Category: choices

choices, friendship, time, to-do lists

Leap: “Busy” is a State You Choose

Christa Avampato
Does your calendar make you feel like this? From Pinterest.

I recently had an odd turn with a friend and her frantically busy calendar.

She wanted to introduce me to someone and thought a brunch was the best way to do it. After tentatively choosing a date to run by the person she wanted me to meet, I didn’t hear back from her for over 2 weeks so when another friend suggested getting together for that same day, I took her up on the offer. I figured something must have gone awry with the brunch. My friend constantly tells me how “busy” she is and her busy-ness must have gotten the best of her this time.

When she finally did get back to me 2 days before the brunch to say it was on, I had to tell her that I made other plans since I didn’t hear from her for 2 weeks. Her response? “I can’t believe you did that! I spent a lot of time organizing this brunch and quite frankly I could have put that time toward something more valuable. I am a very busy person and if you make plans with me you need to be mindful of that!” When I explained my thought process and apologized for not being able to make it, she blew up and several other nastygrams about how busy she is flew into my inbox. The intensity of her angry response was rather disturbing, and to be honest, weird.

That same day, my dear yogi friend Cyndie sent me this brilliant article – The Busy Trap by Tim Kreider. Sychronisity is a beautiful thing. I laughed out loud at his observations about the state of being busy, our simultaneous loathing and pursuit of it. He practically quotes word for word conversations I’ve had with friends about being busy. Tim talks about his decision to choose time over money, to decidedly be less busy for the sake of creating more space in his life. He also talks very honestly of having to give up friendships with people who just didn’t have time for friendship because they chose instead to be busy.

Leading a fulfilling life doesn’t require a calendar that’s filled to capacity. It is possible to be fulfilled without being completely full. And it is possible to be productive without being worn down. Being busy and being free are choices. We make them every day.

My friend relishes her packed calendar and she wants everyone to know it. It increases her self-worth to be constantly busy and rarely available, and that’s okay. It’s just not the way I wish to live, and like Tim, this is not the kind of thinking I value in others. So she went on her (busy) way, and I went mine. And I gained a valuable insight in the process: I’d rather have a life that’s rich with people I love and the time to see them rather than one overrun by to-do lists and back-to-back-to-back appointments. Time to make some room for, well, nothing in particular.

change, choices, time

Leap: Much-needed Endings

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“The wind that causes real change is the wind that consistently blows in the same direction.” ~ The I Ching

Distraction is everywhere. It’s easy to get sidetracked from the things we care about most because the world has a way of encroaching upon our to-do list. All of a sudden we find ourselves invested in things that don’t bring us joy and fulfillment. We go places and do things because we think we should, not because we want to.

I used to be guilty of this behavior more often than not. When I left my job in June, I also made an about-face in a number of other areas of my life. I only invest my time and energy when and where I can give my whole heart. Though this sounds easy, it was difficult to make these changes because a number of things had to come to an end. I let go of some relationships that sapped my energy. I withdrew from activities that felt more like obligations and less like joy.

Saying goodbye and breaking old patterns is not easy. During the times that I feel sad about these endings, I remember how much they’re needed. They create space for the people and activities that really matter. They give us an opportunity for something and someone new that better aligns with who we are.

If we consistently focus on generating more happiness and it will become easy to see what parts of our lives need fixing. Sometimes to get to the fun stuff, we have to go through the tough stuff first. It’s worth the effort.

choices, courage, creativity, strengths

Leap: Be One of the Best People

Christa Avampato

“The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice.” ~ Ernest Hemingway, American author

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the colorful characters that comprise my life, thinking of friendships and relationships old and new, past and present. When I consider the ones who truly inspire me, whose mere presence lifts me up to new heights, their qualities match those from the Hemingway quote above.

They are the ones who have a real sense of design, and not necessarily design of products, services, events, and the like, but a sense of design for life.

They are the ones who courageously step out of the fray to do something good and important, not just for themselves, but for the world as a whole.

They are people who tell the truth with grace and dignity, even when it’s hard to hear, who stand for something and stand up for others who need support. They are also people who recognize that if you lift others as you rise, rather than put others down, that everyone rises together faster and with greater ease.

