Photo by Elwanderer“One learns to fall gracefully in order to roll.” ~ Matthew Sanford
Two weeks later, I’m still thinking about Matthew Sanford’s talk at the Yoga Journal Conference. His book, Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence had a profound effect on me, how I see the world, and how I see my own yoga practice and teaching. The quote above is one of my favorites from the book. It’s the lesson Matthew learned from one of his yoga students who has cerebral palsy. The man explained that falling is a regular event for him, particularly as he gets in and out of the shower. He had hoped that yoga would help him improve his balance so he wouldn’t fall so often. And then one day he did fall and his body lightly landed on the ground without much pain. At that moment he realized that what yoga really taught him to do was how to fall with grace so that he didn’t get badly hurt when he fell.
The Universe has a wonderful way of handing us exactly what we need, though the method by which we get it isn’t always apparent to us. Matthew’s student end goal wasn’t to fall less; he wanted to get hurt less. He thought that would happen, and logically so, by falling less often. Instead, he learned to have grace on the way down and built strength to lift himself back up. Same goal accomplished, just a different path than he planned.
This time around Memorial Day is always a powerful one for me. There are changes and shifts that seem to happen in my life every year at just about this time. I make decisions and plans about what to do and what to stop doing. I always meet new people, some of whom end up becoming an integral part of my life. I’m confronted with new areas of learning and challenge that engage and inspire me. There is always a period of new beginnings for me that finds its roots on the doorstep of summer. I’m conscious of the end goals of these new beginnings, and open to the different paths that may lead to them.
“It pays to be honest, but it’s slow pay.” ~ Proverb via Tiny Buddha
I recently met a new colleague who shares a lot of the sentiments I have about yoga, meditation, and what really matters in life. It was a refreshing introduction and a reminder that wherever you are, there are like minds. You may need to draw them out by trumpeting your own beliefs. As Clarissa Pinkola Estes said so beautifully, “She who does not howl will never find her pack.”
This path of finding your pack is not easy. It requires courage and faith. You will be asked to think and act like every one around you. You will have to be brave to be authentic. You will be told that thinking and acting like everyone around you is what you need to do to get ahead when the truth is a that thinking and acting like everyone else is a farce. That group persona doesn’t represent the persona of any individual member. It’s a vague meet-in-the-middle, mediocre compromise. And it doesn’t serve anyone well.
My advice, as I’ve given before, is to Be on Record. Be respectful of your environment while also being who you are. Listen and then speak up. Yes, honesty yields slow pay, but it carries a greater guarantee of a purposeful life in the long run. Steady, and authentic, wins the race.
Matthew Sanford“I have never seen anyone truly become more aware of his or her body without also becoming more compassionate.” ~ Matthew Sanford, yoga teacher and author Waking: A Memoir of Trauma and Transcendence
My Uncle Tom recently recommended Matthew Sanford to me after hearing him speak. Given my devotion to yoga and my desire to use it to serve the healing of those who are working through trauma, he thought Matthew’s story and message would immediately resonate with me. My uncle knows me well. Upon reading his website and getting only a small glimpse into his experience, I was entranced.I felt like I really needed to hear this story at this moment and connect with Matthew.
So it was a wonderful and synchronous surprise that Matthew is in town for the New York Yoga Journal Conference. He gave a talk yesterday that was open to the public – many thanks to my pal, Yogadork, for cluing me into the event. I had no idea he would be speaking in town and would have been so upset if I had missed the opportunity to hear him talk about his personal and professional work with trauma. Much to my delight, he was even more intriguing and engaging in person than he is in his book. I didn’t think this was possible because I loved the book so much. I could hardly believe it. It’s like hearing a musician who sounds even better in person than he does on his hit album.
I sat with my friend, Erica, of Yogoer fame, and she described Matthew’s style perfectly. “He sifted through so much information that I have in my own mind and didn’t know how to articulate.” His words are poignant, authentic, and perfectly selected without feeling rehearsed. All without notes, nor a single pause or “um”. I could have listened to him all afternoon. My only disappointment was that his hour-long talk passed too quickly.
