Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my apartment building fire. In some ways, I cannot believe it’s gone by so quickly and in other ways I can’t believe how much change has happened in a year. So net-net, it feels like it has been a productive year with a lot of learning. Sometimes I still shiver at the thought of the circumstances and what could have happened if everything had gone horribly wrong, if I hadn’t followed my instincts. I wrote a series of posts on this blog that recount the difficult days after the fire. They begin with my post on September 5, 2009.
The building has reopened and the walls have been painted over a pristine white. You’d never know that one year ago a fire ripped through the hallways, but every time I walk by it, I still feel the gravity of what happened there one year ago. To commemorate and celebrate the occasion, here are the top 10 things I learned as a result of my fire:
1.) I now trust my gut 99% of the time. Trusting my gut on September 5, 2009 saved my life. I had every reason to discount the feeling of dread that I felt in my kitchen when I heard my heat pipes ticking. Something told me to look a little closer, and that’s when I saw the tiles on the floor heaving. I quickly got to my stairs, without over-thinking what was happening, and despite the thick black smoke, I kept running for my life. Had I delayed even a few minutes or second-guessed my gut, the consequences would have been dire.
2.) It’s okay to ask for help. In the days after my fire, I really tried to pretend that everything was fine, that I was fine, that I was strong and invincible. The truth is that I’m strong, and human. I needed help to sort out the trauma that followed my fire and started to see Brian, my life coach. We started on a journey of self-discovery together and it is one of the most rewarding relationships of my life.
3.) Someone who wants me to move through a traumatic situation at lightning speed for his own sake is not worth having in my life. At the time of my fire, I was dating a guy whom I had really fallen for. He was a prince the day of the fire, though as soon as he saw that this wasn’t just a little blip on the radar screen of my life, he showed the less appealing side of his character. Things quickly unraveled and while we tried to maintain some kind of relationship right after our romance ended, I quickly walked away and have never looked back. That departure started a year-long effort to only have people in my life who believe that love and friendship are a two-way street.
4.) There really is no time like the present. I was sort of floating through life a year ago. I had a job that was okay, but that I honestly felt no passion for. I had been thinking of moving to a more mission-based organization, and now one year later I’m fully on that path. Destination unknown, but I know I’m moving in the right direction now by taking steps toward moving my career toward public education.
5.) Empathy is a must in all of my relationships. At the time of my fire, I worked for a woman who can only be described as wretched. She was not the least bit sympathetic toward my situation, and actually gave me a hard time about taking one day off to work with my insurance company and loaded up my plate with additional work. That moment was a definite breaking point for me, and I decided from then on that I would never work with that type of person again. Empathy is now a non-negotiable in every area of my life. (I got out of the situation with that former boss several months later, and found my way to a better internal position at my company.)
6.) True friends can celebrate with you and cry with you. I’ve had people in my life who are fair weather friends and friends who only show up when the chips are down. Real friends are the ones who show up in both kinds of situations, and everything in between. I’m blessed to have so many people in my life who fit that description.
7.) Your stuff really is just stuff. I lost almost all of my material belongings in the fire. A few things survived, but I essentially had to rebuild my material life. I had gotten to a point where I really valued my material possessions. Now, it’s just not that important to me. I only replaced the essentials – I just didn’t want “things” anymore, and I still don’t. I down-sized in a big way and feel lighter. Even if everything went up in smoke again, so long as my health and the safety of others were preserved, I really would be okay. I am not what I own. (However, PLEASE go get renter’s insurance. The peace of my mind that my Liberty Mutual policy brought me was immense. I had enough emotional fall-out to deal with from the fire itself, so not having to deal with a major financial crisis on top of it was worth every penny of my $200 annual policy.)
8.) This too shall pass. And by “this”, I mean everything. Everything always changes, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. My yoga practice has helped me accept and embrace this fact that my fire so brilliantly illuminated. And it led me to pursue my yoga teacher certification and the founding of Compass Yoga to share these insights.
Not a bad year of learning. And despite the unfortunate circumstances, my fire is the gift that keeps on giving. The lessons I learned as a result have brought tremendous peace and gratitude to my life. It couldn’t have been more unexpected, and looking back I can’t say I’d wish it hadn’t happened. It woke me up, which is exactly what I needed.
The image above is a picture of one of the hallways in my apartment building after the fire.
Christa Avampato 