They are people who give up a bit today – whether that bit is money or a fancy title or praise or that pesky bit of ego – for the sake of building something greater than themselves. They understand that to win in the long-run often requires some kind of loss in the short-term.

These are the people I admire, the people who inspire me to keep being the best version of me every day. They are people who recognize that we may not always succeed, but that we always have the option to try and try again. They are my heroes.

choices, creativity, dreams, meditation, work

Leap: Keep Chipping Away

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ~ Thomas Edison, American inventor

Are you a few months into a new project and thinking, “Hmm…so what do I do now?” Is it not going the way you thought it would? Is your initial idea not the silver bullet you thought it would be? Welcome to starting up – it has happened to everyone I know who attempted to do something wild, crazy, and wonderful.

I recently had some of these thoughts myself, and decided to let the back of my mind whirl away on them while I continued to focus my conscious mind on working my tail off. “An answer will come,” I told myself. It always does. And it did, and as it often does, it rose up in my daily meditation.

While in meditation, I found myself in a dimly lit room. I was seated across from someone, a man, though I couldn’t really discern his features and for some reason had no interest in those details. What was clear to me was his voice, and his simple actions.

“Which way do I go?” I asked him.

“Follow me,” he said.

He stood up and went over to the wall behind him. I followed. He pulled back a heavy, dark curtain and revealed an enormous brightly lit tower. It was so tall I couldn’t even see the top of it. It had all kinds of decorations and colors on it. At first I thought it was a cohesive structure and then I began to see that it was constructed from so many things that have meaning to me – photographs, quotes, and images of my life artfully pieced together. It was a collage of my varied interests and passions.

“Start anywhere,” he said. “Just pick any place and begin to chip away at it.”

“But I can’t choose. I don’t know where to start.”

He shook his head, laughing. “It doesn’t matter. Just choose any area. They are all connected so what you do to work on one will affect all of the others. All that counts is that you try.” 

And then my eyes popped open. I got up and started my day without fear. I gave myself permission to concentrate my efforts anywhere. It will all come together if I just keep going. It’s amazing what our unconscious mind will cook up if we just give it the space to do its work.

business, career, choices, decision-making

Leap: Is It Time to Specialize? Your Ideas Wanted!

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

Throughout the chaotic economic environment over the last 5 years, I have championed Generalists. I have taken pride in being one of them, in touting our expertise as people who can and do wear any hat. I love a vertical learning curve; I crave the opportunity to look at a seemingly impossible scenario and dismantle it bit by bit.

During my recent vacation to Florida, I devoured the book Yes, Chef, the autobiography of chef Marcus Samuelsson. The book is an incredible adventure story and his determination is center-stage throughout the story. From his teenage years, he was determined to be a world-renowned chef. His focus is inspiring, and it’s clear that this focus drives his phenomenal, though not always predictable, success. He’s very honest about the low points of his life and career, and he candidly describes his tremendous sacrifices for his work.

When I began the book, I was experiencing some twinges of concern over my freelance work. I was pitching a lot, and the slow cadence of August was frustrating me in the last days of the month. Reading Marcus’s book got me so hyped up that I wanted to jump out of my seat and keep on pitching. (And as I hoped and expected, September has picked up with a number of cool and interesting options in full-time and freelance work.)

His story also made me question my Generalist persona. Some people know me as a business strategist and product developer. Some people see me more as a writer. And still others look to me as a yoga and meditation teacher, as well as a nonprofit founder. Truth be told, I’m all of those things. I love them equally, and I have no desire to give any of them up for the sake of the others.

But should I? Would I be better served professionally and personally by solely focusing on one of these skill sets? Or should I concentrate my efforts in some other way (for example, if I went in the direction of health, should I work as a business strategist for health and wellness companies, while writing about health, and teaching yoga)?

I’m still entirely undecided on this front. It feels like an enormous decision and I don’t see a clear path as of yet. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, advice?

change, choices, creativity, New York City

Leap: The Best Way to Build Cities

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“Each detail in a city should reflect that human beings are sacred.” ~ Enrique Penalosa

If I say “city”, what’s the first word that comes to your mind?

Skyscrapers? Concrete? Traffic? Crowded? Busy?

What if the answers were more like “Parks”, “Community”, “Opportunity”, or dare I suggest “Ease”?