He discussed his area of expertise – the depth and breadth of the mind-body connection and its ability, when fully manifested in each of us, to change the world. He explained how important it is for our own happiness and for the good of the world for each of us to move in so that we can move out. The answers to all our challenges are within us already, no outside resource necessary. We know what to do, if only we would take the time to listen to the wisdom in our own bodies, in our own hearts. We have the ability to alter our own reality, and the greater world around us, by redefining our experience in this very moment. We have the ability, right now, to change everything. “The principles of yoga don’t discriminate,” Matthew said. How true that is. If you can breathe, just breathe, you can access all of the wisdom that yoga has to give.
My favorite sentiment from Matthew’s book is the connection he draws between awareness and compassion. I am particularly drawn to this idea because of my one word purpose that I’ve been working with this year: awareness. When I heard Dr. Chopra speak earlier this year, he inspired me to go looking for this one word purpose as a direction for all of my work. Awareness, to wake up and help others do the same, rose to the top.
Matthew and his story helped me make the next leap on my journey. What do I do once I wake up, once I can be fully aware at every moment? What is the point of attaining awareness? My compassion will grow as a result. And with compassion, real healing begins. As Matthew so brilliantly stated, “Compassion gives us a way to sit with suffering and not try to fix it.” And if we can sit with suffering long enough, we will find that it begins to dissipate on its own without a threat of returning. By being present with suffering, we give it a container to empty into and then we can melt it down, taking only its lessons with us and releasing the pain and confusion it causes.
Letting go takes time; compassion achieved through awareness gives us the necessary patience to allow for the process of letting go to progress. It gives us the time we need, for our own healing and to help others heal, too.
For more information about Matthew and his work, visit his website.
“The only way to pass any test is to take the test. It is inevitable.” ~ Elder Regal Black Swan, leader of “the Real People”
My friend, Pam, was a private yoga client of mine. For her Christmas present she wanted more yoga in her life and her lovely mom graciously made that possible. Pam and I have known each other since we were in elementary school and reconnecting with her through yoga was a wonderful treat!
After our last session, Pam sent me the book Mutant Message Down Under, the story of an American woman who travels barefoot on 1,400 mile walk-about through the Australian Outback accompanied by “the Real People”. They are an aboriginal tribe who live off the land for all of their vital needs. Whether the story is true or mythical is one of the most fascinating parts of the book. Marlo Morgan describes the story as truth, though fully acknowledges that the Australian government does not believe the events ever happened because they have no record of “the Real People” and Marlo Morgan refuses to introduce the two parties in an effort to protect “the Real People” and their way of life. The result is an incredibly wise tale so mythical that we also wonder if it is really possible.
To begin the adventure, “the Real People” explain that they have decided to remove themselves and their 50,000-year history from this planet. They believe they have done what they can do to help this world along, and that the time has come for them to leave. They will not create any more offspring so that when the last of their tribe passes away, they will all be gone. They have invited Marlo Morgan to Australia so that she will share their story and their belief system with a wider audience.
Their lessons are so simple and yet so powerful. They show Marlo how there is no separation between their souls – they regularly speak via telepathy. They show her the balance they obtain on a daily basis between courage and compassion, challenge and empathy. They are not beings living on the Earth, but rather a part of a cohesive whole. The wisdom within their own minds and hearts is an extension of the wisdom offered to all of us every day by our natural world. There is no need for them to ask for guidance on anything because guidance is always with them, within them. They teach us that it’s within us, too.
The part of the book that resonates with me most is the quest and fulfillment of purpose. Not what job you’re meant to have, or place you’re meant to live, but real purpose. When you crossover from this existence in this body to the next plane, what handful of words will be used to describe who you are. This is the only work of “the Real People” – to find and live their purpose, to know, understand, and experience their one true gift. To solidify this purpose, they give themselves a new name once their purpose is discovered. Marlo Morgan, in honor of “the Real People”, gives herself the name Traveling Tongue.
