Day: August 12, 2007

My friend Anne is my eye opener. I realized this a few years ago as we were having one of our tea times. (We set a time to talk on the phone rather than playing phone tag and have tea together). I was going on about some situation and she just stopped me dead in my tracks to help me connect what I was feeling at that moment about the situation to something that happened to me a very long time ago. It’s in my nature to try to remedy the past with the present, which often ends up altering my future in a way I had not expected, and not necessarily wanted. It’s as if she turns the light on when I am fumbling around in the dark for the switch despite the fact that the switch was in front of me all along. The beauty of honest friendship.

This happened again recently as I was recanting some story to Anne. I was beating myself up over not recognizing the real state of a relationship sooner. Why didn’t I get the message and get out sooner? “Well, Christa, you can’t hear a message until you’re ready for it.” I know all the stock cliches like “we only hear what we want to hear” or “we invent our own truths”. Remarkably it is much harder to really appreciate and understand them and consciously live by them. Anne was right; I hadn’t been ready for the message so I dismissed it.

And this started me down the path to realizing that messages often ask us to change something, to do something different or see our situation in a new way. And they inspire us to action. What are we willing to do with the information we take in and how are we willing act based upon it? I think about this in the context of my dear friends Dan, Steve, and Lisa who are each starting their own business ventures. I am privy to the details and love being able to stand on the sidelines and observe, cheer lead, and more than happily provide any kind of assistance or advice they may want. They’re incredibly talented, bright, energetic people. And they are all taking on risks with these new ventures. Before they embarked on them, they had to be very clear with themselves about what they were willing to do to be successful. How much risk, debt, time, etc. could they afford? They had to really sit down with themselves and say, ‘I know this is what I want, now what do I need to do to get there, and am I willing to do what it takes?”

They’ve inspired me to think about starting my own venture. I haven’t the foggiest idea what that would be or where I would start. Before business school, I didn’t have a lot of tolerance for risk. I already have insomnia – doesn’t having your own business just make that worse? However, those loan notes I signed away did wonders to help me break away from that fear, they helped me trust in myself. I could do this. I could invest in myself and make it pay off.

I’ve got my ears and eyes wide open. And if I can’t find the message on my own, I’ll just ask Anne for a light.

Living in New York City requires us to be comfortable living in close proximity to others. There’s no way around it. And of course that means that if we live close others we may hear them moving about in their lives from time to time. I am an environmentalist, and I currently rationalize my high rent by noting to myself that I am helping to limit urban sprawl by living in a 400 squ. foot apartment.

My neighbors downstairs, under the stairs, welcomed me to the neighborhood with a note under my door yesterday morning telling me that NYC requires me to have carpets since they live in the basement apartment below me. “We don’t want to hear every move you make.” I am so glad that in light of all of the quality of life issues that New York City has to take care of, that they have required me to have carpets. (I checked into this and it is absolutely not true. However, my lease does mention putting down carpet.)

I was upset about this letter for several reasons: 1) I just moved in and had furniture delivered. 2) I am not a 300 pound gorilla up here jumping around continuously. 3) If someone chooses to live in a basement apartment, there’s going to be noise. 4) I was in my apartment – they couldn’t knock on my door, say hello, and talk about it with me in person?

My first instinct was to begin jumping rope to let them know how noisy it really could be. Then I thought I could go pound on their door and explain to them how rude I thought their message was. (I couldn’t find the door that lead down to the basement. I actually considered that maybe I was dreaming and this note thing never really happened. Where do these people live?) Then I just decided to breathe and call my friend, Ken, so he could make me laugh with a really sarcastic, witty response. And then I called my friend, Lisa, so she could calm me down and give me some advice on being diplomatic.

The reality is that I may be living above these people for several years and I don’t want that bad energy lingering anywhere near me. I was steamed, but showing that anger isn’t going to help anyone, least of all me. Because after I show the anger, I’ll just feel guilty for having expressed it. Below is my response to their note. The letters in bold are what I actually wrote to them and the remaining ones are the ones I said to myself as I was writing it so I could vent my frustration privately. David Sedaris would be proud that I thought of these remarks, and simultaneously disappointed that I took the high road.

“Dear neighbors,
Thank you so much for your kind welcome note to the neighborhood. I was beginning to wonder what all that noise below me was – and now I know that it’s you. I am sure you can understand how hectic it is when moving into a new apartment and working full-time. I just had my furniture delivered yesterday and apologize if setting up my apartment has disturbed you. In my research on the required carpeting you mentioned in your note, I was not able to find any mention of a NYC ordinance to put down carpet so that people who choose to live in a basement have a higher quality of life. How thoughtful of our city’s officials! I suppose that horror movie “The People Under the Stairs” really struck a cord with some NYC government worker. If you have a copy of the ordinance, I’d love to see it. I am aware that in my lease I need to put down some carpets (I did read it and signed it after all) – I have put down one already and will get an additional one in the coming days. I will do my best to be a courteous and friendly neighbor and I know you will do the same. Could you install something on your ceiling so that I would not have to hear you clunking around down there? I really don’t want to hear every move YOU make. Part of living in New York City, particularly in the basement, is that you are going to hear noise. So learn how to deal. While I recognize that the carpet will help (very little), I will not be able to completely eliminate all noise. You’re lucky I only weigh 110 pounds and have a light foot. I hear all of my neighbors from time to time as well as people coming up and down the stairs and using the two front doors so I completely understand your request. Welcome to New York – if you want peace and quiet, please move to the ‘burbs. Wishing you a blessed Sunday.

Your thoughtful neighbor,
Christa

At my job we have a very cheap, very tasty cafeteria open for breakfast and lunch. I head down there most mornings before I begin my day looking for hints of brilliance that may help the company in its turnaround. There’s a terrific grill station that serves my favorite – bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel. Delicious.

I happened over there late last week and the usual grill man was out. When I ordered my sandwich the replacement guy asked me, “Did you want a real egg?” (huh?) “A real egg?” As opposed to? “Yes, a real egg, please.” Later that day I also happened to hear about Dole’s genetically engineered bananas and packaged meat that is “gassed” to extend shelf life. That night I was meeting my friend, Dan, for dinner and I came across a place down the street from my apartment that boasts “natural pizza” right next to the organic dry cleaner.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this desire to be “natural”, to eat and live healthfully. And I wonder if it’s really possible. I wonder if short of growing our own food and living off the land it’s too much to ask for a natural life in this day and age. We’ve gone so far toward engineering everything we eat and every service we receive to get it exactly the way we want it that maybe it’s actually altered the very essence of the thing itself.

Last week there was an enormous toy recall by Fisher Price due to suspected lead-based paint in some toys. My mom said to me, “How could that possibly happen?” Very easily I thought. Do we really have any idea where our food comes from or where our packaged goods are manufactured? Not really. We trust that because we live in a first world nation that what we pay for is safe. We expect the suppliers of the products and services we use to have integrity and have our safety in mind.

I am not suggesting that we all go into a state of hysteria, worrying about the origin of every morsel we eat. I have no desire to become Bill Murray in “What About Bob.” What I will do is be more conscious about supporting businesses that put out there that my safety is part of their strategy. I want to know that these businesses have their customers’ safety and well-being at the top of their minds all of the time. That may not always be easy to discern, though I believe that raising my level of consciousness on these matters may help me live a more “natural” life than I may be able to live otherwise.