Why is this second set of answers so funny? Why can’t we have cities that are beacons of a peaceful, productive, and harmonious way of life? I’m not convinced of the impossibility of this wish. I think in a city we can have the very best of the natural world and the human made world. I believe that the two can co-exist.

How?

It is up to us to make it so. We have to choose it and choose leaders who believe in it. City life is becoming the American way of life, the global way of life. Over 50% of the world’s people live in cities and to make this trend tenable, we must transform city living into healthy, happy, and sustainable living for all people who choose it. The answer is in the details – the green space, housing, transportation, etc. – and those details should honor our creativity, ingenuity, and generosity.

adventure, choices, creativity, decision-making, time

Leap: When You Don’t Know What To Do, You’re on the Right Track

Christa Avampato
This photo was taken by my yoga teacher, Arturo Peal

“It may be that when we no longer know which way to go that we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings.” ~ Wendell Berry

It feels good to have direction, to feel confident in the decisions that lie in our past, the choices of our present, and the road of our future.

But what about the fork in the road? We stare for a long time down the path to the left, then pivot to stare an equally long time down the path to the right, and don’t know which to choose. We are keenly aware that with a single step, we are changing our future. We don’t know how it will unfold, but we know that there is no going back. With certain decisions, there’s no way to retrace our steps and make another choice. Things will be forever different.

When the going gets tough, we find that in that moment we actually get going. The Hero’s (or Heroine’s) Journey lies not in choosing between good options and bad options but good options and equally good options. That choice will allow us to clearly see our own priorities. We will finally know what’s most important to us, and very often it will surprise us and those around us.

Surprise and realization keep life interesting. They keep us engaged. They keep us growing and evolving. Confusion is a good sign that we are getting down to the real work of life – to decide what truly matters and why.

change, choices, free

Leap: You Were Given Wings For the Purpose of Flying

Christa Avampato
From PostSecret – http://postsecret.com

Why do we stay stuck?

Our minds will rattle off a myriad of excuses about why we cannot change, why we cannot grow and evolve, why we must remain as we are, where we are. The mind is doing the best it can. It is trying to protect you and keep you safe.

The poor mind – it is going it alone. When we are stuck, the heart is not participating in the conversation. The soul remains a silent spectator. Your mind needs the heart and soul to be more active. It cannot and should not be expected to make all of the decisions. It needs balance and guidance to get the full value from its contributions.

If you want to free yourself from the patterns of the past, engage the heart. Engage the soul. Give the mind an opportunity to voice its concerns and receive help to craft those concerns into new ideas that will generate the circumstances for much-needed and long-overdue change. Freedom is a choice.

adventure, choices, courage, strengths

Leap: You Are Your Best Navigator

Christa Avampato

It’s about choices. It’s all about choices.

Every morning you wake up, you have the opportunity to stand in the midst of life, take it all in, and then decide what to make of it. You figure out where you are, where you’d like go, and the path you’ll take to get there. There’s no map. It’s just you, your desire to make a unique contribution to humanity, and your gut. Those are the tools of this grand navigation. They’re all we have and they are enough.

adventure, choices, commitment, community, creativity, dreams

Leap: Go Out on the Edge

Christa Avampato
From Pinterest

“You’re not going to have a lot of people you can talk to about this. There is never a crowd on the leading edge.” ~ Abraham Hicks

My friend, Trish, had this quote on her Facebook wall last week and it captures a truth that can be tough for us to hear. Opportunity is glaring at us and growing bigger by the moment. We want to believe that everyone can see what we see and when they don’t we get frustrated, discouraged, and uncomfortable in our own skin. We begin to doubt our own abilities.

Don’t despair. Out on the Edge there is something beautiful and miraculous waiting for you – your kindred spirits. They are a small but mighty crew. They think like you think, believe what you believe, and understand what you understand. They will inspire, encourage, and support you. You are all in the same boat, paddling around looking for each other, and you’ll come together out on the Edge. It is better out there than where you are now. This time, the grass really is greener elsewhere.

But here’s the trick of it: you have to go out there. This is one of the few things that you can’t do virtually. You have to go there fully – mind, body, and soul. The only way to realize the gift of the Edge is to be there. And to make the journey you will have to trust your gut more than you trust the opinions of those around you.

Commit to the Edge and the Edge will commit to you. Now start paddling.