“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron
Comfort feels so good that we never want to leave. The trouble is that if we never set out for higher ground, if we never throw ourselves out of our comfort zone and into unfamiliar territory, we don’t grow. We don’t learn just how strong we are. We only build resilience, determination, and grit by remaining focused in the face of discomfort. Life is a continual adaptation to change.
Sometimes, I wish this weren’t the case. I wish we didn’t need a burning platform to truly change our ways. I wish we could learn how to be calm in the face of discomfort without ever having to actually be uncomfortable.
It doesn’t work that way. Life is a full contact sport. We actually have to live it – all its ups and downs and the ride in-between – in order to understand what it’s all about.
For this reason, I don’t get frustrated or angry when the going gets tough. I may briefly feel sad or unhappy that something I wanted didn’t go my way. As a general rule, I give myself about 10 minutes to feel as terrible as I want to feel without passing any kind of judgement. I can sit in the dust of disappointment, shake my fists at the sky, and ask “why, why, why?” as loudly as possible. And then I need to pick myself up, shake off the dust, and get on with my day, grateful for the tough times upon me that help me to wake up and feel truly alive.
So often we hope that the clouds hanging above our heads will magically part but what I’ve found is that the clouds part through our own volition. We decide that it is time to clear them away. We climb up and with our own two hands, we brush them out-of-the-way to let the light in. We are happy, free, empowered, and awake by choice, not chance. We restore comfort in our lives by creating it in every circumstance of our living.
“If you’re going to go through hell I suggest you come back learning something.” ~ Drew Barrymore
As I approach the six month mark of my freelance life, I’m continuing to interview for additional contract work. Last week I was at an interview where someone commented about my ill-fated timing of joining a financial services firm in August of 2008. I joined 5 weeks before Lehman Brothers collapsed and hell broke loose in the financial markets. I was given two months, $200,000, and told to get a product out the door to customers by Thanksgiving or I would be fired. (These were my VP’s actual words. I’m happy to report he’s no longer with the company wreaking havoc.)
To be clear, it was an awful time for everyone. Whether you lost your job or kept your job, no one was having fun. In that moment, I had to make a choice. I could be terrified of joining the deep ranks of unemployment or I could vow to learn something amidst the chaos and uncertainty. Through no planning on my part, I had a front row seat to the recession whether I liked it or not. It was a tremendous, if strenuous, period of personal and professional growth.
In the depths of the recession, I sowed the seeds that ultimately allowed me to try my hand at this freelance life. Without that time of great difficulty, I might still be whiling away my time in cubicle land simply out of comfort. This isn’t a bad thing; it just isn’t the right thing for me. The discomfort I experienced in that job caused me to build a new plan. I am meant to walk a different path and it isn’t better than working at a big corporation. It’s only better for me.
I wouldn’t wish those days on anyone. There were times that I went to bed crying only to wake up with an even heavier heart. To get through that time, I actually wrote out a list of the positive things about my job and taped it above the lock on my front door so I would actually go to work instead of hiding under my bed. It was a short but poignant list that included items like “you’re getting a paycheck” and “you have health insurance”. Yes, it had actually come down to that, and it was depressing to say the least.
I don’t tell you this because I want you to feel badly for me. I was fine then, I’m fine now, and no matter what, I will always be fine. I tell you this story because I don’t want you to feel alone, ever.
Maybe you’re going through hell now, right this very moment. Maybe you’ve gone through hell several times over. Maybe your days of hell have not yet arrived. As far as I know, everyone who’s ever lived has had at least one royally awful day in their lives. I think when we’re born into this world, we sign some type of contract that requires at least a brush with hardship at some point. It’s a raw deal, I know. I feel your pain, literally and figuratively.
I don’t want to go all Pollyanna on you, mostly because it drives me crazy when people do that to me. You know the type – the people who think that if they don’t talk about tough times that somehow they’re immune to them. (To make lemonade, you actually do have to acknowledge the lemons.) But I do want you to hear a very honest and straightforward truth – without darkness, we never fully appreciate the light. We can’t. Our screwy, beautiful, human minds need contrast in order to drive toward understanding. I wish it weren’t true but I didn’t build the human mind so I refuse to take responsibility for any craziness except my own.
I can extend a very sincere “I hear ya” in your direction. The whole world’s gone crackers. It’s going to continue in that direction and we’re going to get caught in the cross-fire. Some of that’s not our fault and some of it is by our own design. It doesn’t matter. We’re all in it together and while we’re hanging around in this plane of existence, we might as well learn all we can. At every moment, there’s a teaching available to us, some wisdom that is meant for us. Our only job is to tap into that, take note, and use that knowledge at a future, to-be-determined date.