It’s a notion worthy of everyone’s contemplation. When we peel away our titles, our belongings, and our accomplishments, who are we? What name would we give ourselves? What is the singular purpose that threads through our existence this time around?
“Are you really listening or are you just waiting for your turn to talk?” ~ Robert Montgomery
Do you remember a time when trust was where a relationship started? I have trouble remembering those times. I’m sure there was a time when trust was the norm, in the same way that our legal system once started with “innocent until proven guilty.” Now, we are a society of skeptics and cynics, but can you blame us? We feel cheated and lied to by companies, by our government, by our employers or former employers. The recession exposed a very sad and dangerous truth – we participated in an economy and a way of doing business that really was too good to be true. Double-digit positive returns are tough to sustain. We knew that, but we went along for the ride. In Margaret Heffernan’s words, we willed ourselves into blindness. We feel let don and disappointed and we have no one to blame but ourselves, which is too much to bear so we blame everyone else.
Enter Michael Masloansky, Scott West, Gary DeMoss, and David Saylor with the book The Language of Trust: Selling Ideas in a World of Skeptics. In all of our economics mayhem, we forgot how to talk to people in an authentic way. We forgot how to put others first. We’ve been so busy making excuses that we forgot to take responsibility. This book is meant to help us get back on track in the post-trust era (PTE).
It’s got some tough advice for us that is not going to be easy to hear, though not as hard to act upon as we might think. It gives us language guidelines under the very simple yet priceless principle that people believe what they understand. In other words, “Don’t be a wonk.” Drop the jargon and communicate in real language, not language that you think gives you some kind of desired image. And no one is interested in why you did something that was not in their best interest so drop that game altogether; it’s a battle that’s lost before it’s even started. Take responsibility and do better going forward.
The book lays out real world examples of communication gone right (Jetblue and Conservation International) and communications gone wrong (Toyota). It breaks down what worked so beautifully in the successful examples and how the unsuccessful examples can be improved. These examples give marketers (and that includes all of us who work on our own personal brand as well) a way to compare our current communication tactics against these examples, essentially creating a map for us to communicate more authentically with our audience.
This book should be well-worn after continuous consultation by marketers of all stripes. We’re living in a new age where trust must be earned at every moment. It’s a world of missteps from well-intentioned actions. In some ways, we may feel like we can’t win in this world of skeptics. Don’t throw in the towel. You can win – it’s just going to take a whole lot more work that it did prior to the PTE. The Language of Trust can help. Available in bookstores starting today.
“New seed is faithful. It roots deepest in the places that are most empty…And so it came to be that over time this field, opened by burning – this field, fallow and waiting – drew just the right strangers, just the right seeds to itself. What is this faithful process of spirit & seed that touches empty ground and makes it rich again? Whatever we set our days to might be the least of what we do, if we do not understand that something is waiting for us to make ground for it, something that lingers near us, something that loves, something that waits for the right ground to be made so it can make its full presence known.” ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
I read Dr. Estes book Women Who Run with the Wolves many years ago. It remains a faithful guide all of these years later. Its pages are well-worn and yellowed. I regularly read its opening passage, particularly when I’m afraid and lonely. It’s stories quite literally began to shape the person I am today. They empowered me to realize that I can carve my own road toward a future of my design.
So it was with great excitement that I discovered that Dr. Estes had written another book, this one a novela entitled The Faithful Gardener: A Wise Tale About That Which Can Never Die. I read it in one sitting. Dr. Estes tells the tale of her Uncle who got to the end of his rope and wanted to take his power back. He set a field aflame as an invitation for new life to seed there.
In our lives, we collect clutter. Relationships that no longer serve. A job that no longer interests us. Commitments that no longer provide fulfillment. Slowly, drop by drop, our lives sometimes become something we never wanted them to be. This can leave us feeling paralyzed, regretful, and embarrassed.
This is exactly the myth that Dr. Estes dispels by sharing her Uncle’s story with us in The Faithful Gardner. One day last week, I arrived at a meditation class feeling powerless and through the meditation realized that the only one taking away my power was me. Dr. Estes explains this same principle in her book – we are all more powerful than we give ourselves credit for being.
