometimes these questions showed me that I did need to walk away. That walking away wasn’t easy or pain-free, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Compass Yoga, the nonprofit I founded and recently dissolved, is an example of that. Other pursuits, like my writing, proved to be things that I decided to double down on. These questions aren’t one and done. I re-evaluate regularly, sometimes hourly, and these questions help me get through the process so I can get on with my life. I hope they work for you, too.
This Just In: My Hundred-Foot Journey
With a groan, I stepped outside into the dark and chilly morning to let my dog, Phineas, do his business. It was 5:30am and I went to bed too late to be up this early. I was cranky.
The school bus came down the street and stopped in front of the neighbor’s house across the street. One of their sons has cerebral palsy, and his bus arrives before the sun comes up to take him to school. He’s always at the door waiting, fully dressed and ready to go, to get on the bus as soon as it arrives. He walks with great difficulty, on his own and always with a smile.
I’m out here groaning about being tired and here’s this kid who’s raring to go despite his challenges. I went inside and took a long, hard look in the mirror. I realized I’d just been given my hundred-foot journey in complete silence and under the cover of darkness, the lesson right across the street that taught me everything I needed to know to do everything I want to do. “Stop whining and just do it. You’re one of the lucky ones,” I thought to myself.
Now the school bus is my alarm clock. When I hear its come to a stop at the neighbor’s house, I swing my legs around and let my feet hit the floor. It’s time to get started.
This Just In: The unusual and improbable journey of boxer Floyd Patterson
“You try the impossible to achieve the unusual.” ~Floyd Patterson, American boxer and youngest ever Undisputed Heavyweight Champion
When I was a kid, I went to the same church in New Paltz, New York as Floyd Patterson. He was an usher who collected the weekly offering and every week I wondered how someone so kind and gentle could punch someone in the face for a living. I would watch for some sign in his personality that he could even swat a fly. I never saw one; he was known as a quintessential gentleman by everyone in our small community.
He was very elegant and graceful with a broad and beautiful smile. He never sat. Instead, he always stood in the back of the church. I remember thinking he was rather small for a boxer with teeth that seemed too perfect for someone who had such a successful career in the boxing ring.
In those years, Floyd Patterson helped me understand that people are very complex creatures. With his example, I couldn’t and wouldn’t judge anyone through a one-dimensional lens. From him I learned that what we do isn’t all that we are. There is always more to us than meets the eye.
This Just In: Let’s ditch our own BS
I read this quote today and it really prompted me to think about my own BS. To make 2015 a revolutionary year, I’m going to have to face and blast through a false narrative that’s plagued me for too long in every aspect of my life: the concept of being enough.
For too long, I’ve remained that kid who didn’t have enough and therefore wasn’t enough. All my life I’ve allowed people to make me feel that lack of enough-ness. On the outside it might not look that way, but on the inside their words and the feelings they cause ring in my ears and heart every day. It has to end.
I write this not to elicit any kind of sympathy but as something that might help you and help the world. What we feel and do on an individual level rolls up to the human collective. I think feeling like we aren’t enough might be the very root of so many of our personal and global issues. It’s certainly the root of all of my issues.
Maybe feeling like you aren’t enough on some level is your BS, too. Maybe there’s some other personal and painful narrative that’s holding you back from the transformation you want and deserve. Let’s face all of it together. Let’s make 2015 the year we cut ties to our own BS and rise.
Inspired: High-fives for the things in 2014 that didn’t go as planned
A few days ago, I wrote a post about all the things I did in 2014 that I’m proud of. There are many more things that didn’t go as planned that deserve high-fives, too. What didn’t go so right for you in 2014? Here’s my list:
– My housing situation was a mess thanks to the outrageous New York City real estate market. My apartment building went condo and there was no option for me to stay. I wasn’t willing to spend a lot of money on a lease that would lock me into a mediocre place, and all I could find in the rental market in my price range was mediocre at best. (Broker fees, the cost of moving, and the extensive money I would have had to put down just to get in the door would have cost me at least ~$10,000.) So, I left the best apartment I’ve ever had to move to a temporary sublet to then make the decision to leave New York altogether. Not having a home of my own for most of the year was very scary, but it’s turned out to be a blessing. I love being (very) near my family for the first time in a long time. And thought I didn’t know it at the tie, the Universe knew I was ready for a new adventure in a new place. Still, I do look forward to having a home that I own. No more renting for me.
– I faced rejection every single day. I constantly pitched my writing and voice over work so for every win, there were literally dozens of losses that added up to hundreds of rejections in 2014. That’s the name of the game as a writer, and though each rejection stings, I’ve learned to move on quickly. Each one makes me stronger and brings me closer to that big hit that I know will eventually come my way.
– I dealt with a number of challenging consulting clients. I did far too much work for not nearly enough money. I decided it was time to close down the independent consulting side of my business and focus on my writing. I knew that day would come, but I thought it would be years down the line. The Universe had other plans.
– After four years, Compass Yoga closed its doors. That was a very painful decision, but I know it was the right one for me from both a personal and professional perspective.
– On the dating front, I had a few promising starts but I am ending the year single. I’m also wiser and more confident as a result. I’m hoping dating in Florida trumps dating in New York. We shall see. I trust the timing of my life. When the right guy shows up, I’ll know. And I’m always willing to be set up because hey, you never know!
Through all of these experiences, I grew into a stronger, braver, and more resilient person. That’s what matters most. 2014 was still the best year I’ve ever had despite these missteps, and many more. Welcome, 2015. I’m ready.
Inspired: Give yourself a high-five for 2014
In the hustle and bustle that’s December, take some time to give yourself a high-five for 2014. Even if it was a tough year, acknowledge that your strength helped you through it. What are you most proud of doing in 2014?
Here are my personal high-fives with infinite thanks to so many of you who made them possible and cheered me on in the process:
– I directed and produced my first original play that I’ve written, Sing After Storms
– I wrote the first draft of my first novel, Where the Light Enters
– I moved out of New York and started a new adventure in a new city
– I transitioned my business away from consulting to write full-time
– I saw Compass Yoga through to its completion and with the help of so many volunteers helped hundreds of people discover the joys of the practice
– I started working as a voice over artist
– I expanded the channels for my writing with great brands that I’m proud to be associated with
– I spent a lot of time with friends, old and new, and my family despite a hectic schedule
I’m making some big plans for 2015 and I know it’s going to be a wild ride. I’m not afraid. I’m excited for it, and I’m grateful to be on this journey with so many other good people. High-fives all around!
Christa Avampato 