Learn, learn, learn. It’s the only way to keep your sanity, sense of purpose, and stamina. And if we’re going to get to a better tomorrow, we need those three things in great abundance.
I love the sentiment behind this piece of art I found on Pinterest. It’s a mark of a life well and fully lived if at the end our journey our only thought is “WooHoo! What a ride!” That’s certainly the sentiment I’m hoping for.
Taken by Christa Avampato in the West Village, New York City
I snapped this photo last weekend in the West Village in New York City. It struck me that this simple piece of sidewalk art is exactly what I’ve been doing since I left my corporate job 5 months ago today. I’ve diligently kept my eye on doing work that matters and takes full advantage of my experience in and passion for education, health, and service.
This road has not been easy. I’ve turned down a number of very tantalizing opportunities in order to stay true to my mission to live a life of my own design. I’ve cobbled together a string of work opportunities that light me up, that have me jumping out of bed in the morning to get going, and over the next week I’m hoping to add a few more. Despite juggling multiple priorities, doing joyful work has actually made me feel more at ease with my calendar. Somehow, time has expanded.
I once heard someone say that happiness is a warm comfort on a cold night. When I put myself to bed each night, I toss up a silent prayer into the Universe that goes something like this – “Thank you, Universe, for the opportunity to add to the greater good, to do exactly the work I want to do, and to rest safely and securely in the knowledge that today my efforts went toward crafting a better world so we can all have a brighter tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I do know how lucky I am, how blessed I am. So long as I have breath in my lungs and beats in my heart, I want to keep moving in this direction.”
For 5 months, this prayer has been answered every day without hesitation. And that is its own kind of magic.
Finding our true north is about deciding what matters.
Next week will mark 5 months since I left my corporate job to start Chasing Down the Muse, my own consulting and teaching practice. I did this for many reasons though there is one reason that stands head and shoulders above the others: I wanted to work on projects that matter to me. I care deeply about education (defined broadly as cultivating the imagination by stoking our creative fire with inspiration and information), healthcare (defined broadly as helping all people attain their maximum level of wellness), and strengthening entrepreneurship / small business.
I was working a corporate job in financial services. It didn’t add up. This is not to say that I think financial services is a terrible place to spend a career. On the contrary, I am grateful that I spent time in this industry because it helped me to understand the mechanics of our economy during an unprecedented crisis. It just wasn’t right for me anymore in this capacity. So, I left in an attempt to find a better path with a safety net that consists only of my savings account and my passion to live an authentic life.
Planning to leave wasn’t easy. I had a cushy gig with nice people (many of whom I am honored to have as friends), regular work hours, a healthy paycheck, and a solid benefits package. It was a lot to walk away from but I’ve never looked back. These benefits paled in comparison to the possibility of doing the work I am meant to do, the work I am called to do.
I should have been scared. On paper this looks like an extraordinarily naive decision made by a wide-eyed twenty-something, not a thirty-, on the verge of forty-something, who’s been around the block a number of times. But here I am, 5 months later and resolute in the fact that given the chance I would absolutely do it all over again and perhaps sooner.
There isn’t a single day when I say to myself “I really should have stayed where I was.” Even when it’s hard, even when I haven’t had things work out as I planned or expected, I continue to feel motivated and inspired by possibility and opportunity. I’m always confident that something I really wanted doesn’t work out because room had to be made for something I have not yet even dreamed of.
To chart a new course, to step off the ledge, requires the belief in our ability to fly even if we have never taken flight before. Certainly, it requires equal amounts of conviction and lunacy because there is no proof, evidence, or guarantee of success. We make these kinds of decisions based on guts and faith.
You might think this is a recipe for anxiety but it’s exactly the opposite. Somehow, I am now calmer, clearer, and more relaxed than I’ve ever been. It’s the greatest feeling in the world to be free, happy, healthy, and fulfilled. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like the luckiest, most blessed, grateful person on the planet. To somehow repay the world for this incredible opportunity, I put these thoughts down on paper in the hopes that they help you find your own true north.
Never, ever doubt that your wildest, most wonderful dreams are not only possible, but also probable, if you set out to find them.
“Those who wish to sing, always find a song.” ~ Swedish proverb
If you truly have a passion to do something, you will make it happen. Its allure, its promise, will be undeniable. You will have to set aside everything else in favor of getting it done.