This same idea reared its head over the weekend as I watched the documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer. In several scientific studies, it has been found that if you perceive yourself at the bottom of the pecking order in life then your health and longevity are severely compromised. If you want to live a happy, healthier, longer life, it is critical that you find an outlet that allows you to feel in control of your own destiny. And that outlet doesn’t have to be your career or household. You could be the captain of your softball team, the leader of a charitable project, or a responsible dog owner. Somewhere in your life you need to have the opportunity to take the reigns, and if that’s not happening naturally in your life by some wonderful twist of fate, then you need to make it happen for yourself.
There’s no reason to play the victim. We all have the ability to build better lives, for ourselves and for those around us. You don’t need more schooling or experience or permission. It is yours for the taking. The only question is courage and confidence. Can you stand up and be counted? Will you make your voice heard? Can you release everything in your life that doesn’t benefit you for the sake of making room for something that truly matters? Your life literally depends on it.
Matthew SanfordAs a yoga teacher, I’m very interested in getting involved with trauma recovery. I have some personal experience with post-traumatic stress disorder having endured it for a period of a few months following a fire that happened in my apartment building in September 2009. My experience doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the trauma that so many people go through not for months, but years, decades, lifetimes. My yoga and meditation practices have been with me now for over a decade, and they have never failed me. They helped me forgive, others and myself. They helped me grow and thrive, when I thought my very best hope was only to survive from day-to-day. Now having experienced their tremendous power, I want to gift them to others as a way of paying forward my gratitude.
My Uncle Tom recently sent me the URL for Matthew Sanford’s site. I had never heard of Matthew but from the moment I read the first line of his story I knew he would become a teacher for me: “It took a devastating car accident, paralysis from the chest down, and dependence on a wheelchair before I truly realized the importance of waking both my mind and my body.” Now a yoga teacher, author, speaker, nonprofit founder, and sustainable investor, Matthew’s wisdom gained from his own experience is transformative for anyone who comes into contact with him through any medium. He shares his own traumatic and harrowing story of tragedy and redemption, and how that journey brought him true awareness.
I encourage you to take a look at his website, read his book, and attend one of his events. He has much to share and we have much to learn.
“I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call ‘The Physics of The Quest’ — a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: ‘If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.’ ” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love
I love the book Eat Pray Love. I read it shortly after a very painful break up while I was in business school. I was heart-broken, more heart-broken than I’d ever been, and seeking out others who had made the best of their own sad love story gone wrong. I found my way to Elizabeth Gilbert and her words started me down the road to healing. I loved the book so much that resisted seeing the movie. I didn’t want to see a book I loved so much played out in a way that didn’t match what was in my mind’s eye. On a rainy afternoon with streaming Netflix at my disposal, I finally saw it and my only disappointment was that I waited so long to see. It’s a beautiful, uplifting film.
I had forgotten Elizabeth Gilbert’s words on the Physics of the Quest though when I look back over the 5 years since I first read her book, I realize that those words are the ones that have described this journey of mine so well. That break-up, as painful as it was, served as the catalyst toward creating a life of my own design. Now I see that ending as a beginning to a wonderful quest: I moved to New York, I began to write seriously every day, this blog came to life, I developed my yoga teaching practice in a deeper way, I met so many new, wonderful characters who have become close friends and confidants. I travel and explored. I ramped up my career as a product developer. I adopted Phineas, my pup. Yes, there were loads of disappointments and wrong turns. And yes, they were all worth it to find my way to this life that I’m living at this very moment. A life I love.
So here is my truth that has been revealed along this part of my Quest – everything starts from nothing. Every creative project, every trip, every relationship, every living, breathing being. They all begin in the exact same way. No one is born an expert. No genius idea starts as a genius idea. Tend to your creativity. Free your imagination. Start with only an intention and see what you can build, laying aside all past successes and failures. Each new day starts as a blank slate; you choose the layers of color that fill it in and which spaces to leave blank. Decide how you want it to build, the same way a painter brushes paint on a canvas, the same way a sculptor carves and cuts and shapes. We all start at the beginning. The key is to keep going.
“There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on.” ~ Robert Byrne
I try to always be a part of the former group that Mr. Byrne details in his quote above. The idea of a project half-done, or worse yet done but not to the best of my ability, makes my stomach turn. I can’t leave things is a state of potential. I like completing things – it’s in my Piscean nature. Because we are the last sign of the zodiac we like endings, preferably happy ones. To compound matters, under the Chinese Zodiac I’m a Fire Dragon. Look out world. I’m here to get things done!
Which brings me to a somewhat troubling and confusing matter in my writing. For about 6 months I’ve had an idea for a book that uses the tenants of a strong yoga practice as the tenants for building a solid personal finance plan. I’m making some progress. Outline’s done and the structure is pretty solid. The first 4 chapters are in very rough written form, and I’ve started on chapter 5. Arguably, these 4 chapters were the hardest to write. Still, I’m not happy with this progress. I wanted to be further along by now. Heck, I wanted to be done by now. And not just because I like to finish projects, but also because this book is really needed, can help a lot of people, and fills a tough-to-fill niche.
So what’s the problem? My multi-tasking nature is getting the best of me, despite my very best attempts at being a recovering multi-tasker. Here’s where the rubber meets the road, where my curious nature gets the best of me. I meditate. I do yoga. And still I’m a little afraid of writing this book because I don’t want it to be less than really awesome. The subject, and the people I’m writing the book for, deserve awesome. And awesome is a tall order.
Of course, I absolutely refuse to stay in this state. I refuse to be my own writing enemy, my own personified version of writer’s block. My perfectionist tendencies are really going to have to find some other place to hang out for a while. I’m taking myself on vacation. A writing vacation.
So what is a writing vacation? I’m going to spend an entire luxurious vacation with the main focus being writing and nothing else. Truth be told, I’m going to do a few other things. I’m going to take some yoga classes, meditate, walk Phin, and eat delicious food, all in an attempt to funnel my creative mind into this book. Other than that, I’ll be in front of my Mac typing away. I’m going to get this rough draft, a full rough draft, completed by Labor Day. No excuses. And you can hold me to that. Actually, I absolutely want you to hold me to that. This self-imposed deadline is just the motivation I need to get my perfectionism to take a break. I’m just going to write until it’s done.
“Imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.” ~ Steve Martin, An Object of Beauty
I just started reading Steve Martin’s latest novel, An Object of Beauty. From the first 10 pages, I was hooked, as I always am with his writing. Lines like the one above are common place in his writing and have such an inspirational effect without slapping the reader in the face.
Just as I started to read An Object of Beauty, I also saw the documentary Who Killed the Electric Car. It’s the story of how GM pulled its well-received electric car from the market in 2005 and the conspiracy behind the decision that involved politicians and oil companies. None of the parties involved could imagine a world beyond their gas-guzzling vehicle experience.
A large company that I read about frequently is making some horrible investment decisions. Despite all of the market trend and competitive intelligence they have, they are refusing to invest in new technology. The new technology wouldn’t be that expensive to invest in. It wouldn’t even be that difficult to implement. They aren’t investing in new technology because the company’s leaders aren’t personal fans of new technology. They would rather plod along on the same road that has carried them to success up until now rather than try something new. As an investor in the company and a huge fan of the brand, I find their decisions frustrating. I can only imagine how their more progressive team members feel.
Experience has its place in our decision-making. It can be a helpful lens through which to view opportunities, though where I draw the line is when experience is used in place of imagination. What made us successful in the past will not always make us successful going forward. Times change, customers change, the world changes. And to stay relevant and engaged, we need to change, too. Experience doesn’t like change. The imagination embraces change, is fueled by change. Make good use of the imagination’s love of ambiguity. The only certainty we have in this world is that sooner or later, everything everywhere changes.
I found the image above here. I wouldn’t recommend any of these reasons.
Christa Avampato 