That’s how it goes with projects of the heart. Because it is actually a part of you, you cannot shake it. You will stare down every fear, leap over every obstacle, and shut down every nay-saying thought to bring it to life. You don’t have a choice in the matter. It is just what you must do.
“What each must seek in his life never was on land or sea. It is something out of his own unique potentiality for experience, something that never has been and never could have been experienced by anyone else.” ~ Joseph Campbell
Don’t wonder if your idea is original. Don’t wonder if what you have to say has never been said before. You are unique. The road you take has never been traveled in exactly the same way with exactly the same intention. You are an individual – a beautiful, shining example of the potential that we all have to do something magical and profound.
All that matters is that you bring your whole heart to whatever it is you do. Show up with authenticity and integrity. Don’t play a role. Just be you. You are enough and rare and amazing, just as you are right now. Your unique journey is waiting for you to get moving. Go!
“The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are.” ~ John Burroughs, American naturalist and essayist
So often we think we have to make monumental changes in our lives to have an adventure, to stoke the fire of opportunity. We believe that we have to endure impossible scenarios to have a real adventure. In our pursuit of the new, we sometimes miss all of the possibility that lies at our feet every day, along the same roads we regularly travel, with the people who are intricately woven into the fabric of our lives.
Everything, and I mean everything, can be renewed. And not all of it has to come via challenge. Very often, adventure is laid at our feet and all it requires is a simple “Yes, deal me in.”
Open your eyes, ears, and mind, right where you are, right now. Somewhere in the course of your day, I am certain you will encounter the chance to do something amazing. You’ve spent all this time creating dreams. Go live them – you have everything you need to begin.
“Our life is composed greatly from dreams from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together.” ~ Anais Nin
I believe in shouting dreams. If you really want to do something, need something, or have something to give, I’m a fan of telling everyone you know about it. I’ve found it is the single best way to accomplish goals. We’re all here to help one another along this wild, twisted path of life. And we can’t help each other if we don’t know our own dreams, and the dreams of those around us.
Take a moment to be still. Close your eyes. Let your mind grow soft and your jaw go slack. Take 10 deep, slow breaths. Let any and every thought rise up into your consciousness. You’re not evaluating these thoughts. You’re not passing judgement. You’re scanning them. You’re looking for dreams. You’re looking for wishes that you are literally making with your heart.
Let those dreams rest in your mind’s eye and let everything else fall away. Consider how you might let people know about them, even how others may become a part of them, and how you might act upon them. Once you tell others about your dreams, you’ll find that others will share their dreams with you. Once they see you actually working on your dreams, you’ll find that many of them will work alongside you to bring those dreams to life.
The Universe will do its part, too. Once it sees that you are taking a chance on yourself, it will take a chance on you, too. Commitment and hard work are an incredibly magical combination. All of a sudden the dream that was living way deep down inside you, so far down that you didn’t even know it existed, not only comes into your consciousness, but it manifests out in the world.
Accomplishments are just dreams that you act upon. Nothing more, and nothing less.
“Happiness is a choice… sometimes, a contagious one.” ~ Milkshake
On Thursday I had an interview for a wonderful job. A dream job for many. A year ago, maybe even just 6 months ago, I would have worked my tail off to land it and then willingly packed my bags to move myself 3,000 miles to take it. That was before I clarified that my dream work involves doing very cool trend and innovation research and then using that research to build things that are useful for the world.
This job is purely the research side, and I’ve been there before. It’s a great job; it’s just not a great job for me. I need tangible results that I can point to. I need contact with end-users. I need to know that I am spending my days in service to others.
Clarity is a beautiful and rare thing when it comes to our path in our careers. It takes years and years to get there. We long for it. We chase it down. We think that all of our problems will go away once we find it. I have not found that to be the case.
Finding our path can prove to be a giant pain in the ass because once we know it, way deep down in our gut, we can’t do anything else. We have to take it. All the other shining, beautiful opportunities of what we could do pale in comparison to what we know is our reason for being.
This job carried an incredibly handsome compensation package at a company with a great culture, working for a wonderful boss whom I respect and admire. But it’s not my work to do so I turned it down on the spot. I didn’t even have to think about it. I didn’t even hesitate to say it wasn’t for me. All the perks didn’t matter because I need to do the work I’m meant to do. That’s the only option.
If I took this job, I would have to put my teaching, writing, and consulting for good causes on hold. My personal life would disappear. It’s that kind of job – 24/7, nonstop, “jump this high now” type of work. I’ve grown too used to doing what I love, too used to finding complete joy in work. There’s no turning back now.
Christa Avampato 